CHAPTER 4

At the new venue, I was setting up his mic stand, front and center, when Tom walked out. I figured he was here first because Bill always took longer in hair and makeup, and getting dressed and such. But Bill walked out right after him. I swear, the longer they behaved abnormally, the longer I would go insane.

"Go eat, Sam. I'll set up my own microphone."

I looked at him questioningly with a "Huh?" expression on my face, and he looked back at me with one saying, "I know you're hungry. Remember? You're like my other twin. Go."

So I went, thinking about his intense eyes, and as a result of my entranced state, crashed into a table.

Ow…god….

I met Erin in the backstage food area, and I could tell she was starving. She had put herself on a diet, but thankfully it was one of the healthier ones. That one with the points and stuff. Waist Watchers? Jenny Craig? I dunno, but she was so afraid she'd blow it, and I could practically see the numbers running through her head. She was also staring at a chocolate cake.

"If I eat just one piece, I can't eat dinner or breakfast, but I want it so bad. Should I?" she asked me.

"Do whatever you want." I said, smiling. "You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You're skinny, girl!"

I laughed. She was so obsessed with her diet.

I had tried dieting, but I have a tendency to break rules whenever I can, so I usually gave up after the first few days. I tried to eat healthier now, though. I wasn't always comfortable in my own skin (like so many other girls I know) so I was going to do something about it. And that started today.

Moments after I had picked up a water bottle, Bill walked in.

"Vere is the cord?" he asked, clearly confused.

I laughed.

"I'll get it, don't worry." I said.

He looked relieved.

I reached the stage and climbed up. I pulled up the top part of the case that held the mics and revealed the cord. I took it out and started setting it up. Bill was watching, which did not suit my nerves, and I nearly shocked myself.

"Hey, no robot suit tonight?" I asked, realizing he wasn't even close to ready.

"I will. I probably should…"

"Yeah, go." I finished his sentence. "I'll be done soon anyway."

While he walked away, I couldn't help but watch discreetly. His walk even drove me over the edge. Like a god but more attractive. How was that possible? How could he have such effect on me?

How come that didn't bother me?

I knew the answer to that, but refused to think it.

Love, my thoughts spoke. Again. I swear I wish I knew how to shut them up…even though they were only subconscious…thoughts I wouldn't think of purposely, thoughts I couldn't help but think of otherwise.

Ugh.

I thought of him while finishing up, putting the mic in the stand. The high-set cheekbones, the impossible height, the enchanting eyes, the perfect mouth…

The show was awful. The performance itself was amazing, every note was perfect. It was awful because a lot of the songs just killed me. From backstage, you could still hear the performance, and when he sang "Pain Of Love" and "World Behind My Wall" I nearly cried. I used a bathroom excuse to get out, so no one would see the pain loving him brought me…the pain of love…so no one would see the love I had for him.

I fell into a disturbed sleep that night, dreaming of him, running away if I told him the truth, fearing I would slip up no matter what.

By the way, I'm in love with you, or

Oh, I have a secret. I'm madly in love with every aspect of you, or even

You are the only one for me. Never leave?

In every scenario, no matter how hard I begged, no matter the tears shed, he left.

I woke up several times; each time more tears running down my face than the last. Finally, gratefully, I sank into a dreamless sleep, just hours before we had to depart later that day.