A/N: First, I would like to thank everyone who stuck with this story and I especially want to thank everyone who wrote such glowing reviews of the last chapter. I'm so happy to hear from all of you! Bet ya didn't think you'd get another update so soon, huh? :)

Secondly, I have two auctions available for the Fandom Gives Back. Details are in my profile. I'm offering one specifically for All Work and No Play, so if you read that story too, you should check it out. I'm pretty cheap;)

On to a serious matter: this chapter comes with a disclaimer. There is content within that might be disturbing to some readers due to the emotional nature of the chapter. I can't really say it without giving it away, but rest assured that you will know what's going on with enough time to stop reading if you need to.

That being said, if you plan to read, I've put together a playlist for this chapter because I have carefully chosen songs that I believe complement the content. If you would like to listen to it, please go here: http:/8tracks (dot) com/herinfiniteeyes/herinfiniteeyes-delusions-of-grandeur-mix-1

(I'll put the link in my profile just in case the URL gets jumbled when I post.)

On to the chapter! Brace yourselves.

EPOV

"Edward? It's Esme."

"What's wrong?"

"I'm not sure yet. I'm...I called an ambulance to come take me to the hospital. Something's wrong with the baby. I...I'm...I...I'm sorry, but I didn't know who else to call and you're the only one who knows and I'm just really scared..."

"I'm in Seattle but I'm leaving now. I'll be there as soon as I can."

Bella was still standing a few feet away from me with a worried look on her face. I had to resist the urge to take off as fast as possible because she deserved an explanation, even if it wasn't the entire truth.

It wasn't my secret to tell anyway.

I walked back to her and she reached her arms out to hug me. I felt like a dick for doing it, but I gripped her forearms firmly before she could get them around me. Her face registered first confusion and then hurt, but I just couldn't stand to be touched right now. I was going crazy inside. "I'm sorry, but I have to go. It's a family emergency. I know I said I'd give you a ride home, but-"

She cut me off. "It's okay, I get it. Leah's still here so I can go back with her. Just...will you call me later? So I know you're okay?"

Her eyes were so sad. I felt the mantle of her concern settle around my shoulders like lead. "Sure," I said, not sure if I'd be okay later or not. She didn't need to hear that, though, so I just squeezed her forearms gently before I let them go to lean in and kiss her forehead. "I'm sorry," I said simply before I turned and ran to find Emmett.

I found him around back with Jasper and some guys from another band. He was leaning against the hood of his car but he stood up straight when he saw me. My face must have given me away. "Dude, what's wrong?" he asked with a furrowed brow.

I stopped and panted a little before I could speak. "I've got to get back. It's an emergency."

Jasper stood up from the milk crate he'd been sitting on and gave a look to the other guys that had them tactfully disappearing. Jasper was good like that. "At least one of us has to stay until they do the payouts," he reminded me. Then he added, "The van can't do more than 55."

I bit off the curse that threatened to come out. Jasper, Seth, and I had come in the van with our equipment. Emmett had to drive separately because he got off work too late to ride with us. I shot him a pleading look and his face settled into a serious expression. "Right. Well I'm driving you back. I won't let you break the van or kill yourself driving like a maniac," he said as he walked around to the driver side door and popped the locks so I could jump in the passenger seat.

"Thanks, man," I said as he backed out of his spot and drove onto the main road.

It took under three hours to get back, which shouldn't have surprised me because Emmett could drive like a badass when he really wanted to. I wasn't in the mood for talking, and he respected that, so there was very little in the way of communication until we reached Forks. "I need to get my car," I said.

He nodded and we headed back to his house. It was fortunate that's where my car was parked since it allowed him to get home at the same time. When we got to his house, he stopped out front so I could jump out, but before I did he clapped me on the shoulder. "I don't know what's going on, but you call me if you need me, got it?" Though his words were kind, his tone held a warning that said he wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Got it," I said before I flung the door open and slammed it shut. He winced but I'd have to apologize later. "Thanks man!" I called as I climbed into my car to start it up.

I didn't even give it time to warm up before I was racing off toward the hospital.

I got there at about 2 am, and I knew it was well past visiting hours, but I wouldn't be denied. When the nurse tried to argue with me, I stood up as straight as possible and shot her my best I'm-doing-this-so-you-can-fuck-off look. "Look ma'am, I'm the only person she has. I have to see her. If you have a problem with that, you can call my father," I said forcefully. I hated pulling the dad card, but I'd do anything I could to be there for Esme.

She was counting on me.

The nurse looked confused. "Who's your father?"

"Doctor Carlisle Cullen," I said.

She visibly blanched as she tried to figure out her way around this delicate situation. "Well, I'll probably get in a lot of trouble for this, but I'll let you back for a little while," she said finally.

I almost reached out to kiss her but I controlled the urge as she pressed the button to unlock the door leading to the rooms. I raced down the hall until I found room 201 and pulled up short to look through the small window. I couldn't see anything, however, because there was a curtain in the way. I braced myself for the worst before I reached for the door and opened it hesitantly.

I peeked around the curtain and saw Esme staring blankly at the wall opposite her hospital bed. I turned to look at the uninspiring nature scene framed right above the blood pressure cuffs. "Esme?" I said softly.

She didn't jerk in surprise as she probably would have if she'd been zoning out. Rather, she turned toward me slowly as if the air was made of sand. Her eyes were large and glassy, and my heart clenched and stuttered at the sight. "Edward?" she asked, her voice high and weak with exhaustion.

I took in the IV drip going into the back of her hand and the sallow look of her skin. The hospital gown seemed to hang off her body dejectedly. The room spelled like cleaner and Purell hand sanitizer.

The smell of Purell would forever remind me of my mother's stay in the hospital before she was released into hospice at our house. I recalled now why I hated hospitals so much, but I had to shake that off to be here for Esme. "What happened?" I asked, even though I was afraid the news wouldn't be good.

Her mouth worked as if she had words but she didn't know how to say them. A cold stone of dread landed in my stomach. Finally, she closed her eyes and looked down at her lap. " I lost the baby. I miscarried. I..I was..." she floundered for something to say, but eventually gave up.

I stood still as my mind raced to come up with something to say. I couldn't think of a damn thing. This woman who was so wonderful, so full of light and love to spare, had just had the one thing she'd ever wished for taken from her. What could I say? It didn't really matter.

So I gave up on trying to find something to say and just dropped down in the chair closest to her bed. She went back to staring vacantly at the wall. We sat together like that for about ten minutes before I heard her whisper, "I'm sorry that I called you. I shouldn't have. This isn't...your problem. I dragged you into this and I'm sorry."

Her hands were clenched into fists around the bumpy fabric of the thin blanket covering her. I reached a hand out and covered them with my own. Her skin was as cold and clammy as it appeared. I pried one of her hands off the blanket and wrapped it in my own, hoping she could absorb some of my warmth. "I'm glad you called me, Esme. I'll be here for you, whatever you need."

She didn't relax completely, but her shoulders lost some of the tension. I held her cold, trembling hand in mine and thought about everything she'd done for me. I realized suddenly that I loved her. Not like I loved Bella-um, what?-but how I loved my family.

How I loved my mother.

Esme wasn't my mother, of course, and she could never take her place. But when I really thought about it, it seemed right. I had the sense that my mother had brought Esme into my life, and even if she never got back together with my father, I still considered her my second mom.

"Can I get you anything?" I asked gently.

She shook her head slightly. "Did you...tell your father?" she asked meekly.

My muscles tensed. "Do you still want me to?" I asked.

She looked down at my hand around hers and I felt a tiny spasm shoot up her arm. "I don't know. I guess it might have been easier to have him here during the...well, anyway." The thought of her going through that all alone made my heart ache so much that I almost reached up to rub my chest. She shouldn't have been alone, but there was nothing to do about that now.

Esme withdrew her hand from mine and slumped back against the bed. She looked completely exhausted. I took the hint and swiftly stood up. "Get some sleep. I'll come back tomorrow, okay?" She nodded and I leaned down to kiss her clammy cheek.

The corners of her mouth quirked upward as her eyes drifted closed. "I bet...my...baby...would have been as sweet as you," she said with great difficulty before her face slackened into sleep.

My stomach twisted as I thought of all she'd lost and a new sense of determination steeled my spine as I left her room to go back out to the waiting area. I pulled out my cell phone and turned it on to see several calls and texts from everyone wondering what was going on, but I couldn't call anyone back. There was only one person I needed to talk to right now.

"Dad. You'd better get your ass down to the hospital. Now." I flipped my phone shut and went to sit in one of the uncomfortable chairs to wait for my father.

He arrived about twenty minutes later with his coat flapping behind him and his pajamas on display for anyone who cared to look. His hair was sticking up on one side and he had red creases pressed into his left cheek, obviously from a wrinkled pillowcase. It was the most disheveled I'd seen him in years.

When he spotted me, I saw his eyes were frantic. I stood up and watched him race towards me. "Edward? Edward! What's wrong? Are you okay? Is anyone hurt?"

I was a bit taken aback by the blatant concern he was displaying for me after all the bad blood between us, but my anger pushed everything else aside. "Nice of you to care about me now," I snapped as I crossed my arms defensively across my chest.

He looked confused for a moment before his face fell and he backed away. "You're still my son. I'll always be worried about you, even if-"

"Save it," I snapped again. "We've got some bigger things to deal with right now."

I watched him nod and looked around at the empty waiting room to avoid meeting his eyes. Off in a corner tucked behind the nurse's desk was a door with the words "Privacy Room" printed on it. He walked around behind the desk with an air of confidence that said he'd used the room many times before. He opened the door and gestured for me to follow him.

Once he closed the door behind me, I started to shake with anger. I wanted to explode. He still looked so calm and confused that I just wanted to hit him for being such a dickheaded moron. "Do you know why we're here?" I asked rhetorically.

He answered anyway. "No, I-"

"Shut up," I said, cutting him off. "That wasn't really a question. I'll tell you why we're here: Esme. Esme's here."

His eyes flared in recognition but the confusion came back quickly. "But why is she here?" he asked, sounding completely lost.

I crossed my arms again and widened my stance a bit to show him I wasn't about to go easy on him. "She's here because she had a miscarriage." There. The words were out. I could almost see them hanging in the room between us like a funeral shroud.

His face went red and then completely white. He looked like a ghost. His body fell back onto the couch behind him as he visibly struggled to find something to say. Apparently "What?" was the best he could do, because that's all that came out.

One strangled question asking for clarification that I both hated to give because it meant Esme was hurting, but that I also felt a despicable, dark, twisted sort of satisfaction in revealing to my father. He needed to know exactly how much his behavior had destroyed the people around him, and it was a much-needed wake up call. "Esme was pregnant. You were the father."

His skin looked almost waxy with shock. "But...why didn't she tell me?" he finally asked helplessly.

I looked down at him with a face devoid of expression. I wouldn't give him anything he didn't earn from now on. "She didn't want you to know until she was sure you could be a good father," I said.

I watched as he seemed to crumple in on himself. He was bent at the waist, his face pressed against his knees as his hands came up to cover the sides of his head. I heard a tortured sound somewhere between a keening wail and a moan. "I should have known. I should have-" his voice broke and he had to stop speaking.

He looked so pitiful that I wanted to reach out to him, but I didn't. He had too much to fix before I'd give him anymore of myself. "What you should have done is get your shit together after Mom died instead of turning into such a distant asshole!" I shouted raggedly.

My father looked up at me with wet red eyes and I felt my hands clench into fists at my sides. He didn't have anything to say? Well fine, I'd do the talking. "You didn't even try after she died. You just gave up and left me hanging. I fucking needed you and you weren't there!"

His eyes closed, but not before I saw his shame. "That's right, close your eyes! You stopped looking at me three years ago and you haven't opened your eyes ever since! You don't give a shit about who I am now unless it fits into some stuck up idea of what I should be like. You just think I'll do whatever you say, and I really tried. I tried to make you happy so we could be a family again. You're all I fucking have, but you can't...you don't...YOU'RE NEVER FUCKING THERE!"

His shoulders were shaking. His body was wracked with silent sobs. I felt moisture on my own face, but I couldn't stop now. I needed to get this out. I needed to know why. "Why couldn't you just love me like you used to? Why'd you stop?" I sounded like a small child now, but I refused to care. This was what I needed to know; this was the question that burned in my gut every time he looked through me and failed to see how much I was grieving, too.

I was halfway to the door when he tried to answer. "Edward, I...I...I'm getting help, I swear. I do love you. You're my son!"

I looked back at him over my shoulder before walking to the door. I opened it and looked back at him crumpled on the couch. I snorted harshly and felt the fire in my gut expand and burn a trail up the back of my throat. The anger couldn't be stopped now. "Some father," I said as I shut the door behind me.

I drove aimlessly, not entirely sure where I was going until I ended up in Bella's driveway. I didn't see her father's truck, but hers was parked under the big tree so I knew she was home. It was almost 3 am now, but I felt like nails were hammering into every inch of my flesh and the only thing I could think about was her. How much I needed her.

Her voice was sleepy and surprised when she answered my phone call. "Edward? Are you okay?" she asked.

I clenched my eyes shut and swallowed convulsively. "Can I come in?" I asked. I almost choked on the words, but it was worth it when she gasped and I heard rustling in the background.

"You're here?" she asked with surprise.

"Yeah," I replied hollowly. "I just wanted to see you."

I saw the curtain twitch before she flung the front door open. She was wearing a small tank top and even smaller shorts. Her hair was sticking up and her face was puffy with sleep, but the warm yellow glow from the porch light framed her perfectly in the doorway and all I could think about was how much I wanted to be inside that warmth with her.

"Edward, come here," she said softly before she hung up. I closed my phone and left it in my car as I shut the engine off and climbed out to walk up to the porch.

Her eyes were wide and dark as she looked at me. "Are you okay?" she asked again.

I didn't have any answers to that, so I just reached out and pulled her into my arms. I clung to her desperately, needing her comfort more than I needed to breathe. She hugged me back with her arms around my shoulders. Her hands were buried in the hair at the nape of my neck and her face was pressed into my neck. She smelled like cotton bedsheets and lingering stale smoke from the club. Her back was smooth and bare below the hem of the tank top. I clutched her to me, probably too hard, but I couldn't help myself.

She made an effort to pull away, but I only let her get so far before I bent down and captured her mouth in a rough kiss. She didn't hesitate; she was up on her toes and wrapping her arms around my neck as she leaned into the kiss. It was desperate, hot, and hard. I bit her lip and she flinched, but she didn't stop me. My fingers dug into her smooth hips as I lifted her off the ground enough so that I could take her back inside. "Is your dad here?" I asked against her mouth before I slipped my tongue inside her mouth and lifted her even higher so she was pressed against me everywhere.

When she pulled away to answer, I trailed biting kisses down her jaw and neck. "He's-he went fishing with-Edward, what's going on?" she asked weakly as I sucked harshly on the spot where her neck met her shoulder. Again I didn't answer her. I had nothing worth saying. Everything I wanted to say could be said through this.

This touch. This grip. This desperate need clawing its way out of my chest and shouting a primal need to possess the softness, the beauty, the wholeness in my arms. She was human, but she was an angel. She was light and warmth and it didn't matter where or how she came to be in my arms, but she was here and I needed her too much to stop.

I tried to make it to the stairs before I had to stop and press her against the wall so I could kiss her again. She didn't try to get anymore answers out of me, and I was grateful. I just needed to be right now. I didn't want any words coming between us. My tongue sought hers and I brought my hand up to her jaw, angling it upward so I could have better access to her mouth. My hand was almost wrapped around her neck, but I wasn't squeezing and I knew she could breathe. It was just as satisfying to know she was there against the wall, trapped and open for me to take what I needed.

Her hips arched against mine and I growled into the dark recesses of her mouth before grinding back against her. I'd never been like this before, and I knew it should scare me, but it didn't. Whatever was driving me went beyond all logic or civility. It was primal. Fucking primal.

I released her neck to reach for her hands. She tangled her fingers in mine and I knew she was right there with me, wherever we were going. I knew we were together in this. I raised our hands and pressed them against the wall to frame her head. She moaned into my mouth and I felt a shaft of possessive pride shoot up my spine before I released her hands to pick up one leg and then the other to wrap them around my waist. Once she had a good grip on my shoulders I turned away from the wall and carried her up the stairs to her bedroom.

It was dark, but I wanted it that way. I didn't know her room enough to walk blindly, but there was just enough moonlight coming through the window to show me where to go. When I got to her bed, I bent to lie down with her beneath me. She didn't take her legs off my waist and I didn't want her to. I moved against her, needing the feeling of her fragile body beneath mine. I felt like something inhuman, something too dark to be here with her, but I couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

She was pulling my shirt off and I was pushing her tank top up and then our chests were pressed together and I could feel her heart thrumming like a hummingbird against mine. I bit the skin below her ear as I fumbled to tear her shorts off. Her hands went to my belt but I snatched them back and pressed her arms above her head to let her know I was in control of this. She moaned again and pressed her hips up against mine in a search for pressure and friction.

My chest swelled hotly when I looked down to see my angel, my salvation spread out naked beneath me. Without another thought, I hitched her bare leg up over my waist and reached down with my hand to brush my fingers against the hot, wet skin between her legs. I pressed my erection up against her and she wailed. "Edward-Edward, please..." she whimpered as her head tossed on the pillow. I pushed two fingers inside her heat and felt the grip of her muscles as I pumped them in and out.

Her breathing was heavy and ragged now, and I knew she was close. I drove her harder, higher, found the spot that would destroy her and watched as she fell apart in my arms.

The look of rapture on her face destroyed the animal inside me. I jerked back and rolled off her quaking body as a huge wave of shame rolled through me. I was disgusted with myself as I looked at her face to see her lips swollen and bruised. Her eyes were wide and her chest was rising and falling with rapid, shallow breaths. I couldn't even look at the rest of her. I threw an arm over my eyes and groaned in fury at myself for taking advantage of her like this.

"I shouldn't have come here," I mumbled in apology. I wouldn't, couldn't, look at her right now. She'd probably kick me out and never speak to me again. I'd just fucked myself in the worst way possible.

The room was silent save for our heavy breathing. My stomach churned with nausea. Suddenly, I felt her weight land across my lap. Her small hands tore away the arm covering my face. "Edward! Tell me what the fuck is going on right now! What the hell happened tonight?"

I opened my eyes and looked up at her warily, wondering if she was going to kill me for being so rough and careless with her. "I can't really talk about it," I said quietly. My voice sounded raspy and haggard.

She frowned and leaned forward to press my arms against the pillow as I'd just done to her minutes before, only this time it wasn't with sexual intent even though she was still completely naked. Her dark brown eyes bore into mine and I knew she'd break me. "Tony," she whispered, "I want to know. I want to help," she whispered.

The use of my middle name snapped me out of the haze of self-hatred and disgust. I felt my chest shudder as the storm of emotions rose up to choke me. "I lost someone tonight. It was...it was really hard. And I saw my dad. I yelled at him," I replied.

Her eyebrows wrinkled as she listened. "Who? Wait, it wasn't your dad. Who was it?"

I shook my head. "It's a long story. But I was just so angry and I-Fuck!" I choked on the words.

Her face filled with sympathy and I tried to sit up so I could leave before I completely lost it, but she wouldn't let me. She pressed herself against my chest and wrapped her arms around me before burying her face against my shoulder. "Tell me about it, baby," she whispered as her fingers ran through my hair.

I hugged her close to me and I felt her breath whoosh out of her lungs before I relaxed my grip a bit. I couldn't talk yet. I nuzzled my face into her neck and just breathed her in, wishing I could absorb her into my skin. This Bella was so different from the Bella I'd met at the beginning of the summer. She was soft and sweet. It was astounding how much comfort her presence brought me in this moment.

Finally, I felt like maybe I could talk. "My friend called me. She needed me," I said. Bella stiffened ever so slightly and I read her like an open book. "She's a woman from my church, she was dating my father. Anyway...I called my dad and told him to come and I haven't seen him in so long now and he was so fucking clueless and..." I had to stop rambling to breathe before I could continue. "And I was just so fucking mad and all I wanted to do was tear into him for everything."

My throat tightened and my eyes felt hot and prickly. I closed them in an attempt to stop the emotion tearing through me, but it didn't help. My chest started shaking and my voice was unsteady as I went on. "I was...and he...And I just fucking lost it. She looked so sick lying there, you know? Just like...just like my mom, except she wasn't my mom, and I just couldn't..." I couldn't say anymore because suddenly I was gripping Bella against me as the cries that would never come were released in a torrent. The storm inside me took over, tearing my chest apart and wrapping around us as I tried not to cry even though I'd already lost the battle. I buried my wet face against her chest between her breasts over her heart and sobbed. "Why couldn't he...he just fucking never...I just wanted...my mom...he can't...he won't...I...God!" I mumbled incoherently as she made soothing sounds and pressed my head into her chest.

"Just let it out," she whispered softly as she rocked us gently. I wanted to be ashamed, but I just couldn't. I was too overwhelmed.

"Why can't I just be enough for him the way I am?" I asked brokenly.

I looked up to see Bella's face fall as tears of her own slid silently down her face. Her hands framed my face as she raised my head until we made eye contact. "I know how you feel," she whispered.

And she did. She must have, because her mother left her, too. Maybe my dad didn't physically walk out on me, but it was basically the same thing. I dropped my forehead back down to her collarbone and felt my body slowly relax until I was only mildly shaking.

The room was thick with silence. The embarrassment I'd refused to feel earlier rushed up to make my heart pound as I realized just how much I'd revealed to Bella in the short time I'd been here. We hadn't been together long, hadn't even been friends that long, and already I was dumping all of my emotional baggage on her.

I pulled away from her as gently as I could, even though my first instinct was to run away as fast as I could. I had to pull myself together. I had to get out of here before the sympathy gave way to pity. I wasn't the guy she'd thought I was. I wasn't the guy in the band she used to worship. I wasn't even the guy in her poli sci class who debated with her so confidently.

I was a pathetic, broken little boy without anything to offer her. I needed to get out of here now.

My shirt was under the bed but I found it and pulled it on. The rest of my clothes were still on, so I didn't have to go searching in the dark. I felt another wave of embarrassment and disgust when I saw Bella's body in the moonlight. She was naked and shivering. Her eyes were wide and dark and she looked afraid.

She was probably terrified of me after the way I'd jumped her and freaked out on her like a fucking madman.

"I'm sorry. I should go," I said. She bit her lip and I winced when I looked down and saw the dark bruise forming on her neck. There was no way I could forgive myself for doing this to her.

Without anything else to say, I left.

Miles away in a dark hospital room, a man sat and watched a woman sleep as he wept for the children he'd lost.