Disclaimer: The Mentalist show and characters are the property of Bruno Heller, Primrose Hill Productions, Warner Bros. Television, CBS,…
Author's Note: Guys, this is it! I have a feeling that I can't go much further with this story otherwise I feel I'll start going around in circles. Maybe I'll write a sequel about their relationship later in the series but this isn't in the works right now.
In the meantime I can concentrate on all the other plots swirling around my brain.
This has been such an amazing ride and you people encouraged me so much and I don't know how to ever repay all of you. For the last time thank you too all my awesome reviewers and all those who put this story on alert or favorites. I will forever be grateful.
I really hope this will meet your expectations although I fear some will be angry and disappointed. I apologize in advance.
Enjoy.
when i am with you
there's no reason to pretend
that when i am with you i feel flames again
just put me inside you
i would never ever leave
just put me inside you
i would never ever leave you
What had she said again? Something bad would happen sooner rather than later? In her opinion sooner had come way too soon.
Until now she could honestly say the past few months had been great. Not awesome or fantastic or heavenly or any of those other silly adjectives but great. She had no problem to admit that Jane and her 'relationship' was more about companionship and sex than love and romance. Not that she minded; she hadn't been ready for a real relationship, much less one with a broken man like Jane.
While Lisbon could admit that spending time with Jane was fun and nice she could also say that he was exhausting and difficult to live with. She could understand he had good and bad moments but if his actions were anything to go by, his bad moments outweighed his good ones. She quickly stopped counting how many nights she woke up to find her bed empty and cold, sign that he had left her in the middle of the night. After those nights she would always find him at the office in the morning and a muffin on her desk, like during the earlier days of their tryst.
Sometimes she didn't see him outside of work for days at a time. She understood and tried to be there for him but she never stopped herself to ask him where he had been or what he was up to. Jane never answered, instead he used deflection like the master he was and always would be. Most of the time she let him get away with it because she was too tired to argue with him. Other times they fought but it never lasted long before one of them lost control and they ended up having sex were they where. Afterwards they pretended nothing had happened but that didn't mean she forgot about it. It was always there, at the back of her mind.
So yes, having something resembling a relationship with Patrick Jane wasn't a walk in the park but she had known what she was getting into before she agreed to try. Trying as hard as she could because, apparently, Jane not wanting to let her go and really trying to move on were two very separate things.
She got her first taste of deception when Jane explained to her how he was going to find Red John and cut him into little pieces for what he had done to his wife and child. That day she understood that while he may call her precious, what he felt for her was nothing compared to the love he still felt for his long lost family. She couldn't fault him for that but it was hard to live with. In her life 'going with the flow' meant 'going with Patrick's moods'. It was a constant battle to know what he was really feeling and half of the time she felt she didn't know and that frustrated her far more than all the other crap he put her through. Jane may share his body and most of his time with her but it sure as hell didn't meant he was sharing his soul or inner feelings.
He wasn't shy in telling her how he felt about her but talking about himself was so off-limits she could go to the moon and back and it still wouldn't be far enough. She figured it would always be that way and she started thinking if she really could live like that for much longer. Lisbon knew she was strong and tough but how strong did she need to be to constantly support someone like Jane? She knew she could handle it most of the time when they were working but that left her so tired that she almost had no energy when she got home. Even though he tried to always be there for her and did things to make her life easier like cooking or cleaning or just holding her when she needed it the most. It was a nice feeling to be taken care of but was it enough? Was it enough to make her really happy? Was it enough for the rest of her life? Was it enough to keep her promise? She wasn't sure. She didn't think so.
Red John unhinged Jane. It was a fact she had gleaned during the very first time she worked a Red John case with Jane. He became a completely different person, someone she wasn't even sure she liked. It was like his evil alter ego came out to play when Red John was involved. The way his eyes would get that crazy look and how he forgot everything else around him made her want to slap him until he was back to what she was used to; annoying, charming, childlike and caring Jane.
This case was the straw that broke the camel's back. She didn't understand how he could just leave them like that, like no one but Red John mattered to him. Like they were only pawns on this big chess game he and the serial killer were playing. She tried to hide it but it made her furious that he could threat them like that. How could that monster mean more to him than the team, than her?
She wasn't a jealous person per se but she thought she deserved a minimum of respect. That meant he had no right to do what he did. Making her feel used and dirty, like she was just someone he was agreeably passing the time with. Like he lied to her when he told her how precious she was to him, how he couldn't let her go, how he cared and she meant something to him. He was a lying son of a bitch that only wanted to get into her bed. But then why had he been so adamant they start something more? Why had he been so insistent? Maybe because he thought it was what she wanted? Maybe he pitied her and decided this way was the only way to pay her back? Like she was some cheap whore he needed to take care of? He didn't have the right to make her feel like that, not after everything she did for him.
She knew she wasn't thinking rationally but she was so mad she didn't care. He better damn well explain himself to her later tonight or, God help her, she was going to commit a crime.
When they found Renfrew in Tijuana she couldn't help but feel sorry for Jane. She may be angry but that didn't mean he deserved what was happening to him. She tried to console him by telling him they would catch him next time but she was pretty sure nothing could make him feel better right now.
The long drive back to Sacramento was as silent as the drive to Tijuana. She just didn't know what to say and he was obviously unwilling to talk. So they both listened to music and kept silent until she parked the SUV in the CBI's parking lot.
She stood awkwardly beside the car, not knowing what to say or do. Should she invite him back to her place, even though he didn't deserve it, or let him sleep here? Lisbon absolutely didn't know what to do and it made her nervous. She was also exhausted and all she wanted was to go home and get some sleep. After spending the whole night talking with the police over there to find out if they had anything and then driving all the way back she was in dear need of her bed. Lisbon was still mulling it over when Jane started talking.
"Thank you for going with me Lisbon," his expression was genuine but there was darkness in his eyes she didn't like.
"You're welcome. Do you…" she pointed to her car, unable to complete her question. She hoped he said yes and she hoped he said no. Her mind was so complicated. She sighed.
"No. I need to be alone right now," he shrugged.
"Okay," she nodded once, "see you around?"
"Tomorrow," he waves at her before marching towards the building.
"Patrick!" she doesn't know why she suddenly cries out his given name.
He stops abruptly before looking at her, surprised. Neither is used to her addressing him by his given name.
Lisbon doesn't care; she just needs to know if they're okay. So she simply asks him.
"Are we okay?" she fears the answer and she can almost hear her heart break when he answered.
"No," he shook his head, desolate; hunched shoulders and dead eyes. Without looking back he gets inside the CBI and leaves her looking heartbroken and lonely; her anger gone, leaving only sadness behind.
And just like that; it was over.
Around midnight Lisbon could be found in a nice little bar not far from work.
That night, for the first time in a year, Patrick Jane wasn't the man she brought to the nearest motel room.
FIN