Wow! I'm quite pleased by the response that this story got! Thanks for all the kind words, friends!
BTW: I still don't own Bones!
He had searched all day for her.
He had started with her apartment. He banged tirelessly on the door but to no avail. He should have known she wasn't there he thought as he walked back to his car. He should have noticed that her car was nowhere to be seen in the parking lot.
He hit the diner, walked by the Reflecting Pool and all the other monuments. He checked the lab a few times only to ignore worried looks and inquiries from Cam, Angela and Hodgins. All of them nervously asked him where Brennan was. He kept his face emotionless. He thought back to the morning when Bones been so raw and real with him. He was worried what she would do in such an emotional state. Although she had changed over the years, he feared that she was so upset she would revert back to a place of extreme rationality. Such a thing could ironically blind her to reason; to the point of doing something irrational. Like leaving the state… or country…
He bombarded her voice mail with apologetic messages…and other times: silence.
He felt like she had said it all. His guilt was washing upon him like a wave upon the sand. He felt like he was going to drown.
And here he was scanning the crowd in the Founding Fathers. He hoped he would catch a glimpse of the familiar brunette curls or the shining set of blue eyes. In his search he finally realized that the sun was now setting…He was sitting at their favorite spot in the bar, or what was once their favorite spot. He couldn't remember the last time he had sat down with Bones alone. He mentally kicked himself for not realizing the neglect he was putting her through.
He soon found himself drowning his sorrows with vodka. He stared into the ice cubes and tried to forget for a moment. A ring from his cell phone brought him back to earth. He answered without thinking: "Bones? Where are you? Are you okay?"
"No Seeley, it's me." Of course it wasn't her.
"Hannah."
"Where are you?" There was concern in her voice.
"I'm-uh-I'm on my way home."
"Okay. You do realize its pushing 9:00 right? I didn't know you were working late-"
"Hannah"-
"Yes?"
"We need to have a talk when I get home."
"I was thinking the exact same thing."
And the conversation ended with a note of finality.
He walked into his apartment carefully and brushed a hand over his face. Hannah was perched on the sofa, looking at him as if she were expecting an immediate explanation from him. He went over to her and sat down on chair across from her. The distance he put between them seemed to anger her because she went on the attack.
"Why are you so late?"
"I had something to take care of."
"Oh. And you took care of this something at the bar?"
"Hannah it's been a rough day."
"You smell like you've been drinking."
"So what if I have?"
"You never drink vodka. And people usually don't try to get drunk by themselves unless they're trying to forget something."
"Who says I was alone?"
"Who were you with then Seeley? Temperance? Bones?"
And right then in that moment, Booth saw Hannah in a new light. Here she was mocking the beloved nickname out of a need to interrogate him, out a need to reassure herself that he was still faithful to her, out of a need to make him feel guilt. And after all that had been said that day, Booth couldn't refrain from snapping at her. The damn was breaking.
"Goddammit Hannah!"
She looked taken aback by his forcefulness, for he had never lashed out at her before.
"Why did you go to Bones' office today? What did you say to her? Because I've been looking for her all day and she's nowhere to be found! What did you do?"
"What did I do? The real question you should be asking is what did you do Seeley? What kind of game are you playing? Because the last time I checked you were with me, not her. And claim you've never had a romantic relationship with her. None of this is my fault! I thought we were in a committed relationship."
"We are!"
"Well it doesn't feel like it. You should know that I'm not a woman who shares their significant others! And if your partnership is all screwed up now, you're to blame!"
There is was. The painful truth that had been staring him in the face from the very moment he had returned from Afghanistan and told Bones that he had fallen in love. Her face was crestfallen and they were never the same after that. He always made sure to have plans whenever she offered to treat him to lunch. He used the excuse of spending time with Hannah as to avoid helping her fill out paper work. He brushed her aside like he no longer cared about her. Like she was nothing to him. But all of this quickly reminded him that nothing was farther from the truth.
"Your right."
"What?" Hannah said. Dumbfounded that he just agreed with her.
Booth slumped back into his chair and buried his face in his hands. He had thought he had loved Hannah…but now it seemed like nothing but an infatuation. Was he really willing to forget and let go of everything he had with Bones? Apparently he was…he had already made that decision. But now he'd do anything to take it all back.
Now the woman he would die for was out there somewhere…alone, feeling forgotten, perhaps trying to forget. He dreaded that she would want to blend into the background and say goodbye to everything she had once known; that she would never want to see him again.
"I'm sorry." Booth said.
"Your sorry for not being honest with me?"
"Yes. Bones and I have a long and complicated history."
"I thought you were never romantically involved with her Seeley."
He wanted to let it all out, he needed her to understand.
"I wanted to give my heart to another…I wanted to let go and stop feeling the pain. This pain of not being able to have what I wanted."
"What?"
"I wanted to be with her, but I couldn't have her." He whispered.
"You told me at the beginning of our relationship there was nothing going on between you and Temperance. That I had nothing to worry about."
"She told me no. She told me that we couldn't be, but all those years we already 'were.'"
"You lied to me then!"
"Hannah I tried to forget, I went to Afghanistan with…regrets, that doesn't mean that I don't love you."
"Then why are we even having this conversation? Why are you saying any of this to me?"
"Because I can't do this anymore. I can't do this to her…anymore. I can't see her in pain."
"Did you ever stop to think that maybe this 'damage' you've caused is irreversible?"
Booth said nothing. Hannah continued.
"Then it's over? Just like that? All because you feel sorry for your partner?"
"She is my best friend!"
"Your relationship is supposed to be professional!"
"I love her!"
And there was the real truth…the truth that he had buried so deep within himself that he had not uttered the words aloud or internally for months on end.
"So you want to ditch me and go be with a woman who never wanted you?"
"That's not the case!"
"Have you ever heard of the phrase: 'the grass is always greener?' Maybe she only wants you because she can't have you! Because someone else has you!"
"Hannah! Don't talk about her like that!"
"I will say whatever the hell I want about her!"
They were both standing face to face, chests heaving. The anger in Booth was intense. He felt like her was ready to explode.
"What did you say to her today?" He said in a low and hushed voice.
"I told her what you said to me, about that night she almost got run over. I made her understand that I wasn't going anywhere, that you chose me; that she had no chance. That-that she shouldn't try to meddle in other people's affairs."
"This is over. It has to be."
"So what? You've been using me all this time?" She looked even angrier than before, having been lied to again and again. She felt used and discarded.
"I'm sorry. I thought I could have a new life. I thought I could forget and love someone else…and I did…for a time."
"I should have known…Then I guess we have nothing more to say to one another." She didn't cry. All she did was glare at Booth. Booth felt like the walls were caving in on him. He felt as if his apartment were collapsing in a ruin of love gone awry; the ruins a symbol of everything that had gone wrong. He had to escape and breathe fresh air again.
"I have to go."
"I'll be gone by the time you get back." Hannah said, turning away from him. She hurried to get a suitcase out of the hall closet. She began placing all her possessions in a pile by the door and did not look at him again.
"Hannah"- She continued to ignore him.
"I'm sorry." He said under his breath. He wasn't sure if she even heard him. He shut the door with a loud click and didn't look back. It would be the first of many apologies that would leave his lips today.
She had driven around the city all day to random places. She had been out in the suburbs and wanted nothing to be alone with her thoughts. She felt a twinge of sadness and guilt at screaming at Booth. But she also felt that if she saw him she would feel the need to scream at him again. It was now late, the moon casting eerie shadows across the windshield of her car. She wasn't hungry and she didn't feel like going home to apartment. She didn't want to risk running into Booth…
Embarrassment, anger and fear haunted her. Even though she had solitude all day and ignored the relentless beeping of her phone…she still craved more alone time. She'd usually find peace of mind at the lab, but that was where it all began. The lab had become the tie that kept her and Booth together. It became common ground, something that they would always have in common. Work was what started it all. Being there right now would only catapult her emotions into overdrive and she would become even more emotionally exhausted.
So she went to a place where no one would think to look for her…it was a place that held meaning for her but it was not one she frequently visited.
Her Mother's grave.
She parked her car and walked through the night. It was a full moon so the light that rained down upon her was thick. It caused the quaint little cemetery to be bathed in a peaceful light. Most would fear a cemetery in the shadows but she found it to be calm and soothing. From day to day she was surrounded by victims that had known horror in their final moments. But here, she was content in a place where people were laid to rest, hoping that they all had found tranquility and closure.
She traced her fingers over the letters of her Mother's name and wished for nothing more but to hug her Mother and to rest her head on her shoulder. So long had she gone without the comfort of a Mother's reassuring touch. She knew she would have been able to make her feel better. So Brennan sat there and just existed. She found herself appreciating the miracle it was to be human; heart and brain, organs and blood flowing freely, keeping her alive. Brennan closed her eyes and could hear her heartbeat in her ears.
She didn't want to think about Booth or what she would have to face when she went back home.
However, the sound of footsteps and crunching leaves put her senses on high alert.
There was someone else here.
Someone was approaching her cautiously from behind, using the shadows to their advantage. Not acting could mean danger for her, so she acted instinctively. She spun around, elbowed and punched the phantom person in the face.
"Jesus Christ Bones! It's me!"
"Booth!" She recognized that voice. It was Booth. She could see him now. Coppery blood was spewing from his nose. He clutched it and tried to stifle the blood that was sliding through his fingers…
"I'm sorry, I- I didn't know it was you." She had not expected him to find her. In a way she almost hated herself for apologizing.
"I think you might have broken my nose." He said. She took out a Kleenex from her purse and dabbed his nose as he pinched the bridge of it. She took him by the arm and guided him to a bench on the gravel path. Her protective instincts naturally set in.
"Let me see." She said and she gingerly ran her fingers over his nose, feeling the bones; thoroughly inspecting them to see if she had caused any damage.
"Your nose isn't broken."
She locked eyes with him. What was left of the stars in the sky shimmered in his eyes, the brown dancing with crystals. They didn't say anything, but continued to look at each other.
"But this is." He said. He gently took her hand and placed it on his chest. She could feel the strong beat beneath her fingers.
"Your heart?"
"Yes Bones."
"I…Booth, what I said before…"
"Bones, stop. You shouldn't be the one who's apologizing, don't say another word."
"How did you find me?"
"I looked everywhere else. I finally realized that you would think that I wouldn't think to look for you here. That you think that I think that you find no value in…talking to headstones. But I know that's not true." She didn't say anything, but looked down at her hands sadly. After a long while Brennan finally found her voice.
"You think that you can just show up here and think that you'll charm me into forgiving everything?"
"No…I don't. But I am sorry. And…I think you need to know that Hannah and I, are over."
"So you're here because"- Brennan did not know what to think, he was no here because he no longer had any strings attached. She would always be his second choice. She was in fact the consolation prize.
"Bones, I know what you're thinking. But just hear me out. It's not like now that Hannah and I have broken up I'm choosing you. It's not like that. This was never about choice…"
"It wasn't?"
"Never. All this time…it's always been you. It's always been you and I've been trying to convince myself otherwise all this time. But I couldn't do it Bones. I thought that's what you wanted. I thought in the beginning I was giving you what you wanted. I didn't pester you or overwhelm you with advances, I respected your wishes. But then that night in the car, everything came crashing down again. Everything I had been telling myself was a lie; because you did have feelings for me and I couldn't make sense of it…"
"I know that I don't know how to function without you. I am offering myself to you now Bones, can I ask you; to please give me a chance?"
She couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe that he was sitting before her and honestly telling her that she was the one he wanted to be with. Could it be that easy? Should it be that easy? Should it be this simple for him to just ask her forgiveness? Should it be easy for her to accept him? But then again, she knew the kind of man Booth was. The old Booth.
She knew that the old Booth would be willing to give himself to her completely. That he would devote everything to her. That he would put everything on the line for her. He had been lost for a time, because of her denial of him. Maybe he was truly back?
"Just let me think." She didn't know what else to say. She didn't want to jump into his arms and tell him it was okay or that everything was perfect. But she would be lying if she said she wanted nothing more but to lose herself in him.
It was then that she noticed that he was still bleeding. She looked at her hands and saw that they were stained with his blood. And this image sent her back to the time when she had washed his blood off her hands years ago. When she had felt like her world was ending…imploding. For when they told her he was no more, when she looked into that hospital bathroom mirror, when she actually punched her reflection out of frustration and despair, the remnants of his blood mixed in with her own. The glass from the broken glad shards pierced her already red skin. And though she later found out that it was similar to betrayal, the truth being withheld from her, she thanked her lucky stars that he had returned to her in one piece.
He then put his hand under her chin so she was looking directly into his face.
"Give me a chance to regain your trust. Together we have to remember all that we've been through together."
"It's been so long." She said in a broken voice…It all seemed unreal.
"Bones, please. I'm so sorry."
"Stop apologizing Booth."
"I'm sorry."
"Booth…"
"Right." He said.
"I'm sorry too." She said.
"What are you sorry for?"
"For almost breaking your nose." At this he laughed and wiped off the remaining blood.
"It's not so bad."
"I'm also sorry for...saying no that night." She said. He wasted no time.
"I've got something for you."
At this he reached inside his pocket and pulled out Jasper…though he was in pieces only hours before, he had been glued…the fractures filled in. The cracks repaired.
He handed him over to her and she took him in her hand gratefully. "We're gonna be okay."
"Yeah?" She said.
"Definitely." He said, daring to smile. To his relief she returned it.
And with this he took her face tenderly and kissed her. And instead of pulling away from him like he feared she would, she returned the kiss passionately, hungrily.
And that night was the night that they realized the center would forever hold.
The End.
Thanks for reading! Too corny? xD Thoughts? Here's hoping this is "the Season" for BB! xx