Author's Note: Happy New Year, everyone! :) I'd like to let everyone know, though, that I'm going to be taking a break from this story for a little while (and by a little while, I mean two weeks at the most). This is a very emotional topic, and so I know better than to push myself to write about it. I will be writing a one-shot story or two for this fandom, though, and I will be finishing this one up soon, I promise!

X X X

The two boys stared at each other for a long moment, Drake's eyes narrowed and his head cocked to the side as he peered at the other boy. Josh met the look with one of his own, feeling not only guilty, but also rather like an idiot.

"Drake-" he began to say, but was quickly interrupted by a call from downstairs.

"Drake, Josh!" It was Walter, his voice hoarse and far from steady. "Come back down here. Please." Josh seized the opportunity to get away from Drake, from that piercing look that he didn't think he could stand, going past him to start down the stairs. Drake caught his arm as he passed.

"We'll talk later, okay?" he said, and even though it seemed like a question, Josh knew that they would whether he wanted to explain himself or not. He simply nodded and continued down the stairs with Drake behind him.

"Yeah, Dad?" he said as Walter met the two boys at the foot of the stairs. Megan and Audrey were nowhere to be seen.

Seeing him looking, Walter explained, "Your mom took Megan to bed. I... she's pretty upset. We all are." That last part was directed at Drake, who was looking down again, his bangs shielding his face. Josh couldn't believe his brother was almost seventeen—in that moment, he looked to be about seven instead.

"Have you spoken to the police?" asked Walter. Drake shook his head mutely, and both other men wondered if he was going to speak at all. When it appeared that he wasn't going to elaborate, Josh stepped in again.

"The hospital sent a basic report to the police, so they should be following up on that soon," explained Josh.

"Hospital?" echoed Walter, frowning. He hadn't taken his eyes off of Drake at all, and he watched as Drake began to fiddle with his guitar pick again.

"Yeah," said Josh, following his father's gaze to Drake's nervous hands, "I took him there today." Walter "ah"d after a moment.

"That's why you were gone for so long after school," he said with a new understanding, and Josh nodded. "Are you okay?" Drake's head snapped up to look at Walter, and he laughed incredulously. The sound of it made Josh's stomach churn, and Walter looked as if he'd just been slapped. Drake sighed and then ran a hand through his hair.

"Sorry," he said, "but that question's kind of loaded now, you know?" Walter mustered up a small smile that he hoped was reassuring.

"What did they have to say?" he asked, more careful of his phrasing this time. Drake swallowed visibly.

"Can I go to bed? I'm really wiped out," he said. Walter gave him that barely-there smile again, and as soon as his "sure" had left his lips, Drake was gone, bounding up the stairs two at a time until Walter and Josh heard the boys' door close.

"They said we should get his test results in a week or so," said Josh, and at Walter's questioning look, he sighed and elaborated briefly. "He—the guy who... you know—he didn't use a condom." Walter ran a hand over his face, knowing exactly what that could mean.

"How's he handling it?" Josh's mind flashed to the pills, to Drake's broken sobbing at night, to that phone call, that voicemail. He shrugged.

"Not too great. This past week was really hard for him—I mean, it was bad enough when we were just fighting, but then this happened on top of that, and... well, it's been hard," he finished lamely, but Walter was just nodding like he understood.

"The girls aren't too sure what to do," he said, sighing. "You know your mother, and how she gets about Drake. She's so used to either punishing him or coddling him, but that's always been for little things, compared to... what happened. None of us really know how to deal with this, I guess."

"Yeah," said Josh, feeling the guilt within him ease slightly at the admission that everyone else was out of their depth here, too. "The doctor at the hospital gave me a list of counseling services. I think it'd be good if he went, but I'm not sure he'd want to." He knew how much Drake had hated going to see Dr. Stein, but he also knew that Drake was going to need more help than they might be able to provide.

"Your mother and I will talk to him about it," he said, glad to have been given something to act on. Giving Josh a tired, worn, and shaken smile, he reached out suddenly and hugged him. Josh stood there, reveling in the warmth and comfort he felt.

"I don't really know what to do," confessed Walter after a moment without letting go of his son. "Drake's always been kind of a mystery to me. I love him to death, just as much as I love you and Megan, but we never had the strongest relationship. I want to be there for him, but I'm not sure how." Josh felt pleased that he was telling him all of this, remembering his father's promise when his mother died to treat him like an adult and actually let him know what was going on.

"You're his dad," Josh said simply. "Just... be there."

X X X

Josh delayed his return upstairs for as long as he could, staying downstairs with his father for a while, eating leftovers from the dinner he'd missed even though he wasn't hungry. He knew, though, that the moment he returned to their bedroom, Drake would be interested in talking about what he'd accidentally let slip, and he was dreading it.

Finally, Walter stood, giving him a small smile, and squeezing his shoulder. "Get some sleep, okay?" Josh nodded, and watched him go. He'd run out of excuses, and so he sighed heavily and trudged up the stairs to his bedroom.

Drake was sitting on his bed again, hugging one of his pillows when Josh came in. He closed the door gently, and went to sit next to his brother. Drake looked over to him as he felt the mattress dip, and gave him a small smile.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," echoed Josh. He cleared his throat as he felt his mouth go dry suddenly. Drake was biting his bottom lip, eyes wide, the whole picture serving to make him appear child-like again.

"So, um. What did you mean?" asked Drake. The other boy just stared at him. Drake continued when it became clear that Josh wasn't going to answer. "Earlier, you know—before we went back downstairs, you said you let something happen to me. I don't really get it." Josh laughed, and it was the same sort of laugh Drake gave earlier to Walter. As soon as it had left him, Josh regretted it, seeing the way Drake unconsciously shrunk back on himself, away from Josh.

"Sorry," he mumbled, then groaned in frustration. "It's just—I'm like the worst brother ever." He wasn't aware that he had copied Drake's words until they conjured in his mind the image of Drake, soaking wet, yelling desperately at him from the front of the classroom.

"What are you talking about?" asked Drake, and Josh looked at him again, this time incredulously.

"You're kidding me, right?" he said, even though there had been nothing but genuine confusion and curiosity in Drake's voice. "I ignored you for weeks over some stupid test that I ended up getting a perfect score on anyway, and then I kept ignoring you when I knew something was wrong! I should've helped you, I should've asked you what was wrong in the first place, not waited until you were going to fucking kill yourself."

The words hung pendulously for several long moments as they sat in silence. Then Drake shook his head.

"That's not what you meant, though," said Drake. "You said 'after what I let happen to you'-one event. One thing. This isn't about you ignoring me, I know that, so what is it really about?"

"I... you called me," said Josh, looking away from Drake, down at his bedspread. He suddenly found himself unable to look his brother in the eye. "You asked me to get you, and I didn't. I could have. I waited up for you, even though I pretended not to, but I did. I spent all that energy waiting for you and being mad when I should've just gotten you. If I had, none of this would've ever happened." Just like that, Josh began to cry, the guilt pouring out of him as he said what he'd been thinking the entire afternoon. "It's my fault, Drake. I could've stopped it, but I didn't because I was too fucking stupid, I was—it's my fault and you probably hate me now, and you should, because what I did—and what I didn't do—it was horrible, and I-"

Josh was abruptly silenced by a pillow hitting him squarely in the face. He opened his eyes, and looked at Drake, who was blurry due to the tears still obscuring his vision—despite the blurriness, though, Josh could see anger in Drake's expression, and he turned away again.

"You're mad," he muttered. "I knew you would be, and you have every right to be, but I-"

"God," exclaimed Drake, "you don't get it. I'm mad, yeah, but just 'cause you're being such an idiot right now."

"W-what?" said Josh.

"How could you think that this was your fault?" asked Drake, sounding exasperated. "I knew I shouldn't have gone to that gig—I knew I wasn't feeling up to it, then, but I went anyways. I knew I shouldn't have been drinking, but I did it anyways, and it made me an easy target. You were still mad at me, and I should've known better than to depend on you to come and bail me out again. It's my fault, Josh, not yours."

"Drake, what happened to you wasn't your fault," protested Josh angrily. "The guy who did this to you—he shouldn't have, but he did, and that's not your fault." He could tell from the look on his brother's face that he wasn't convinced.

"If you don't think I'm guilty," said Drake slowly, "then why do you feel guilty? I mean, we both did—or, you know, didn't do—stuff we regret, but if you're not blaming me for my mistakes, then why are you blaming yourself?" Josh paused, then shrugged.

"That's a good point," he conceded, "but I think I feel guilty mostly 'cause I knew I should've followed you out of chemistry and talked to you then."

"Why didn't you?"

"I wouldn't have known what to say," said Josh. "I mean, I had no idea until that moment how much I was hurting you by not being your brother anymore, and I... well, I didn't really know what to do with an emotional Drake. Usually you're just so... nonchalant about everything that when I saw you break down, it was..." He stopped, seeing the quizzical expression on Drake's face. "What's that look for?"

"I don't know what 'non-chal-at' means," admitted Drake, and Josh smiled and chuckled a little as he repeated the word incorrectly, just because it was so much closer to their usual interactions that it was a bit of a relief. "Is it a bad thing?"

"No, it just means that you're 'chill' about stuff," explained Josh, and saw Drake grin.

"Cool."

"Anyway," said Josh hesitantly, continuing on with his explanation even though he was loathe to lose that moment, "seeing you freak out in class like that... it was hard, and... startling, to be honest, and I didn't really know how to react in that situation."

"Oh," said Drake, "okay." Josh saw that Drake still looked unsure, and held out his arms.

"Hug me?" he requested, and his smile returned as Drake put his pillow down and moved into his arms. The two sat like that for a while, Drake letting his head rest against Josh's shoulder, before Drake spoke again.

"Are you just being my brother again 'cause of what happened, or do you really forgive me?" asked Drake, and Josh tightened his hug, pondering the answer to that himself.

"I really forgive you," said Josh finally. "I told you, I got over being mad about the test when you apologized to me during class, and after that, I was just upset because it seemed like you were... I don't know, moving on or something. I couldn't reconcile how much our fighting affected you with how you were acting. But then I heard you apologize to me again, when you thought I was asleep—but you knew I was faking, didn't you?" Drake nodded subtly. "Anyway, I forgave you again then. So it was before you even told me."

"Okay," said Drake again, sounding relieved. Josh didn't know why, but that answer had mattered a lot to Drake, and he was glad to have given him the right one. "That was gonna be the last thing I ever said to you, you know. That apology I gave you last night." Josh's arms tightened again around Drake, this time almost painfully, as he was reminded of what Drake had been going to do.

"Drake," he murmured, "I... god, I'm sorry it ever got to that point."

"Don't worry about it," answered Drake. "I just... that wasn't a good place to be, where I was in my head, you know? But I'm not gonna try it now. I don't need to."

"Good," murmured Josh, his hold on his brother relaxing finally. "Good." They sat together for a while longer before Drake finally let go and moved back.

"Can I... do you think I can sleep here?" he asked tentatively, and Josh smiled at him.

"Sure."

The two settled down to sleep, exhausted after such a long, emotional day. Josh was lying on his side, looking at Drake, who was on his back, clutching Josh's hand. He thought idly that it was amazing, everything that happened in the last twenty-four hours, the last week, the last two weeks, even.

"Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"It's not okay, is it?" asked Drake, voice small and quiet, but steady.

"No," answered Josh, "it's not. Not right now. But it will be." Drake smiled and squeezed his hand under the covers. This time, what Drake needed to hear Josh say and what the truth was were the same, and for the first time in a week, Drake didn't dream.