The Search For Something More
Chapter 24 - You Can't Always Get What You Want
I realized that last chapter was 23 and I always try to make 23 in my longer stories so yay lol. Thank you all for the feedback. I meant to update last night but I got home too late. I know everyone was shocked when Haley said no because Nathan was being all sorts of sweets but you have to remember what Haley has been through. Anyways, im glad you all enjoyed the chapter. The flashback in the start of the last chapter (the naley proposal from the show) was what Nathan referred to when she said no to him twice. The flashback in this chapter was supposed to be a lot shorter but I used all the words directly from the show and then when I added my own stuff, it took a life of it's own and I actually really like how the flashback turned out in this chapter and I hope you do too. Gosh I have so much to say but I'll let this chapter speak for itself. Like I said before, last chapter I had in my mind for so long, practically when I first thought of the story and so was this chapter. The ending though I kept changing because in my mind I knew how I wanted the end of the chapter to "feel" but to accomplish that feeling I kept going back and forth. On last note, I know that some of you are wondering about Dan, Rachel and Renee and don't worry, you'll see them soon and about Nathan finding out about Dan and Duke, well, you'll have to wait and read.
Anyways, I hope you enjoy and please review.
"You and my son are my family Hales and when I told you that I could love you forever, I meant it." Nathan was about to open the box once more.
"Nathan don't!" Haley interrupted and took a couple of steps back. "Don't ask me, what I think you're going to ask me?"
"What? Why?" Nathan was baffled as he stood up and walked over to her.
"…Because I don't want to hurt you." She said softly.
No, this couldn't be happening. Nathan thought to himself. "I don't believe you." Nathan replied and stepped closer to her.
"Nathan please, don't." Haley pleaded and tried to look away but Nathan used his free to gently cup Haley's chin and their eyes locked. His cobalt blue stared deeply into her deep brown.
"Will you spend the rest of your life with me? Will you marry me?" He asked.
Haley let a single tear fall and she felt her hands tremble.
"No."
Nathan's hand fell from her face and he let the box fall down on the ground. He stood there for a moment, completely frozen. This wasn't how it was suppose to happen, she wasn't supposed to say no again.
"I could love you forever." Nathan says softly as his body hovers above her.
"So could I."
"You're my family now Haley. The true thing I have. I never wanna lose you."
"You won't." She caressed his check. She sees his blue eyes turn dark and his brow furrows inward and she knows he's in deep thought. " What?"
Then as if a realization came over him and Nathan's face relaxes and a small smile creeps onto his face.
"Marry me?"
Haley immediately smiles and feels a blush coming through her face. She must look totally red right now. "Stop it." She tried to push him off her.
"What would you?" Nathan asks as Haley sits up.
"Oh you're embarrassing me."
"Why not?"
" Because…we're in high school."
"So what? I'm emancipated."
" Is this about sex, because I wanna wait?"
"No, I can see you caving on that one already." Nathan smirks slightly.
Haley laughs despite herself. "Well maybe so. Nathan, couples don't get married in high school. It's just…it's not normal.
"So? I'm not normal. What I'm feeling is definitely not normal and to be
honest with you Haley, I don't ever want to be normal. Not with you… I'm
serious."
"I know you are."
"OK, so I'll say it again. I could love you forever."
"Nathan, so could I but.."
"So then why can't forever start today?" Nathan questions.
Haley caresses his cheeks and leans in and kissed him gently before settling her head back onto his chest. While Nathan enjoys the feel of her and the way she's drawing random patterns across his chest and stomach, he's still waiting for an answer.
He didn't know how marriage popped up in his head but all he knows is that he loves her and the thought of not being with her was completely unacceptable to him. All he knew was that it felt right, she felt right and spending the rest of his life with Haley felt right.
"I really love you, you know that?"
"Is that a yes?" Nathan smiles.
"It means that no matter what happens to us I'll always love you and I know that I want my first time to be with you."
"Haley.." Nathan tries to speak but puts her fingers on his lips.
"It also means that forever started a long time ago Nathan." Haley paused to gather her thoughts. While a lifetime with Nathan was definitely a comforting thought, she both knew they were both too young.
"You know when I got my tattoo, Lucas asked me why and I told him that in twenty years from now.. if I remember how it feels to be in love then I'd be okay with that and in twenty years time I know that no matter what happens between us I'll always love you. You're my first love Nathan Scott."
"I want to be you're only love." Nathan pointed out.
"Somehow I have a feeling you will be."
"So that is a yes?"
Haley laughs. "God you really such a sweet man. I love you for it Nathan." Haley settles down on his chest. "One day when we're done with school, I'll be teaching a bunch of spoiled high school kids, you will be drafted in the NBA.. we'll get married at the gardens next to the church my parents got married."
"So it's a no." Nathan grimaces.
"Nathan dear." Haley playfully smacks his cheeks. "You might be emancipated but I'm not. We can't get married, plus I don't think with the part time job you have at the mall and getting married is going to show a judge that you're fit to be on your own."
"I guess you're right." Nathan mumbles and settles back down while Haley rest her head back on his chest. While he's disappointed and his pride is wounded, he tries not dwell on it. One day he will marry this girl. He's sure of it.
"You know one day I'm going to ask again." Nathan speaks up.
"I don't doubt that." Haley laughs and hugs Nathan tighter.
"And you're going to say yes."
"Am I now?" Haley raises an eyebrow.
"Yep, and we'll have a nice big house with a nice big pool."
"And a nice kitchen, don't forget the kitchen oh and shutters on the windows." Haley adds.
"And shutters on the window." Nathan laughs. "And we'll have a basketball court."
"Of course."
"And a room with a piano so you can play for me whenever I want."
Haley laughs.
"And you're going to want a dog." Nathan adds.
"I would like a dog." Haley confirms with a nod.
"And I'm going to tell you that yes Lucas can come over but he can't live with us." He smirks and Haley playfully smacks his chest.
Nathan laughs but continues. "But we're not going to get a dog because I hate pets and the only things I want to be taking care of is you and our kids."
"Our kids huh?"
"Yep. Didn't I tell you that the house is going to have at least three bedrooms? We got to fill it up somehow."
"Really now?"
"Yep, but we'll start of slow… just one kid first."
"A son with your eyes." Haley interrupts as images of life together with Nathan fills her mind.
"No." Nathan shakes his head slightly and Haley looks up at him intently. "A little girl just like you."
Haley couldn't hide the smile on her face even if she wanted to. Nathan leans in and kisses her. Any doubt about giving herself mind and body over to Nathan quickly fades as she guides Nathan's hands down to the hem of her shirt. Nathan pauses for a second and looks straight into Haley's eyes and he sees nothing but love and desire in them. He lifts the shirt from her and tosses it aside. Haley kisses him again and the feel of her bare chest against his is sending his body on fire. Haley sneaks her hand in between them and tugs at the hem of his boxers.
The rest of their clothes are shed and it doesn't take long for them to become one. "Yes, Nathan!" He hears from Haley repeatedly that night and while it wasn't the quite the 'yes' he was looking for, he knew that one day she would be his. One day he'll ask her again and she'll say yes. He'll have everything he ever wanted and wouldn't need anything. She belonged to him, and only to him.
The sound of the ring falling on the ground snaps Nathan back to the present. He looks down on it and then he looks back at Haley who now has more tears streaming down her face. He opens his mouth to try to say something but words fail him. He shakes his head, there's no point anyway. Nathan then starts to take a few steps backwards.
"Nathan, wait."
He stops momentarily before turning back around and heading for the door.
"Nathan!" Haley calls out but Nathan turns the knob and quickly rushes down the stairs.
. . . . . . .
"Brooke say something." Lucas says. He just told Brooke everything about the HCM and Dan.
Brooke lunges forward and gives Lucas a hug.
"Oh Luke, I'm so sorry."
"It's okay. The baby is fine. And I'll be fine. It's okay."
"Luke, you might have heart disease. This isn't fine." Brooke pulls back.
"Yes but I'm not an athlete anymore. I'm more worried about Nathan. But nothing has happened to us and now that we know, nothing will happen to us."
"But.." Brooke was about to speak but they both turn around as the hear of footsteps quickly descends the steps. The door quickly opens and Nathan appears.
"Nate?" Lucas walks up to him.
"You can make sure Haley gets home right?"
"Yeah, Nate what's going on?"
"I got to go."
"Nathan, wait!" Lucas calls off but he's gone before he knows it and Lucas is torn between going after him or going up to Haley. Taking his chances, he takes the stairs up with Brooke on his tail.
"Hales?" Lucas calls out as he sees Haley slumped over against the ledge.
"Haley you okay?" Brooke rushes past Haley and kneels down next to her.
Lucas immediately notices a small black box in Haley's hands.
"Haley, what's that?" He asks.
"Oh my God, he asked you." Brooke speaks up and Haley remains silent except for her sniffles.
"Asked you what?" Lucas asks.
"Lucas Scott, are you that dense?" Brooke rolls her eyes and turns back to Haley. "Haley, are you okay?"
Haley shakes his head.
Lucas kneels down next to her. "I can't believe he proposed to you." He mutters softly.
"I've never seen him so hurt." Haley finally speaks.
"Haley what happened?"
Haley just shakes her head, not ready to relive the moment.
More footsteps can be heard and the next thing Haley knows, she sees her mom.
"Oh Haley." Lydia rushes over to her daughter. "I knew something was up when I saw Nathan take off like a bat out of hell."
Lydia notices the small box and inwardly gasps. "I can't believe he asked you already."
"Wait." Haley looks at her mom. "You.. you knew?"
Lydia takes a deep breath. "He showed me the ring." Lydia admits. "He asked for my blessing."
"And what did you say?"
"I said it doesn't matter what I think, it's up to you. And guessing by everything, it didn't go well."
"No it didn't." Haley shook her head. "Do you know where he went?"
Lydia shook her head and Haley turned to Lucas.
"Can you help me find him? I need to talk to him."
"Sure." Lucas extended his hand and helped Haley up.
. . . .
"Of course, check the one place where he might actually be." Haley sighs and leans her head back against the car seat. She and Lucas drove all over town trying to look for Nathan. The ride was mostly in silence as both of them were too preoccupied with their own thoughts. After driving around, they finally turned around and headed back to their house.. Nathan's house and sure enough his car was parked on the driveway.
Lucas pulls his car into the drive way next to Nathan and shifts the gear to park.
"Are you going to be okay Hales? I know it's a lot to take in… ouch!" Lucas exclaims as Haley hits him upside the head.
"That's for lying to me."
Lucas rubs his head. "I guess I deserve that."
"You're damn right."
"Is this why you said no to Nathan?"
"No.. maybe.. I don't know." Haley was so concerned over finding Nathan that she didn't even know what to say to him when she found him. "Did you know about this? That he bought me a ring?"
"No, I didn't."
"Brooke helped him pick it out apparently. That's why they were photographed by last week."
"I can't believe I didn't see it."
"You and I both."
"Hales, what're you going to do?"
"…"
"Hales, you're my best friend and I love you, you know that right?"
"I know Luke, thanks."
"And I'm sorry for keeping the HCM a secret."
"And you better not have it Luke." Haley gave him a pointed look, signaling that she was more concerned over his health than him actually lying about it.
"I won't. I'm going to be fine." Lucas smiled softly and nodded. "I'm more worried about you."
"Me?"
"I only want you to be happy Hales. I want that for both of you actually." Lucas pauses for a minute. "I don't know how I get myself into these things. When Nathan came back into our lives, I swore I wasn't going to get myself involved."
"And how did that work out?"
"Miserably." Lucas gives a quick chuckle. "It was so easy to hate Nathan when I didn't know him and it was easy to hate him when he wasn't in our lives but now that he's back…."
"What?"
"We fight constantly and we're always trading jabs at each other but.." Lucas laughs and shakes his head. "I wouldn't have it any other way. He keeps me on my toes, makes me laugh, makes me have fun. He's my brother and as much as you're my best friend.. in a way, so is he."
Haley gives him a solemn look.
"I know crazy right just don't tell him that." Lucas quickly adds. "I will always have your back Hales, whatever you do or whatever happens with you and Nathan but you have to understand that Nathan is my brother." He paused for a second. "Nathan may act like he's all tough on the outside but you and I know it's just a front. He loves you and the baby so much. I don't care what that HCM test comes back with, Nate's heart is more fragile than what you think. Please be careful with it. You two have been through so much, I don't want to see either of you hurt."
Haley took a deep breath and nodded. She reached over and hugged Lucas. "You're a good man Lucas Scott and a good brother. Nathan is lucky to have you, we both are."
"Back at you."
. . . . .
Haley stepped inside the dark house and heard footsteps upstairs. Going up the stairs, she saw the lights on in the master suite. When she got to the door, she found Nathan walking around, a suitcase open on the bed and Nathan stuffing it with clothes. Haley didn't know whether to be angry or upset.
"You're leaving?" She questioned.
Nathan didn't bother to turn to her and continued sorting his clothes. "The doctors who saved my back are having a charity function tomorrow night in New York to raise money for the hospital. I wasn't planning on going but I owe it to them to go."
Nathan stopped and looked at Haley. "Don't worry, I promise I won't buy and jewelry this time."
"Nathan, look." Haley stepped inside. "Let me explain."
"Explain how you don't want to marry me." Nathan shook his head. "Sorry but I'd rather not."
"Nathan, please hear me out. Don't shut me out."
"I'm not shutting you out." Nathan stated. "I've been doing nothing but trying to let you in, I can't make you love me."
"Nathan, I do love you."
"But it's not enough is it?" He countered.
"Nathan, don't twist my words around."
"You're the one that said no, Hales. There's nothing to twist or spin around that. I looked you in the eye and you said no." He pointed at her and zipped up his suitcase.
"After you drop this bomb on me that you, Lucas and the baby may have a genetic heart defect!"
Nathan sighed as he took the suit case and placed it on the floor at the foot of the bed.
"It's never going to be enough is it?"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means that no matter how hard I try or try to do the right thing, I always get screwed. I get it Hales, I'm a screw up. I'm the one who left you, I'm the one who showed up in the middle of the night and knocked you up and left the next day. There's always going to be something Haley. When I found out about the HCM, I wanted to tell you. I found no pleasure in hiding it from you but it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing I do will ever be enough. We take one step forward and two steps back so that's it, I'm done."
"You're done? So now you're breaking up with me."
"No Hales, it means that I'm done trying to plead my case. I love you, I love our son. I.." Nathan scratched his head and headed for the door. "The rest is up to you."
"Nathan, where are you going?"
"To the guest room."
"What? That's ridiculous? Nathan, would you just stay here. We need to talk."
"..."
"Nathan… Nathan.. please don't walk out, you've been doing it all night."
"That's because it keeps me from saying things, you don't want to hear, like I want to spend my life with you or will you marry me." Nathan states bluntly and leaves the room.
Nathan slam the door behind him and heads down the hall to the gust room. He steps inside and doesn't bother turning on the lights. He feels anger, hurt, everything. He tosses his shirt aside and kicks off his jeans and drops on to the bed. He lies there, just staring at the ceiling. After a couple of minutes, he could've sworn that he hears the faint sounds of Haley crying from down the hall. Everything in him wants nothing more than to get up and hold her and comfort her but he can't. For once Nathan isn't going to apologize for telling the truth, for admitting his feelings and pouring out his soul.
. . . . .
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you mom." Lucas looks down and takes a sip of the coffee he was drinking. By the time he got back to the café, Brooke and Karen and some of their other friends had already cleaned everything up. Now it was only Brooke, Karen and Lydia at the café and Lucas had come clean to them about the HCM.
"I know you must be disappointed in me." Lucas mutters.
"Luke, I'm not disappointed and you're not a little kid any more."
"I was going to tell you mom, I just wanted to wait until I got all the facts."
"And you're going to hear back soon?" Karen asked.
"Yes."
"No wonder Haley looked so upset." Lydia piped in. "Maybe, I should check up on her. I can post pone my trip."
"Mrs. James, I'm sure that's the last thing Haley wants." Brooke replied.
"Yeah." Lucas agreed. "We know you've been looking forward to this and I'm sure Nathan and Haley will work things out."
"I'll stop by in the morning." Lydia conceded.
"So Nathan asked each of you for you're blessing." Lucas looked between Lydia and Brooke.
"Well, he asked me." Lydia replied.
"And he's going to claim that he didn't ask me but we both know that he was seeking my approval."
"I can't believe he didn't ask me." Lucas didn't mean to come off as bitter but he's not going to lie. So okay, Nathan didn't need to seek his blessing from him, but he thought he would've at least brought it up.
Lydia chuckled. "Don't worry Lucas, I'm sure it wasn't Nathan's intention to ask her tonight.
Brooke nodded her head. "Yeah, I agree."
Lucas clears his throat and notices the garbage bags in the corner waiting to be thrown out. "I'm going to get rid of the rest of the trash." Lucas gets up.
"I should get going too." Lydia stands up.
Brooke on the other hand follows Lucas outside.
"So are you going to tell me how you're really feeling?"
"Brooke, I said I'm fine."
"Bull shit, Scott."
Lucas squints at her for a moment but decides it's no use. "I'm scared Brooke." He finally admits.
"Good cuz so am I." She reaches out to hug him and they hold each other for a good long while.
. . . . . .
Haley cried for a good thirty minutes before changing into a tank top that hugged her belly and a pair of pajamas bottoms. She brushed her teeth and splashed some cold water on her face, hoping that her eyes didn't look so puffy. She managed to pull herself together and walk down the hall and into the guest room. The moonlight shone through the windows and she saw Nathan lying there.
"Are you awake?" She asked softly.
"Yeah." Nathan softly replied.
"Nathan, will you talk to me please?" She took a few steps inside.
"I don't know what to say to you Haley." Nathan continued to look up at the ceiling.
"Nathan.." Haley continued to walk slowly inside.
Nathan leaned up. "You know I never said those words to anyone?"
Haley looked at him curiously.
"I think I may have written down in a card that my first grade teacher made us do for Christmas but I never told anyone else that I love them.. and mean it." Nathan shakes his head frustrated. "God Hales, I asked you to marry me .. twice now."
Haley heard the hurt in his voice. Maybe this was mistake, Haley thought to herself. Maybe she should've given more time to cool off.
"I'm sorry." She said softly and shook her head.
"What?" He asked.
"Look, I'm sorry for bothering you." She shook her head and turned around back to the door.
"Hales." Nathan sighs.
This time Haley can't hold her emotions and her feet takes her back to the bed and she crawls on top of Nathan, her growing belly descending on him first as she tried to hug him and Nathan reluctantly opens his arms up to her.
"Nathan, I'm sorry." She says softly as she placed soft kisses on the side of his face and then on his lips.
But Nathan snaps out of it and as gently as he could rolls her off to her side and off of him. Feeling hurt and rejected, Haley thinks this is just one big mistake and is about to get off the bed when Nathan reaches for her hands and looks at her.
"When we were in high school Hales, the night we made love for the first time. I asked you to marry me and I meant it. I knew you thought we were too young but the next day, I looked it up, if your parents would agree to it, we could've gotten married."
"You didn't tell me this."
"But you also made a point that I needed to show a judge that I could take care of myself and getting married at 17 would've sent me right back with my parents. So I decided to wait, until we were both legal and done with school.." Nathan trailed off.
"But Duke didn't work out.."
Nathan nodded. "Nathan, I know I said no but that doesn't mean I don't love you or that I don't want to be with you." Haley needed to get that out.
Nathan settles back down into his pillow. "Thanks for telling me." He sighs.
"Nathan.."
"Shh.." Nathan pleads. "Hales, if you don't mind, I don't want to talk about this now. I don't.. I don't have it in me and it's late and the baby needs you to rest."
"I can't sleep with out you." Haley admits.
"Who say's you're going to?" Nathan gives her a small smile and despite himself, he reaches out to her and pulls her close to him. She buries her head against his neck and he holds her tight, rubbing her back and lulling her to sleep.
"I'm not going anywhere." He says softly and kisses the top of her head.
Haley feels comforted by his words and his touch. Despite the fact that her mind is racing a mile a minute, her body is exhausted. It takes a couple of minutes but he feels her breathing grow steady and notices that she finally fell asleep. He closes his eyes and tries to do the same thing but sleep wouldn't come. He had the girl of his dreams in his arms, their son growing in her but he never felt further from her. So he lays his head down and continues to stare up.
After an hour, Nathan is still wide awake. He's more restless than ever and he slowly gets up but is careful not to wake Haley. He walks into the bathroom in the hallway and turns on the sink and bring his hands up to drink in some water. He's too lazy at the moment to go downstairs to the kitchen to get something to drink. He looks at the tub and thinks that maybe a nice warm shower can lull him to sleep. He frowns when he realizes that he didn't fill the guest bath with any toiletries so he gets out and goes back to the master suite and into his bathroom.
Stepping inside the spacious shower, he turns on the water and lets the warm water rain over him. He has to admit that the warm waters is having a soothing affect on him and he just stands there with his head down taking it all in. He reaches for his bar of soap and starts to lather himself when he feels a pair of hands encircle his waist. Startled for a second, he turns around and finds Haley standing there, wet and naked in all her glory.
He makes an attempt to speak but is silenced by Haley who takes the soap and starts lathering him up. At the moment, he forgets what he is about to say as Haley's touches is driving him wild and his now fully hard erection can attest. Haley takes her time as she lathers the soap in her hands and washes her hands over his chest, paying close attention to each of his nipples and then down his stomach and onto his abs. When she grabs his erection, he inwardly gasps and buckles at her touch.
Haley still looks stunning, even pregnant, her body has filled out, her breasts spewing out and her curves more defined. He reaches out to touch her and within seconds, their bodies mesh and Nathan is kissing her breathless. Feeling her protruding belly against his abs, Nathan tries to think of the best approach to do this. While taking her against the wall is always number one in his book, he wants to make sure Haley is comfortable. So he guides her down while he sit on the shower floor and leans back against the wall. Haley straddles him as his hands are firmly on her waist, guiding her down on his painful erection.
Once contact is made, they both cry out in pleasure as Nathan takes a firm hold of her ass and sways his hips up and down. Haley leans forward and buries her face in Nathan's neck as she grinds his body against his. Their rhythm speeds up and Haley locks lips with Nathan as she feels her body going over the edge. His thrusts are more powerful and Haley doesn't know who wants it more, him or her but at the moment she doesn't care. She braces herself against his shoulders and slams even harder into him.
"NATHAN!" Haley finally cries out as her insides clench around Nathan's erection. The extra pressure is Nathan's undoing as he releases himself deep inside her. Feeling spent, Haley continues to lie on top of Nathan while they both catch their breathes and the warm waters continue to shower on them.
Eventually, Nathan shifts and guides Haley up to her feet. Nathan turns off the water and reaches for a towel and dries Haley off. He hands her her robe and then dries himself off. Taking her hand, he guides them back to their room, where Nathan takes off his towel and reaches for a pair of clean boxers. He takes one of his t-shirts and slips it over Haley.
Haley follows Nathan's lead and joins him in bed and it is Nathan who first breaks the silence.
"I couldn't sleep." He mutters.
"I woke up when I didn't find you next to me.. I was scared you left." Haley said softly.
"I told you I wasn't going anywhere."
"Even if I break your heart."
Nathan gives her a small smile and caresses her cheek. "A broken heart would be better than not having you in my life." He admits. After everything that has happened between them tonight and for the past couple of years, it doesn't change the fact that he loves her, wants her and just simply needs her. "I'm sorry about earlier." He mutters.
"Nathan, I need to explain."
"Haley, you don't." Nathan sits up. "I lied to you about the HCM, I told you I wouldn't do that any more and I did."
"Nathan, it's not just that. I'm not going to lie and say I didn't feel hurt because I did. Not only did you lie to me but Lucas did as well. In the past five years, I had my heart broken, my father die and my mom nearly die of cancer. I wake up one morning and I find out that you've been thrown out of a window and paralyzed. Now I'm pregnant and you tell me that you might have a heart condition. One that kills athletes and you don't think that affects me." Haley replies. "Do you know what would happen to me if something were to happen to you?" Haley nearly voice cracking.
"Haley, nothing is wrong with me. The season is over, I'm not training and I'm going to get the results soon."
"I know that and I know that you and Lucas had good intentions and I do forgive you for that."
"But.."
"But marriage is something else Nathan." Haley pauses to gather her thoughts. "I said no because I wasn't ready."
"I know it came out of nowhere but I'm not asking we get married now."
"I know that but please don't take me saying no to mean that I don't see a life with you."
Nathan bites his tongue.
"Nathan, I mean it. Look.. umm, do you remember when we first started going out and you slept in my room for the first time."
Nathan nodded.
"The next morning, you told me it wasn't about sex between us."
"That when you'd be ready, I would be too." He remembers.
Haley nodded. "And do you remember the next morning after we finally did have sex."
Nathan tries to hide his smirk. He remembers spending all of the next day re-living the previous night.
"Okay, get your head out of the gutter." Haley playfully smacks his chest.
"Hey, you're the one that brought it up and let's not forget that you practically mauled me a couple of minutes ago."
"Anyways.." Haley playfully rolls her eyes. "After we made love, I told you that it made me wonder why we waited so long to finally do it."
Nathan still had a smirk on his face.
"You're great in bed, what can I say." Haley admitted. "Look the point is." Haley emphasized. "We could've had sex earlier and it still would've been great and amazing but I'm grateful we did wait and I'm grateful that you were patient with me because I wasn't ready, no matter how much I may have wanted it. And when we finally did it, there was no doubt or hesitation in my mind. It was special, probably the most special night in my life."
Haley pauses again.
"Nathan when I commit my life.. my whole life with you, I don't want any hesitation or doubt in my mind. Yes, the HCM threw me for a loop but at the same time, I'm not ready to be a wife, at least not yet. Shoot, I'm not even ready to be a mom but I am going to be one pretty soon. We said we were going to take it slow and the next thing I know, we're spending all our time together, we're moving in together and it was so easy to get caught up."
"So now you think moving in was a mistake?"
"No what I'm trying to say is that we've come a long way but marriage isn't something I'm ready for right now. I told you tonight that you need to let me in all the way but the truth is, I need to the same. It's all going by so fast. I need time to have my heart catch up with everything. I need time Nathan. I need time to get used to us again, to get used to me living here, to get to know you again, to know myself again. I've been so lost these past five years and now I'm finally feeling like myself again and I don't want to rush into anything I'm not ready for even though I can see my life with you. Can you understand?"
Nathan pauses for a second. "I may not like it but I understand. I'm ready to start the rest of my life and I want to spend it with you."
"Nathan.."
"But I know you're not ready." Nathan interrupted. "And I can respect that and if you need time then you have it, you can have anything you want because whether I wait another five years or five minutes, my feelings won't change." Nathan caressed her cheeks.
"Thank you." Haley leans over and rests her head on his chest.
"No thank you." Nathan replies. "Shoot, you gave me a second chance Hales and the fact that you're even here with me now.. well.. that's more than I could ask for."
Haley leans up and kisses him on the check before settling back down to his chest.
"We're going to have our happily ever after Nathan. I know it."
I hope so. Nathan thinks to himself. He tries to fall asleep with Haley but he's still lying awake. Everything keeps repeating in his head, the breaking of glass and hitting the floor, having his chest hooked up to test machines, the sound of the ring falling after Haley told him no. How could he sleep, for the fear of waking up and everything he ever wanted.. gone.
To Be Continued . . . .