Disclaimer: I used to own supernatural, the boys, the Impala and everything else on the show. But then, the men in white gave me my meds and I had to take them.
Summary: Sam was a good man. Actually, he was a really great guy. And he loved his brother. That is why Dean could sacrifice everything for him and not regret it one bit. But, sometimes he wished that he didn't have to. That he didn't have to pay for his brother's decisions, suffer for Sam's mistakes. But he did and he'd have to keep doing it because Dean knew that even though Sam loved him, he didn't love him enough.
Chapter 2.
"So, let me get this straight." Samuel said, looking Sam in the eye. "Your father's ghost is hanging around, even though you burnt his bones?"
"Yes."
"And his spirit is attached to this charmed bracelet thingy which he used in one of his hunts?"
"Yes, Dad tied his soul to it when he went on an astral walk."
"And he forgot to undo the spell when he came back?"
"Yes."
"And you are not destroying the bracelet and freeing his soul like any other hunter would because he wants a second chance with you guys?"
"Could you guys not talk about me like I'm not in the room?" John Winchester said materializing out of thin air. He still had difficulty maintaining the semi-corporeal form, but was getting better at it.
"Sorry, didn't see you there." Samuel replied sarcastically. "You know, on account of you being invisible and all."
"I'm working on it." John replied
Samuel looked from his grandson to his son-in-law with some exasperation. Damn Winchesters. They kept coming back to life one after the other. Even the half brother had been brought back and by an angel no less. To be fair, John was still dead, but he was around wasn't he? He could be there with his sons. Why couldn't the same courtesy be extended to his daughter?
"It's not hurting anyone, Samuel." Sam said. "It's just a big, freaky coincidence. Technically, Dad was around this whole time, we just didn't know it."
Samuel shrugged noncommittally.
"What does Dean have to say about it?" He asked. "Where is he anyway?"
"Around." Sam answered. "I guess Christian will give you a full report afterwards."
Samuel looked away. All of them had noticed the quiet look that had passed between him and Christian when Dean left the room to 'get some beers', the unspoken command to keep an eye on him. And then they had noticed him quietly sneak off.
"And Dean is not sure about this." Sam continued. "He said that it was too freaky for his liking and would probably end badly."
"Is that why you are wearing the bracelet?" Samuel asked. "Worried that Dean would 'accidentally' burn it or something?"
"He wouldn't do that." Sam replied curtly. "Besides, we didn't come here to discuss our family situation. Have you got something for us?"
"Yeah, about that heavenly war, right?" Samuel said. "You boys play too rough for my liking. Heaven ain't no business of us humans."
"It will be if Raphael wins and restarts the apocalypse." It was Adam who replied this time, making Samuel turn towards the youngest Winchester in surprise. For most of the conversation, Adam had sat there with an awed look on his face. Meeting experienced hunters could have that effect on you, Sam thought. And here Adam had met a whole bunch of seasoned hunters, all impressive and intimidating in their own way. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Adam had been quite taken by them.
"So you can talk." Samuel said, good-naturedly. "Well, kid if you gonna be a hunter, you gotta know what's above your pay-grade. Do you wanna be a hunter by the way?"
"Yes." Adam replied resolutely.
"And Dean is okay with it?" Samuel continued, looking to Sam and John for confirmation. "Last I knew Dean was dead-set against bringing kids in this life."
"I'm not a kid." Adam said. "If Dean doesn't like me being a hunter, he can go screw himself."
That was exactly what Adam had told Dean, Sam remembered fondly. Dean had been vehemently against Adam hunting. Sam and John had been for it, because really, what was h supposed to do now? Pick up his normal life having mysteriously come back from the dead? And even then there was no guarantee that their enemies wouldn't find him. Hunting might be dangerous, but for Adam not hunting seemed just as bad and Dean had finally been out-voted.
Samuel's reply was interrupted by sounds of a scuffle coming from outside which had the effect of cutting their conversation short. The three of them, Samuel, Sam and Adam rushed outside, attempting to locate the source while trying to figure out if they were under attack once again. They weren't.
Dean and Christian were locked in a fight. It seemed that their antagonism had finally turned physical. When the trio finally came out, Christian had Dean pinned against a table, punching him over and over again. Immediately, Samuel and Sam rushed to separate the fighters, Samuel pulling Christian off his cousin and Sam helping Dean up and restraining him at the same time. Though it didn't look like he had enough in him to restart the fight that he had so obviously lost. Dean sported a myriad of bruises all over his face while Christian just had a split lip.
"What the hell?" Samuel shouted to neither in particular.
"He started it." Christian replied sullenly.
"Is that true?" Sam asked his brother. It wasn't like Dean to start fights. Well, it was, but he usually came out on the top when he started something.
Dean shrugged his brother's restraining arm off him and angrily stomped out of the base, no doubt to his car. Well, that was that, Sam thought. Their visit was over, just like that.
"Guess we are taking our leave then." Sam said, turning to Samuel and Christian. "Look, I'm sorry about Dean. Whatever he said, or did, just – just sorry, okay?"
"Don't sweat it." Christian replied. "I shouldn't have baited him. Sorry your stay here had to come to such an abrupt end. Though, you don't have to follow him wherever he goes, you know that, right?"
Out of the corner of his eye, Sam saw Adam looking at him questioningly, as if asking him to consider Christian's words. It was true, Sam was getting tired of Dean's antics lately. Adam, even though he did understand Dean's choice and had forgiven him for it, didn't show any signs of warming up to his brother. And Adam did like these people, even though they weren't related by blood. And as hunters, they definitely were better than Dean, atleast as Dean was nowadays. But still, Dean was his brother.
"No. Dean needs me to stick with him." Sam replied.
"Shame." Christian said, pulling Sam into a one-armed hug. "Sticking with us would be better for you than being with that loser. Hell, it would be better for Adam." He added, letting Sam go and giving Adam the same treatment. "You got some guts in you, kid. You'll make a great hunter someday."
Adam accepted the compliment with a smile and a nod.
"Sam." Samuel said as they were leaving. "Look, I don't know anything about how to beat an archangel. Yet. I'll call you as soon as I find anything. And don't worry about this. You boys are always welcome here."
Sam nodded in reply and walked out with Adam in tow. He should feel angry, he thought, for the way these people treated Dean. But really, Dean had brought it all on himself with his suspicion and paranoia and general dickish attitude. Besides, the Campbells were really nice, caring, trusting people who had accepted him and Adam as one of their own. And they were all excellent hunters to the boot. It was really very hard to feel any sympathy for Dean in this situation.
Walking out, Sam found Dean leaning against the car looking thunderous. At the accusatory look in his eyes, Sam felt his old frustration resurface.
"What the hell Dean?" Sam shouted before his brother could say anything. "Fighting with Christian? We need these people."
"He's a dick." Dean replied.
"And that's a good enough reason to kick his ass?"
"From where I was standing, it was Christian who was doing the ass-kicking." Adam stepped into the conversation. Apparently, he wasn't too pleased about having their stay cut-short either.
"Hey, you want a piece of me?" Dean replied, angrily turning towards Adam.
"Enough." A commanding voice cut through the air putting a stop to all conversation immediately.
All three of them turned towards John Winchester who had once against materialized amidst them. Sam had seen that look on their father's face far too often, but usually it was directed at him, not at Dean.
"What the hell is the matter with you, son?" John said angrily. At the sound of that tone all his anger seemed to seep out of Dean as he took on a defensive position.
"Dad, not you too." Dean pleaded.
"Yes, me too." John replied. "Fighting with your family Dean? I didn't bring you up to fight with your family. And I certainly didn't bring you up to start a fight that you couldn't finish. These are good people. They are our allies. And if we need to eat Raphael, we need all the help we can get."
"We don't need them." Dean said sullenly.
"Oh? And who else is gonna find a way then? You? Give me a break." John continued. "You think I don't know what has been going on? How you have been ever since you came back from you little stint at normal life? You have been sloppy, Dean. Sam has told me all about it."
Dean glared briefly at his brother who suddenly felt guilty, felling like a tattle-tale.
"Look at me when I'm talking to you, boy." John roared. "You need to get your shit together. The way you are going now, you are just making me more and more certain that I was right about you."
"Right about what?" Dean asked.
"That you were never cut out for this life." John replied. "That you would never be anything more than a mediocre hunter who needs his brother to pull his ass out of fire every time he steps out of the room. Sam is already better at hunting than you are and given a few months, I think Adam would be too. So yeah, maybe you would be safer on the sidelines, but you know what, that is not what life has in store for you. This hunt is your life and this out here and in there, that is your family. So you are gonna buckle up and accept it and get your act together. Or else I swear, we'll leave you behind and let you get yourself killed. Am I clear?"
"Dad - "
"Am I clear?" John shouted again, cowing Dean into submission. Sam saw Dean's face close up and become inscrutable. This was the expression Dean got when he was hurt. For a moment Sam felt sorry for his brother, but then the moment passed. Dean had been acting like an ass lately and maybe this tough love was exactly what he needed to pull his act together.
"Yes sir." Dean replied stoically.
Adam was becoming an exceptional hunter. He had taken to hunting like a duck to water. What he lacked in lifelong experience and knowledge, he made up for be being diligent and resourceful. Things had come to the point where even Sam would have to agree that in a few short weeks, Adam would become a better hunter than Dean ever was.
As for Dean currently, Adam was already better than him. Dean had never been much of a researcher, but now it looked like he couldn't even read. He seemed to stare endlessly at their intel for hours at an end and still had nothing to show for it. As if he had spent the whole time zoned out in his own universe. In contrast Adam always researched with the same concentration Sam had employed while studying for the SATs. He was always rigorous and thorough and always double-checked his facts. Once Dean had missed some crucial information during a ghost hunt and if it weren't for Adam remembering it at the right moment, they'd all be dead. He was often reckless and erratic during the hunt and that had got their cover blown quite a few times now. And when it came to facing the monsters, let's just say Dean didn't have his usual poise nowadays. Once he'd lost it in the middle of the hunt, panicking and shooting wildly at the advancing werewolf without a single shot hitting the creature, while Adam, with his steady hand and clear sight had gotten it right between the eyes and once in the heart. It sufficed to say that Dean was not the hunter he used to be. If Dad was to be believed, Dean had never been much of a hunter in the past either.
Sam would never get used to it, the way Dad and Dean always seemed to be at odds. Dean had always been the good son, the loyal soldier and he still was, but apparently that wasn't enough for Dad anymore. Nowadays, Dad barked out fewer orders at Dean and more criticisms. Criticisms that seemed to cut his brother deep and made him retaliate in kind. Which was really unfair, in Sam's opinion, because Dad was only trying to do what was best for Dean and he deserved those remarks more often than not. Dean had thrown a lot at their father during these arguments, from his supposed infidelity with Adam's mother, his secrets, his inability to protect his family to his ruining his sons' lives with by bringing them up in this world. Once he went as far as to say that Mom would hate him now because he had put her children through a life that she had wanted to protect them from.
John had lost it then. Sam didn't think he had ever seen his father that angry, not even with himself. He threw every mistake, every failure of Dean's in his face with as much vitriol as possible. John berated Dean for breaking in hell while he had lasted a hundred years and breaking the first seal. He chastised Dean for not being able to protect his brother, for getting so many other hunters killed. In short, everything that Dean had ever felt bad about, everything that he felt guilty for was now thrown in his face along with his father's disappointment.
"He doesn't mean it, Dean." Sam said, comforting his brother afterwards. "He just lost himself."
"Doesn't he?" Dean asked, barely holding back the tears. "He seemed pretty convinced to me."
"Well, did you have to push his buttons?" Sam replied. He was getting a little tired of his brother wallowing in self-pity. "You screwed up the hunt. You had no right to start shouting at him."
"You are on his side?" Dean asked incredulously.
"I'm saying that he shouldn't have said all those things, but you provoked him all the same." Sam answered. "Dean, Dad is trying, he really is. Why the hell can't you give him a chance?"
Dean never answered the question, just looked at Sam with hurt eyes. Things were a little better after that. Both Dad and Dean backed off each-other's throats for a while. But apart from that, nothing changed much. Adam continued to improve, picking up new skills on the way and Dean continued to deteriorate. It had come to the point where on tougher hunts, the Winchesters were forced to ask backup Bobby or the Campbells. That meant having one more hunter in their group; usually Gwen or Christian and Dean didn't deal well with big groups. Add to that the fact that Adam always seemed to prefer their company to Dean's and Sam felt like he was being pulled from both sides. On one hand there was Adam with Gwen or Christian. Spending time with them meant talking about the things they had hunted, actual intellectual discussions, not just bragging about the monsters they had killed. Or when they weren't talking about hunting, they discussed events around the world, something to keep Sam in touch with a life outside their own. On the other hand was Dean, the guy who had been there with him his entire life but whose topics of interesting discussion consisted of food, sex and hard rock. And Sam was always forced to keep an eye on Dean. A few times he had left him alone with Christian, Dean invariably started a fight, which he then invariably lost.
That was another thing worrying Sam. Dean had definitely gotten weaker. Ever since their big fight, Dad had changed his tactics, hoping that Dean's desire for his approval would force him to get back on track. He always made everything into a competition, be it sparring or who figured out what they were dealing with first or who could shoot better. It had first started with Sam, but he had easily proved himself to be way out of Dean's league in all aspects. Ridiculously easily. So Dad had started pitting him against Adam or Christian if he happened to be there. The prize usually was that the winner would get to drive the Impala or he'd get to pick the music or place to eat and the loser would get stuck with menial tasks like doing the laundry. The way Dean was nowadays, he had been doing the laundry for days and had been almost permanently relegated to the back-seat.
It was seven months after Dean had rejoined Sam on the hunt, five after he had regained his soul and four after Dad and Adam had come back, when Dean was judged unfit to go on major hunts. He had protested, vehemently, but he was out-voted for his own safety and that of his family. From that point onwards when the next dangerous hunt came along, one that required more than two people (Alive that is. For all his spiritual contacts, ghost-John wasn't much of a hunter), they asked one of the Campbells to join them while Dean stayed back with Bobby. Even after the hunt Christian and Adam were reluctant to pick Dean back up again and Sam had gone along with them, finally getting a few days of peace and relaxation without constantly having to worry about his brother. One hunt had turned into two and then into three and then they had finally been forced to pick Dean back up again when Bobby had called them ordered them to. He had been getting tired of Dean doing nothing but languishing around the house, playing Metallica at full volume and eating his food.
Meanwhile, none of them had made any progress on the heavenly front. As far as they knew, the war in heaven was still going on and Castiel was still fighting a losing battle. As much as they tried, as hard as they looked, they simply could not find a single weapon that would help Castiel kill Raphael and bring peace to his home. Dean had adopted a cavalier, almost callous attitude about the whole thing, refusing to do any research and insisting that it will all be okay but the others weren't so sure. Sam had tried to make Dean see how important this was, how much Castiel had helped them in the past, never asking for anything in return, but Dean had refused to be moved. If things kept going this way, heaven would be lost and soon after that earth would be as well.
The next time Castiel showed himself, he looked much worse for the wear. Dean had gone out to get food – another one of his punishments after having lost a sparring match to Adam – and the rest of them had discussing the strategies for the latest hunt when they had been interrupted by a rustle of feathers.
"Heaven is lost." Castel declared, appearing amidst them.
After a flurry of activity and questions about his well-being, Castiel explained the situation. His side had lost the war. Raphael was in control of heaven now and Castiel had been cut-off from them.
"Our only hope now is to kill Raphael." Castiel said. "He is the mainstay of his side. If we are able to assassinate him, the other angels will see it as a sign from God and they will fall in line. Have you found anything yet?"
"No, Cas." Sam replied. "I'm sorry."
"There might be something." Adam piped up, making the others look at him curiously. "When I was in hell, Michael and Lucifer were talking about ways to kill or weaken an archangel."
"What?"
"Well, not exactly discussing." Adam amended. "More like Lucifer was saying how he could have killed Michael if he wanted, even though Michael was stronger than him. He said that he didn't actually want to kill his brother, just have him on his side, but if it had come to that Lucifer had a plan in place."
"What plan?" Castiel asked, getting up.
"I don't know." Adam replied.
"Dammit, Adam."
"No, really, I didn't hear them." Adam explained. "They were too far away from me when they talked about it. I couldn't overhear them."
"Great." Sam said, exasperated. "So the only two who know of a way to kill Raphael are in the cage. Somehow, I don't think they will be very forthcoming."
"Well, I wasn't able to hear them because they were nowhere near me." Adam continued. "But they were near you, Sam."
"What are you saying?" Sam asked confused. "That I might somehow know how to beat an archangel?"
"Yeah." Adam replied. "The way to beat an archangel might be in your memories, right with the rest of the memories of hell. That's why I didn't bring this up before. I know what remembering that stuff might do to you and I know that Dean will try to shut down this idea as soon as he hears it, but it doesn't look like we have a whole lot of options here."
Sam and Castiel looked at each-other, considering Adam's proposal.
"Sam, I don't know if I can ask you to do this." Castiel said at length. "You might not have heard anything about it at all. And even if you do remember, the memories may very well overpower you before you are able to tell us anything. Then it all would be for nothing."
It was a risk, Sam had to agree. But it was a risk worth taking. His memories may break him or they might not. Adam had survived being in hell without any repercussions. Maybe the same deity that had favored him would favor Sam as well. Either way it had to be done.
"I'll do it." Sam said resolutely. "We are talking about releasing Michael and Lucifer from the cage again. This is a small risk compared to that. I'll do it, Cas and we will figure a way out to beat Raphael."
The others nodded in agreement. All he had to do now, Sam thought, was to get Dean to sign off on it.
"No, Sam, no. Just no." Dean's shout rang out through the junkyard. "Not a chance in hell. I'm not letting you do it."
Sam sighed, running his hand through his hair in frustration. They were back at Bobby's, a place as close to home as any, which, Sam thought, was the best possible place to be when he finally remembered hell. His father and Adam had concurred and they had brought Dean back under the pretense of Bobby having a hunt for them. Bobby had been skeptical of the plan at first, raising every logical argument against it, but he had accepted it when he saw that this was the only choice they had. Sam had been putting off telling Dean until now, but the moment of truth had finally arrived. And Dean was taking it about as well as expected.
"You have got to be crazy for even considering it." Dean continued. "Do you have any idea what it will do to you, Sam? To us?"
"It's not about us." Sam argued. "The fate of the world very well might rest on it."
"Might? You are doing it all for a maybe?" Dean replied. "Sam if you don't care about yourself, atleast think about me. Think about what this will do to me. I'll be the one stuck taking care of your crazy ass after this."
"Could you, for one moment stop being so damned selfish?" Sam shouted back. "This isn't about you. The world doesn't revolve around you Dean. And this is not your decision."
"The hell it isn't."
"No, it's not. It's mine and I'm doing it." Sam replied. "With or without you. So you can either support me like a good brother or you can just go to hell, either way those memories are coming back."
Dean took in deep breaths, trying to calm himself down and think of another argument. It wouldn't work, Dean knew that. Sam was determined and when that happened, Sam did exactly what he wanted. And this time he had everyone else telling him it was a good idea. So why the hell would he listen to Dean? Blinking away the sudden tears in his eyes, Dean turned away from his brother. Anger slid off Sam face as he felt a flash of guilt for hurting his brother. But he had no reason to feel guilty, Sam thought, Dean was the one acting like a prick here. Nevertheless, morphing his features into a look of compassion, Sam placed a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder.
"What's going on with you Dean?" Sam asked gently. "At first it was just nightmares but now it seems like you have really lost your game. You have slipped too far and too fast and now it has come to the point where you can't go on a simple salt and burn without someone saving your ass. That's not natural."
"I don't know Sam." Dean replied. "I guess all those years of hunting have finally caught up to me. You know, you hear about the soldiers who have fought too long and lost their nerve. I think I might be one of them."
"That's bullshit, Dean." Sam said. "I have been through as much as you have and there are others who have been through more. If you break with just this then – then the only thing that explains it is that you are not as strong as I thought you were."
Dean's face dropped, a look of immense sadness washing over it. Then Sam saw him pull it back together and turn it into a twisted smile.
"I don't know what to tell you Sam." Dean replied. "Maybe – maybe I just need a break from it all. Go on a vacation, you know, relax for a few days. What do you think?"
"You and me Sam, on a vacation. Just for a few days we'll pretend that all this crap isn't happening." Dean said, his face breaking into a hopeful smile. "Just us okay, no Dad, no Adam, no angels. Who knows, maybe you'll see this whole remembering thing differently once you come back."
Sam's face hardened. He had felt relieved that Dean had finally dropped that idea, but now, of all the times, he was bringing it up again?
"Dean, you've done nothing but lie around at Bobby's when we left you here." Sam said.
"Spending time with that old grouch is your idea of a vacation?" Dean smirked. "Please, Sam, just a few days. A week at most. I feel that I really need this to reconnect with you. And if you are still set on this crazy plan of yours after you come back, I swear I won't stop you."
"We don't have that kind of time."
"Sam I've done a lot for you our entire life." Dean pleaded. "If any of that means anything to you, you'll do this one thing for me."
"Emotional blackmail, Dean? Really? That's a new low even for you." Sam replied angrily. "I'm not gonna go on a vacation with you when the fate of the world hangs in the balance. Stop trying to distract me Dean, this is going to happen."
Dean let out a defeated sigh. He had tried everything he could to deter Sam from his course of action or atleast try to buy him some time, but Sam had withstood it all. He really was determined and Dean knew that at this point, nothing he said or did would matter. So everything he wanted to say to Sam or wanted to know from him, this was his last chance, because most likely, Sam wouldn't be able to talk to him tomorrow.
"Okay then, have it your way." Dean conceded. "Just one thing. Before you do it, answer a few questions for me. As honestly as you can. I don't want any of your diplomatic crap, okay?"
"I have been honest with you all this time." Sam replied.
"Dammit, Sam, I'm trying to – trying to convince myself that I didn't make any mistakes here." Dean said. "Just tell me the truth from here onwards."
"Okay."
"Look, I know I'm not a good hunter anymore. But was I ever?" Dean asked.
"What kind of a question is that?" Sam replied. "Of course you were."
"Really? Better than Dad or Bobby? Better than the Campbells or better than Adam ever would be?"
"It's not a fair comparison, Dean. I can't exactly rate you on your hunting skills." Sam replied. "Look, you have always been reckless. You have always rushed in half-assed. And you never do your own research. You always left the 'grunt-work', as you call it, to me or Bobby. We were the ones who figured out what we were dealing with and came up with a sane, logical plan to beat it. So yeah, in a conventional sense, you were not a very good hunter."
Sam saw his brother look disappointed at that but continued nevertheless.
"But as a hunter you were always unconventional. You always knew who to ask to get the right answer. You usually fought on your instinct which happened to be dead-on more often than not. And you'd often come up with plans so reckless and crazy that they would end up succeeding because no one ever saw that coming. But you can't depend on those things for ever."
"Okay. Got it." Dean said.
"Let me finish." Sam continued. "In my opinion, the source of your greatest strength was how much you cared. Cared about the people you saved, cared about your family. Cared about me, most of all. I guess that's why you've always found a way to fix everything."
Dean let out a hollow laugh at that.
"Remember when you actually used to believe that?" He asked. "That I was some kind of superhero who could fix everything? You've never looked up to me as much as you did then. What the hell happened, Sam?"
"Reality happened." Sam replied. "You are not a superhero. You are just a normal guy who has had a sucky life. But you chose that life, Dean. You had plenty of chances to get out and you didn't."
"I guess. One last thing, Sam. How do you see me in this family?" Dean asked. "I mean, what's my place here, with you and Dad and Adam and Bobby? Will it all fall apart if I'm not here?"
"You wanted honesty, so I'll give it to you." Sam said. "First of all, the Campbells are a part of our family as well and the fact that you don't consider them should tell you something about your place. The fact is Dean, you are losing us. You have been getting more and more distant lately and if you keep this act of yours up, you won't be a part of us anymore. And I don't want to see that happen to you, not after everything you have been through. For everyone's sake, you have to be stronger than this."
"Is that my job, then? Being strong so everyone could depend on me?"
"At this point, I'll say yes." Sam replied. "You have to start fighting to protect your family."
"So it's my destiny to sacrifice everything for my family?"
"Not your destiny, Dean. You chose it for yourself." Sam answered. "And I know that it sucks that you can't have a moment of weakness without being punished for it, but that's the way it is. After I get back my memories of hell, I'm gonna need you more than ever. I'm just asking you to be there for me."
Dean nodded slowly, finally having received all his answers and cleared his doubts. Sam was right, he wasn't allowed to be weak. Whether they realized it or not, others looked to him for support in their times of need and if he couldn't give them that, then what use was he to his family?
"I'm sorry, Sam. I can't." Dean said, shaking his head.
"What?" Sam asked, surprised. He had felt like he had finally gotten through to his brother.
"I can't go through this. I can't watch you destroy yourself willingly." Dean explained. "So, I'm not gonna stick around. I'm sure that our newly extended family would be happy to take care of you afterwards, but I'm not gonna be there. I'm leaving. "
"Leaving?" Sam repeated, in shock. "You can't leave. Where will you go?"
"I don't know. I'll take a break from hunting, I guess. Give the normal life another shot." Dean replied. "But I don't want to hear from you or anyone else about how much you guys need me here. I'm done giving myself to this family, to you. I'm just done with everything. So I guess there is no pint in me staying here anymore. "
Having said his final word, Dean turned around and started walking back towards the house. Dean was leaving? That wasn't possible. Dean never left. He always stuck by Sam, pulling him through thick and thin. And now he was just walking away from everything? Suddenly Sam wasn't so sure of his idea anymore. He had depended on Dean being there to pull him through the aftermath. Who was going to save him now?
Dean had almost finished packing up his duffel when Bobby walked in. One look at his angry face and Dean knew that Sam had told everyone about his defection. Dean steeled himself fro the tirade that was about to come.
"What the hell, boy?" Bobby shouted. "You are leaving? Just like that?"
"Yes and don't you start with me." Dean replied.
"Your family needs you now, Dean." Bobby argued. "Sam needs you. He's gonna need you more than he ever has."
"Don't you start with the family crap." Dean shouted back. "I've sacrificed everything for this family. And I can't do it anymore."
"You ain't the only one who has made sacrifices."
"You think you are going to guilt-trip me into changing my mind?" Dean said. "I've made up my mind. I'm driving off right now and unless something big changes, I'm not coming back."
"You are not driving anywhere." John shouted at Dean, suddenly appearing in the room beside Bobby. "Atleast not in the Impala."
"What?" Dean said, surprised. "That's my car."
"No, it's not. It's mine." John replied. "I gave it to you when you became a hunter and now I'm taking it back, since you have decided to quit."
"Dad - "
"Keys. Now."
"Fine." Dean said, throwing Bobby the keys to the family vehicle. "And I suppose it would be too much to ask for a ride to the bus stop? Fine, I'll just walk."
"Dean, please think about what you are doing." Bobby pleaded. "You are abandoning your family."
"I have thought about it. And I'm going."
"Well then stay gone." Bobby shouted angrily. "If all of us mean that little to you then go ahead and leave. Just don't you dare show your face here again, you hear me? I'm gonna shoot you full of rock-salt if you do."
Dean nodded tightly at Bobby's declaration. It was no less than he had expected from him. Dean had long ago realized that his only value to his family was what he could give them and he simply didn't have any more to give. Better he leave on his own terms than be kicked out. Giving his father and father-figure one last regretful look, Dean picked up his duffel and walked out of the room.
"Are you ready?" Castiel asked softly.
It had been two days since Dean left, two days of enjoying what seemed to be his last days on earth and now Sam was finally ready to remember hell. His whole family was there for him. Lying on the bed in the panic room and cuffed down (because they didn't know what would happen once he remembered), Sam looked around and saw everyone he wanted to see there. Even Samuel, Christian and Gwen had showed up for support. Everyone, except Dean. Well, screw him, Sam thought angrily. If he thought that Sam wouldn't be able to handle it without his help, well he was wrong. He had everyone he needed right here.
"Sam." Castiel said a little more loudly. "Are you ready?"
The angel was as hurt and disappointed by Dean's departure as was expected. He had never said it, but Dean's unending devotion to his family had been the source of Castiel's faith in humanity and now the very foundation on that faith had been shaken. He'd restore that, Sam thought to himself. He'd prove to Castiel that they didn't need Dean to be strong.
"Yes. So how does this work?" Sam asked. "You put your hand on my head and we go on some psychic journey? We get to a wall and I take a sledge-hammer to it? What?"
"Nothing so exotic." Castiel replied. "Just close your eyes and try to remember Lucifer. Anything you can, what he did to you, how you felt when he was in you."
Sam closed his eyes and tried to remember hell and Lucifer. Lucifer, talking to him in Jess's form. Lucifer looking contemptuous while raising Death. Lucifer, looking like himself in the mirror, sympathizing with all the anger. Him falling in the hole with Satan fighting desperately. Nothing. The memories just stopped there. He could feel that he was on the verge of remembering something, but just couldn't.
"It's not working." Sam said.
"Try harder. Dig deeper." Castiel replied.
So Sam dug. Lucifer and Michael facing each-other in the cemetery. Adam, bleeding in the ground from Zachariah's torture. Lucifer, slashing through the helpless demons, fueled by Sam's rage. Lucifer, beating Dean nearly to death with his fists. Lucifer, cutting into him and Michael gleefully joining him.
Just like that it all came rushing back. Over a hundred years worth of memories filled his mind with all the torture he had gone through. Involuntarily, Sam sucked in a long breath and his eyes shot open, panicked and desperate. He started hyperventilating and struggling against his cuffs, trying to get out of bed. A pair of strong calming hands grabbed his shoulders and gently but inexorably pushed him down again.
"Sam, breathe. You have to focus." Castiel said urgently. "You have to tell us before you lose it. Try focusing on the specific memory."
Taking a few deep gulps of air, Sam finally calmed down. He was okay, there was no reason to panic. Those memories were horrible but he wasn't there anymore. He was out.
"Cas, I'm fine." Sam said. "Let me out of this cuffs. I'll tell you everything."
Looking doubtfully at Sam's sudden change in demeanor, Castiel nevertheless moved aside to let Bobby undo his bindings. Rubbing his raw wrists, Sam looked at everyone in relief. This wasn't anything to be afraid of. He didn't feel any different even after remembering hell.
"The rings are the key." Sam said at length.
"What rings?" Castiel asked.
"The horsemen's rings. They can be used to kill an angel." Sam explained. "Lucifer knew that he wasn't strong enough to kill Michael, so he had a backup plan. The horsemen are powerful creatures and their powers lie in the rings. That's why Lucifer wanted them under his control. The horsemen could, if they wanted, summon any angel, even an arch-angel and temporarily suppress his powers. It just needed any three of them working in tandem."
"But the horsemen are gone." Castiel said, dejectedly.
"Yeah, but the rings aren't." Sam replied. "When a human puts on one of those rings, he can gain the powers of a horseman for some time. I guess for a day or so. Now, Death got his ring back from Dean, but we still have three left. Any three of us can put them on and force Raphael to come down. Then we can suppress his powers long enough for Castiel to kill him. We'll have to be quick though. Once we force-summon Raphael, his troops won't be far behind."
"How the hell are we gonna do that?" Adam asked. "Even if we put on the rings, we don't know how to use them."
"I guess that once you become a horseman, you automatically know what to do." Sam answered. "I mean, Dean became death almost immediately."
Sam looked around at everyone in the room, smiling and hopeful. Their risk had paid off. They had a sure-fire way of killing Raphael and he was none the worse for it. The considering and doubtful looks on everyone's face slowly turned into relief and smiles. Dean had been wrong about everything. Their risk had been a calculated and smart move. He couldn't wait to tell Dean how off-base he had been.
Chapter two completed. I've noticed something in my writing technique that is quite different from what I've seen from a lot of writers so far. I try to put in a lot of events in as few chapters as possible. For example, initially I was going to finish this chapter with the group confronting Raphael and halfway through recovering Dean. I don't know if that is good or bad. On one hand, no one can say that the story progresses too slowly. On the other, it leaves a sense of incompleteness, less like reading a story and more like reading the cliff-notes version. Even so I'm not very good at writing big paragraphs just on people's emotions. I think this chapter was better in that respect compared to the first one. I'd really appreciate if someone suggested any ways of improving, because I've seen a lot of stories where both the progress of the story and presentation of its effect on everyone is very well done.
As for the chapter itself, like I said, the real fun is going to start from next chapter onwards. Tell me what you thought about it this one.