The morning the worse part of the day well...next to nights, It was six o 'clock in the morning what the hell.I'm usually not awake by this time on the weekends though I couldn't sleep I would always have nightmares of my father abusing me.I would always believe everything he said to me, that bastard he put me through a living day I couldn't take it anymore all the beatings ,he even raped me once I called the that I would finally be happy with my mother and brother if he's out of the still had fears ,I would always have an empty filling in my heart I would break down crying just for that empty space to go away. I refuse to learn how to fill my heart again that would only bring me back the fears ,pain, and sorrow.I woke up not being able to breath this morning finding myself gasping for air, tears running down my face from that never ending pain. I was weakened just to think back when I was able to gain back my strength and go back to my life...umm reality actually.I got dressed and went downstairs no one was usually downstairs at this time it was too early ,I just wanted to go talk to Trent that was all that is going to be on my mind all day well until I go to sleep...okay fine actually even when I do go to sleep. " Why? Can't he see I'm the one for him" I whispered to myself,I sat down infront of the T.V. "Oh great just what I needed" i heard footsteps coming closer and closer to me every second, was is my brother awake anyways.I could feel his presence in the room "Hey Jacob" trying not to sound depressed from my delima,it failed.
"Whats up with you sound ...uhh I don't know sad"Jacob asked me
"Nothing what do you mean I sound sad "
"It's ...just that your always awake early when you don't feel in a good mood that's all"
" I'm fine Jake don't worry about it okay"I said trying to reassure my brother
I heard a muffled" okay " from him he probably though I was thinking about my father ,umm our father I mean.I felt my eye lids starting to fall eight o'clock I laid down on the couch and covered myself with a blanket for I started to doze off I just would always wonder why?. ..Was I supposed to live a miserable a life or happy life? What is this empty feeling in my heart which was left from my father? Would all these fears I have come back to haunt me in the future? I slowly started to answer these I was suppose to have a happy life then my life is failing so far I had a crappy life.I still don't know what this empty spot in my heart is ,I would probably never these fears has haunt me since I was 7 to when ..well actually still through this very day ,so they would come back sooner or later I just don't know feelings are not real not the ones that can make you happy in life it is just a bunch of make believe always say they have a happily ever after ,I think this is just posion they are putting in to children's my life and is not that close to happily ever after it will never be, I would always wish one out that I would just mother would always tell me that I was hear for a reason ,I fail to see that I am only a waste and was put on the earth to entertained people with my stories of misery and to die without every regaining my innocence.