A/N- Hi, once again thanks for the brilliant reviews! I'm once again so happy with the sweet comments, and how many people are enjoying this so far :) I hope you all stick around!

So heres Chapter Five, and we're back to Bella again!

So it was 16 reviews for the last chapter, I'm not expecting that many again, but some comments would be amazing, so please review!

"I should know who I am by now,
I walk.
The record stands somehow,
Thinking of winter,
Your name is the splinter inside me while I wait."
~ Winter, Joshua Radin.

To wish impossible things
Chapter Five.

Isabella Swan.

September 2006.

Today had been a weird day… it was one that had left me emotionally exhausted, confused and almost thrilled… or as I should say, thrilled beyond belief.

I still didn't know what exactly happened in Biology earlier, looking back on it I actually wonder if my crazy mind has somehow conjured it up, because surely there's no way it could be real?

I'm plain and normal while he's beautiful and wonderful… which in other words meant that something just wasn't right in this equation. It's simple; people like Edward Cullen don't pay attention to people like me… they just don't. And even if they do, it's not in the way he acted around me; it's usually because they feel obliged to be nice for some reason.

But Edward… well, that was something completely different.

He actually wanted to talk to me… he told me about his family and appeared genuinely interested when I talked about my life. His beautiful, yet unusual golden eyes never once appeared bored, but rather too interested instead.

Almost like he cared about what I had to say too much.

It was a great hour, one that completely distracted me from everything else – Edward was new, which meant that he knew nothing about me and therefore didn't feel the need to treat me the way the rest of the students do. And for once I felt normal – like a normal teenage girl quickly developing a crush that I would inevitably regret.

But then of course, real life had to interfere again.

I had felt completely fine, so the wave of dizziness hit me like a ton of bricks, literally knocking me off my feet, and right into Edward's arms. At the time I wasn't thinking much – I was too deeply in shock and trying to regain some sense, but after a minute or so I suddenly snapped back into awareness.

And instead of feeling embarrassed… I felt heartbroken.

It was a harsh reminder of the cancer that was quickly spreading through me that I had tried so hard to push to the back of my mind. It reminded me that I wasn't a normal girl - I wasn't normal at all - and that fact managed to break me. Just because I had enjoyed Edward's company so much, and it almost seemed like he enjoyed mine too.

At the time he was very sweet and helped me, but once I had regained my strength I quickly made my way out of there and to my next class. At the time he was very concerned but I have no doubt that he'll now be wondering just what he was doing talking to someone like me.

And that will be that.

Tomorrow will be the same as always, filled with my usual routine, and even though that's the way it's been for a while, I know it won't be okay with me.

But I'll deal with it.

Anyway, after the end of school, I quickly made my way home and rung Charlie to tell him I was okay. He now insisted that I always call him every time I got home from school, just for reassurance.

He had been really strong since the diagnosis, but small things like this are just solid proof to me about just how much he really is hurting. Charlie had never been one to show his emotions through expression or words, but rather through actions such as this.

And he would never admit for fear of hurting me but I knew for sure that this was killing him deep inside though. How could it not?

I always avoided talking to him about the cancer as much as possible – in fact there wasn't really anyone I talked to, only Dr. Snow, but that wasn't very often at all. I knew it wasn't healthy keeping all my emotions to myself, and that if I carried on this way I would probably end up exploding due to everything.

Hopefully that would change though, because tonight I was going to tell two people the truth, like I should have told them two months ago… and those two people were my friends, Angela and Jessica. We were all currently sitting on the sofa in my front room, talking about everything that happened at school earlier. Jessica was telling us about how Edward apparently smiled at her when he passed her in the car lot at the end of school – which was something that only made me feel even more resigned.

I decided to cut straight to the chase, "hey, you know how I told you both I had something important to tell you earlier…?" I paused for a moment, waiting for them to nod, "Well, I'm afraid it's not good, what I have to tell you I mean."

"Is it bad?" Angela frowned.

"Very bad," I nodded.

"You're not leaving are you?" Jessica gasped.

"Erm, no, well… not exactly," I stuttered nervously.

"Okay, now you're confusing me. What's wrong?" Jessica asked.

I took a deep breath, and looked at both of them, at their curious almost frightened faces. I decided then that getting it over with would be the best option, so I just blurted out - "I'm dying."

There was a long silence after that, and the only noise that filled the room was our breathing, which was rushed and heavy. Angela and Jessica's face were frozen into a mask of shock and disbelief.

"Wh… what?" Angela eventually whispered, her voice cracking.

"My cancers returned… and this time, there's nothing they can do about it." I told her quietly.

"But… I… it can't be true," she sighed, her eyes already clouding over with tears.

"You told us you were in remission!" Jessica exclaimed.

"I was, but I'm not anymore," I told her sadly.

"How long?" Angela asked softly.

"How long what?" I asked.

"Duh, how long have you known about this? And how long have you got left?" Jessica asked.

"I've known since July, they told me then that I would have a year at most, so… it's less then that now." I told her truthfully.

She nodded, and suddenly appeared deep in thought, I wondered for a moment what she was thinking about, but my thoughts were cut off as Angela suddenly pulled me in for a hug. I immediately hugged her back and began crying as soon as I heard her tears.

"I just can't believe it! You're only seventeen how can you by dying? It's just not fair!" she sobbed.

"Hasn't anyone ever told you? Life isn't fair," I laughed bitterly.

She nodded and pulled away to look at me, "Are you okay with this?" she asked, wiping away her tears.

"Not really, it hasn't really sunk in yet you know? And I don't think it ever will," I shrugged as I mimicked her actions and wiped away my own tears.

"It must be so scary," she whispered.

"It is," I admitted.

"How's your dad taken it?" she asked.

"The best he can I guess… I can tell its hurting him though," I told her.

Another set of tears rolled down her cheeks, "I'm so sorry, Bella. For all of this, you don't deserve it at all. But if it helps, I'm here for you in any way you need me, we both are, aren't we Jess?"

"Yeah, of course," Jess whispered, speaking up for the first time in a while.

I looked up at her to see her expression matched Angela's, it was full of pain and several tears were also falling down her cheeks.

And it was then, that I broke down.

Instantly both their arms were around me, holding me tightly as I cried about everything. They both whispered words of reassurance, telling me it was all going to be okay, there was no need to be scared and that they'd both be there for me.

I was suddenly so relieved I had told them and knew that what they were saying was right… I knew they'd be there for me, and that there was so need to be scared just yet – I just had to enjoy my life while I could, because I still had a little while. Besides death was natural wasn't it? It was something everyone did eventually – it was an inevitability.

But I knew one of the things they were saying was wrong… it wasn't going to be okay.

How could it be?

EBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEB

I was like a zombie by the time school started the next day – Angela and Jessica had stayed quite late, and after they left I barely got any sleep. Instead I just lay in bed, tossing and turning, with my head too full of thoughts to even get close to drifting off. I eventually made it to sleep at about 5 am, two hours before my alarm was due to go off, but my dream was too heavy… it involved me being underwater, unable to get to the surface. Voices were calling for me, begging me to keep fighting, to keep swimming, but the current was too strong and kept pulling me under, into the deep darkness.

It was also a cold night – I could hear the wind rustling the trees and the rain hitting the window, which was something I think contributed to my nightmare. It's not like I hated the cold weather… I actually loved winter for that exact reason, and I always had – it had always been my favourite time of year. However, now winter was fast approaching I was now dreading it… because I knew it would be the last one I'd ever experience.

I woke up the next morning looking very pale with dark shadows under my eyes, needless to say I worried Charlie a lot when he saw me… but once I had reassured him it was just lack of sleep that was my problem he was okay.

My cell phone hadn't stopped beeping with new texts this morning from Jessica and Angela, asking if I was okay – they weren't going to be in school today because they were on a field trip, so I wasn't going to see them again until Monday now.

The thought of not having any company today depressed me a little, but I just planned to spend my lunch in the library. Heck, maybe I could actually decide what tattoo I wanted to get this weekend. I still had no idea whatsoever and knew at this rate I would probably end with a dragon or something predictable like that.

I was in my English class, drawing a couple more ideas down on a spare sheet of paper, when someone suddenly sat down beside me. I looked around slowly, curious to see who it was, only to see the girl I recognised as Edward's sister from the cafeteria yesterday.

"Hi!" she grinned when I looked over at her, "I'm Alice, I'm new here."

I frowned in confusion – what is it with this family and being so confident and pushy - It was nice, I had to admit - but it confused me to no end.

And why was it me they were being so nice too?

"Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Bella," I told her quietly.

"Oh, I know," she grinned, "we're going to be such great friends!"

"Erm, okay…" I replied, even more stunned then before.

"Is it okay if I sit here?" she asked me, even though she was already sitting down with her books placed in front of her.

"Yeah, sure, its normally empty anyway," I told her, smiling, trying to not feel to inferior next to her… she was just so beautiful too, just like Edward. She had the same golden eyes and pale skin as him, but looked completely different otherwise. She had very dainty, elfin like features, where as Edward's were very angular and handsome.

This would make sense considering they're supposed to be adopted and therefore not at all biologically related, although I couldn't help but wonder why all their eyes and skin were the same colour…

"What are you drawing?" she asked suddenly, interrupting my thoughts.

"Oh, erm, its designs for a tattoo," I told her, surprised by her question.

"Oh, that's cool! Are you getting one done then?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm getting it done this weekend," I replied.

"That's really brave," she told me, before looking at the drawings, "I like that one by the way."

"The Swan?" I asked her, looking at the one she'd pointed out.

"Yeah, it's really pretty," she complimented.

"Hmm, it is one of my favourites… I'll put it on the maybe list. Thanks," I smiled at her. "So, what do you think of it here so far?"

"I love it," she told me.

"Really, you love it?" I asked, surprised.

"Mm hm, what's not to love?" she told me, shrugging.

"So you don't mind all the rain?" I frowned.

"Eh, that is a downside I guess," she agreed, grinning. "But it's nice here… its great to live away from the city for a while. Although I am missing all the shopping," she told me.

"You like shopping?" I asked, cringing at the thought of the activity.

"Like is an understatement," she replied, smiling, "I love it."

I nodded, and watched as the teacher walked into the class, when beside me, Alice suddenly squealed.

"Oh my god, we should totally go shopping together sometime!"

I bit my lip, "I don't know, I'm not the biggest fan of it, as you can probably tell," I told her, gesturing to my outfit.

"That's all the more reason to go! I can help you pick out some stuff, it'll be really fun," she pleaded with me.

I sat back and thought about it. She called it fun, and that was something I was lacking in, so why the hell not? I might just enjoy it and if not, then at least I can say I tried. I had planned to try as many things as I could…

"Okay then, we'll plan to go sometime if you want," I smiled at her.

Her answering squeal was deafening.

English class passed quickly after that… it was filled with light, fun conversation, and never a dull moment. I decided that I already really liked Alice – she was outgoing and just so incredibly happy, so much so that it was infectious. I already felt so comfortable and confident with her and I knew that she was right in what she said… we were going to be great friends. Internally I was thanking the whole family for moving here… they had already brightened up an incredibly dull week, and somehow made things seem better, just by being nice to me.

It was near the end of class when Alice turned to me again,

"Is it okay if I sit with you at lunch?" she asked me.

"Um, yeah, sure," I told her, smiling. "It will be just us today though, as my friends Jessica and Angela are on a trip."

"Oh, that's more then fine," she grinned.

The bell rung at that moment so we packed our things away and left the room, heading towards the cafeteria, but as we walked I couldn't help but notice that people were looking at the both of us curiously as we walked down the hall. It made me self conscious but Alice didn't seem to notice – she only skipped alongside me, still chatting happily.

When we were in the cafeteria we got straight in the queue and bought some food, making light conversation as we did so. We then stood, trying to find a table to sit at when I noticed Alice's family sitting in their usual table.

Beside me, Alice began smiling as she noticed them too.

She turned to me, "Oh, look all my family are there… why don't we join them?"

"Alice, I don't know," I sighed, mentally berating myself – I should have known she would insist on this.

"Why not?" she frowned, seeming surprised at my reluctance.

"I… I don't want to intrude," I told her, somewhat honestly. They all looked really close – they were family after all – so I would most likely end up looking like the odd one out.

Besides… what if like I had worried about earlier, Edward had decided last night that he didn't want to be seen talking to me? It wasn't impossible, and I wouldn't blame him for that. Surely he would have to come to his senses at some point so why not now?

"You won't be intruding! I promise," Alice insisted, "they all really want to meet you."

"They do?" I asked, incredulous. I felt like asking 'why?', but instead I just bit my tongue. "I… I still don't know, Alice."

"Oh, come on, please? I promise it'll be okay," Alice begged.

I sighed, looking away from her pleading face, knowing it would only break my resolve. However, as I turned away from her, I somehow managed to catch the eye of Edward, who was looking at me, even from this distance, with a soft, sweet smile on his face. It was a smile that threw all my insecurities out of the window – because it was clear from it that he wasn't bored of me just yet.

He would be eventually, and it was inevitable that I was going to end up hurt, but why couldn't I enjoy it just for now?

And so, I let out a long breath, "okay then," I reluctantly agreed.

Alice grinned and linked her arm through mine, and began leading me towards the table. I looked up to see all of them watching our approach – Jasper and Emmett both had surprised expressions on their faces, while Edward had a wide, beautiful smile on his face.

But Rosalie… she was looking at me like she wished I would just disappear – her expression was like pure ice, and I had to admit… it was frightening me a little.

I considered turning and running away right then, but another look at Edward's excited expression made me change my mind.

I sighed to myself… what on earth am I getting myself into?

When we reached the table, Alice immediately sat down in the seat next to Jasper which left only one spare seat… which was conveniently next to Edward. I decided to just be brave and smiled as I sat down next to him. Luckily he smiled back, and opened his mouth to say something when Alice interrupted -

"Everyone, this is mine and Edward's friend, Bella." She announced, smiling.

All of them apart from Rosalie said hi, and I shyly said hi back, knowing that my blush must have been very obvious to all of They were all looking at me like they were interested… too interested. Occasionally one of them would lean forward, as if they were going to say something but then stopped themselves.

I shifted, uncomfortable in my seat under all of their gazes.

Alice luckily broke the silence right then, "how revolting is this food? It doesn't even look edible!" she groaned.

It was a comment that surprised me because I hadn't seen her eat anything yet – but I decided to ignore that, knowing that she was just trying to break the tension.

So, I decided to join in, "tell me about it, I swear I nearly broke my jaw trying to eat the meatloaf last week," I laughed dryly.

Luckily it was a comment that made them all smile and from then on everyone began talking, and I was once again surprised by just how nice they all were – Emmett was very funny, and seemed to enjoy making everyone laugh as much as possible. Jasper was quiet, but very nice, and for some reason I didn't feel at all nervous around him.

Actually… it was like all my nerves had disappeared as soon as I sat down at the table, and instead I now felt very calm and relaxed as I laughed and joked with them all. I didn't even notice Rosalie's hostile glare anymore and instead focused my attention on everyone else.

Eventually, they all fell into a conversation I didn't feel the need to involve myself in, so I focused myself on eating. I could feel Edward's gaze on me though, but I tried to act casual.

Eventually though, he decided to speak up, "Hey, are you feeling okay?" he asked me softly.

I looked up at him to see his golden eyes creased in concern, and smiled reassuringly at him.

"Yeah, I'm fine why?" I replied.

"I was just asking because of what happened yesterday and because you look a little tired," he told me, still concerned.

I cringed, not needing a reminder of how awful I looked, "Yeah, I didn't sleep much… the rain kept me up."

"I see," he nodded, the frown still on his face.

I decided to distract him a little, "Look, I just want to say thank you for yesterday in Biology, you were really sweet," I told him gently.

"It's no problem, Bella." He replied softly, his eyes bright.

I blushed under his gaze, but didn't look away from his eyes, not wanting to break the contact. I didn't feel uncomfortable or shy at all, but rather more… flattered I guess. I knew without a doubt that my crush on him was already increasing tenfold.

"Hey Edward, did Bella tell you about her tattoo?" Alice asked, interrupting our staring at each other.

His eyes widened in surprise as he glanced at Alice once before returning his gaze to me, "you have a tattoo?" he asked curiously.

"Erm, no… I'm planning on getting one on Saturday though," I replied.

"Oh right, what one are you getting?" he asked.

"I'm not sure yet, I haven't decided," I told him.

"Ah… well I'm sure that whatever you decide on will look great," he smiled at me.

"Thanks," I replied, blushing even more.

Emmett then said something that gained Edward's attention, taking his gaze away from me.

And just like I always do… I typically began panicking about everything.

In this moment, it really did seem like Edward wanted to be my friend, which was amazing, but how was it going to work? I didn't really have a life outside of school, my illness, my dad and this town. How on earth was I going to keep someone as wonderful and other worldly as him interested?

He would be bored of me in no time.

After all, I'm not who I once was… once upon a time I used to be more confident, sarcastic and interesting… but its like being sick has slowly taken away a lot of that, leaving behind a girl who's just a shell… and confused about how exactly to live her final days.

But then I realized something… there was this quote I had once seen, that I had loved like all the others.

'Sometimes you have to get lost, to find yourself again'

Maybe this one could be true for me.

All of a sudden I felt a wave of calm rush over me, and all of the panic I was feeling disappear once again. I felt exhausted from all the different emotions I was feeling today, but that wasn't what caught my attention in that moment.

Instead it was Edward's hand, which had started stroking my hair… he was gentle as he weaved his fingers and ran his fingers through the strands, and did it so calmly… like it really was natural.

I looked up to see him smiling at me, and I smiled back, feeling my heart flutter in my chest. His hand didn't stop its movement and I felt myself unconsciously moving closer to him, wanting him to continue.

I didn't have a clue what was happening… but I sure as hell didn't want it to stop. I wanted it to continue, because this emotion I was feeling right now just felt too incredible, I never wanted it to end.

I noticed that the end of lunch was fast approaching, and smiled about the fact that I still had an entire hour with Edward later on. I looked up at him, and decided to be bold - "so are you looking forward to biology then?" I asked him.

"I can't wait," he replied, grinning, "And you know why…?"

"Why?" I asked.

He smiled more and leant forward so his breath was brushing against my ear, "… because I have the prettiest lab partner to sit next too."

Next chapter preview:

(Edward)

She was standing by her truck, looking around for all of us. I could see she was wearing the clothes Alice had bought for her – which only accentuated her beauty even more.

So instead of just running right over to her, I decided to stay back for a moment just watching her and appreciating this moment – a moment I never thought I would have.

Only, she then turned her eyes in my direction and noticed me watching her. I smiled at her and made my way over to her, almost running in my haste. When I was in front of her, I immediately wrapped my arms around her, hugging her for the very first time. It was incredible finally getting to hold her… being able to feel her and her warmth. She must have been surprised at my boldness, but didn't say anything. Instead she just wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me back.

Smiling at her actions, I leant down so my lips were close to her ear and whispered - "Happy birthday, my Bella."

So... we've got a bit of flirtward... what do you think? ;)

Next chapter should be up in less then a week and we'll back to EPOV, so please let me know what you think about this chapter!

Thanks for reading! x