Disclaimer: The Mentalist show and characters are the property of Bruno Heller, Primrose Hill Productions, Warner Bros. Television, CBS,…
Author's Notes: I'm really sorry for such a long wait. I know it's unacceptable but my life has been hectic. Also, every time I had time to write I just couldn't find the inspiration. I did work on a few other stories though, shame.
I finally finished this chapter as a Christmas present. I thought you guys really deserved it! Also, Jane totally took a mind of his own in this chapter.
Last I want to thank all my reviewers and the ones who put me on their alerts and/or favorites. A special thanks to those who have pushed me in the right direction by multiple times reminding me of this story!
Enjoy.
No man had ever made her cry. That was until she met Patrick Jane.
The return back home had been fraught with tension. It was obvious to everyone that Lisbon and Jane were at odds with each other. The rest of the team secretly hoped that their boss and consultant would sort out their issues soon because it made them all uneasy.
For now they would let it be. Hopefully it would be over in a few days. Otherwise someone, probably Cho, would have to intervene. They all kept their fingers crossed that it wouldn't have to come to that.
Lisbon knew they needed to talk, she knew they needed to make everything clear between them again. This time it had gone too far. She was angry with Jane for creating this mess. Rationally she knew it wasn't his fault; he had never forced her, had always given her the choice to back out if she wanted. In reality she was angry with herself for allowing it to go that far. Why hadn't she been able to say no to him? Why was she never able to say no to him? Damn him and his sad eyes and damn her and her need to fix everything broken.
From the start she had vowed to herself never to have sex with him when it concerned Red John or his dead wife and daughter. It had always been about letting go of the stress their daily life brought them. It had never been her intention to comfort him or make him forget. She had been there before, had tried to comfort a man who wanted to forget about his wife and children. Somehow it felt worse to try and compete with ghosts. It made her feel cheap. She was no replacement for anyone. Not for her mother and certainly not for a wife, alive or dead.
She had been foolish to think that they could go on like this forever. His need to find Red John and his grief were too much a part of him. It was stupid to think that it would never come between them. She had always known what would happen once it became an issue. Yes, she knew what she had to do and she wasn't looking forward to it.
Minelli had given them two days off when they came back. Everyone had looked on edge, particularly Lisbon and Jane. He wanted a team in top condition, not on the verge of a breakdown. It also gave everyone the opportunity to take a step back and sort out his or her issues.
Lisbon had taken the chance to relax and really think about everything that had happened in the last few days. She only had to talk to Jane now, preferably on neutral ground. That automatically ruled out both their places. In her opinion a bar was too crowded and a hotel room too impersonal. Her mind could only name one reasonable location. Maybe it wasn't completely neutral but it was the only idea she could come up with.
She dreaded what the day would bring.
She had decided to postpone their talk until it was late and almost everyone had left the building. That way there was less chance of them being seen or overheard. Also, if it ended badly (which would probably happen) she preferred to be able for either of them to be free to leave without having to explain anything. That way they could both do some thinking overnight and put on their mask again the next day. Perfect plan. She should have known perfect never worked well with Jane.
She had been straightening her desk for the last fifteen minutes before she could convince herself to walk over to his couch to tell him they needed to talk. His was lying prone with his eyes close. He didn't show any reaction of having heard her but she knew he was awake and listening to every word. She asked him to come with her before walking towards the elevator without looking back. He would follow her, she was sure. Lisbon pushed the button and waited for the telltale sound telling her the elevator was there. She could feel Jane at her back, close by; his body heat was searing her skin. Finally they could both squeeze into the metal box that would bring them to the attics of the CBI. It didn't take her long to bring them into the little dusty room with the metal sliding door. It was very stuffy, barely illuminated by a sad looking lamp hanging by a thread and old stuff was lying around but no one could ignore the beautiful view it offered. It was almost calming and it gave the feeling of being miles away. Like a bubble.
They both contemplated the illuminated city of Sacramento before Lisbon took a deep breath, giving herself the courage she needed to start this conversation.
"We can't continue like this."
Jane stood there. He didn't move or uttered a single word.
She started again, "we can't continue like this. We have to stop this… whatever we have."
"No," his voice was strong and his eyes were serious as he turned to look at her, "no."
"What? There's no, no; we have to stop this relationship," she winced on the last word but didn't give up, "right now." She had known he wouldn't agree easily but apparently he wanted to make this harder than need be.
"I'm telling you. No. I don't want to give you up. You can't make me." He was going to show her stubborn. For once in her life she wasn't going to be the one taking decisions and making choices. He wouldn't let her.
"You can't make me continue with this farce." She couldn't believe what she was hearing. How dare he refuse her? How dare he not let her go? Inconsiderate bastard!
"I can and I will. You, darling Lisbon, are going to continue meeting me in seedy bars before we have sex in a crappy motel room. I'm doing you a favor by refusing your will. Deep down you don't want to give this up and I'm not going to let you take the easy way out. So, save us both the trouble and stop arguing with me about this." He was deadly serious, she could hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes. He wasn't infuriating her on purpose. He was simply stating the facts like the little know-it-all he was. He couldn't care less if she was agreeing to his terms or not. If he had anything to say about it she would continue to see him and give him comfort.
"What the hell? Are you crazy? I don't want to see you outside of work anymore. I don't want to have sex with you anymore. I don't want this anymore!" Lisbon was beyond furious; she was enraged. How dare he? She was her own woman and she had decided to end this! She was putting an end to this tonight.
"I'm not crazy, I'm realistic. We both know I'm right. There's nothing you can do about it." Her stubbornness to acknowledge the truth was starting to work on his nerves. Why couldn't she see what he saw? That he cared about her, that he wasn't just using her? He thought the kiss had been enough to convince her. It had been his way to tell her he wanted more than just her body. He wanted to share more with her, start something with her. He might never be able to have a real relationship with another woman but he was doing his best to move forward, with her. In his mind she was the only one worth the effort. Why couldn't she see that? Why couldn't she understand that he was really trying?
"Stop talking like that! Argh! You… you infuriate me. You're infuriating, you know that?" Lisbon wanted to scream out of frustration, no one had ever been able to frustrate her like him. He made her want to tear her hair out, or better yet, bang her head against the wall.
She tried again, "why won't you see that we're making a mistake? That what we're doing is wrong. That is doesn't mean anything?"
Apparently she had said the wrong thing because Jane approached her like a tiger ready to attack his prey. He grabbed her upper arms and walked her backwards until she hit the wall. His eyes were as dark as a stormy sea as he hissed, "wrong? You're wrong if you think this doesn't mean anything. You're wrong if you think we're making a mistake. Why can't you see that I care for you and that I'm trying my best to move on, damn it? You are wrong."
He was panting hard as he finished his tirade, his face mere inches from hers. Before he could control himself he was kissing her like a man possessed. His desire and passion were obvious in the way he pushed his body against her, his hands on her cheeks tilting her head the right way so he could plunder her mouth with his tongue. It took a few seconds before Lisbon gave into him, giving back as good as she got. She wound her arms around his neck as they continued to kiss for what seemed like an eternity. Slowly the languorous kiss turned into smaller pecks over lips, face and neck before they parted completely. Lisbon fingers were playing with the blonde curls at the nape of his neck as his were caressing her cheeks.
Jane was looking deep into her jade colored eyes, "do you understand now?"
She simply nodded, unable to form words through the lump in her throat.
"Good." He grinned at her, pleased with himself.
"Yes." Her voice was husky and it was sexy as hell. It made him want her even more.
"Bring me home?" He blurted it out before he could stop himself. He knew it was a lot to ask but he had to try. Lisbon was a woman you had to push a little bit if you wanted any results.
Her answering look was deep and searching before she nodded and took his hand in hers. They left the attic and went to her office so she could grab her bag and vest before heading to her car. Their fingers were still intertwined as the car drove off into the night.
They were into her bed, their legs tangled together into her purple cotton sheets. She was wide-awake as Jane lay curled around her, his head in the crook of her neck and his arm tight around her waist. His breath was warm and comforting. She was happy at least one of them seemed to be able to sleep.
Lisbon, on the other hand, was unable to close her eyes. She wasn't used to someone cuddling her in bed and there were way too many thoughts dancing around in her mind.
Tonight was a big step, a huge step even. So far this had been the most intimate they had ever been, for tonight they had made mad, passionate love together. She had loved it, the way they had connected mind, body and soul. She remembered his eyes shining with something close to love as he was moving in and above her. She also remembered the way she clung to him with sheer abandon. For once she had completely let herself go. Unlike a few nights ago it had been slow and tender. Jane had worshipped her body from beginning to end, wanting to show her in the most physical way how deep he truly felt about her.
His openness had moved her and she felt like her whole world had shifted. Right now she was freaking out about what this meant for them and for the team. This wouldn't only change their relationship but their whole world. How was she supposed to act around him from now on, what was she supposed to do or say? She was confused and she really needed to talk to Jane but she daren't wake him up when he was sleeping like a baby in her arms.
She sighed, maybe she should let it go for now and try to sleep before she appeared like a zombie at work tomorrow? Maybe bright daylight would bring all the answers? Maybe she just really needed to talk to Patrick? She was sure he had it all figured it out. She certainly hoped so because she hated being clueless and in the dark.
She sighed again before she shifted her body and burrowed into Jane. He moaned lightly before accommodating his body to hers and settling down again.
She smiled at how adorable he looked before closing her eyes and letting sleep take over.
No man had ever made her cry. Apparently now wasn't the time to start, even with Patrick Jane in her life.