CHAPTER 2

On the plane ride to the next venue, Bill nearly flipped out. The storm had started, after all, and he was beyond scared. So, Tom, being his identical twin and all, was feeling pretty sucky about the whole thing as well. I didn't know what to do, exactly – I had to go through their section to get the mic case and stand, but I couldn't just walk through there without feeling like I should help him somehow. And how could I help him?

Then I realized he was my best friend and the awkwardness existed only for me. I took a deep breath, and I walked through the door, looking at them, and saw I was right. Although Georg and Tom were sleeping with headphones on and Gustav was looking through the window, unfazed, Bill was scared we'd fall out of the sky. His black-clawed fingers grasped at his dark knit beanie with a kind of desperation, like a man would use while seeing something terrible and being able to do nothing about it. His expression was contorted into a stoic mask of worry, fear, and a touch of something else that even I, with tons of practice of reading his face, couldn't tell what it was.

Of course, I was terrified. I didn't mind flying, but in storms I hated it. He knew that. I just couldn't believe it when he told me, "It's alright, Zam. Alles gut."

"Alles gut," I told him, with a try of a smile. But I couldn't help it.

No, no, no, no!

My mind was screaming at me.

Don't get in any deeper!

But I did it. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his thin body. "Alles gut, Bill," I whispered, feeling his hug. I loved the way his arms felt around me, the way they made me feel, strong and secure, weak and mindless, all at the same time. He held me up and pushed me down, without even realizing it. Then I broke away, knowing my heart couldn't take this moment much longer. You can't have him. That boy is an international rock star. You're just another staff member who he's friendly with. You aren't good enough. Tears were almost in my eyes with the truth of my words.

I walked back to the instrumental section and put the case down with all the rest of the guy's stuff. Getting ahold of myself, I looked around the equipment area.

I have to say, I felt really bad for the girl who handled Gustav's drums. She had to take them out of their cases and hand-check each one for every transportation. She looked at me hopefully, and I laughed. "Erin, you need help, am I right?" I said, and knelt down before she responded. She was easily seven years older than me, but we were really good friends.

Erin had to completely check all the drums in both the regular and spare sets, and put them in their cases before we landed– which was in about 20 minutes. So, of course, she was really nervous that she wouldn't be done in time. She envied me my job, since I just had to carry a smaller, easy case. I halfway envied hers, because she didn't have to constantly be around her best friends, one of which whom she was in love with.

But, of course, that was partly why I loved my job so much.

I absentmindedly started helping her out, not really paying attention to my work. I was thinking about him again.

"Okay, Sam, spill it. I know you're doing it again," she said. Erin, a really close friend, one of the only crew members who was born and raised in America, and the only person who knew I was in love with Bill.

Sure, people said they were in love with him, but they never were. They hadn't met him, only seen his face and heard his voice. They had only seen Bill Kaulitz, rock god, lead singer of Tokio Hotel, not Billa, Tomi's little brother. They hadn't seen the real him, only backstage videos on YouTube. They hadn't met him. Not the true Bill.

I had.

"Yeah," I said, giving up my work. "I'm doing it again."

"I know. Another dream?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Hey, I need you to trust that it'll work out. It always does in movies and books."

But my life isn't either of these, I snapped to myself. I didn't mean to sound mean, it just ended up that way.

"Yeah," I just said, again.

We were silent for awhile, and I really wanted to talk to her. But what was there to say? I couldn't think of a thing.

She sensed my discomfort.

"So I was talking to Jacky last night. She asked how we were all doing. Especially you. You know she's jealous? She wished she worked for Bill. She's surprised you haven't lost your mind being around, quote, God, unquote, all day. Suppose she still doesn't get that we aren't around them much. Well, except for you, I guess. She still can't believe you're friends with him. She's so jealous, but happy for you at the same time. I guess it just because you started out with them different than the rest of us. At least, that's what I told her…."

I let Erin babble. She was a talker, and I was in the mood to listen, no matter what to. I nodded along while I helped her, and we kept at this till it was time to unload. Meanwhile, I lost myself in memories…