Part Five.

~*~ 6 days later ~*~

Thick steam billowed over the shower screen, engulfing the small bathroom of yet another faded motel room. The searing water was turning Dean's skin a fluorescent pink as he felt the beer and whiskey chasers pumping heavily through his veins. He was drunk, he could tell that much, but it wasn't nearly enough to mask the pain he felt. The pain that Alex was gone. Silent tears rolled down his reddened cheeks, mixing with the heated spray of the shower, as he closed his eyes, leaned against the icy grey tiles and remembered.

"Dean... There's something I've been meaning to tell you."

The way she smiled out of the corner of her mouth. The way she always smelled like vanilla and cinnamon. The way her softly curled hair fell onto her shoulders.

"I'm pregnant."

He squeezed his eyes tight shut and let out a strangled sob, leaning heavily on the tiled wall and moving further into the blistering water. He allowed the tears to fall freely for the first time in what felt like an eternity as he drew shuddering breaths through gritted teeth.

He clicked the shower off to hear the cry of his child echoing through the thin motel walls, and for a second he felt anger rise in his chest. If she had never fallen pregnant, she wouldn't have had complications. She would be sat in that bedroom, iPod in hand, studying details of their latest case, her eyebrows knitted close together like they used to when she was deep in thought.

Occasionally, he'd wake up early in the morning and for a split second would forget everything had happened. He'd take comfort in the thought that Alex was sleeping soundly in the same room. Then painful memories would creep into the corners of his mind and his heart would skip a beat or two before he tried to swallow the lump that had risen in his throat and buried his head back into his pillow.

Throughout all this, Dean would tell no one.

Dean took a moment to collect himself, swallowing hard and putting on his gameface, not knowing if it was for Sam's benefit or his own. He got dried and dressed and made his way into the other room, pulling yet another beer from the stocked fridge. Perching on the edge of his bed, he opened it and took a long gulp of the icy alcohol, feeling it run down his throat and into his stomach.

He slowly closed his eyes and tried to think of anything except Alex. Anything except the fact he had a son. He tried to focus on the Christmas Sammy gave him the protective Egyptian amulet, but Sammy's pre-teen baby face faded to a vision of his child at the same age, asking the same question Sam used to ask his big brother.

"Why don't we have a mom like everyone else?"

Dean tried to focus on the fact it was Sammy's voice echoing in his head, his little brother, the brother he'd sworn to protect with his life ever since the fire.

He tried instead to focus on a time when they were a happy, normal family (as could ever be normal for a hunter). Just his brother, his dad and him. But the arguments between Sam and John started to seep like black ink into his clouded mind, the alcohol clearly not helping. He found John morphing into himself, standing in an unfamiliar grotty motel room opposite his 18-year-old son. The green sparkling eyes that the boy had inherited from Dean shining back at him, burning with anger and hatred. The people were different, but the argument was the same. His child was leaving him and the life of hunting for school.

"Dean..." Sam started, causing Dean to look up, pulled back into reality.

Cradled in Sam's arms was the baby boy wrapped carefully in a light blue blanket. Dean's baby boy, crying and gurgling while Sam tried relentlessly to soothe him.

"What?" Dean asked, sighing and shifting his gaze to the dull green carpeted floor. He couldn't allow himself to accept his situation, that would mean accepting that Alex was dead. No. He couldn't.

"Dean...I think Aiden wants his dad."

Aiden. Alex had chosen the name for a boy. They'd come to the agreement that Dean got to choose if it was a girl. Dean hadn't even thought of a name by the time the due date rolled around, something both Alex and Sam had lectured him about for months. Alex had agreed that if the baby was a boy, they would give him the middle name John, after Dean's father, so that's just what Dean did. Aiden John Winchester.

"Sam..." He began to plead before placing the bottle on the floor by his feet. He'd been putting off getting involved ever since they got back from the hospital for fear he'd do something wrong, his little brother taking over the care of his nephew effortlessly. It seemed to be second nature to him. But when Dean looked up and actually saw how exhausted Sam was, he reluctantly outstretched his arms. Sam had been getting up at all hours and it was beginning to show.

"You gonna be ok for an hour or so while I- "

"Just go get some sleep man, we'll be fine" Dean assured him as he was handed Aiden, feeling something along the lines of an electric shock run though every cell of his body, making his heart speed up and his eyes start to fill silently with fresh tears.

The crying slowly subsided as Dean gently rocked his child, pulling back the blankets to run a finger delicately down the cheek of his son. It was then that he realised that Aiden was the only little piece of Alex he had left.

Dean looked down at the tiny baby's wide eyes looking back up at him and a crooked smile leaked from the corner of his mouth. He didn't even need to look up to know that Sam was smiling back at him.

"We'll be just fine" Dean whispered as his son's tiny hand gripped onto his index finger.

TBC
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