Over an hour after school had ended, Josh had made no move to leave. He was sitting on the asphalt, back against the car, staring at his phone. He was only partially waiting for Drake now, but mostly, he felt too sick, too upset to drive. He played the message again and put the phone to his ear.

The first thing he heard was crying, the kind that he had heard last night, the kind that relayed an emotional hurt into something that actually began to physically ache—Josh knew what that was like, remembered it from those first few weeks after his mother's death. Drake began to speak, and the first few words were pretty much unintelligible, he was crying so hard. Josh had had to strain to listen to understand the following words, but by now, by the umpteenth time he'd played it over again, he knew what was said, could almost recite it almost word for word.

"Oh god, oh, Josh, I... fuck, I really screwed up this time. I... god, I'm so sorry, you were right, you were always right, and I should've listened to you... I... god, Josh, fuck, what am I gonna do? I... He... Josh, he... Before this, I mean, I'd never... It wasn't supposed to h... happen like this." There was a long pause, and a shaky, sighing intake of breath from Drake. "How am I supposed to... He, oh, my god, he-" Drake's words were cut off by something in the background, and the message ended with some sort of background noise, Drake talking to someone, and then it ended. Drake sounded so upset, so small and hurt that Josh couldn't help but wonder what had happened. He checked his missed calls twice to confirm the time and date of the call. Last Saturday morning, technically, at about one thirty in the morning, when Josh had ignored Drake's call.

A pit settled in his stomach as he realized that whatever bad thing had happened to Drake was his fault. He could've gone to get Drake, and the only reason he hadn't was that he was too angry, too busy being self-righteous, too-

"Hey, you're still here." Josh looked up, and saw Drake standing only a few feet away from him. He looked exhausted, but he was smiling ever-so-slightly, the same charming smile he'd directed at his endless streams of girls. Josh noticed this time that the expression didn't reach Drake's eyes. "Are you okay, man?"

"Fine," murmured Josh, standing up. He and Drake stared at each other for a long moment. Josh looked down at his phone, suddenly hearing the automated voicemail operator asking him if he'd like to delete the message. He switched off his phone without doing so.

"Were you waiting for me?" asked Drake suddenly, frowning. Josh shrugged.

"Sort of," he answered truthfully. Drake bit his lip.

"I'm sorry. I got... caught up," he said. "But it's okay, you don't have to drive me home. I'm waiting for Trevor. We have a—"

"Get in the car," Josh commanded suddenly. Drake fell silent, staring at him.

"What?"

"Get in the car, Drake," repeated the other boy, and he slipped into the driver's seat, buckling his seat belt and starting up the car with an ease and calm that he did not feel. Josh didn't really expect Drake to obey, but he was both pleased and surprised in equal turns when he did.

"What's goin' on?" asked Drake quietly, carefully avoiding meeting Josh's eyes. Josh backed out of his space and drove away from school without answering. "Josh? Where are we going?"

Josh didn't know, so he didn't answer. He just drove. He got onto the highway, and if Drake noticed that they were going in the opposite direction from their house, he didn't say anything. He drove for several minutes, his mind racing. He was trying to figure out what had happened that night, how to ask Drake. Josh suddenly remembered Drake asking again and again to talk to him throughout the past week, and felt even sicker.

He didn't know why, really, since he definitely wasn't hungry, but he went through the Inside Out Burger drive-through, ordering their favorite shakes. Parking in the restaurant's parking lot, turning the car off, he held the chocolate one out to Drake, who took it with shaking hands, and kept the vanilla one for himself.

"What are we doing here?" he asked quietly, and Josh was struck by the thought that he had sounded like that all week, small and timid and scared, like a frightened child, almost, just like he had on the phone when Josh had yelled at him, and just like he had in that voicemail.

"We need to talk, Drake."

Drake stared down at the milkshake he had clasped in his still shaking hands, resolutely refusing to look at his brother. "What is it you've been trying to tell me all week?" asked Josh. "I kept on blowing you off-" He stopped suddenly as Drake turned to face him, his eyes visibly filling with tears. "Hey, hey, don't do that, it's okay. It's okay." Drake looked away again, swallowing and beginning to chew on the inside of his cheek.

"Why don't I say what I need to say first?" Drake gave no indication of having heard him, but Josh took a deep breath and barreled on anyway. "After your apology in chemistry that day, I was ready to forgive you, to take you back. I felt so bad about all of it, because I honestly didn't realize how much our fighting was hurting you. I thought of all this stuff I could do to make sure you knew it was okay again, and then I got home, and I found out you weren't there. That was okay, I didn't really expect you to be, but when I found out that you'd gone to a gig, I was a little mad, and then Mom told me that it was a house party, and I know how you get at parties, Drake, and I got mad because I didn't understand how you could be feeling well enough to go after blowing up during class.

"When you called me, I was so mad that I yelled at you, and," he blinked back tears of his own, suddenly, remembering Drake's voice during the call, during that message, "I said some things that... well, I'm not too happy about them."

"Why?" said Drake suddenly. "They were true."

"Drake, look," sighed Josh, "you can be immature, and selfish, but-"

"You forgot 'irresponsible.'"

"Drake," said Josh sternly. "Look, you can be all of those things some of the time, and it can drive me crazy, but you're never like that all of the time. In fact, you can be the most thoughtful person I know sometimes, when you're motivated. I just... I got mad, and I forgot all of that, and all I saw was the negative things—I forgot all about the good ones, and I'm sorry." He got no reaction from his brother, and sighed. "Hey? Did you hear me? I'm sorry, Drake. It wasn't true."

"Okay," said Drake quietly. Josh sighed again, wishing that he wouldn't have to do what he knew he would.

"I checked my messages today," he said abruptly, "and I finally heard the one you left me last Friday." Drake suddenly gave a hiccuping sound, beginning to cry. Josh saw him drop his milkshake, the cup falling to splash on Drake's backpack as his hands went to cover his face. Unsure of what to do to make Drake stop crying, he reached down to the floor of the car to pick up the milkshake and Drake's backpack carefully. He took a wad of napkins, looking at Drake out of the corner of his eye, and began wiping the chocolate milkshake off of the backpack. Josh frowned then, seeing that the smaller front pocket was open, he looked inside to see if any of the milkshake had gotten inside.

He was met by the sight of a small amber bottle of pills. Looking at Drake, he saw that his brother was still crying, unaware of what Josh had just seen. Drawing the small bottle out of the backpack, he looked at the label. "Sleeping pills?" he said, and Drake's head shot up again, and his eyes locked onto the pills in Josh's hand immediately, and he made a dive for them, grabbing the pills and his backpack away from Josh, quickly stuffing the bottle back into the backpack, clutching it to his chest.

"Drake? Why would you want to hide those from me?" asked Josh, bemused. Drake shifted guiltily.

"I... I didn't want you to know," answered Drake.

"Know what? That you weren't sleeping? Dude, we share a room," said Josh. "I already knew."

"No, I... what I was..." Drake stopped again, squeezing his eyes shut, looking pained. "I don't even know why I'm telling you."

"Because I'm your brother," he said. "I know I haven't been acting like it much lately, but I still love you, man, and you can tell me anything." Drake cried harder. "Look, I know that you're hurting right now, and I don't know why, but I want to help you. Please, just tell me what's going on." Drake was silent.

"Start with last Friday," prompted Josh. "Can you do that?" The other boy didn't open his eyes, but nodded, took a deep, shaky breath, and began to speak.

"I knew I shouldn't have been drinking," Drake started, "but I was just kinda upset about... you know, everything that had been happening. I wasn't drunk—I mean, I only had the one beer, and it takes a lot more than that to make me feel that sick. I was dizzy, and nauseous, and I couldn't think straight. I don't know what happened.

"I called you and asked you to come get me, but when you said no, I didn't think it was a big deal at first, 'cause some guy told me he could show me where I could lie down for a while. He was nice enough, and I'd seen him in the crowd, watching us play, and so I followed him. We got into the bedroom, and I was lying on the bed, and I... my body just stopped doing what I wanted it to." Drake was crying again, tears squeezing through his closed eyes. "I... I mean, I knew something was wrong, I c-could feel it, but I w-wasn't... there was n-nothing I could do about it. I couldn't move. Then I... he..." Drake's crying reached a new level of near-hysteria, and he was almost hyperventilating as he tried to speak.

"S'okay," said Josh soothingly, and he reached out to touch his shoulder. Instantly, Drake was screaming.

"Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't fucking touch me!" Josh felt his heart leap into his throat even as his stomach began to do flips, because suddenly, it was all adding up, and he knew.

"Drake, Drake, it's okay, it's just me, it's just Josh," he said, his voice miraculously steady. He repeated these words until his brother was calmed, his crying worn down to the occasional hiccuping gasp. "C'mon, Drake. You can tell me. It's okay." Drake was hugging himself tightly, backpack forgotten.

"I... he said that I... he said I was a whore, and a tease, and that I h-had it coming, that I was asking for it, even after I said no," Drake said, the words beginning to tumble out of him almost of their own accord. He couldn't stop it. Josh felt tears prick his eyes, and his fists clenched as anger at the man who did this to his brother filled him. "He told me that I was pretty, especially when I cried for him. He... he said I could tell anyone I wanted to because nobody would believe that I didn't want it." Josh's own eyes shut then, and his jaw clenched as he fought to keep himself from punching something, from screaming, because he knew right then it wasn't what Drake needed, that it would only upset him more. He stayed quiet, listening.

"I called you again. I didn't realize it was recording, I guess, and I don't even remember what I said. Trevor came in, and asked if I wanted a ride home. I said no, and I walked."

There was silence in the car, and then Josh realized that Drake was finished, that that was all he had been planning to say. "You said in your message that you 'hadn't ever before'-what'd you mean?" Josh thought he knew, but for some perverse reason he couldn't even justify to himself, he needed to be certain, he needed to hear Drake say it.

"I hadn't ever even... y'know... had sex with girls," said Drake quietly, "so... when he... when he fucked me, I was a virgin." Josh's eyes flew wide open at that, and he stared at Drake.

"When he fucked you?" cried Josh, aghast. "Drake, he didn't 'fuck you'-he raped you." Drake's own startled brown eyes met Josh's, and then he was crying again. This time, Drake reached for Josh, grabbing onto his shirt and crying onto his shoulder. Josh let his arms wrap around his brother, the hug awkward due to the center console positioned between them.

It seemed like hours before Drake's wails subsided into soft sniffles, and Josh had succeeded almost entirely in keeping his own tears at bay, only a few stray drops falling to land in Drake's hair. Josh sat rubbing Drake's back as he had seen Walter do while Drake was sleeping, his nightmares showing how vulnerable he really was.

After this small eternity, Drake spoke again, his voice muffled as his face was still firmly pressed against Josh's shoulder. "I freaked out about the pills because I wasn't thinking of taking them just to sleep." Josh's heart stopped for a moment, the sputtered back to life, the blood rushing in his ears. Drake was not saying what Josh thought he was saying—he wouldn't, no matter what happened—he'd never—

"I was gonna kill myself, Josh," whispered Drake. "I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, bro," Josh murmured numbly, even though it really, really wasn't. Nothing was okay right then, and he knew it, and Drake knew it, and each knew that the other knew—but for that moment, Josh told Drake the lie he needed to hear, even as Josh finally began to cry himself.

"It's okay. It's okay."