DISCLAIMER: not mine

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St. Peter's High School; April 1, 2000

Natsuki groaned at the throbbing pain in her head that seemed to be caused by keeping her eyes open. Sometimes she could pull an all-nighter, but the brutal fight with the demon and the visit from the 'ancient glow' in the monastery had really wiped her out. She suspected that even though the glow had apparently magically healed her wounds, she was still feeling a bit of residual fatigue from them. Not to mention whatever side effects the magical overload from the glow might have given her in the process. She grumbled softly to herself. She had gotten an email back from Midori thirty minutes ago telling her that the Watcher would be able to meet with her to discuss the new situation as soon as Natsuki got out of the Opening Ceremony for the new school year.

"You were up awfully early this morning Natsuki-chan." Mai commented from across the room where she was putting makeup on. They only had another forty minutes before Opening Ceremony started, and both Natsuki and Mai were already dressed, mostly ready to head out when it was time.

Natsuki picked absently at the pleated khaki skirt of her school uniform. She'd finally decided that she didn't really mind wearing skirts. She had worn one to school once last year on a dare, and when no one had made fun of how she looked in it she realized she had worried all this time over nothing. She still probably wouldn't wear a skirt outside of school or formal occasions but she had made peace with the idea. "Eh... yeah I guess I just couldn't sleep any longer." Natsuki replied. Though I really wish that I could have. Ugh.

Mai shrugged, "You just look really tired this morning."

"Ugh, yeah... I just had a really hard time sleeping last night. I'm kindof worried about seeing my friend at the ceremony this morning because we've been fighting a bit lately, and we've never really had issues with that before." Natsuki offered an explanation that had the benefit of being partially true. She really was worried about how she would feel when she saw Shizuru today. Lately just the sight of her best friend caused her stomach to twist itself up in knots.

"I'm sorry Natsuki-chan. Was it a fight over boy problems or something? I know I completely lost a friend in junior high over some fight over a boy."

"Eh? No!" Natsuki exclaimed, surprised by the sudden suggestion of either herself or Shizuru being romantically interested in anyone. "I mean..." She sighed, "I don't know... it would probably be better if it was something stupid like that. I wouldn't care who Shizuru liked or anything." She stated firmly, even if the notion of Shizuru dating someone stirred vague angry feelings in the Slayer. Anyway the most important thing to her was that Shizuru was happy. If dating someone would make her friend happy, Natsuki wouldn't have a fight with her about it. "I just tried to push her to talk about a really emotional issue before she was ready. I even knew it was stupid at the time but the words just kept coming out of my mouth because I just can't sit still and not do anything sometimes." Natsuki explained sadly, "I've been trying to work up the courage to apologize to her, but I also don't want to risk bringing up the emotional topic again and reopening an old wound."

Mai walked over to sit down on the bed next to Natsuki. "I don't know what to tell you Natsuki-chan; that sounds really tough. Do you know where she lives? Maybe you could send her flowers or something with a little note saying that you're sorry and that you still really value her friendship and want to hang out sometime."

Green eyes widened at the suggestion, "Mai, you're a genius! Shizuru loves flowers. Gaah! Why didn't I think of something so obvious?" Natsuki cradled her sore head in her palms. She just sat there on the bed like that for a few minutes, hearing Mai stand up and walk across the room. Feeling a tap on her shoulder a minute later she looked up to see Mai holding a glass of water and two aspirin. Natsuki took the medication with a pathetically grateful look on her face, "Thanks Mai. I'm sorry I've been such a mess this morning, I promise I'm not normally like this."

Mai just shrugged smiling a bit at her roommate, "I'm just sorry you're feeling down that's all Natsuki-chan. I don't really mind having someone to take care of at all." She blushed, "It makes it feel more like home I guess."

Natsuki grinned up at her friend even though her head was still throbbing, "Well I'll be sure to indulge you with my issues a few times a week then." She glanced at the clock on her desk and let out a pained sigh, "Ugh... well I guess it's time to go sit and be bored."

Mai laughed as they both headed downstairs and outside. At least the weather was nice out, Natsuki noted as the two of them headed to the building with the auditorium, warm and sunny with a slight breeze gently blowing through the new leaves of the trees lining the main path through the campus. They were just heading past the boys' dorm when Natsuki was glomped from behind, "Hey Nastuki-kun, who's your new friend?" Tate asked, his muscular arm around his friend's shoulders as he tried to be subtle about staring at Mai's breasts.

Natsuki shrugged his arm off of her with annoyance, "What the hell Tate? Go away." She growled, really not in the mood to speak with anyone at the moment.

"Hey is that any way to treat your old friends?" Tate asked, gesturing to himself and Takeda who was approaching from behind.

"G-good morning K-Kuga-san." He greeted the dark haired girl shyly.

Natsuki rolled her eyes, "Takeda." She greeted shortly, determined as always to not give him the wrong idea. Though he didn't seem effected by her effort, no matter how rude or polite she was to him, he always acted exactly the same around her. When neither of them obeyed her request to go away Natsuki relented, "This is my roommate, Tokiha Mai. Mai this oaf," She gestured to Tate with her thumb, "is Yuuichi Tate. And that's Masashi Takeda." The tanned teen waved shyly at Mai. "They're both on the kendo team here. They know me because sometimes I like to drop in on their practice to kick their asses."

Mai laughed brightly, glancing at Tate, "Is that true Yuuichi-san?"

Tate puffed out his chest, "Of course not, I could take Kuga easy!" He continued his explanation, "I just can't right now because I injured my knee really badly last season. I'm going to be sitting out the tournaments this year. I'll be doing a lot of physical therapy before I can even hope to compete again." Natsuki rolled her eyes, not bothering to point out what an obvious excuse that was.

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that Yuuichi-san, I hope that you are able to make a full recovery this year."

"It will be a lot of work for sure, but I'm willing to put in the effort. After all Kuga and myself have a rematch scheduled."

"Sure, so I can kick your ass again." Natsuki laughed as she held open the door to the auditorium for her friends. When they got inside they were split up so that they could line up in their respective years in alphabetical order for the ceremony. Natsuki offered a wave to Yukino who was standing on the same row as she was while they waited for the ceremony to finally get started. Because the sooner it starts, the sooner it will be over.

Looking up at the stage, Natsuki was happily surprised to see Shizuru sitting up there with the rest of the Student Council. I guess she won the election to be head representative for the second years after all. She let out a sigh at the distance between them these days that she wouldn't know about her friend's accomplishment. Then as the Student Council president for the year, some third year boy Natsuki didn't recognize took the podium, Shizuru's gaze met hers from across the room. Natsuki felt her breath catch in her throat as she looked at her friend, wishing that she was close enough to make out the colour of Shizuru's eyes. Then Shizuru offered her a slight nod and a smile before she shifted her gaze back to the speaker. With just that small acknowledgement from her friend, a warm feeling returned to her heart that had been missing for weeks. An irresistible smile found its way to Natsuki's lips, and though she had not rested, the Slayer suddenly had plenty of energy to make it through the day.

-MH-BtVS-MH-BtVS-MH-BtVS-MH-

Natsuki and Midori sat in a booth at a family restaurant in the city. Midori had come to pick Natsuki up from her school's campus right after the ceremony had ended for lunch, stating that it would be more fun to go out than to head back to the empty Fujino Estate. Natsuki had her doubts about how much fun they could have anywhere with the talk they needed to have. They had both already finished their meals, and were sitting drinking soda while they talked about the information Natsuki had found out the previous night, speaking in English to prevent being overheard.

"Then it told me that even though I didn't get there in time to prevent the damage from this attack, things worked out anyway. The plan is just going to be to for me to draw the attention of these guys away from the being. If I can keep them distracted long enough, they won't be able to reach it in time." Natsuki finished her summary of the events, leaving out the glow's specific references to Duran and its speculations about the future not involving this immediate threat. She glanced around the restaurant, absently thinking that the colourful decorations and bright lighting made this a pretty surreal place to be discussing the horrible massacre at the monastery.

"So basically this energy being wants you to make a giant target of yourself. Just make everything that was attacking it attack you until it is safe?" Midori asked with disbelief though she tried her best to keep her voice calm, "And you agreed it was a good idea to make yourself a target to protect something we don't know anything about?"

Natsuki nodded; feeling annoyed at her Watcher for questioning her. "Yeah. How is that so different from what I do everyday anyway? The only real difference is that this thing isn't human, but otherwise I'm mostly putting myself out there to protect a bunch of people who I don't know and who don't know me."

Hazel eyes gazed sadly at the teen, "Well I suppose you are right about that. I'm sorry Natsuki I didn't mean to sound like I thought you were completely wrong for agreeing, I guess I'm a bit worried." She picked nervously at the napkin under her drink, "It's just that from what you said about that demon you faced, this sounds like it will be much more dangerous than anything you've gone up against before. I'm only... are you sure this being wasn't evil?" She searched her Slayer's green eyes for any sign of doubt, "It's not that I don't believe you, really... it's just that I've never heard of anything like this before..."

Natsuki shrugged, "Well... it didn't seem evil. I mean how would I be completely sure? It didn't register at all on my Slayer-senses, it felt almost human. If it wasn't for the vast amounts of mystical energy I mean. How do those work anyway? Are they always accurate? Slayer-senses I mean."

"The Watcher Diaries seem to agree that Slayer-senses are pretty accurate. There are beings that can fool them though; even a simple vampire can be capable of it." Midori became slightly distracted as she thought about the philosophical implications, "Actually vampires, for all that they are terribly common and not the most powerful of supernatural creatures... they are actually the most skilled at being able to fool Slayer-senses. It might be because at least part of them remembers what it's like to be human...so some of them can... project that side of themselves if you will."

"You know Midori... I never told you about this." Natsuki interjected, "But there was one demon that I faced while I was at the First District that didn't set them off." Her eyes became sad as she gazed into the past, "Usually I try not to think about him. He said his name was Liam. He seemed so scared. When I killed him I got the same feeling that I've gotten the few times I've given a mercy death to a human."

Midori's eyes were gazing rather sharply into her own when the Slayer focused back on her Watcher, and she suddenly realized that she'd never told Midori about any of this. "Maybe... maybe we should discuss the rest of this back at the house." The Watcher suggested. Speaking in English wasn't a good enough guarantee for keeping someone from overhearing this conversation. "I probably should have had this talk with you a long time ago." Midori said sadly, her voice troubled. Natsuki just nodded, hoping that this wasn't as bad as Midori made it sound.

On the ride back to their old house, neither spoke about anything slaying related. Instead Natsuki told Midori about her new roommate, letting her know about Mai's interest in helping with the move on Saturday. As she had expected, Midori was quite pleased with the chance to get to know Mai, thrilled that her Slayer seemed to have already made a new friend.

When they arrived at the house they headed for the main room, Natsuki declining her Watcher's offer of tea. The sight of all the cardboard boxes and walls as bare as they had been when the two of them first moved in years ago made Natsuki stop in her tracks. This isn't my home anymore. She swallowed the lump in her throat at the thought. She turned from the boxes to see her Watcher gazing at her sympathetically, "Did you want to sit down on the sofa so we can discuss this?" Midori asked, not acknowledging the heavy emotions that they were both feeling.

"Sure." Natsuki spoke roughly, remembering all the hours that they had spent in this room; playing videogames, watching movies, researching the latest demon threat or just spending time together. She sat down on the far left cushion, feeling somewhat awkward here now. "So... how did you want to start this?"

Midori sat down opposite her resting her hands on her knees, unusually reluctant to meet Natsuki's eyes. "I'm not sure." Midori admitted. "You... have killed humans?" She finally asked, turning to look into those familiar green eyes, seeing pain there that she hadn't seen before. How long has that been there?

The Slayer nodded speaking slowly, reluctantly, "Only a few times, during these past few years... since I've been going out slaying alone."

Midori swallowed hard against the sudden tightness in her throat at the thought of her Slayer killing humans for any reason. There were more reasons than simple morality that made 'Slayers don't kill humans' one of the big rules. "And you said these were 'mercy deaths'. You mean someone was dying slowly from a wound, so you killed them quickly so that they wouldn't suffer longer?"

"...Mostly."

"Mostly?" Midori asked softly, her eyes narrowing in suspicion, "What do you mean by that exactly?"

Natsuki looked down at her hands, unable to look at her Watcher's face while she made her confession. "Last October. It was only a couple months after I got my claws. I was out patrolling in a bad part of town that you normally prefer I don't frequent because of all the human gang activity. Yukino had told me that she'd read about a rash of what seemed to be gang-related rapes and murders in the area." She paused in her story, trying to organize her thoughts. "I came across three thugs raping and beating a woman in a back alley. There was so much blood. They were human. I managed to scare two of them off, but the third... I was so angry. My claws came out without my thinking about it. I slashed his throat open. He was dead in less than a minute." Natsuki's voice cracked, "The woman was bleeding so badly, when I took her to the hospital they said if it had been much longer until she was brought in she would have died." She finally turned to meet her Watcher's troubled eyes, setting her jaw defiantly, "I don't regret what I did. I would do it again."

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" Midori asked her voice hoarse.

Natsuki shrugged, "Slayers aren't supposed to kill humans."

The Watcher nodded. She didn't raise her voice as she replied, "Do you know why Slayers aren't supposed to kill humans?"

"I don't know... I figured it was just some rule to keep us under control."

"There's more to it than that Natsuki." Midori spoke softly, angry with herself for not having explained this much sooner. How could I have failed her this way? She rested a hesitant hand on her Slayer's shoulder, seeing the surprise in Natsuki's eyes at the sympathetic touch. "In some of the Watcher Diaries... some Watchers whose Slayers had encountered similar situations wrote down their observations on the subject of Slayers taking human lives. They concluded that something about the act of taking the life of a souled creature reacts badly with whatever the essence of the Slayer is."

Dark eyebrows furrowed together in contemplation, "What do you mean by that? Doesn't killing affect everyone?"

Midori nodded, "You're right it does. A soldier is not the same when he returns home from a war. But they suspected that there was something unique about the Slayer that makes her particularly sensitive to the affects of killing something with a soul."

"But if demons don't have souls, why would I have felt the same thing when I killed Liam?"

"Well they don't have souls in the strictly human sense anyway. They do have an essence that makes them what they are though, and in some demons that essence can be very similar to a human soul. Demons that aren't evil I guess you could say." Midori explained slowly, her tone of voice lead Natsuki to believe that even her Watcher didn't completely understand this.

"But I thought that being evil was kindof the nature of demons..." Natsuki questioned, confused.

Midori shrugged, "Generally that is true... but I guess the short answer is that things are never that simple. Just like having a soul doesn't prevent humans from sometimes being evil, sometimes demons can choose to be good. Or at least not evil. Not all demon varieties can even make a choice like that. But some can. Actually the species of demon that the First District used in the ritual to make you a Slayer was one of them. A 'good' demon. I suppose that their demon essence could be changed because of that...Perhaps causing it register differently to Slayer-senses."

"And vampires? They're not exactly demons."

"No, they're not. But they aren't human anymore either, as you know. Part of them is still human I suppose, they have a lot of the survival instincts and also the ability to feel most human emotions, and not even just the nasty ones like anger and hate. The difference is that the soul of the human they were in life has been completely replaced by demonic essence." Midori paused thoughtfully, her eyes lighting up as she remembered something, "Though I have actually heard of rare cases where a vampire has had its human soul returned."

Natsuki's eyes widened, "A vampire with its human soul? I didn't know that was even possible."

"Apparently it is... though I wouldn't think that would be ethical."

"But Midori, why would it not be? You could give that person their life back." Natsuki suddenly worried that maybe she had been going about dealing with the vampire problem the wrong way all this time.

Midori shook her head emphatically, "The human soul would have all of the memories of what the vampire had done, just like the vampire retains all of the memories of the human's life when it rises. Any horrible acts done by the vampire before the soul was returned would be remembered as though committed by the returned soul's own hands. Also as they would still be in a vampire body, it would still have all of the same urges to kill humans that it did before even if the soul living in it would want no such thing." She sighed, "It couldn't be viewed as anything but an act of cruelty to bring back a human soul into that sort of existence. And again we're brought back to the fact that the human soul is hardly immune to corruption, so just because you managed to resoul a vampire that's hardly any guarantee that it would immediately stop being evil."

"Like those creeps who were hurting that woman." Natsuki growled out, glaring at her Watcher defiantly, "They were going to kill her too I think."

Midori tried not to show the pain from that look on her face, "Natsuki, I'm not saying you were wrong. I probably would have reacted rather similarly if I had happened upon something like that." She nodded at the disbelieving look in green eyes, "I would have. I just wanted to make sure you knew that there are consequences for you in taking such actions that are greater than the ones I would face. I'm not going to sit here and tell you the exact way that you should lead your life, I do trust you to have your heart in the right place Natsuki." She smiled sadly, running her fingers through Natsuki's long dark hair, "Just please let me know about things. You need to be able to talk to someone about the pain this causes you. If you keep it all to yourself it can hurt you. Helping you through situations like this is what I'm here for Natsuki."

"Thanks." She mumbled, closing her eyes for a moment to enjoy the comforting touch. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you... I was just afraid."

"I understand. I promise though that you can tell me anything. If you need my help, I'm always here for you Natsuki, no matter what's happened alright?" Midori pleaded softly, smiling when her Slayer nodded sheepishly.

"The energy from last night?" Natsuki brought up again, "I really don't think it was evil. But no matter what, I know that letting those things that attacked the monastery get control of it would lead to something very bad happening. I'm not sure what exactly, but I have to protect this thing. I can't even explain why I feel so strongly about keeping it safe, but I do Midori."

Hearing the resolve in her Slayer's voice Midori nodded, "If it feels important to you Natsuki, it probably is." She got up from the couch and walked over to grab a thick notebook and a pen off of a nearby shelf that wasn't packed yet, "Now if you would please give me a detailed description of everything that you saw last night so I can make notes that would be great. I need to get started on this research as soon as possible."

Natsuki nodded, but teased her Watcher a bit before she started, "Alright, but promise me you'll at least get some sleep before I'm supposed to help you move next weekend. I worry about you now that I won't be here to remind you of mealtimes and sleeping and things like that while you're in research mode." Thinking of that did actually bring a small frown to the Slayer's lips. Who is going to look out for Midori without me here?

Midori just laughed and tussled the Slayer's dark hair affectionately, "I'll set up the alarm clock in here to remind me or something. You don't have to worry about me too much Natsuki. I did survive graduate school you know."

Natsuki blushed and quickly launched into a more detailed description of the demons and the essence that she encountered last night. She also gave her Watcher descriptions of the designs on the monastery wall, and the statue of the goddess that had been guarding the entryway into the essence's chamber. It was almost dark outside by the time Midori dropped Natsuki back off at the dorm. As she walked into the room she shared with Mai, the Slayer was so tired from the events of the previous night and the emotional exchange with her Watcher that she simply collapsed onto her bed still dressed, fast asleep.