ACT I
The Avenue Q Theme
Company
The sun is shining It's a lovely day,
a perfect morning for a kid to play,
but you've got lots of bills to pay.
What can you do?
You work real hard
and the pay's real low and every hour goes oh,
so slow and at the end of the day
there's nowhere to go,
but home to Avenue Q!
You live on Avenue Q!
Your friends do too.
You are twenty- two!
And you live on Avenue Q!
You live on Avenue Q.
You live on Avenue Q!
Alfred F. Jones, fresh out of college, was looking for an apartment. A cheap one. In Manhattan. As you suspected he has yet to find one. He's been through almost all the avenues from A to O. And here he was at a playground not two blocks from Avenue P sulking miserably at the park bench by the sprinkler.
"No luck. Again" he moaned out, burying his face in the palms of his hands.
What Do You Do With a B.A. in English?
Alfred
What do you do with a B.A. in English?
What is my life going to be?
Four years of college,
and plenty of knowledge ,
have earned me this useless degree.
I can't pay the bills yet,
'cause I have no skills yet.
The world is a big,
scary place...
But somehow I can't shake
the feeling I might make
a difference
to the human race!
He felt a light tapping on his shoulder. Apparently it was a little girl with short blond hair and bright green eyes.
"What's up kid?" Alfred asked putting on a fake smile. For the children of course.
The little girl looked at him nervously, silently fiddling with her fingers."My kite got stuck in a tree and my big brother is too short to get it out so I was wondering since you're tall enough if you coul-"
"Say no more the hero is on the job!" Alfred interrupted with a bright grin. Ah, how he loved his hero complex. Always ready to help people.
"Really? Thank you so much sir!" The little girl exclaimer lighting up.
Elsewhere...
"Morning Heracles." Matthew said politely.
"Hi, Matt." Heracles replied tiredly.
"How's life?"
"Disappointing."
Matthew furrowed his eyebrows, "What's wrong?'
Looking down depressed, Heracles said," The library laid me off."
"Awww I'm so sorry!"
"Eh, it's not your fault. But seriously look at me! I'm ten years out of college, and I always thought -" Heracles stopped himself.
"What?" Matthew asked puzzled.
"No it sounds stupid."
"Aww come on!"
It Sucks to be Me
Heracles
When I was little I thought I would be...
"What?"
Heracles
A big comedian on late night TV But now I'm thirty-two and as you can see I'm not.
"Nope!"
Heracles
Oh well it sucks to be me.
"Nooooo."
Heracles
It sucks to be me.
"No!"
Heracles
It sucks to be broke and unemployed and turning thirty- three. It sucks to be me.
Matthew put his hands on his hips, "Oh, you think your life sucks?"
"I think so."
"Your problems aren't so bad!"
Matthew
I'm kinda cute, and pretty damn smart.
"You are."
"Thanks!"
Matthew
I like romantic things like music and art. And as you know I have a gigantic heart. So why, don't I have a boyfriend? Fuck! It sucks to be me!
"Me too!"
Matthew
It sucks to be me.
Heracles
It sucks to be me. It sucks to be Heracles...
Matthew
And Matt...
Heracles
To not have a job!
Matthew
To not have a date!
BOTH
It sucks to be me.
Walking down the street were the ever bickering Roderick and Gilbert.
Upon seeing them Heracles called out to them."Hey, Rod, Gil, can you settle something for us? Do you have a second?"
Stopping to look at them Roderick adjusted his glasses and said, "Why of course"
"Whose life sucks more? Heracles' or mine?" Matthew challenged.
"Ours!"
Roderick
We live together.
Gilbert
We're as close as people can get.
Roderick
We've been the best of buddies...
Gilbert
Ever since the day we met.
Roderick
So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset. Oh, every day is an aggravation.
Gilbert
Come on, that's an exaggeration!
Roderick
You leave your clothes out. You put your feet on my chair.
Gilbert
Oh yeah? You do such cheap things like sowing up your underwear.
Roderick
You make that very small apartment we share a hell.
Gilbert
So do you. That's why I'm in hell too!
Roderick
It sucks to be me!
Gilbert
No, it sucks to be me!
Matthew
It sucks to be me!
Heracles
It sucks to be me!
ALL
Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be?
It sucks to be me!
Kiku
Why you all so happy?
Gilbert
Because our lives suck!
Kiku
Your lives suck?
I hearing you correctly?
Ha! I coming to this country for opportunities.
Tried to work in Korean deli,
but I am Japanese.
But with hard work I earn two Master's Degrees
in social work!
And now I a therapist!
But I have no clients!
(smacking Heracles)
And I have an unemployed fiancé!
And we have lots of bills to pay!
It suck to be me!
It suck to be me!
I say it
Sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka Suck!
It suck to be me.
Walking down the street ready to fail again miserably at Avenue Q Alfred noticed the commotion and walked up to them.
"Excuse me?" He asked.
Noticing him Heracles nodded to him, "Hey there."
"Sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a place to live."
Puzzled Kiku asked, "Why you looking all the way out here?"
"Well, I started at Avenue A, but so far everything is out of my price range. But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper! Oh, and look a "For Rent" sign!"
"You need to talk to the superintendent."Heracles mentioned."Let me get him." Heracles said.
Giving his signature smile Alfred beamed, "Great, thanks!"
"Yo, Eliza!"Heracles yelled out.
"I'm comin'! I'm comin'!" responded a voice from inside a building.
Elizabetha
I'm Elizabetha
from famous TV shoes
I made a lotta money
that got stolen by my folks!
Now I'm broke and
I'm the butt of everyone's jokes,
but I'm here
the superintendent!
On Avenue Q
ALL
It sucks to be you.
Matthew raised his hands in surrender."You win!"
ALL
It sucks to be you.
Nodding enthusiastically Heracles said "I feel better now!"
Elizabetha
Try having people stopping you to ask you
"What you talkin' 'bout, Lisa?"
It gets old.
ALL
It sucks to be you.
On Avenue Q.
(sucks to be me)
On Avenue Q.
(sucks to be you)
On Avenue Q.
(sucks to be us)
But not when
we're together.
We're together
here on Avenue Q!
We live on Avenue Q!
Our friends do too!
'Til our dreams come true,
we live on Avenue Q!
Alfred put a hand to his head in shock."This is real life!"
ALL
We live on Avenue Q!
Gilbert slung a friendly arm around him, "You're gonna love it."
ALL
We live on Avenue Q!
Elizabetha hands him a pair of sliver keys."Here's your keys!"
ALL
Welcome to Avenue Q!
The next chapter will be up in a week so I can catch up on my other stories. Tell me if you like! Reviews are welcome! Thank you and have a nice day!