Laments of a Soon-To-Be "Rescued" Sailor: (Gilligan Goes Emo)
Chapter 4: Stone Tools, Like the Cavemen Used
xxxxxx
Gilligan woke up to the feeling of something tugging on his hand. Opening his eyes, but still seeing nothing in the darkness of the hut, he pulled his hand back, "Not now, Edgar," he murmured, rolling over in his hammock, "It's still dark out; I'm trying to sleep. We can go fishing for rainbow fish in a couple hours."
"Gilligan," the Professor's voice became audible, "It's me. I just need to have a look at your hand. Skipper told me you cut it on a sea shell. I just want to make sure it's not going to get infected, then you can go back to sleep for a while."
Gilligan blinked a couple times. He often felt very confused when he was woken up too early. He must have been dreaming of his nonexistent chimp friend, Edgar, because he couldn't get the little guy out of his mind. But now, as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he could see the Professor, not Edgar, stood next to his hammock. Gilligan blinked again, trying to recall what the Professor had just said, "What?" he finally asked.
"Could I have a look at your hand?" the Professor repeated, "to make sure it doesn't get infected."
"Ginger took care of it," Gilligan told him as he sat up in the hammock and offered his hand to the Professor, "she played a nurse in a film once. I didn't know this, but if you play a nurse in a film, you are qualified to be a nurse in real life too. No wonder actors are so rich... They can do so many different jobs. I'm barely even qualified for one job."
The Professor shook his head, "Ginger isn't qualified to be a nurse, Gilligan. She may think she is, but you've got to go to school and train for something like that. She doesn't always see the difference between the acting world and the real world." The Professor unwrapped the bandage from Gilligan's hand. He lit a candle and held it close so he could see better, "it doesn't look infected, but you'll definitely want to keep it clean. If dirt or sand gets into the cut, it could easily become infected, but you're lucky the wound isn't very deep. Using shells to saw down trees was a foolish plan. I of all people should have seen that, and for this I apologize."
Gilligan shrugged, "It's no big deal," he told the Professor, "It was my idea anyway, remember?" Then he frowned. Maybe he shouldn't have reminded the Professor that it had been his idea in the first place. Now this was just another thing to add to the list of Gilligan's screw-ups. Gilligan thought he could literally make a list of his own screw ups, and that list would probably be pages and pages long, with hundreds of entries.
"But I approved it, Gilligan," the Professor continued as he wrapped a new strip of relatively clean sheet around Gilligan's hand, "I took your idea and agreed that it would work. I'm somewhat in charge of this plan, and I'm the one who agreed that sea shells would make good saws. I'm a Professor for heaven's sake! I should have seen that attempting to saw down trees with sea shells would be painstaking and ineffective. I suppose my judgment was clouded due to my excitement over the situation. I was so eager to build the boat that I didn't really think the plan through thoroughly."
"Oh," Gilligan wasn't sure how to respond. The Professor was taking full blame on this one, "Well... everyone makes mistakes. At least yours only come once in a while instead of hundreds every day."
The Professor laughed, "You don't make hundreds of mistakes every day, Gilligan," he assured him, knowing that Gilligan had been attempting to reference himself in his last comment, "You do slip up a lot, but not hundreds of times each day... and they aren't usually major slip ups."
"Yes they are," Gilligan frowned, "I've ruined every rescue plot you've ever come up with."
"Well, not on purpose," the Professor smiled kindly, "and none of that matters now. We've got a new plan, so the past is irrelevant. Besides, if all else fails, we'll just stay on the island, right? It isn't so bad here."
"I know!" Gilligan exclaimed, "It's not bad here at all! The weather's nice, there's plenty of food, no jobs, and it's just us seven. I like living here with only you guys. It's nice."
"Well, sure," the Professor agreed, "It is enjoyable most of the time, but I'd definitely prefer to be back home, where I'd have my lab equipment, real glass flasks and test tubes, labeled chemicals and specimens... I appreciate order, and that's hard to achieve out here."
Gilligan frowned. Everyone had their own preferences in life. The Professor preferred to live in a place where everything was clean and orderly. That didn't happen here. And Mary Ann wanted to live in a place where she could take care of farm animals and cook with flour and sugar in a real oven. None of the others would ever be as happy on the island as Gilligan was. Gilligan's happily ever after would be to stay here forever, but for everyone else, that would be a sad ending to their life stories. They didn't see this place as home like Gilligan did. They were all homesick.
"So what are we going to do now?" Gilligan asked.
"I suppose we can try to make tools out of stones. I can't believe it took me this long to think of it," the Professor told him, "stone tools are sturdy. We'll be able to chop down trees with stone axes, and it will go by much faster than sawing them down with shells." He shook his head as though he was ashamed at his own stupidity, "Making the tools will take a while though. We've got to find stones that are either already the correct shape or can be chiseled into the correct shape. Then we'll have to find a way to attach them onto a handle of some sort."
Gilligan nodded, "Stone tools, hm? Like the cavemen used! That sounds like a much better idea," he yawned in mid-sentence, "than rubbing the trees with shells. Sea shell saws make a good tongue twister, but they don't make a good substitute for a real saw, or an ax."
The Professor smiled, "that's very true, Gilligan."
"So... when are we going to start with that?" Gilligan asked, hoping the Professor would give him a few days, or maybe a week or two, or a year...
"In the morning," the Professor responded, "it's not even past midnight yet. I'd estimate it's about nine o'clock now. So for now, you can go back to sleep. Skipper or I will wake you up in the morning and you can help search for stones. It shouldn't be very hard work."
Gilligan sighed, "okay," he agreed.
The Professor patted him on the shoulder, "I'll see you in the morning then."
"Good night, Professor," Gilligan called to him as he was leaving.
"Good night, Gilligan," he called back.
Gilligan could have stayed up and thought about how much he didn't want to leave the island. He could have worried all night about how he needed to help everyone else get back home even though he didn't want to go back. He could have worried about how difficult it might be to cut down trees even with an ax. Or he could have concerned himself with how they were going to fashion the trees into boards, because that still seemed impossible to him. But instead of worrying, he decided to fall asleep, to get back to his life with Edgar. Within minutes of the Professor's exit, he had succeeded in this task.
... ... ...
"Gilligan... Little Buddy..." Skipper's cheerful voice rang out in Gilligan's ears as his captain shook him gently by the shoulder, "Time to get up!"
It seemed he had only just fallen asleep, and now he had to wake up again. Time flew when he was asleep, which was a shame, because sleeping was so enjoyable. Gilligan opened his eyes and looked up at the Skipper. The captain wasn't usually this happy. And they were getting up to go work; why should be be so happy all of a sudden?
"Come on Gilligan!" Skipper chimed, "we've got a lot to do today."
Gilligan practically fell out of bed. Well, he actually did fall out of bed, but Skipper caught him and steadied him on his own two feet before he hit the ground.
"Don't worry, Little Buddy," Skipper told him, "We'll go easy on you. We won't make you do anything too hard."
Gilligan forced a bit of a smile.
"We're going out by the cliffs to find stones!" Skipper seemed entirely too happy about this, "The Professor says we'll be looking for ones that are sort of sharp, but not too clumpy. Ones that are sort of flat and are sloped, like an ax blade. He's already out there looking for them with Mary Ann and Ginger. He said he'd show us when he found a good one so we'll know what we're looking for."
Gilligan yawned and stretched his arms up in the air above his head, "Okie dokie," he agreed.
Skipper grinned widely, probably because Gilligan hadn't spoken at all since he had woken him up and he was just now finally assured that Gilligan indeed still had vocal chords.
"Well, come on then," Skipper beamed, grabbing Gilligan's arm and leading him outside.
Gilligan walked next to Skipper as they made their way toward the cliffs.
"How's your hand feeling, Little Buddy?" Skipper asked as they walked.
Gilligan looked down at it. He had actually forgotten about it entirely until just now, "It feels okay, I guess. The Professor looked at it last night and said it didn't look too bad, and it doesn't really hurt anymore. I think it's really only just a little scratch. It'll probably heal in no time."
"Probably," Skipper agreed, "it sure was bleeding a lot for a moment though. I bet you were pretty scared."
Gilligan shrugged, "not really," he lied. He was a little bit scared after he had pulled the piece of shell out of his hand and the blood was flowing out pretty rapidly. But overall, it hadn't really been that scary, so it wasn't a complete lie.
Skipper nodded, "whatever you say."
Gilligan frowned. Skipper didn't believe him, "I wasn't scared," he insisted, "it's just a little cut. I've broken whole bones before. Why would I be scared of a little sea shell saw cut? It's not even a real saw... How much damage could a little sea shell possibly do?"
"Okay," Skipper raised his hands in defense, "if you say you weren't scared, then you weren't scared."
Gilligan nodded, "I was a little scared though," he admitted. He didn't want Skipper to think he was some sort of crazy guy who wasn't afraid of getting hurt. Then Skipper would probably make him do really hard work all the time. He probably went easy on Gilligan most of the time because he knew his little buddy wasn't a big macho man. If Gilligan started acting like he could take on the world, Skipper might start expecting him to do just that.
Skipper sighed and shook his head. He looked down at Gilligan and patted him on the back. He looked like he was going to say something; he opened his mouth, but then closed it again, keeping whatever thoughts he had to himself.
Gilligan looked back up at him and shrugged. He knew Skipper was probably thinking he was an idiot, but for some reason his captain liked him anyway, even though Gilligan was a liar who couldn't make up his mind.
"Over here, you two!" The Professor's voice rang out.
Gilligan looked over to see the Professor waving to them. Mary Ann and Ginger were nearby as well. Mary Ann was bent over searching for stones, while Ginger sat on a large rock and fanned herself with a leaf.
"I've found one that may work," the Professor started, going over to where Ginger was sitting and plucking a stone up off the larger rock she was sitting on.
"Is Ginger guarding it?" Gilligan giggled.
The Professor smiled slightly, but ignored his question. Instead, he held out the stone to the Skipper and explained what they needed to be looking for, "See how it's almost sharp on the edge, but then it slopes up and is thicker on the other edge? This one isn't perfect, but we're going to be wanting to look for something close to it, preferably one that is sort of arched on the sharp end, so we can chisel a bit out of it and tie it onto a handle in a way that the tie won't be cut while we are chopping with it."
Gilligan frowned. What was the Professor talking about? He looked down at the stone and then up at Skipper.
"Alright," Skipper said, "let's get to it, Gilligan."
Gilligan started rummaging through the stones that littered the ground. He was only partially certain that he even knew what he was looking for. He didn't understand what the Professor had meant about an arched end and ties that wouldn't be cut... How could you tie an ax together and not cut the tie when you chopped with it? If it could chop through a tree, it would surely chop through little ropes, especially little island ropes made out of grass or whatever else they planned on using.
Finding an appropriate stone was much more difficult than finding pointy shells had been.
Gilligan found a really nice flat stone. He could skip it across the lagoon. Skipping rocks was something that fascinated him. It was like the stone was running across the water, which was amazing, because stones were supposed to sink. Gilligan wished he could run across water... He wondered if he could if he ran fast enough. But then, he had run really fast into water before to escape from something or another, and he never stayed on top of the surface. He wondered how rocks could run across water when he couldn't...
He pocketed the nice flat stone he had found and continued looking for ax-like ones, still not entirely sure if he knew what shape the Professor wanted exactly.
A heart-shaped stone caught his attention. He plucked it up and looked at it. That would be very romantic if he had a girlfriend to give it to. But he didn't have a girlfriend, and he certainly didn't even want a girlfriend. He could give it to Mary Ann... but she might get the wrong idea. He could give it to Ginger, but she'd definitely get the wrong idea. So he pocketed that stone as well. Maybe he could give it to his mother when he saw her again. That was one of the only things he missed about home.
Gilligan looked around at the Skipper, Professor, and Mary Ann to see what kinds of stones they were considering. Skipper was holding a relatively flat one, looking it over. Then he shook his head and tossed it aside. The Professor held a larger stone that looked nothing like the shape of the first one he showed them, but he was rubbing it with his thumb, maybe testing out the texture of it so he'd know if he could re-shape it.
"What do you think of this one, Professor?" Mary Ann called out, holding a stone up for the Professor to see. Gilligan studied the stone she held. If it was a good one, it could be another model for him to base his search off of.
"That one might work," the Professor told her. "Good work, Mary Ann. Put it over with the other one."
"I'll take it over for you," Gilligan offered.
"Thank you, Gilligan," Mary Ann smiled, handing the stone over to him.
He took the stone and walked over to the rock where Ginger sat. As he walked, he looked down at the stone. He turned it over in his hands. It was quite similar to the one the Professor had shown them. He was almost there when he tripped and stumbled, almost falling onto Ginger.
"Gilligan!" Ginger gasped, holding her hands out to steady him, "are you alright?"
Gilligan nodded, "yep," he grinned, "guess I should watch where I'm going, huh?"
Ginger nodded, "probably."
Gilligan laid the stone down next to the other one and looked at Ginger, "How come you're not looking?" he asked.
Ginger shrugged, "I wasn't having any luck. I'm thinking of going to help Mr. And Mrs. Howell instead. We don't need five people here all looking for stones, don't you think?"
"I don't know," Gilligan shrugged.
"Well, I think there are enough people here, and it's very hard for me to walk on these jagged rocks when I'm wearing high heels!" she complained.
Gilligan frowned, "why are you wearing high heels?" he asked.
"I don't have any other shoes, Gilligan," she told him, "I'd borrow some of Mary Ann's but they are a size and a half too small... I don't always wear shoes around the huts because it's sandy there, but walking on these rocks without shoes would kill my feet."
Gilligan nodded, "Yeah. It probably would hurt."
"Well," Ginger stood up, "I'm going to go help the Howell's. You're welcome to come with me."
"Okay," Gilligan agreed. He didn't much want to search for stones anyway. Mary Ann, the Professor, and Skipper seemed to know what they were doing. They didn't need him there goofing it all up, and the Howell's were probably put in charge of something easy.
"Professor," Ginger called out, "Gilligan and I are going to go help the Howells."
"Okay. Hold up just a moment so I can explain to Gilligan what to do," he made his way over to them, "Mr. and Mrs. Howell have been put in charge of searching for the sisal plant. I've seen it around the island before, and we've used it before to make rope, but we'll need a lot more rope if we're going to have a boat with sails. The sisal plant leaves look somewhat like pineapple leaves, so you'll know you've found it if it looks like the top of a pineapple."
"How will I know it's a sisal plant and not a pineapple?" Gilligan asked.
He saw a flash of amusement in the Professor's eyes, but no smile this time, "If you find something that you think is either sisal or a pineapple, just bring it back to camp, and we'll sort it out later. We could always stand to have extra pineapples."
Gilligan nodded. He liked pineapples. He wondered if any of the pineapples he had eaten had actually been sisal plants. Did they taste the same?
"The leaves of the sisal plant are the part that's important," the Professor explained, "but if you find something you think is a pineapple, go ahead and bring back the whole plant if you want to. It's not unheard of to create certain fibers out of pineapple leaves as well, so we may just be able to use them somehow. But perhaps Mr. and Mrs. Howell could show you a sisal plant so that you'll see the difference. I think once you've seen a sisal, you won't easily confuse it with a pineapple plant. The leaves are simply somewhat similar in appearance to pineapple leaves. The actual plants vary tremendously visually."
"Um hmm," Gilligan nodded. He thought he could probably handle that.
"Alright then," Ginger started walking down the rocky slope and back toward camp, "Gilligan," she pouted, "will you help me so I don't fall down?" She smiled at him seductively, slowly tucked her hair behind her ear, and started blinking more than it seemed she should have, probably to show off her eyelashes or something. Gilligan didn't know why she always acted like that. When she tried to flirt with him, it just made him nervous. He'd be more happy to help her or give her something she wanted if she'd just ask nicely like Mary Ann always did. When she acted like she might kiss him or something, it made him want to keep his distance as much as possible.
But of course Gilligan agreed to help her down the somewhat steep slope of the rocky area. Even though she made him nervous, he still liked her, and he didn't want her to fall down and get hurt. So he offered his elbow, which she held onto as they walked down the slope together.
"Thank you Gilligan," she said, still keeping her voice seductive.
Gilligan nodded, "Yep," he said and unhooked his arm from her grip as soon as they had made it back onto solid stone-less ground, "So," he changed the subject, "where are the Howells? Where are we supposed to look for this sisal plant?"
Ginger shrugged, "Somewhere in the jungle I guess."
"Should we look for them? Or just start looking for the plant? Do you know what it looks like?" Gilligan asked.
"Well, let's sort of look for them, but look for the plant at the same time. I'm fairly certain I know what it looks like," Ginger suggested, "And I wouldn't be surprised if they were back at their hut being lazy again."
"Maybe we should go back to camp and check, and then convince them to help if they are still there," Gilligan suggested.
Ginger nodded, "It's about time they actually help with something."
xxxxxx
That wasn't very eventful. Considering how long the chapter is, I think it went by pretty fast. That means perhaps I am writing at about a 6th grade reading level. (It can't be too high of a level. I don't know that many words... I'm not very articulate all the time... It's a shame; I'm just smart enough to know that being smart is too stressful, and I'm sort of dumb, but not dumb enough to live in an ignorant bliss. I'm getting closer to that ignorant bliss though. As soon as I find an undiscovered island, I'll be set for life... I'll live there and be so stupid, and it will be fabulous.)
Good news though, (getting back on-topic) the castaways have finally thought of a smarter tool than a sea shell saw! They are moving up in the world technologically! Soon they will be at caveman level! Stone tools are very basic things. Even chimpanzees sort of use them... What were you thinking, Professor! He was just so excited, his brain must have forgotten to turn on at first... The only thing wrong with stone tools is that you can't make very good tongue twisters with them... You may be able to literally twist your tongue with a stone tool though. I could see something like that happen in one of the Saw movies. You guys probably don't watch those though...
I try to include all of the characters, and not just a little comment here and there. I mean I like to have them each get at least a semi-long scene of their own (and by that, I mean a segment where they interact with Gilligan a lot, because the story follows him.) Unfortunately, it's hard for me to picture Gilligan and Mrs. Howell having much interaction at all... I can picture Mr. Howell hanging around Gilligan... but really, Mrs. Howell by herself is pretty worthless... As with my previous story, Gilligan, Skipper, and the Professor are getting the most "screen time" or you might say "page time." They are just the most important characters, I guess. The Smart one, the Leader, and the Goofball... Then Mary Ann sort of gets a larger role than the others, because she's nice and is Gilligan's buddy. But Ginger is sort of boring... I love Mr. Howell. He's really funny, but his wife is always there, and I hate her... Oh, I hate her so much... She's just like Mr. Howell only not as funny. And we all know old men are cuter than old women. (which makes me sad, because I'll be an old woman someday... :( An ugly stupid old woman...)
I suppose my Gilligan's Island stories are just doomed to exclude Ginger and Mrs. Howell, and unfortunately, Mr. Howell sort of gets left out a lot too, even though he's my second-favourite character in the show. Maybe one day I'll write a story where Mr. and Mrs. Howell adopt Ginger and they can all be the main characters. Just kidding. I think I'd hate writing that. I'll really try to include Mr. Howell more in this though, because he's so silly. ^_^
Through all of my Gilligan's Island writing, I have been plagued with a delima... Do I capitalize "Professor" or not? I know it's not a proper noun, because he's the professor, just like I am the girl. But because I never use his real name, I feel like "Professor" is sort of his name... So I don't capitalize the, but I do capitalize "Professor" most of the time. I have some weirdo unwritten rule in my head about when I capitalize it and when I don't... I don't know... "Skipper" is always capitalized though, just like "Mother" would be when using it in place of a name, like "Mother, I love you," but not in "she is my mother." Also, when I was little and watched Gilligan's Island all the time, I really thought his actual name was Skipper, and I thought it was funny, because one of the Barbie dolls is named Skipper, and I thought "Why is that big fat man named Skipper! That's a girl's name!"
Oh no! Sorry for the huge off-topic Author's Note! I shouldn't have done that...