Disclaimer: I used to own supernatural, the boys, the Impala and everything else on the show. But then, the men in white gave me my meds and I had to take them.
Summary: They say that you never know what you have until you lose it. They knew what they were talking about.
Chapter 3.
"Dean, hey, it's Sam, again. Seriously dude, talking to your voicemail is getting a little annoying. Anyway, just giving you the update. I'm still okay, even after remembering hell. But I guess you got that from the last three messages I left you. Cas checked me over. Whatever fixed Adam fixed me too. So I guess there is a God after all. Mysterious ways and all that huh? Anyway, I'm perfectly fine, so there is no reason for you to stay away. Unless you cared more about me listening to you than you did about the other thing. In which case, I'm a little pissed off. I mean, what gives you the right to tell me - " deep breath " Sorry. Got a little carried off. Look, Dean, after all we have been through together, I don't want this to come between us. We are going after Raphael tonight. It's not gonna be easy and we could use any help we get. Look, I'm not asking you to drop everything and come back. I realize that I have no right at all of asking you for anything and if you really want a life away from us and from hunting, I'm the last person who can say anything. But I can't live with being at odds with you. Even if you don't come back, just call. Please."
Adam was sweating profusely. They all were, Sam realized. Humans weren't meant to harness the powers of the horsemen and it was not easy. But it looked like they finally had the hang of it. Adam was wearing War's ring, Bobby had Pestilence and he himself had Famine. Kind of symbolic, Sam though, given his hunger issues. He could feel the power of the ring coursing through his veins. A power different than any he had felt before, different that the demon-blood or the time when he had been possessed by Lucifer. And all that power was now concentrated at one point, at the kneeling angel in the center.
Raphael had finally been subdued, though not without a fight. The plan had been for Castiel to keep him busy while the three of them focused on suppressing his grace. Christian was handling the colt, shooting Raphael to buy them a few precious seconds. Right now, he was lying unconscious on the far end of the barn which they had picked for their showdown, having been flung there by Raphael after his first shot. Castiel had not fared much better. His attempts to fight Raphael had left him hurt and bleeding, barely able to stand up. But the time he had bought them had been enough. Raphael was now under control, but Sam didn't know how long they could keep him that way or how long would it take for his followers to locate him and come to his aid.
"Cas, hurry up." Sam shouted at the angel. "We don't have much time."
"I should have killed you as soon as you came back to life." Raphael spat venomously at Sam and Adam. "Especially you, worm." He added, looking towards the younger brother.
"You had your chance." Castiel replied, staggering to his feet and making his way towards the archangel. "And now, it's our turn."
Raphael glared at Castiel, his eyes glittering with frenzy. He tried to get up to defend himself but was held in place by the three humans.
"What now?" He asked the approaching angel. "You can't kill an archangel."
"I can with this." Castiel replied, taking out an angelic weapon from his trench-coat. "An archangel's blade. Gabriel's actually. The Winchesters picked it up after Lucifer had killed him."
For the first time, fear shone out of Raphael's eyes. There was no escaping it, he realized, he was going to die now.
"This isn't over." He said. "Michael will return to power and when he does, he will resurrect me. And then I'll take my time making you suffer."
"Well then," Castiel said, raising the blade above his head. "You have something to look forward to in the afterlife."
The sword swung down in an arc and buried itself deep in Raphael's shoulder, going all the way to his heart. In a last desperate attempt, Raphael tried to break free from his restraints, bringing forth all the power he had in him. The three hunters weren't able to hold down the angel any longer and were thrown back by the force of his grace. A sudden pain flared up in Sam's hand and he notice that the ring had shattered, leaving his fingers bleeding. One look at Adam and Bobby cradling their hands and Sam knew that the same fate had befallen their rings as well. Castiel had been thrown on his back too and Raphael got up back to his feet. But it was already too late for him. Light began to shine out of his eyes and mouth and with one final ear-piercing scream, Raphael died in a flash of white light, leaving behind nothing but a dead vessel and a shadow of his wing behind the body.
They had to move now, Sam thought. Castiel had thought of it sooner, it seemed, because as soon as Sam opened his mouth, he found himself back at Bobby's with the others. As the adrenaline rush began to wear off, Sam smiled in relief, the weight of what they had accomplished finally getting to him.
"We did it." Adam cried, practically jumping with joy. "We killed Raphael."
The sentiment seemed to be going around. Christian was finally up and Bobby was already getting out his finest brew. Castiel, for some reason, still looked troubled.
"Yes, we did." He agreed. "Raphael is dead, no doubt about it."
"What is it, Cas?" Sam asked, Castiel's worry getting to him.
"It's just odd." Castiel replied. "Raphael is dead, I'm sure of it. But this was far too easy."
"Were you in the same fight?" Christian asked, rubbing the back of his head. "It looked plenty tough from where I was standing."
"Yes, but so many things could have gone wrong." Castiel explained. "It's a miracle that Raphael didn't realize what we were trying to do and take out the ones wearing the rings first. If he had killed even one of you, all would have been lost. And his warriors took too long to get there. They should have known where he was and come to help him long ago. I had not expected this to take this much time. Frankly, I'd expected that if it took more than five minutes, we'd have the host of heaven upon us. It seems like something was making sure that they didn't interfere."
"Something like God?" Sam asked.
"At this point, I have no other explanation." Castiel replied. "It is a comforting thought, isn't it? That we have God on our side. Whatever the reason maybe, we were successful and that's what matters."
"So, what now?"
"Now, I go back to heaven." Castiel said. "If I am to reclaim power, I will have to act fast. Heaven would be lost and confused right now, having lost the only surviving archangel. If I go back and proclaim victory immediately, they will follow me, thinking that this is the will of God."
"You can pull something like that off?"
"Luckily I have Joshua on my side." Castiel replied. "They would be turning to him because he is the only one left who has had any contact with our Father."
Castiel disappeared, leaving the rest of the family to celebrate their victory. And celebrate it they did, pouring drinks all around.
"Is it always this awesome?" Christian asked. "Accomplishing something this big?"
"Well, there usually is a very high price to pay." Sam replied. "Someone important usually ends up dead. This is the first time we have gotten off scott-free."
"Maybe that's because Dean wasn't here." Christian said. "No one around to screw it all up, huh?"
Sam frowned at that. It was true that Dean had been very unreliable recently, but he still didn't like hearing things like that about his brother.
"So, what are you boys going to do now?" Bobby asked steering the conversation in another direction.
What were they going to do now? Sam wondered. Probably the usual. Search the obits, look for a hunt. Like Dean had once said, it was never going to be over. There would always be something to hunt. Dean. His brother who had left them at their time of need. Well, it was only fair, Sam thought. After all, how many times had he left Dean when he had needed him. He had once promised Dean that they would be brothers again, even if they weren't together. And he still cared enough to keep that promise.
"I think we'll go and see how Dean is doing." Sam replied at length. His answer brought looks of skepticism and worry on other's faces.
"Are you sure?" Bobby asked. "After all, he didn't exactly part on good terms."
"I'm pretty sure that he'd like to see me once again, even if he doesn't want to come back." Sam replied.
"Sam, you've left him a dozen messages." Adam said. "He hasn't bothered to answer even one of them. What does that tell you?"
"Look, last time I tried calling him, his cell was switched off. And Dean's cell is never switched off." Sam explained. "Which means he is trying to cut off all contact with his old life. He probably didn't even check any of his messages, which means he probably doesn't even know that I'm alright. Trust me, once he sees that I'm okay, he won't care about anything else."
"Yeah, but is that the kind of guy you want with you?" Christian asked. "One who will stick around for the good times and bail on during the bad?"
"Screw you, Chris." Sam replied. "Dean has been there for me more than you'd ever know. And I can't blame him for finally having had enough."
"Where will you even find him?" It was Adam again. He really seemed not be very keen on the idea of having Dean back.
"At Lisa's ofcourse." Sam replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Dean said he was going to take a break. Where else would he go? Tomorrow morning, we're leaving for Indiana."
In the end, they weren't able to make it to Lisa's for two whole weeks. Adam found a hunt for them the very next morning. Sam suspected that he'd spent the night looking for one. Anything to avoid meeting Dean again. Nevertheless, there were people's lives at stake and they couldn't ignore it just for one man. Dean would have to wait.
So they had gone on the hunt. One hunt had turned into a three and Sam had felt Dean's absence during every one of them. They had dismissed Dean as a sub-par hunter, not needed and in the way, but they hadn't realized how Dean made their lives easier in a million small ways. Whenever they entered a town, Dean had always been the first one to case all the bars, picking out which ones were best suited for their hustling. Pick out one that was too posh and they wouldn't find a mark, all the patrons being too careful of the rugged individuals. Pick one that was too seedy and it was teeming with people like them, people who lived on the edge of civilization. Any attempt to hustle there would inevitably lead to a bar fight. Hell, even if no one trying to hustle and playing an honest game of pool, the patrons were always loath to parting with their money without a fight. Sam had realized that when they had barely escaped from one of those joints, running from an irate biker gang.
Money was another issue that Dean had always taken care of. He had always kept a close eye on the balance left in all their credit cards and had always picked out which ones to use when. Adam had recently lost one of them when he gave a credit card and an identity card to the motel manager, both with different names on them. The manager, being a law abiding citizen, had called the cops and the Winchesters had bailed before they arrived. Sam had also failed to notice when the rest of their cards had lapsed, leaving them in dire straits, financially.
"I'm sure there is something worth selling in your trunk." Christian said, after they had narrowly escaped going into police custody.
"What do you mean?" Sam asked, confused.
"Sam, how do you think the Campbells fund their hunts?" Christian explained. "We have got a lot of such things, being passed down through the family. When needed, we sell them for a few mill and we are set for the next few years. Every now and then, we find something worth selling and keep it for the future. These things we find are worth a lot if you know the right market. Hell, if we sell those angel knives, we'll be set for life."
"You are kidding, right?" Sam asked, shocked. "These things can be very dangerous in wrong hands. Imagine what would happen if one of the demons got their hands on the angel blades."
"So what? You and Dean just destroy everything you find that you can't use?" Christian said. "No offence, but that's just stupid. What about this?"
Sam briefly looked away from the road to look at the item that Christian was holding up. It was Dean's amulet.
"Where the hell did you find that?" Sam asked sharply. "Give it back."
"Relax, it was in hidden below the back seat. I'm guessing you put it there." Christian replied, looking careful at the artifact. "It looks like a protective charm of some sort. Easily worth a few thousand."
"It's more than that. That amulet glows hot in presence of God. Ideally, it could be used to find Him." Sam explained. "And that thing belongs to Dean. We are not selling it."
"Really? Because I've never seen him wear it."
"Chris is right." Adam added from the backseat where he'd been sleeping until now. "If that thing can find God, it's gotta be worth a lot. And Dean clearly doesn't want it. So, why not sell it?"
"Are you even listening to yourself?" Sam said, angrily. "We are not selling that or anything else in the trunk. We have gotten by on credit card scams before and we will keep doing that."
That had been the end of the subject. They had borrowed some money from Samuel to tide them over till the next card came along. But money wasn't the only problem here. Even during hunts Sam felt Dean's absence because there were a lot of things that he took care of. He always knew which less than reputable areas to visit to get information and he knew how to make get the information out of reluctant witnesses without strong-arming them. In the year that Sam had hunted without Dean, he'd always gotten people to talk through a combination of intimidation and threats, a technique that the Campbells had favored as well. He had run into a fair share of problems due to that, getting incomplete information at times and getting nothing but lies at others. Dean had him beat at that as well. Sam might be good at reading people, looking for tells to see if they were lying, but that just didn't cut it with seasoned liars. Dean always had a sixth sense about these things.
The breaking point came three days into the third hunt since killing Raphael. They were hunting something that was killing cops and criminals alike and the whole thing had been a disaster. In hindsight, Sam could clearly see all the mistakes they had made. Their first mistake had been with the pretty cop on the vice beat. Adam had come on to her a bit too strongly, while Sam had been too aloof. Neither had quite managed to hit the right combination of professional but open to fun like Dean had always managed so effortlessly. Their second mistake had been with an informant. They had questioned him as the FBI, thereby putting him on the guard. Dean would have gone with a fellow criminal. Their third mistake had been to use the afore-mentioned cop as bait. They hadn't figured out what they were dealing with yet, nevertheless they had assured the girl that they would protect her. They had failed. They had come out a little too late and had found the cop bleeding on the ground from three deep slashes across her chest. She had died in surgery. The creature had escaped after figuring out that hunters were in town.
"These things happen, right?" Adam asked, looking guilty. This was the first hunt where he had failed. "Atleast no one else will die here."
"Yeah, but this thing will start over somewhere else." Sam replied. He had no words of comfort to offer his brother. Not at this moment. "We screwed up Adam. No two ways about it. We need to get Dean back."
"How could he have changed things?"
"Well, Dean would never have gone for putting the girl's life at risk like that." Sam answered.
"Really? You are telling me that Dean has never used civilians as bait before? That's bullshit." Adam said.
"He has. But he always made sure that they knew what they were getting into. We lied to this girl because it was more convenient that way." Sam explained. "Adam, you have to realize that while hunting, you come across a lot of issues where 'it's for the greater good' doesn't cover it. There is a line that if you cross, you become no different than the things you hunt. Dean always knew where that line was. This is why we need him back."
"Okay, fine have it your way." Adam capitulated. "Just give us a few more hunts before that. If we go to Dean now, he's never gonna let me live this one down. He'll try to use it as an excuse to kick me off the team."
Sam looked at his father for confirmation and just got a shrug in reply. John had been acting as their information gatherer from the other side, communing with other spirits and the like. He had been ambivalent about the prospect of getting Dean back. It was his firm opinion that leaving Dean out of hunting would be best for his eldest, given Dean's recent decline. After all, atleast one of his sons was getting a shot at normal life.
"Fine." Sam agreed. "Bobby called about a salt-and-burn some time ago. I guess we could look into that before."
"A simple salt-and-burn? Isn't that a little below your pay-grade?" Christian asked. He had joined them just for the last part of the hunt as back-up, thereby avoiding all the guilt Sam and Adam felt. "I mean, we just took down Raphael, the biggest mofo this side of the veil. Going for a silly little ghost at his point seems a little anti-climactic."
"A hunt is a hunt." Sam answered, confused.
"Still, we are the Campbells, you know. We rarely talk on small fry. And you are one of us now. We have a reputation to uphold." Christian continued.
Sam had noticed this attitude in all the Campbells before. Their pride in their position among the hunting community. The usually delegated smaller hunts to other contacts, focusing only on what they deemed to be worthy of their time.
"Does Samuel think like that too?" Sam asked. "Because I remember that he chewed me out when I suggested we back off the shifter hunt. I thought it was the work of some psycho at that point."
"Samuel knew that an alpha was involved that time." Christian replied. "Crowley had handed him the hunt himself, after all. C'mon Sam, we could all use a little bit of rest. Until something bigger comes along."
Sam looked at Adam and his father for their opinion. Adam just shrugged in reply.
"Well, I would never have gotten as close to Yellow-eyes as I did if I had taken up every little hunt that came across my way." John said. "Being able to pick and choose hunt sis an important quality for a hunter."
Dean would never have gone for it, Sam thought. For Dean, every hunt meant potential lives at stake and that's why he had given equal importance to each and every one of them. They needed Dean with them because all these years, Dean had been the voice of reason among them, their conscience.
"Okay, fine, we'll skip this hunt." Sam accepted. "Then I guess we are going to see Dean tomorrow."
"What?" Adam said, surprised. He had not seen that one coming at all. "Wait. Fine. We'll go on the hunt."
"You'd rather go on a hunt than see your brother?" Sam asked. "How much do you hate him?"
"No one hates Dean." John interrupted. "We all just think that he is better off out of this life."
"Well, thanks for including me in the vote." Sam replied sarcastically. "We're going to Lisa's tomorrow. Atleast I am. You guys can come with me or not. Christian, you better sit this one out. I don't think Dean's gonna like you coming."
Sam had said the final word on the subject and no amount of subsequent arguments from others moved him. Christian left that very night and Sam and Adam packed their bags, preparing for their journey tomorrow. Tomorrow, Sam smiled to himself; they were going to see Dean again.
Another car, a blue Sedan, pulled up in front of Lisa's house as soon as Sam and Adam got there. Sam saw Ben get out of the car excitedly, running towards the Impala. His face fell a little as he saw Sam and Adam get out, but greeted them enthusiastically none the less.
"Hi Ben." Sam returned the greeting. "Good to see you too. This is my little brother, Adam."
"I didn't know Dean had another brother." Ben said, shaking Adam's hand. Sam felt a little irritated that Dean had left Adam out of any conversation he'd had with his new family.
"Dean's brother, huh? That must make you Sam Winchester." Another man, the driver of the Sedan, walked up to them. "I have to tell you, I've heard a lot of things about you guys from Ben here."
"All good, I hope." Sam replied. "And you are?"
"Jack Shore. Ben's father." Sam saw Ben stiffen a little at the introduction. "I have to tell you, your brother, he has not been a very good influence on Ben here."
"Excuse me?" Sam said, confused at the man's demeanor.
"Yeah. Ben here seems to think that Dean is some kind of a hero. But all I see is a homeless, jobless bum who mooched off Lisa for a year and then left her hanging." Jack said coldly. "Lisa does not need a man like that hanging around."
Sam bristled up in defense of his brother but Ben beat him to it.
"Would you give us a minute, Dad?" Ben said. Sam didn't miss the sarcastic inflection on the last word. "I need to talk to these guys privately."
Jack shrugged, walked away, back to his car and drove off without another word. Ben was looking irritated at the man.
"So, your father, huh?" Sam asked.
"He's my birth father. That does not make him my dad." Ben replied. "He came back a few months ago. Said he had cleaned up his act and wanted to be a part of the family again. And he has been hitting on Mom ever since. But he doesn't even begin to compare to Dean and Mom knows it. Well, enough about him. What are you guys doing here? And where is Dean?" Ben looked worried and the confused faces before him. "Dean's okay, isn't he?"
"Yeah, Dean's fine, as far as we know." Sam replied. "But we came here looking for Dean."
"Here? Sam we haven't seen Dean since that night he came back, acting all weird." Ben said. "What makes you think he'd be here?"
"Well, he was going to take a little break from hunting." Sam replied. "We naturally thought that he'd come here."
"So Dean doesn't know about the other thing? About Mom?" Ben asked. "She told me that she'd called him."
"What are you talking about?" Sam was now thoroughly confused. "What other thing?"
"Uh – you guys better come in." Ben replied, leading them back into the house.
Adam and Sam quietly followed Ben back into the house. Everything in there looked as normal as possible, like a comfortable family home. Lisa came out of the kitchen in response to Ben's shout and Sam immediately saw that she didn't look normal. She looked a lot different from the last time Sam had seen her. Sam's jaw fell open in surprise as did Adam's.
"Lisa – you – uh - ." Sam stuttered.
"Yes Sam. I'm pregnant." Lisa replied, stroking her swollen belly. "And nice to meet you too."
"Uh, sure." Sam replied, still grappling with the situation. "How far along are you?"
"Almost nine months." Lisa replied.
Nine months. Sam did some quick mental arithmetic. They had gone to Scotland about nine months ago and Dean had visited Lisa for the second last time just after returning.
"Yes, it's Dean's." Lisa said in reply to the question Sam was about to ask. "Is he here with you by the way."
"No, he's taking a break from hunting." Sam replied. "We thought he might have come here. Lisa, why didn't you tell Dean that you were pregnant?"
"It wouldn't have changed anything." Lisa said.
"The hell it wouldn't."
"Sam listen, I wanted to tell Dean. Really, I did." Lisa explained. "But he was still a hunter. He could come back and live with us but that would only put us all in danger. And I can't do that to either of my children. There was a reason we broke up and this baby doesn't change that."
"He had the right to know." Sam almost shouted. "You can't just go about deciding what's best for him on your own."
"Really Sam? You are saying that?" Lisa replied, reminding Sam of his own secret. "What do you think Dean would have done if I had told him? Either he'd have come back to us full time, in which case he'd have been miserable, or he'd have tried to be a part-time Dad. Neither of which would have been best for the baby."
"You still should have told him." Sam said. But he knew that Lisa was right. Having Dean Winchester as the father would definitely mean a difficult life for the child. But it still wasn't Lisa's decision to make.
"Sam, can you tell me what happened that night?" Lisa asked. "Dean seemed so freaked out and he never told me why?"
"Does it matter?" Sam asked, still unwilling to discuss the subject that brought up such feelings of guilt.
"One of the reasons I decided not to tell Dean was because I didn't want a repeat performance of that night." Lisa explained. "He almost hurt me that night and he hurt Ben. I kind of made the decision to keep this a secret based on that."
"He barely pushed me, mom." Ben said.
"He was trying to protect you." Sam replied. "Look, the only reason Dean came by that night was because he thought that he was going to die. He had been infected by vampire blood and he was turning into one. He kind of wanted to see you for the last time."
"Dean's a vampire?" Lisa gulped.
"No, there was a cure and he's fine now." Sam replied. "Look, it was my fault that it happened. And I should have told him about the cure sooner. It's a long story, okay, but don't base everything on that one night. As soon as he felt himself turn, Dean ran away to protect you guys."
"See, I told you there was an explanation." Ben crowed to his mother.
Lisa limply sat back on a chair, remorse covering her features.
"He was trying to protect us." She said. "I thought that he was unreliable. Dangerous even."
"Dean is dangerous. But never to you guys." Sam replied.
"I think – I think I want him to know about the baby." Lisa said finally. "I made a mistake in not telling him."
But the fact was, as Sam realized then, that they now had no idea about Dean's whereabouts. He had been so sure that they would find Dean here that they had never considered any alternatives.
Sam and Adam stayed at Lisa's for the afternoon and left with promises of calling them as soon as they found Dean. As they drove off, two things hit Sam with force. Firstly, he was going to be an uncle. A new member would be coming into their family. Dean's child. It didn't matter what Dean might want, he was going to be a part of that child's life. Secondly, Dean was now officially missing. They had no clue as to his location and they had no way of finding it. Especially since most of Dean's possessions, including the Impala, were with them.
It looked as if Dean had disappeared off the face of the earth. They had absolutely no luck finding him or any trace of him. They had located his cell phone to a ditch a little distance from the Singer Salvage Yard, with a little help from Castiel. It looked like he'd thrown it away the very day he'd left them. They took every hunt that had the possibility of making Dean take it, specifically the ones with Dean's favorite preys, werewolves, vampires and the like. The hunts were there was little ambiguity about the bad guys. They had spread the word through Bobby's widespread hunter's network, but to no avail. Even Castiel and their father had no luck finding Dean through their spiritual contacts. All they could tell them was that Dean was alive and in this world. Sam was cursing the day Castiel had put on the shielding sigils on their ribs. Those things hid Dean from every conceivable locating spell they could think of.
Sam had hoped that somehow Dean would have gotten the news about Lisa's pregnancy. They'd left messages on every number Dean had ever had. He was hoping that Dean would be present at the birth of his child, but that didn't happen. A month and a half later when Lisa gave birth to a healthy baby boy, little Steve Winchester (named after Lisa's father), Dean was still nowhere to be seen. Sam had stuck around for a few days, till Lisa got back on her feet, growing to love the little kid more and more, but a hunt had called him off. Sam regretted that it were his actions that had robbed Dean of seeing his first child and he desperately hoped that he'd get to make up for them.
That had been his fault all along that he had never tried to make up to Dean for anything. He'd always thought that the wrongs he did against Dean were so unforgivable that he couldn't even begin to make up for them, That may be true, but it didn't excuse his not even trying. Dean had always given him a second chance and Sam had accepted it gratefully, trying to get forgiveness from others because he'd already received it from his brother. But he wouldn't let that happen again, Sam promised himself. If they found Dean again, he'd appreciate his brother like he'd never done before.
In fact, Sam was finding new ways of appreciating Dean every day. It wasn't just that Dean took care of the finances or so many other little things that made his life easier. Dean's entire presence was necessary for Sam to keep his sanity during the hunt. It would be so easy to slip back into old habits, Sam thought. Habits that had been there whenever Dean wasn't. The obsession with the hunt. The disregard for lives of others. The hunger for power and revenge. Dean had always kept him grounded in reality. And not just him. Throughout his life Dean had performed the same duty for Dad and whoever he'd hunted with.
Sam had hunted without Dean for extended periods three times in his life. Once when they were trapped in the Trickster's universe. Next when Dean had gone to hell. And the last when Sam had come back from hell. Each time Sam had become this harder, unfeeling version of himself that he'd hate to become again. Every time he hunted without Dean, he'd lost sight of his goal and ended up hurting a lot of people. People he was supposed to protect. And Sam was morbidly afraid of letting it happen again.
But keeping him on the straight and narrow hadn't been the only thing Dean did for him. Hunting was a tough job and no matter how stoic you were, after a time it got to you. No matter how much you hunted or how hard, there would always be people dying out there and sooner or later that fact got to you. It wasn't long before you started wondering if you were making any difference at all. Every hunter Sam knew struggled with that and that thing affected their whole life. Hunting became their obsession to the point they couldn't feel anything outside of the hunt. Even during the hunt, the sense of accomplishment, the pleasure at saving lives, got lost when started thinking like that. After that, hunting was more of a mechanical thing. You hunted because you had to and that was all you could do. Such people would never enjoy a moment's peace and tranquility in their lives. Bobby was one such hunter. So was Samuel and their Dad. Sam hadn't seen this before because Dean had never let him. Dean had never let him lose sight of what they were fighting for, he'd never let Sam think that what they were doing didn't matter in the grand scheme of things. It might be a simple brotherly gesture like going out for a few beers or a few kind words or even distractions provided by his crazy antics, they all served to relieve Sam from the tension of hunting, the same way they had done for their father before him. Even when Sam had been buried knee-deep in this life, Dean had protected him from it. But now Dean wasn't here anymore and the job had started to get to him.
Though it seemed like it had gotten to Adam first. He had become an excellent hunter, a little too good a little too soon, in Sam's opinion. But after their first failure, Adam hadn't let moral dilemmas of what they were doing bother him as much. He had seemed a little too comfortable with this life. Actually he seemed to be hiding under the cloak that what they were doing was for a good cause and that excused almost anything. That wasn't a good thing for a hunter. Sam knew from personal experience which way that road led. But their father didn't care. In fact John had never cared about what they had to do as long as they accomplished the hunt. And the Campbells seem to foster his attitude.
Sam had no idea how bad things had gotten until a witch-hunt. Sam had suggested that Adam be taken off the case. After all, the kid was still to kill his first human. And taking a human life weighed on you. But Adam had insisted and in the end Sam had let come with him. The witches had turned out to be more powerful that he'd suspected. They had gotten two of the coven before the others had hit them with spells, incapacitating both of them. That's when Adam had taken out a crystal and chanted a spell of his own. A spell that had the effect of immediately killing all the remaining witches and healing Adam's wounds in return. A spell that was obviously black magic.
"Where the hell did you get this thing?" Sam shouted, shaking the crystal in Adam's face once they were back in the motel room.
"Give it back. It's mine." Adam yelled, making an unsuccessful attempt at snatching it back. "Samuel gave it to me, okay?"
"And what about black magic? My God, Adam, did you make a Deal?"
"No, I'd never do that. The crystal was the source of the power." Adam replied. "Look, that crystal is a source of magical power and I learned the spells from one of Bobby's books. I've been learning quite a few of them and I'm getting good at it."
"Adam, it's called black magic for a reason." Sam said. "That kind of thing is addictive. That power itself can corrupt you."
"I'm not an idiot, okay?" Adam shouted back. "Samuel told me all about that crystal. How many hunters had used it before and how they'd been corrupted by it. I know the risks. Samuel said that I was one of the best hunters he'd ever seen and that I could handle it. He'd have given it to you but he said that you were dead set against such things. That's the only reason I didn't tell you."
Sam slumped back into the chair in defeat. He had no idea that it had gotten this bad.
"And Dad is okay with it too." Adam added. "He knows about the crystal and he doesn't care. Samuel said that I was smart enough to know which lines not to cross and that was why he trusted me with it. Above Christian and Gwen or any others."
"Jesus, Adam. You have already crossed the line and you don't know it." Sam said. "You crossed the line the moment you started thinking that it was all okay as long as you were using it for good purposes. It doesn't work like that. These things have a way of biting you in the ass."
"You are so full of crap, you know that." Adam replied. "You keep telling me about the difference between hunters and monsters, like there is some invisible line separating us. But as far as I know, I haven't killed nay innocent people."
"You already did." Sam shouted. "That little spell you did back there, it killed everyone in the house except for the two of us."
"They were witches - ."
"I'm not talking about them. There were captives being held in the basement, did you know that?" Sam yelled. "Two kids and your spell took them out as well."
Adam sat shocked for a moment. He had never considered the possibility of collateral damage with his spell.
"Well, they were casualties, right?" Adam said slowly.
"Dammit, Adam, there is no such thing as acceptable casualties." Sam replied. "If any other hunters got the wind of this, they'd come after you. Jesus, if Dean was here - "
"Dean? Is that all you think about?" That seemed to snap Adam right back to anger. "Are you telling me that he has never made mistakes?"
"Oh he has made plenty of mistakes." Sam replied. "But not like this."
"You know what, I'm sick of this." Adam said. "You keep saying that it is easy for a hunter to lose himself, but you haven't told me about a single one who has."
"Well, then let me tell you." Sam replied. "I did. That's right. Me. I wanted to kill Lillith and I got addicted to demon blood because it boosted my psychic powers. Dean did everything to get me to stop, begged me even and I didn't. And it turned out that that was what the bad guys wanted all along. I opened the cage to Lucifer. I let him out and started the apocalypse. That good enough for you?"
"No, it isn't." Adam replied. "That sort of thing doesn't happen without demonic manipulation and if you were stupid enough to be manipulated, that doesn't mean I'll be. You got any more?"
"Lots, in fact." Sam said. "There was a hunter called Gordon. He'd go after all vampires, even the peaceful vegetarian ones that weren't hurting anybody. He came after me and got turned into a vampire as a result. Then we had to kill him. There was an old friend of Dad's who was going to kill an innocent woman just because she happened to be pregnant with a Rugaru. Samuel worked for a demon for a year and sold us out to him. He'd have gotten us killed. And don't even get me started on Dad and Bobby."
"What about Bobby?" Adam asked.
"Adam, why do you think Bobby doesn't hunt anymore?"
"He's old, isn't he? I mean he's smart enough to know when he's past his prime."
"Bobby might be many things but past his prime isn't one of them." Sam explained. "He used to quite the hunter back in his day and he, like you, got into black magic. And it got bad, to the point that he couldn't see a creature without letting lose a spell. He was this close to selling his soul for power. He'd even summoned a demon to do that, only she didn't offer him enough power. But Dean pulled him back. I don't know what he said or how he convinced him, but he made Bobby see what he was doing. I happen to know that Bobby got a lot of people killed and he's still carrying it around with him. He's not retired because he's old, he has retired because he's too afraid of falling into that trap again."
"I never knew that." Adam said softly.
"There is a lot you still have to learn." Sam said. "But you can't learn them from your mistakes. Because once you make them, you'll have to live with them the rest of your life. You get that?"
"Yeah, got it." Adam replied, contritely. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize how bad it could get."
Sam nodded and then, looking back at the crystal, he smashed it to pieces on the floor. Adam didn't even flinch at the sound, giving Sam some confidence in his brother's repentance. It was his turn now, he thought. Dean had tried to protect him from himself all these years and now it was his responsibility to do the same with Adam.
Tension hung thick in the air in the aftermath of their fight. Tension that was cut sharply by the sound of the phone ringing, seemingly too loud in the quiet. Adam was still looking guiltily at his feet, so Sam went ahead and answered the phone.
"Hey, Bobby." Sam said into the cell. "Listen, this isn't really a good time. Can I call you back later?"
"Well, you better make it a good time boy." Bobby shouted from the other end. "Better yet, get your ass back here as soon as you can."
"What's the matter?" Sam asked, suddenly worried. "What happened?"
"Your brother happened, that's what."
Dean. Oh God. There was finally some news on him.
"Is Dean okay?" Sam said. Adam looked up from his shoes, now interested in the conversation.
"No, he ain't." Bobby replied. "That idjit has gone and got himself arrested. Get back here, pronto."
Chapter three completed. Hopefully this was a bit better than the last two. Stay tuned for more. And keep reviewing.