Potential Leaving

By rese

A/N: I'm not Christian and I'm not a big fan of sticking religious ideas in texts unless it's the main focus, but I noticed that L.M.A. had a fair bit of Christian ideals and values for the characters so I thought it important to add here too. Sorry if that makes it crap, just skip over the paragraphs where I put "God" in.

"This is madness!" Jo whispered harshly, failing to keep the laughter from her voice. Laurie bent slightly with her, his hands brushing her arms as he moved to stand behind her. "We can't do this!"

Laurie smiled pityingly when she turned her head to see his response. "Appealing to my sanity will hardly work Jo, dear. I lost that a long time ago." His own voice was soft; they were trying to be discreet after all. The two had made a plan to slip away from their family after luncheon but their childish delight in sneaking had taken over and it had been nothing but giggling and shushing ever since.

The Bhaers had arrived on the dot for once that day, surprising Amy who usually allowed herself an extra ten minutes or more to prepare for their arrival, knowing tardiness was a Jo habit. Laurie had just smiled and led them in.

With all their 'subtle' noise the two had alerted the children to their game which in turn attracted the attention of the adults. Prof. Bhaer had smiled at his wife who delighted in children games thinking it wonderfully hospitable for the young Mr. Laurence to join her. Mrs. Laurence was simply relieved that Jo had managed to set her handsome husband right with a few harmless play games. All the tender brushes and accidental catches were innocent to eyes eager to see them so.

A sudden calamity of hurried feet unseen in the background made the more dignified spouses smile to each other. Jo and Laurie smiled too, only tripping as they both tried to drag and embrace the other into the study.

"Ah ha! Alone at last!" Laurie clapped and rubbed his hands together after he shut the door to prying eyes, shooing the more inquisitive children off. He moved towards Jo, the glint in his eye warning her of his intentions. Bravely she held her hands up; the seriousness of what would be his future actions snapping her back into the world of adults with adult feelings.

"No, Teddy. We can't, this is wrong." He stood immediately before her now and she felt his presence so intensely. "It –" she swallowed as he looked at her, "It's wrong."

"Is it, Jo?" Laurie leaned in. "Is something that feels so natural wrong?" Jo closed her eyes at the truth of his words. It did feel natural, like breathing or eating, but she was no heroine and this was no play or story. This was her and Laurie breaking sacred vows and spurning the love two wonderful people had given them.

Jo looked up at him again, "This is wrong in God's eyes Laurie. This is wrong to the two people out there." She pointed to the door that separated them from what seemed a distant reality. But when she looked back at the man, her dearest friend she wasn't so sure of her own words. She did love Laurie – very much – but, there were too many buts.

"No, no you've tried this already Jo. We've already spoken of this. Carrying on like we're both okay with Amy and your Professor is wrong. Not our being together. I've waited long enough for you to care for me as I do for you." Laurie held his breath after that gushed speech, waiting for Jo's answer. He knew she had doubts but he also knew she had love within her. Hopefully love for him.

"Oh Teddy," Jo's brows were together and Laurie wondered if she was going to cry. "I do care for you, I do! But-" here Jo choked a little, "but we are already committed." She fingered her ring and touched his. "We cannot lie to God, and I don't want to sin." Jo knew she had already sinned when she kissed him last time, but there was so much more that she quickly lost sight of her own feelings and her fear of failing as a Christian ran rampant in her mind. Just thinking of Laurie as more than a brother or friend was sinful!

Laurie stepped back from Jo, rubbing his hand across his eyes and face at the scene that seemed to parallel his proposal so long ago. "No, Jo." he signaled her to stop her thoughts with his arms, "I don't want this to happen again, I don't want you to leave my life. And you will Jo, if we stop now you'll want to go far away and leave me. I know you Jo," his arms fell to his sides in frustration, "I know you, and you'll leave!" the accusation filled the room and suffocated Jo's torn heart.

They stood apart, looking away in silence for some time until a knock came from the door. Laurie opened it slightly to see a bashful boy look up and ask, "Is Mother Bhaer there? We'd like it very much if she'd come play."

Laurie tried to smile, a successful one in light of the situation, "Certainly she is, but I'm afraid you boys will have to wait a little longer. I have to finish talking with her first. You go have fun." He shooed the boy of with false jolliness and closed the door again. "Jo," he began again as he turned around but was stopped by her look. Jo was vainly trying to hold back tears from his last words and she moved from foot to foot as if ready to vault out of the room at any time. "I'm sorry." He said simply, crossing the room in long strides.

"You're right." Jo strangled out. "I would." Her sorrow was evident at his truthful presumption. "I don't see how we'll ever get out of this mess. Someone will end up hurt Teddy and I don't want that, but it seems inevitable."

"So you'll stay? With me?" Laurie guessed, her words hardly seemed like a farewell and to him that meant they bore every part of hope. Jo stared into those expectant eyes and nodded. They'd gone too far already.

Laurie hugged her fiercely, not in victory or in thanks but sheer joyful relief. He got to keep Jo and would take anything in punishment for this piece of sanity. If God didn't want her to be with him then he would abandon that "God" for she was keeping him together.