The Hitchcock Effect
Disclaimer: I have not claim to characters or scenes from the Harry Potter series, which belongs to JK Rowling and associates. I get nothing from this except the enjoyment of imagining and writing the story. If I did own any of the Potterverse, I could stop having to work for a living.
Time frame – Post–DH except for the epilogue which I am ignoring, for reasons that should become obvious.
The next morning, Harry showed up at Pansy's office. She took one look at him as he shuffled into the room, and called on of the elves to get a sleeping potion, as it didn't look like Harry had slept in weeks.
Harry looked at her with bloodshot eyes, and shook his head. He opened his hand, and she saw the ring he had been clutching for hours. His tightly closed fist had push the ring into the flesh so it had cut into his palm and his hand was bleeding freely.
She looked at the elf, who was standing there in shock. His leader and master was sitting there crying. She said "Make it brandy instead."
She brought a chair over to face Harry and asked "What happened?"
Harry told her of Gabrielle's life-debt, and Hermione's reaction to that. He told her of Hermione's reaction to Ginny's account of the capture of the rapists. He told her that he had sent Hermione a letter pointing out that he had given the man only water, telling him it was potion, and letting the man's guilt speak. He had made arrangements that no actual harm would come to the men, although they would perceive the threat as real. The letter had been returned unopened.
She handed him a glass, which he drank straight down, and suddenly turned to houseplant in the corner, anointing it with what little breakfast he had eaten, as well as the full glass of brandy. He moved over to lie on her office couch, mumbling "What else do I have to lose?" As he cried himself to sleep, Pansy gathered a blanket from the closet, and spread it over her boss.
She wrote a quick note to Hermione, asking to meet her that evening. She wrote that she needed to know that Hermione's analytical talents were still part of the organization, and she didn't want to lose their working relationship. She sent off the owl, thinking this was not in her plans at all. This would not do!
In the late afternoon, Harry woke up on Pansy's couch. For a moment, he could not figure out where he was. As he listened to the hustle-bustle of the office, things became clear, and he started to cry again. After some time, he slept again. When he reawoke, he looked at his clothes, and smelled his breath, and decided home was a better place to be, where he could look and smell like a dog's breakfast with impunity.
He left a note on Pansy's desk, and apparated to his own lonely bedroom, to cry himself to sleep once again.
When Harry awoke, in the dark of the night and the dark of his mind, he thought 'If I'm a supposed to be a monster, I'll let them think I am a monster. This can work.'
He set up a meeting with Farfelnurg at Gringott's, who confirmed that the radiation –proof wards worked, and he looked forward to a profitable partnership with Harry. Harry then explained his plans, to which the goblin agreed with a level of glee Harry had not seen in one of his race. The goblin also had some results of the studies they had discussed, which were not encouraging.
Harry then set up another meeting, this one with Luna Lovegood Arthur and George Weasley, Pansy and her team leaders, the elf Moishe Cohen, and Kingsley Shacklebolt. All were delighted with the plan, and Harry arranged to proceed in the immediate future.
The next morning, the remaining staff at the pornography factory where Millicent Bulstrode had 'worked' arrived to find the news of their bosses' arrests plastered on copies of the Daily Prophet set on each desk. Whoever had delivered the newspaper had penetrated the protective wards on the office. They then noticed a piece of parchment stuck to the outside of the large vault which contained all of the firm's money, but also the master copies of all the videos and books which were their products and their major assets. The staff had heard rumours of the disappearances (and re-appearances and arrest) of the five shareholders in the company, and had looked forward to making free with the company's goods, in an effort to maximize their own finances before the aurors descended on the place.
The parchment advised that an item of extreme heat and radioactivity had been placed in the vault temporarily. This item had been removed, but it was likely that the goods in the vault had been made radioactive which would have destroyed their magical properties, had been incinerated, or had melted. The vault was now equipped with the latest in anti-radiation wards, so there would be no danger being near it, but it would not be advisable to open in without seeking assistance from the vault staff at Gringott's who were now undergoing training in these new wards. The parchment was signed by Harry Potter.
The staff, realizing that the vault held several thousand galleons as well as the video masters, were rather eager to get at the contents. One wizard, whose family had contempt for Potter and all he stood for, went up to the vault, and opened it – he screamed as the wave of heat burned his face, and a stream of molten gold and silver pour from the bottom of the vault onto the floor, scorching the surface. The wizard fell to the floor in convulsions.
Word rapidly spread throughout the wizarding underworld about Harry Potter putting radioactive things in their vaults, and about the new wards that could keep them safe, but prevented them from getting at the stuff inside the vaults. Some decided to test this as they felt Potter could never get away with this kind of treatment of wizards. When another criminal group's vaults were marked with a similar parchment, indicating that a radioactive time had been placed in their vault, they called on the local branch of Gringott's to use their wards and extract the item. The goblins readily agreed, as business was business. The vault was opened surrounded by the best wards the goblins could conjure, and the small radioactive source was removed, and very carefully put into a warded briefcase for disposable (by the goblins) in a secure location. The criminals again had access to their money, but no-one would accept it, as word had gotten around that it had been tainted by this new and unknown curse.
Soon Gringott's was having trouble coping with the demands for the new wards. Farflenurg called Harry to a meeting to let him know about the success of their enterprise, and return Harry's old wristwatch with the luminous dial. Never before had Harry seen a goblin convulsed in laughter.
On November 1st, the Quibbler published a long story (written by L. Lovegood) about the gathering on the Salisbury Plains the previous day and evening (Hallowe'en). This was said to be the annual meeting and picnic for the important wizarding families. It was reported that during the festivities, which were attended by many members of old families, there was a very bright flash in the sky directly above the gathering. In the middle of the gathering Harry Potter has stood up and announced that he had been responsible for the explosion in the upper atmosphere which gave off a significant amount of what he called 'radiation'.
According to the article, Potter then announced that he had learned that radioactivity had been found to be extremely dangerous to magical people, although muggles used it regularly in their medical therapies. This was known to healers, but in Great Britain, this information had been declared a State Secret, and yes, the Ministry had been keeping this information from them. In countries where muggles and magicals mixed freely, this was commonly known and taught in all medical schools.
Harry said that he had arranged with Gringott's to erect wards over the gathering so that no lethal levels of radioactivity would have been received. He said that his presence at the gathering was a personal commitment that whatever risks the magical world would experience, he would share, as they were his people and his society. He said that he had been forced in his youth to defend the wizarding world from Voldemort and his policies, and now as an adult and Head of two Ancient families, he would continue this work until all traces of Voldemort's murderous pure-blood agenda were erased.
The Quibbler article concluded with the note that all through his life, Harry had been attacked by pure-bloods under Voldemort's direction, and he always had put himself at the forefront of the battles. Contrary by rumours being spread by some factions, Harry had always taken on more risks than he allowed his followers and associates. The author concluded that she hoped that whatever witch managed to marry Harry, she hoped that the woman would be generous enough to share.
The next day, the Daily Prophet published an article by its 'star investigative reporter', Rita Skeeter, claiming that she had in attendance at the gathering, but had been delayed in getting her article into the paper due to print deadlines, and time required to check with reputable authorities.
She reported that Harry Potter, the self-styled saviour of the wizarding world, had appeared and tried to impress the gathering of the most important wizarding families with his outrageous claims. Some of the old families were said to claim that Harry seemed to be trying to regain the attention which he had had during school and before his quidditch career went down in failure after the star seeker of the Holyhead Harpies had thrown him over.
She reported that she had spoken to a representative of Gringott's about the new wards that Harry claimed they had used. The goblin she met with, who said his name was Snoadjob, and informed her that the wards did exist, and that they were a new item, developed with the assistance of Harry Potter and his employees. This meant, of course, that this staged event was just Potter trying to drum up business for his company, and had nothing to do with the betterment of society.
As to the blast itself, she had spoken with a representative of the Ministry's Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Miss Hooey had confirmed that there had been an unexplained flash of light over the Salisbury Plains near Stonehenge. The reporter stated that she was on intimate terms with the representative, due to her longstanding career in investigative journalism, and that Lotta had also confirmed that the aurors were giving the event their highest priority.
Skeeter had also interviewed several high ranking wizards and witches, all of whom claimed to have been in attendance, but had not heard or seen Potter's self-serving declaration.
She had also tried to interview both of Harry's ex-fiancées. Hermione Granger, who was studying to be a Healer, said she couldn't talk about it, obviously disgusted with Potter's histrionic displays. Ginny Weasley has refused to be interviewed, as she and the rest of the Harpies were preparing for a critical and potentially difficult match against the Chudley Cannons, who Skeeter understood were the leading team in the English Quidditch league
The reporter also stated that, although her own security clearance allowed her access to such state secrets, she had sought out an interview with an American Healer, who was from a small town called Dullsville, in the state of Taxes. Being American, he might know more about this 'Rodeo-activity', and not be bound by the British rules. Healer Samuel Austen had confirmed that rodeo-activity was indeed very dangerous, and it was not uncommon for people working in that field to suffer broken bones and concussions.
Most of the readers of the Prophet were familiar with Skeeter's work and took it for what it was, a vain attempt to look like she had not been scooped on the biggest story of the season.
Many high-born and self-important wizards were left wondering why they had not been invited to the gathering.
Shortly after the 'event', Harry met with Farflenurg and Grippinghand to discuss the distribution of the proceeds from the radiation wards. Farflenurg gestured to an assistant, who placed an ornately carved glass bottle on the table. He poured glasses for himself, Grippinghand and Harry, then looking over at the assistants, gestured to them to join the celebration, and poured glasses for them as well. He held up his glass in a toast and said, "Harry, you have provided me with cause to have a good laugh twice in one year. That hasn't happened in nearly two centuries. Thank you."
Over the next couple years, a number of vaults, which held assets removed from Gringott's vaults, were found to have a piece of parchment attached to them. None of these parchments had any writing on them, but the contents of the vaults might just as well have ceased to exist.
After several months of what Harry called his 'Reign of Error', about eighty percent of the wealth that had been hidden away in vaults not under Gringott's control had been rendered inaccessible, and the purist cause was becoming desperately short of funds. Patronage connections were falling apart, and the 'hired muscle' started seeking other, more lucrative employment.
Some families quietly admitted defeat, and asked the goblins to assist in the recovery and decontamination of their hidden money (with the proviso that they would return the funds into Gringott's care, and the magical and unbreakable oath that they would refrain from suspect political activities). The goblins opened the suspect vaults, removed the galleons, sickles and knuts, literally laundered the money by rinsing them in clear water, after mumbling some incoherent (and completely meaningless) incantations, casting drying spells, and returning the funds to their thankful owners. The brief exposure to Harry's wristwatch, or to the presence of a blank sheet of parchment on the outside of the vault, had apparently done the money no lasting harm.
A/N: Making some moderate assumptions, 10 thousand galleons (at an exchange rate of 50 GBP to the galleon) would require about 20 kg of gold. Assuming a vault of 2 cubic metres in volume, 5 microlitres of stellar core material from our Sun (if allowed to reach thermal equilibrium, but be contained from expanding by compressive wards) would heat the interior of the vault, including the air, gold and other contents, to above 10,000 °C. This would be enough to incinerate any combustible materials (such as master porn tapes) and vapourize any gold and silver. I have assumed that the core material was removed before reaching equilibrium, but after it had been sufficiently effective. Sorry about this – just yielding to my inner nerd.