The Bald and the Beautiful

Hermione Granger, the world renowned witch and best friend of Harry Potter, 'The Boy Who Lived' woke up from her peaceful and much needed slumber. She slept with her eyes closed mulling happily over her 27 days of Marriage with the red-bronze haired sidekick of Harry, Ron Weasley. Of course being best friend to a widely known hero and just married to the man with the most gorgeous red hair in all of London put a nearly permanent smile on her face since the 15th of July, the day Ron and Hermione finally wed live everyone knew they would.

Why should they think otherwise anyhow? Especially, she thought 'As I get to run my fingers through his hair and wake him with a sweet good morning kiss. I really do hope he liked his present.'

Ah, little did Ms. Granger know that as she her hand strayed to where Ron's silky locks lay she would find a shiny new scalp that shone like a fresh new galleon.

'OH SHIT!' swore the supposedly proper and demure Hermione as her hand came into contact with something round, something smooth and something DEFINITELY hairless.

Ron stirred in his sleep; he frowned as he was having a great dream involving a harem of beautiful women serving him while he floated effortlessly on his wide, family sized broom which was gold plated and came with an inbuilt pillow procuring system. He groaned in disapproval as Hermione's usually gentle hand tapped at his head and it hurt too. His scalp felt bizarrely tender and sensitive this morning.

'Gah, Mione! Stop tapping my head, it hurts!' he screamed in frustration at her incessant attempts at knocking at his scalp.

Only to find Hermione seated at the edge of the bed one hand on her cheek and the other in her mouth; her expression varying between horror and absolute amusement from witnessing the scene before her. Ron Weasley, the ever confused man did not realize what had put his wife into temporary shock which continued just for the next 10 hours which involved Hermione sitting on the edge of the bed with her eyes closed and her shaking her head violently. Her bronze-coloured locks bounced softly as her head shook and her lips still parted in surprise.

Ron, meanwhile, being as dense the man was used a spell to dress up and went to office still in a daze with drool pooling at the corners of his mouth as stared at the golden grills of the lift at the Ministry where he was currently employed. He entirely missed the wide open mouths and absolute 'what the fuck' stares that people gave him as he walked past them his eyes resting as he occasionally knocked a poor unsuspecting and 'occupied-by-staring-at-his-red-scalp' victim. The day continued with a clueless Ron Weasley and the amused Ministry of Magic; unless of course his best friend and Voldemort vanquisher Harry Potter shows up to see whether the rumours were true.

'Why in the name of Merlin's baggiest Y-fronts are you BALD!' exclaimed Harry as he rushed and touched his friend's inflamed scalp which gave him the impression of having an oversized tomato for a head.

'Gngh. Yeah Harry, You look very baldy today too. Wow, my head hurts.' Ron said as he absentmindedly touched his head for the first time this whole day.

Then a piercing, girly scream echoed through the ancient and stony structure known as the MOM. Which obviously set off a few new protection alarms. Which unfortunately picked Harry as the offender and quite a few curses fell upon the poor hero who had not a clue as to what was going on. Well, at least once they managed to figure out through the many disfigurations that it was Harry who was captured and that Ron was the man with the powerful lungs they sent Harry to the hospital while a very amused minister sent Ron home to his still shell shocked wife.

This is not going to be good, was Ron's prime thought as he Apparated home.

He came home to find Hermione just where he left her, only she was touching his red locks that lay limply on the bed next to the Niffler, who was his present and who had it seemed ripped Ron's hair off as it was so shiny.

Immediately as Hermione spotted the haggard looking, red toad resembling and UGLY Ron, Hermione's expression turned one of disgust.

Hello? Who does this dude think he is anyway? I'm so off now, thought a disgusted Hermione, No more pretty red hair for me, ah well, I'll find some one with prettier hair next time.

'OMIGOSH! Hermione! I can totally explain! Please, I beg of you. I swear I'll even start using toilet paper if you don't leave me!' were Ron's pleading cries as Hermione packed up her bag and got ready to leave.

As she packed Ron's pleading got even more desperate. 'I'll get circumcised! I'll never call you Hermy-pickle-pie-pookins! I swear I'll never eat my boogers in front of you! I won't even name my nose hair!'

And Hermione got more and more nauseated as his pleadings got more desperate.

'Sorry buddy. I don't do bald men.' Hermione said as he went past him and ripped open the door like superwoman minus the leotard and big hair.

Ron fell pathetically to his knees and wept tears of sadness.

Who's going to date a hairless old geezer like me now? Ron thought just as Rita Skeeter stopped outside his door.

'Hello neighbour' she purred non-sexily trying to tempt Ron unable to recognize him as a hairless freakazoid.

I just got lucky. Ron thought as he smiled her way, Miss Skeeter pouncing on him, all 178 pounds of her. Ron Weasley was no more than a stain on Hermione Granger's beloved carpet which she sold because it had this strange mark which was shaped like a toad. Oh well, she got a good deal for it and that's what matters right?