A/N: Hah, ummm... *tugs collar of shirt* Sorry, guys. I didn't mean to go so long without updating. I'm sure most of you have probably bailed on this story by now, but just in case you're still interested, I'm gonna give a quick-n-dirty synopsis of where we're at and then it'll be on with the show, cool?

Okay, so Edward and Bella are "seeing" each other, Carlisle's still being a dick, but maybe not, we're not sure. Ambiguousness FTW. Um, and then Esme finds out she's carrying Carlisle's love child (Dear Lord, when did I become the writer for General Hospital?) and she's only told Edward. They're now trying to figure out what to tell Carlisle, if at all. Also, Edward is still struggling with his faith and his relationship with his father and God, while Bella is learning how to have an open mind and also how to be considerate of Edward's boundaries. Got it? Okay, let's go!

Oh wait, one more thing: my beta is on hiatus while she finishes nursing school, so it's just lil ol' me so please excuse any mistakes because I was too lazy to edit. Sorry:)

BPOV

My room was totally quiet except for the sound of kissing and rustling clothes against the bedspread. The music had cut off about fifteen minutes ago, not that either of them noticed.

I broke away from the kiss and said, "You don't have to do that, y'know."

Edward looked down at her and raised his eyebrow as if unconvinced. "I don't?"

I shook her head. "I don't want you to like...do anything you're not comfortable doing," I said awkwardly. There was definitely a blush burning across my face. I could feel it rising like one of those cartoon-like thermometers or something. Considering the fact that I wasn't wearing a shirt, he could probably see the red rising from my chest and up my neck to spread across my face. I am such a hopeless nerd.

He smiled and lowered his head to keep kissing me. His left hand continued down the path from my stomach to the top of my jeans. I warred with my conscience as I tried to beat back the hormones screaming "YES! YES! YES! SWEET BABY JESUS YESSSSSSSSS!" I wasn't sure that Edward should be fooling around like this, especially while he was in the moment and...

"You're thinking really hard about this, aren't you?" he asked with a crooked smile.

I huffed. "You're like, this fucking hot ass guy with a big chastity belt and you're on my bed and you're kissing me and fuck, I just wanna let you do this, I mean, you have no idea, but what if God totally smites me or something for leading you astray and then your friends will call me a Jezebel..."

Edward was openly laughing at me now. My freak out hadn't halted his roaming hand at all. Through my panic and lust I could feel his rough fingertips dipping below the top of my jeans. I sucked in my stomach unconsciously and the randy hand read that as a green light.

"I think maybe I need to clarify the situation here," he said with a grin. "First things first: I'm pretty sure that sentence was seriously lacking in proper punctuation." I scowled and socked him on the shoulder. "Second: I don't see this 'big chastity belt' you speak of. I'm beginning to think you believe I'm less experienced than I actually am," he said as he dropped a kiss on the tip of my nose.

My eyes widened and I bit my lip. "But I thought...uh..."

His hand was brushing the hem of my underwear now, and my stomach was clenching in anticipation, along with the rest of my body. His mouth was on mine again, and it was warm and wet and so good that I momentarily lost the thread of our conversation. When he pulled his hand back from beneath my jeans, I remembered what was going on and pushed against his shoulders. "Hey, just wait a sec!"

Edward sighed and gave me a little bit of space. "Don't tell me you don't want this, Bella."

That shut me up.

He grinned and bent his head to kiss my neck just under my ear. "Shh, just let me show you," he whispered. His breath sent a shiver up my spine as his hand began retracing its path down across my stomach.

I decided to let it go. His lips were soft and seductive on mine, and it drove me crazy as he popped the button on my jeans and slid the zipper down. I held my breath as I felt his hand skim along the sensitive skin just above my underwear. I tried to prepare myself for the very likely possibility that he wouldn't be very good at this, but it had been so long since I'd been with anyone else and I wanted him so much that I didn't even care at this point. I'd probably get off just from the visual of his hand disappearing down my pants, for crying out loud.

My eyes drifted closed as his lips moved down to skim my neck and collarbone. His hand met no resistance as it dipped below my underwear. I swallowed hard as his fingers inched closer and closer to where I desperately wanted them most.

"Mmm...smooth," he murmured as he nipped at my collarbone. I bit my lip to keep from moaning just in case the sound reminded him that he was a good boy and I was a naughty girl and he shouldn't have his hands in my pants. I'm so going to hell for wanting to jump his bones right now...

His fingers and the oh...!

His fingers found my clit like they were magnetized to each other. The inkling that maybe he'd done this sort of thing before started to seep through as he began to rub small circles around and around and around...I had to pry my eyes open to see his arm connected to the hand working magic beneath denim and cotton/poly blend to really believe that yes, this was Edward Tony fuckin' Masen Cullen rocking my world.

I experienced a moment of pure SQUEE! before I got my shit together and focused again on the tongue circling around behind my ear and the fingers that were moving lower until they found the motherland. He slid two fingers inside me and I was so wet that I was kind of embarrassed, but he didn't make a Mr. Yuck face or anything, so I assumed we were good to go.

The heel of his hand was rubbing against my clit now and his fingers felt so inside me that I couldn't help but move my hips and whimper a bit. He stopped kissing me just long enough to smile down at me and I could swear under oath that I'd never seen anything hotter than his face in that moment. His expression was a mixture of lust/pride/smugness and as he was getting me closer and closer to the release I really needed, I was all too willing to take his hand, cast in in bronze, and make a freaking trophy out of it for him.

If I'd had the brain power, I would have laughed at myself for being such a clueless dumb ass. Just because Edward didn't do the dirty didn't mean he couldn't do other stuff, evidently. He was working this hand job like an expert and I was starting to wonder if he could really make me come that fast...

Yup.

I felt like a flushed, sweaty mess as he kissed my mouth softly before his hand left the pants party. He laid a sweet kiss on my cheek and I huffed and puffed and rolled over with an outraged look on my face. "You! You're like some freaking Don Juan of the vagina and I had no freaking clue, and what are you laughing about?"

Edward buried his face in my neck and I felt his amused sigh against my hot skin. "Your face! You just came and you're already accusing me of misleading you. Such typical behavior," he said.

"I kind of feel like an idiot right now, is all," I mumbled.

He nuzzled behind my ear before he pulled away and grinned down at me. "I like you like this."

"Like what?" I asked, brow furrowed.

He brushed a kiss across my lips before he answered. "Like this...you're comfortable. You're a little bit silly."

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. "I guess I'm just able to myself around you now. I was such a bitch to you in the beginning. I should be surprised you're here at all."

"I'm not, but that's besides the point. Why do you think you were a bitch?" he asked curiously.

I cracked one eye open. "Are you serious? Do you not recall all the shit that went down?"

One corner of his mouth lifted but it wasn't a full smile. "Of course I do, but I'm just curious to hear your side of things. I feel like if we're going to be together, we might as well clear the air. We've been so careful around each other, like we're walking on egg shells. I don't know about you, but I'm ready to put all that past us now."

I nodded. "Me too," I said. I looked up at his open, honest face and wished that I could go back in time and kick my own ass before I behaved the way I did back then. I knew I had my reasons at the time, but in retrospect it was easy to see how I could have dealt with the situation differently. I took a deep breath and plunged right in. "I think the biggest part of why I was so mean is because I was kind of hurt and disappointed that the guy in my poli sci class that I'd sworn to loathe forever and the guy from my favorite band of all time were one and the same. It just kind of freaked me out and I felt like such an idiot when Jake introduced us at the festival. I guess my first reaction when I'm feeling like that is to strike out at the person who made me feel that way. And then...well, the more I got to know you, the more I wanted to...well, to just..." I made a frustrated sound, afraid to lay it all on the line here.

"Me too," he murmured.

That gave me the bravado to finish. "Well, I mean, you know my opinions and my beliefs, political and otherwise. I was completely blindsided by this stupid crush I suddenly had on a guy who was at the opposite end of the spectrum, y'know?"

The corner of his mouth twitched again. "I know, but you know by now that I'm not all the way at the other end," he said.

I rolled my eyes. "I know, but I didn't really get it then. The more I liked you, the more confused I got. I just couldn't figure out which side of you was the real one, and after getting to know you better, I could tell that you couldn't either. Eventually, it was like it didn't matter to me because I liked both sides of you for different reasons," I explained.

To Edward's credit, he was definitely a really good listener and he waited patiently for me to finish talking before he launched into more questions. "Does it still bother you that I'm a Christian?"

I wanted to really consider this before I spoke. The answer to this could make or break the fragile peace between us, and I definitely didn't want that. "I guess it does and it doesn't, but I know that doesn't really make much sense. Just hear me out. The part of me that is still bothered is reacting in a negative way based on the previous experiences I've had with a number of religious people. But you know what? It doesn't bother me that you are a Christian, because you're not the kind of person who pushes it on other people. You respect their differences and allow room for them to be themselves. I have so much respect for you because of that. I also recognize the desire to feel a connection to something bigger than myself, perhaps something that makes me feel like things happen for a reason, or that everything will be okay even though I feel like it's not ever gonna be okay ever again. What I'm trying to say is, sometimes I may react badly but it's only because I'm out of my element with you. Most of my friends are agnostic or atheist. But really...I just, I get it. I get why you believe in the things you do."

Edward sat up next to me on the bed and stayed quiet for a time. He was probably processing my long-winded rambling, trying to figure out what the hell I'd just said. When he finally spoke, his voice was soft and calm. "Thank you for that. I totally understand how you feel. It's not easy being out of your element, and I get why you'd be skeptical about religion when there are so many people out there who give it a bad name."

I sat up and reached for his hand. "You're really good at this clearing-the-air thing," I said with an amused quirk of my eyebrow. He smiled back at me and I searched his face before I asked a question of my own. "I know we've already kind of talked about this, but...why did you feel like you had to be two different people?"

He frowned and his hand tightened in mine. I was about to retract my question but he started answering it before I could. "Well, I think I've told you a bit about my father. Ever since my mom died, he's been really messed up. He just kind of got stuck at being angry about losing her. I was at school when it happened, and as you know, I was already doing the music thing and the vegan thing. I was well on my way to figuring out who I wanted to be when my mom got sick. It took a lot out of all of us, and I wanted to be home to spend that time with her. Before she died...well, she basically told me that I needed to help my father and I took that to me that I should keep him happy. So after she died, and he started to get angry, I tried to do whatever I could to keep us together. He was the only family I had left. I thought it would just be better that way, if I could be the person he wanted me to be. I just couldn't make him happy though. I tried to give up my band because he thought they were a bad influence on me, but I just couldn't do it. It's too much a part of me now. I just kind of dropped off the radar so that I could try and keep my dad happy while still making music. It got so messed up that I couldn't really tell who I really was anymore."

I looked him in the eye and tried to really put myself in his shoes. "That must have been terrible," I said. I really felt like I could see inside him in this moment.

"It was," he acknowledged. "But...after everything that's happened, I had to finally realize that there's really nothing I can do to please him. I could give up everything I love and that still wouldn't be enough, because...it's not."

"What do you mean?" I asked, shocked that he would think to blame himself for not doing more for his father.

He shook his head. "I don't really know. I mean, I feel like I just had to get away from him and find myself again, but I also feel like I failed my mother. Maybe if I'd just done things differently, we wouldn't be torn apart like this. Maybe if I'd dragged him to therapy, or just anything other than what I did-"

"Shut it," interrupted him. My tone was harsher than I'd intended, but I was angry on his behalf. His eyes widened and I let out a frustrated sigh. "You aren't to blame for your father's bullshit. You did everything you could to honor your mom's wishes, but in the end, what did he do? He's the one to blame here, not you. He was the adult, and he should have kept it together to be there for you. Trying to turn you into someone you're not is a pretty crappy way of dealing with what happened," I ranted.

He looked down at our entwined hands. "It's not always that easy. I just wish...I just wish that I could help him, I guess," he admitted quietly.

I didn't know what else to say, so we just sat there for a time holding hands in a quiet that felt intensely intimate.

A couple weeks later, Leah and I pulled up in front of El Corazon in Seattle and found a place to park. There was already a line at the door, so we headed for the end and I sent a text to Edward so he knew we were there.

A few minutes later, I spotted him coming out around the back entrance where the bands unloaded their equipment. As he walked down the line, I watched people call out to him to get his attention. He looked down the line and saw me, and I sent a wave and a smile. He was held up by a couple of girls who looked like they were still in high school, but he winked and smiled at me over their heads. I felt tingles shoot up my spine.

I nudged Leah and pointed to Edward, and we both watched as the girls flirted shamelessly with him. I couldn't blame them, because he looked seriously hot tonight. His black military cap hid most of his coppery hair and cast a shadow over his face that made him look vaguely mysterious and serious. He wore his typical black Dickies shorts and his black Evergreen Terrace t-shirt fit him in a way that did interesting things to the situation in my pants, and I watched as his tattooed arms moved gracefully as he spoke to the girls. His lean legs were kind of adorable.

Leah snorted and pulled on my ear. "You're such a girl," she griped with a disgusted eye roll.

"Hey!" I protested and scowled at her. "You look at him and tell me he's not freaking tasty, 'cuz you know he is!"

She snorted again and this time her face was amused. "You've got it so fucking bad," she said with a shake of her head.

I was about to snark back at her when I felt someone grab my hand. I looked up and Edward grinned down at me. "Sorry about that," he said. "C'mon, you guys don't have to wait in this line. You're on the list." He tugged me along behind him and Leah followed me.

We went around the back and I felt a little thrill because I was getting a behind-the-scenes look at the venue I'd been coming to for years. It wasn't all that amazing, but being with Edward made me feel like it was pretty damn spectacular.

A guy who looked like he ate nails and the flesh of people smaller than him for breakfast stood next to the door leading to the stage. When he saw Edward, he grinned. "Hey Tony! Are these ladies on the list?" I was shocked at the friendly voice coming from such a scary looking guy, but Edward seemed to take it all in stride.

"Hey Rick. Yes they are. This is my girlfriend Bella and her friend Leah," he said as he squeezed my hand in his.

Girlfriend, huh? I guess I could roll with that.

Yeah, who was I kidding with that nonchalant bullshit? I was practically jumping up and down on the inside!

Rick smiled at us and marked our names off the list. Leah caught my eye and raised an eyebrow at me, but I just shrugged and gave her a goofy grin. I was freaking stoked out of my mind at the moment, and I didn't want her raining on my parade.

After we got our wristbands for the show, Edward took us out to the main floor and we sat down in one of the booths at the back. The interior of the club was dim and a bit musty with the scent of dried sweat and greasy food.

I loved this place.

"I have to go help the guys, but I'll find you after our set, okay?" His grin was enough to make me lose my train of thought, but I soldiered on and nodded mutely. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head and squeezed my hand one last time before disappearing toward the back somewhere.

Leah waited until I turned back to her before she leveled me with her best you've-got-some-explaining-to-do look that she usually reserved for Ezra. I huffed and crossed my arms across my chest defensively. "So what?" I grumbled, even though she hadn't spoken out loud.

She softened and elbowed me in the side. "Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised," she admitted.

My shoulders lost some tension as I smiled at her. "I dunno about you, but I was plenty surprised that he called me his girlfriend in front of that terrifying dude," I replied.

She laughed and hugged me. "I think you'll be okay. I saw the way he looked at you, and I think I can approve. He's got it bad," she said.

I blushed and looked down at my shaky hands. "I hope so, 'cuz I do too. I didn't think I would, but I do. He's just so...gah! I can't even explain it, but he's seriously just so awesome."

Her eyebrows raised in amusement. "I guess that means you've gotten past that whole hating-his-guts thing, huh?"

I hissed and socked her leg. "Shut up!"

She laughed and we settled in to wait for the show to start.

"This next song is a cover of a Thrice song called 'In Years to Come.' It's been stuck in my head lately, and it just seemed...appropriate. So here we go!" Tony (because it was hard to think of him as Edward in this setting) said before he nodded to the guys to start the music.

I was right up front, pressed against the stage as the crowd went nuts. I was a bit frozen. I knew this song. I knew it because it was not only my favorite Thrice song, but also because I'd always loved the intensity and desperation of the words.

The intro wasn't very long. I watched Tony move across the stage before he returned to the mic and started singing. When he got to the middle of the song, my breath froze in my lungs. He took the microphone out of the stand and his eyes met mine as he went into the next verse.

"Yeah it's a different kind of love,

I want to climb barbed wire fences

and warm our hands in blood.

And this is my gift,

asking you to fix

my ruined hands.

and it's a gift that keeps on giving,

right now it's all I have to give."

He was telling me something, and my heart ached for him as I began to understand. He moved away from me and stood up on the edge over the writhing bodies pressed against the stage. He bent down low so one of the kids could sing a couple lines into the mic before he moved to the other side.

When he moved back in front of me, it was the last verse of the song. I wondered if he would sing this part to me, and I had my answer when he crouched down right in front of me and growled the words.

"I want to write the perfect song,

and play it just for you

while you are tangled up in sleep.

I need you more than I'll ever know

until I stop breathing

my lungs will take you for granted."

On the last two lines, his eyes clenched shut and he finished the song with a look of almost pain on his face. He quickly stood without looking back at me as the last notes faded.

"This next song's called 'Terror Alert,'" he announced as they launched into the next song.

My heart was in my throat and my eyes felt like saucers, but he didn't look back down at me until the end of their set.

EPOV

Immediately after I sang the Thrice song, I wondered if I'd made a mistake. I hadn't really realized how intense it would be to share it with her, knowing that she would read into any number of things that we had yet to even talk about.

In the days following our talk at her house, it was like things sped up right before my eyes. We were together more often than not, and any bad feelings were kept in the past. Emmett and Rosalie were just as comfortable having Bella at their house as they were having me there, and Jasper often came over to hang out with all of us.

Alice was still skeptical, but she seemed to relax inch by inch as Bella quickly became part of our little group. Rosalie helped things along by inviting Alice and Bella over for a day of doing...whatever it is the chicks did while we practiced out in the garage, and by the time we returned, Alice wasn't wearing her permanent scowl anymore.

Though Alice and Bella relaxed, they still had yet to warm up to each other. It wasn't tense or bitchy, but they both seemed to put their guard up whenever they were in a room together. Everyone kind of worked around it, though, so it wasn't a huge issue.

Bella's friends were an easygoing bunch once I started hanging out at Jake and Leah's. I figure it was probably easier for me because I'd already known Jake and Seth was in the band, so I was pretty comfortable hanging out with them right off the bat.

Still, regardless of how comfortable we were with one another, we hadn't really talked about how fast everything was happening. It was quick and intense, and it moved way quicker than any relationship I'd ever had before. Part of me was uncomfortable with that, especially because I still worried that some of our beliefs would clash in the long run, but the rest of me was embracing our relationship with open arms.

I had to push aside the feelings of loneliness and desperation when she wasn't around. I steadfastly ignored the inkling that maybe, just maybe, I was allowing things to move so fast because I was desperately in need of holding on to the people who cared about me. Thoughts like that didn't really help and they just served to make me depressed that my father had yet to call.

After our set, we loaded everything back into the van before I returned to find Bella standing outside with her hands shoved into the pockets of her black hoodie. I was afraid to look her in the eye. I felt exposed and vulnerable, afraid that she would reject me for moving too fast.

"Hey," she said softly as I walked up to her.

"Hey," I mumbled back.

She took her hand out of her pocket and reached for mine. I finally looked at her and I saw the mixture of concern and affection on her face. "Are you okay?" she asked.

I examined her face for any hints of rejection before I nodded. "Yeah, I just wasn't sure how you'd react to the song," I said honestly.

A tiny smile appeared on her face, but her big brown eyes still looked worried. "It was...awesome. But are you sure you're okay?"

I sighed and reached up to push the brim of my hat back so I could rub against my forehead. I was getting a nasty headache. "Yeah, I'm sure. I kinda feel like an idiot, though."

Her mouth opened and closed as if she wanted to say something, but she wasn't sure. Finally, she just pulled me forward and went up on her toes to kiss me softly. She kept her face close to mine as she looked up into my eyes. "I thought it was beautiful. I've always loved that song, and I love that you sang it for me. Don't feel like an idiot, because you're not." She paused for a moment and her eyes dropped down to my mouth. "If anything, you're kind of driving me freaking insane right now. I'm having a hard time not jumping your bones," she said.

I smiled and wrapped my arms around her waist to pull her closer. "What did you have in mind?" I asked before I bent to kiss up the side of her neck. She shivered in my arms and I smiled against her skin.

"Uhh...mmm...what was the question?" she asked in a breathy voice.

I was about to remind her when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I shot her a look of apology before I pulled it out and looked at the display to see who it was.

"Who is it?" Bella asked curiously.

I shook my head briefly. "I've got to take this," I said before I walked away to answer the call.