The Search for Something More
Chapter 18 – Crash Course in Polite Conversations
Thank you all for the reviews, the bad news is that it took me this long to update. The good news is that my niece was born last week! The birth was not without its share of drama so it gives me something to put into this story when it's time for little baby naley to make his appearance in the world. As you can see, Naley still got a lot of things to go through but I hope you will enjoy this chapter. It's practically all Naley. I'm also working on trying to get the next few chapters up and running and hopefully you won't have to wait long for the next update. Like I said, you're feedback is my driving force for this story so thank you for reading.
Another note that the season 7 dvd of OTH is out and while I'm thrilled that Gavin DeGraw is back, I hate the skinnier packaging and why is Brooke on disc 1 and not Nathan. I also wish they had more commentary and more bonus footage. Also if Joy is pregnant, congrats to her. I'm just a little sad that this could very well be it for OTH and my beloved Naley. The season hasn't even started and I feel as though it's already ending. My hope is that the show at least goes to 22 episodes this season. 13 for me seems to short, why half ass it. Also, I can't let OTH go with out a reunion of the Scott Brothers.
. . . . .
Haley fiddled with her fingers and looked around. Checking her watch, she saw that she still had time before Nathan would be here. She couldn't believe how early it was and she had to wonder why on earth did she tell Nathan that she would tutor him at the ungodly hour of 7:00 am. At first she set the time to test him but she was surprised that he'd actually make it. Sure, he was late the first day but ever since she scolded him he came on time. Although she was an early riser, she would much prefer to have a little bit more sleep. But that was useless now as her mind and body were now attuned to wake up this early and she had a nagging feeling it had nothing to do with tutoring but all about the tutee.
Truth be told, she was beginning to enjoy her little tutor sessions with Nathan. And if she was completely honest with herself, she knew it was more but right now denial would be her ally. There was no way, he was Lucas' brother.. enemy, whatever. They came from two different worlds, there was no way anything can happen between them. But man, a girl can dream.
She sighed to herself and put her head down in an attempt to calm herself down. What has this boy done to her? Sure he was cocky and arrogant but she quickly learned that it was a defense mechanism for him and now his cockiness and arrogance turned into playful banter between the two of them. Then there's the look that he gives her, the look that makes her feel that she's the only one he sees. Technically, since no one is at the docks, it is true but once again a girl can dream. There's the look of concentration when he's working on a problem or the way he looks frustrated when he can't get it right. Then there's the look of pure joy when he'd done something right. He's handsome, she would give him that but damn he's gorgeous and it had been getting harder and harder to close her eyes and not think of that blue eyed raven haired boy.
"I already worn you out huh?"
Haley lifted her head from the table and sees the sun shining on Nathan's perfectly chiseled face and a matching smirk. Wouldn't she liked to wipe that smirk off his face with her lips on his.
"Haley?" Nathan asks a moment later.
Crap, Haley thought to herself, she'd been ogling over him for the past minute.
"Oh hey Nathan." She tries to play off coolly.
"You alright?" Nathan asks as he takes his usual seat across from her.
"I'm fine.. just didn't get enough sleep." She busies herself by grabbing her books instead of looking into his eyes.
"Well good thing I got you this." Nathan smiles warmly and slides a cup of coffee towards Haley.
Haley smiles as she takes the warm cup in her hand and takes a sip and notices that he put two creams and three sugars, just the way she likes it into her cup. Next he slides over a small brown bag towards her and Haley sees a blueberry muffin. Not her first choice but it'll do. Before she can even react, Nathan quickly takes the muffin back and Haley looks at him dumfounded.
"This is your's." Nathan comments and he slides another bag her way while he takes a bite out of HIS blueberry muffin. Haley peeks inside and sees banana nut, her favorite. She mentioned that this was her favorite not too long ago and her stomach is full of butterflies at the warm gesture. It's the small gestures that Haley's been noticing, the cups of coffee, the snacks, carrying of her bag and the rides to school. Haley knows she's falling for Nathan Scott and she's quite sure he's going to be the death of her. But man what a way to go.
. . . . . .
"Coming!"
Haley calls out as she smoothes the front of her dress. She spent two hours with Brooke earlier tying on the perfect outfit. She didn't want to look frumpy but not too formal. She settled for a spaghetti strapped, dark blue cocktail dress that flowed loosely over her stomach, showing off her bump, and ending just below the knees. It looked a little too formal so Haley dressed it down with a pair of flats and minimal make up, only wearing lip gloss. She combed her bangs to the side and wrapped the rest of her hair up in a bun.
"Hey." Nathan smiled as the door open.
"Hey." Haley smiled back and stepped aside to let him in. "You're just in time." Haley took in his appearance, a pair of dark jeans that hugs his but perfectly and a black button down shirt with the top two buttons unbuttoned and the sleeves rolled up. He looked every bit the itch of the casual cool Nathan Scott she knew so well.
"I got you these." Nathan pulled a doze white lilies that he was covering behind him.
Haley took them and smelled them. "Aww, Nathan they're gorgeous." She then tip toed up and kissed him on the cheeks. "Thank you." She smiled. Maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad after all.
Haley spoke to soon.
The comfortable start of the evening had quickly dissipated into awkward silence. Haley glanced over at Nathan and he seemed intent on studying his meal than looking at her. Nathan saw Haley looking at him from the corner of his eye but he dared not look her way. After his talk with Lucas, he told himself that he had nothing to worry about, that he finally got what he wanted. He and Haley were finally together again and that he shouldn't let Dan come in the way of his happiness. So he showered, got dressed and bought Haley's favorite flowers but it was still there. The fear and hesitation that maybe it wouldn't work out for them. The fear that Dan had corrupted her like how Dan did to him.
"This is good." Nathan replied as he took a bite of the meat loaf he was having. He was trying his best to just be in the moment.
"Thank you." Haley replied. And then she proceeded to talk about how she made it and how Peyton came over. All the while Nathan tried to listen buthis mind was always drifting back to Dan.
"Maybe next time you can come over earlier and help me make dinner."
"Uh hu." Nathan replied blankly as he stared down at his pees and played with them with his fork.
Haley sighed and grew frustrated with the whole situation. "Maybe I'll even cook naked." She threw out.
"Yeah." Nathan replied and then a moment later he raised his head, "Wait, what?"
"You know what, I'm suddenly not hungry." Haley choked out and promptly stood up and exited the dining room.
Nathan sighed to himself and slammed his napkin against the table.
. . . .
Nathan opened the front door and found Haley sitting at the patio. Her eyes were watery and he knew that she was fighting with all her might to keep from crying. He felt like shit. He felt like he was back in square one again. He moved over to take a seat next to her but she just looked away from him.
"I never told you how beautiful you look tonight." He replied.
"…"
Ouch, Nathan thought to himself. He always hated getting the silent treatment from Haley.
"And I do hope that next time we can cook together.. and I don't mind doing it naked." He teased and this time Haley couldn't help but snort but she tried to push it out.
"Look Hales, I'm sorry. I tried to put everything that happened this morning out of my mind but I can't." Nathan reached out and grabbed her hand and was glad that she didn't pull away.
"Nathan, I'm sorry for not telling you about Dan but.. I don't.. I don't know what to do. I don't know what you want from me."
"I don't want anything but you." He replied truthfully and squeezed her hand.
"Then why do I feel like there's this wall between us.. just when I thought we were making headway."
Nathan looked down and sighed. He took a second to gather his thoughts and looked back up and found Haley staring at him.
"I know my dad, he's up to something I know it."
"Is that what you think? That Dan's using me against you somehow."
Nathan sighed. "I don't know exactly what my dad's up to but he always has an endgame and he wouldn't have offered you help if he didn't expect a return."
"I know he wants something Nathan. I don't know what that is and I don't care. He can only hurt us if you we let him."
Nathan nodded. "I know that but .. I don't know." Nathan scratched his head and he felt like a jerk for even asking this but he just had to get it off his chest. "When you talked about giving my Dad another chance .. was that you talking or was that Dan?"
Haley placed both her hands around Nathan's and she lifted it up and kissed the top of his hand.
"You, Nathan Scott are an idiot." She smiled at him. "Of course that was me. Despite who Dan is, he's still your father and after losing my father, I know what regret feels like and I don't want you to go through what I did."
Nathan snorted and returned the kiss, bringing her hand to his lips. "I guess." He sighed.
"What's wrong Nathan?"
"Remember when you said you were scared. I guess I am too. I'm scared of what Dan has done and that somehow he's corrupted you.. that he'll turn you against me?" He finally admitted.
"That'll never happen." Haley always knew Nathan and Dan had a rocky relationship and she always assumed that when Nathan made it to the NBA, their relationship would have thawed but she was clearly wrong.
"I told you Nathan, he can only hurt us if we let him."
"What if that already happened?"
"Huh?" Haley asked.
"I was young.. I felt like the world was at my feet.. I was going to Duke, my girl was following me and then it was gone. Duke wasn't there anymore. They didn't want me."
"What're you talking about?"
"My spot on the team was taken, if I went to Duke, there was no guarantee I'd make it to the team. Actually it was a long shot because the roster was full. Maryland offered me a sure deal."
"Oh my God." Haley put her hands to her mouth. All this time, she thought that Nathan choose Maryland because they offered him a better deal than Duke. She had no clue Duke didn't want him.
"How come you didn't tell me?"
"I was ashamed." He looked away. "I mean everyone thought I was going to Duke, talked about all school year and then to have it all taken away from you. I didn't want to go through that." He shook his head. " Plus you already sacrificed going to Stanford for me, I couldn't let you sacrifice even more. Dan told me to go to Maryland and let you go and my dumbass sided with him. Looking back now, I should've fought for us. It didn't have to be this or that. We could've went to different schools, we could've tried to make it work but I didn't try. Dan drilled it in my head that letting you go was for the best for not only me both for you. It took me a while to see how wrong he was .. how wrong I was."
Nathan took another breath and saw tears forming in Haley's eyes. "And when I left you the morning we were together." Nathan looked at her belly. "I still thought that you were better off with out me."
"And what changed?"
"Nothing's changed. I still think you're better off without me." He half joked. "I don't deserve you Haley .. and you can call me selfish but when you told me you were pregnant. That was it for me. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't take another day with out you in my life. I finally did what I wanted to and not what Dan wanted or my agent or what people expected Nathan Scott to do. So when I found out that Dan knew about the baby all along.. I just lost it. I felt like I was losing you all over again." Nathan paused. "I'm sorry for always messing up Hales."
"Nathan, listen to me. You need to stop blaming yourself for everything. If you're mad at me, get mad at me. I'm the one who kept Dan hidden from you. This is never going to work if we keep going around in circles like this."
"So how do we stop?"
"By doing what you just did right now, by talking to me.. by telling the truth, by admitting your mistakes and owning up to it." Haley put her hand back onto Nathan's. "I know I made a mistake by not telling you sooner. I'm sorry and like I said, it was something that I didn't want to keep from you."
"It's okay Hales, I get why you did it. I don't like it but I get it."
Haley nodded. "I still think you should've told me about Duke. It would've probably saved us a lot of grief but I can't live with the what ifs, not anymore. We have a past Nathan, as good and ugly as it is but I want to move past that, I want to move forward.. with you, if you'll have me?"
Nathan smiled and squeezed her hand before leaning in to give her a kiss.
"I love you Haley James."
. . . . .
Haley licked the remaining ice cream off her spoon while Nathan looked on amused. After their talk on the porch, Nathan decided to try and salvage the night. Dinner had gone terribly wrong but dessert was going a lot better. Nathan started up Haley's fireplace and put some pillows on the floor then grabbed some bowls, spoons and a carton of ice cream. They were currently sprawled out in front of the fire place, basking in the ambiance and each other's company. After talking earlier, they both felt a lot better and they were both happy to start talking about their past. Without doing that, there was no way they can move on to their future.
"You done already?" Nathan smirked.
"Are you calling me fat?" Haley narrowed her eyes and pointed her spoon at him.
"No." Nathan put his hand up in mock surrender.
"Thought so." Haley put her spoon down. "By the way, are you going to finish that?" Haley asked.
Nathan promptly handed her his bowl of ice cream.
"Don't look at me like that, I'm in the process of growing a human being inside me you know?"
"Oh I know." Nathan nodded. "And the bigger you are, the taller our son is going to be."
Haley playfully rolled her eyes. "You know it'd be funny if our son doesn't even like basketball." She teased.
"That's not funny." Nathan deadpanned and Haley laughed. In her mind, she can already see her little boy being chased around the river court with his daddy and Uncle Lucas on his tale.
"But if he isn't an athlete, maybe he'll be a rock star like his mom." Nathan commented as he noticed a dusty guitar in the corner of the room.
Haley almost choked on her ice cream.
"Who's a rock star?"
"I know I was pretty drunk that night we got together but I remember you belting it out on stage at Tric. I remember when I used to beg you to sing for me when it was just you and me at the café."
"Well things change." Haley looked away and put her bowl down.
"Hey, I thought we agreed to talk more and get to know each other again. In the five years we were apart something must've happened to get rid of your stage fright."
"Nathan, the night is going so well, I don't want to ruin it."
"You won't." He promised. "Please.. come on we're suppose to get to know each other again."
"Okay fine." Haley agreed. "Well I guess started my first year of college, my roommate Mia heard me singing in the shower during freshmen year. She was a music major and thought I had a real talent. She begged me to sing at the local coffee shop where they had open mic night sometimes. I always turned her down." Haley lamented. "Anyways, I go back to school after my dad died and Mia knew something was wrong. Finally, I broke down with her and told her about my dad and you."
"Me?"
"My first year at school was hard." Haley alluded. "It wasn't how I pictured my first year of college to be and Mia had always suspected something was up with me. She knew I had gone through a bad break up but she didn't know the whole story. Anyways, after talking to her, she suggested that I use music as some sort of therapy. I didn't believe her at first but I decided to give it a try. We went to the music studio at school, just the two of us. We'd sing, play the piano or guitar. It was actually quite fun. Well one time when I was alone in my dorm room, I picked up her guitar and started playing and singing to myself, some Beatles tune my dad liked. Little did I know Mia watched the whole thing and recorded it on her phone. The next thing I know, Mia is showing it to everyone and I finally give in and sing at open mic and Mia was right. I felt.. free. While I was up there, I can just let everything go. It was nice, it helped me heal."
"Well I'm glad." Nathan leaned over and kissed her forehead. "The world deserves to know how great of a talent you are Hales."
"So you're not mad?"
"No." Nathan laughed and shook his head. "I still hate how much I hurt you. I guess the guilt will always be there but I'm trying my best to move past it but either way I'm happy you found your voice Hales."
Haley blushed and tried to look away from Nathan.
"Come to think of it, I haven't heard you sing at all since I've been back." Nathan recalled. "I hope I'm not some musical bad luck or anything."
Haley laughed. "No, I've just been busy with the pregnancy and with my mom."
"How is your mom?"
"Good actually. She's with my brother right now. She can't wait to see you when she comes back to Tree Hill."
"Looking forward to it." Nathan tried to keep his composure despite the fact he thought about how awkward their first meeting in over five years would be.
"How about your mom? What's Deb up to?"
"Rehab." Nathan replied bluntly.
Haley frowned. "I'm sorry to hear that."
"Nah don't be. It's just after I left for school, things got worst with Dan. She divorced him but she was in a dark place. I finally cut her out of my life and she finally forced herself to get better. She checked into a rehab facility close to where my grandparents and my Uncle Cooper live."
"Well at least she's getting better."
"Yeah, she gets out in a few weeks, that's when I'll tell her about the baby."
"She doesn't know yet?"
Nathan shook his head. "They limit her contact with the outside world, don't want anything that can trigger a relapse."
"Oh I see."
"You know the game that you and Lucas came to was the first time I had family over to see my games."
"Are you serious?"
Nathan nodded. "Dan wasn't too thrilled I left school only after 2 years and well my mom.. she was too plastered to even get herself to the games."
"I'm so sorry Nathan." Haley put a comforting hand on his thigh.
"Don't be. It's okay. I'm ok." Nathan reassured her.
"Well you have me .. and you have Lucas. I really am happy you two are close again. My biggest fear when we were dating was that if we broke up, your relationship with Lucas would also go."
"For five years it did. I cut Lucas out of my life too when I shouldn't have. I know I give him a lot of crap but I don't know what I'd do with out him. With Luke, he gives it to me straight, no matter I like what he has to say or not."
"I thought you're good friends with Clay?"
"We are but then again he's on my payroll. It's just different with Luke, he's my brother you know."
Haley nodded in agreement.
"Anyways.." Nathan emphasized and got up and picked up a dusty guitar from the corner. He'd been eying it all night long.
"What do you say James? A private concert?"
Haley laughed. "I warn you, my fingers are swollen."
"Then maybe you can sick acoustic." Nathan grinned.
. . . . . .
"I guess this is goodnight." Nathan replied as he stood outside Haley's front door.
"You sure you want to leave. It's not that late." Haley tried to fight the yawn that was threatening to come out. She'd had a wonderful evening with Nathan and enjoyed singing for him. It reminded her of simpler days when it was just the two of them alone in Karen's café. She didn't want the night to end despite how tired she felt.
"Late for you." Nathan quipped. "Besides, we're taking it slow right?"
Haley smiled. "Right.. slow."
"Good night." Nathan leaned in placed a gentle but sweet kiss on her lips.
Haley waved him off and she closed the door behind her. She turned off the lights in the first floor before making her way upstairs to her room. She removed her watch and was about to take off her earrings when she heard her phone go off. She was pleasantly surprised to see Nathan's name on the caller ID.
"We don't have to go that slow, right?" Nathan quickly spoke when he heard Haley pick up.
"No we don't." Haley laughed. "Let me go downstairs and open the door."
"No need." Nathan quickly replied.
"Huh?"
"Just make sure your window is unlocked." Nathan hung up his phone.
He wouldn't, Haley thought to himself and she opened her curtains and looked outside her window and sure enough she saw Nathan climbing the tree by her window.
Haley laughed as she let Nathan inside. "You know you could've used the front door."
"Well, where's the fun in that?" He grinned and leaned in to kiss her.
Haley went into her bedroom while Nathan started removing his clothes. Haley had to look away as dirty thoughts starting rummaging through her brain. When she got out of the bathroom, Nathan was stripped down to his boxers already lying on the bed. She could get used to this, Haley thought to herself as she hopped in the bed to join him.
"Hey Hales?" Nathan called out to her after snuggling against each other for several minutes. He broke his embrace from her and sat up on his elbows.
"Yeah?"
"I need a favor?"
"Ok what is it?" Haley eyed him curiously.
"Don't be mad but I just.. I just want to move past this whole Dan thing but it bothers me that he still has a hold on you and that this house has a lien with his name on it."
"Ok?"
"Which is why, I want to pay off the lien. Whatever Dan paid, I'll match it, shoot I'll double it even."
"Nathan.."
"Hales, I know what you're going to say.. it's a lot of money but don't see it as me giving you money.. see it as me paying you back."
"Huh?"
"I mean, you know for carrying my son.. or you can think of it as my gift to our son's grandmother. I don't know .. call it what you will but please just take the money."
Haley pondered it for a second. "Yes, Nathan I'll take the money. I don't want to but I know it'll make you happy and actually, I feel better knowing that Dan isn't a lien holder in this house. I don't know how but I'll pay you back somehow."
"Haley.."
"Nathan." Haley warned. "Look for all you know, we won't work out and then it'll get ugly with money involved."
"As opposed to having a kid together."
"Uh. .you know what I mean." Haley said frustrated.
"First of all, what if we do work out and it won't even matter because what's mine is yours. Second, there's no strings attached, no matter what happens. Knowing that your feeling less burdened, especially while carrying our son is worth it." Nathan rubbed her belly. "Third.."
"There's a third?" Haley quipped.
Nathan rolled his eyes. "Third." He continued, "is that you can think of this as your boyfriend doing something nice for you."
"So now you're my boyfriend?" Haley teased. "A little presuppositions?"
"You said to take things slow, not snails pace Hales. And if you don't want to label our relationship right now, it's fine cuz whether or not it takes one date or ten, it doesn't change how I feel or how I see you."
Haley smiled. "No it doesn't.. boyfriend." She leaned up to kiss him and then snuggled back into his arms. A moment later, she couldn't help but give out a heavy sigh.
"What?" Nathan asked as he could practically hear the gears in her mind turning.
"Just thinking about the last time you were here and now look at us."
"I didn't think I would be back here." Nathan replied softly. "But I'm glad I'm back."
"I'm glad you're back too."
"And this is probably the only time I don't mind sharing the bed with someone else." Nathan smiled as he rubbed Haley's belly.
"Me too." Haley said softly. "Me too." She buried her face in the crook of Nathan's neck and Nathan tightened his grip on her. She couldn't believe how safe and warm she felt. It shouldn't feel this good, she shouldn't feel comfortable so soon. While she still didn't want to rush too quickly into things with Nathan, she can already feel herself losing herself in him. Nathan Scott will be the death of her, she mused, but man what a way to go.
. . . . . .
"Mayor Scott will see you now."
"Thank you Renee." Haley stood up and walked passed Renee. Something about her always made her feel nervous. It probably had something to do with the raccoon eyes the girl had. She seriously needed to lay off the eye liner. Plus there was the fact that she spends so much time with Dan Scott. Things with Nathan have been great ever since their "date" night and she quickly wanted to put Dan behind them.
"Why Haley, what a pleasant surprise?" Dan got up as he saw Haley enter. "And I'm glad to see my grandson getting bigger." Dan made a move to reach for her belly but Haley took a step back.
"Now what do I owe the pleasure?"
Haley pulled out an envelope and handed it to Dan.
"What is this?" Dan peeked inside.
"On behalf of me and my family, I want to say thank you for your financial help with my mother's treatment."
"You included interest." Dan commented as he saw the large check.
"I think it was only fair, also included are the paper work to release the lien on my house."
"This is all good and well Haley but you can take the money and put it towards my grandson's college fund or something."
"Mr. Scott."
"Miss James." Dan interrupted. "I'll release the lien. You don't even need to pay me back."
"What do you want?" Haley quickly replied.
Dan had to laugh. She knew hi mall too well. "I'd settle for a new heart.. or even more time on this earth." Dan commented. "But I'll settle for this." Dan handed Haley a paper off his desk. Haley's eyes went wide.
"Now all you got to do is to get my sons there." Dan smirked as he leaned in against his desk.
To Be Continued . . . . .