§ § § -- June 26, 2001
For a long moment neither Christian nor Leslie moved. Christian stared silently at his brother lying still in the hospital bed, with his eyes closed, his face very pale and drawn, looking startlingly frail. Leslie, for her part, remembered the few glimpses of Arnulf she had caught on TV in the past and found herself amazed at how small he looked now. She looked up at Christian, who saw her movement in his peripheral vision and met her gaze with a small smile.
"So you have finally come," said a thickly-accented voice, and Christian and Leslie turned as one to see Arnulf watching them. "Come and sit down, lill'bror, you and your wife both. Introduce her to me."
Christian sighed, just loudly enough for Leslie to hear, and rounded the bed, pulling one of two chairs up to the bedside and settling into it as if for a long siege. Leslie took care to place the second chair directly beside Christian's, sitting at his right so that Christian was closer to the head of the bed. Arnulf watched every move they made, right down to Leslie's reaching out with her right hand and grasping Christian's right hand, then resting her left hand on her husband's back. Christian glanced at her over his shoulder with another smile, which she returned.
"Introduce her to me," Arnulf said again, his voice impatient for all its thready weakness. The cold expression settled over Christian's features again, and when he spoke, his voice matched his look.
"This is my cherished wife, Leslie," he said, "and my darling, this is my oldest brother, King Arnulf II." Leslie paid her respects with a partial bow from her seated position, which movement Christian took in with a scowl, as if he begrudged such deference to his brother on anyone's part. "Take a look, Arnulf, at what you tried so hard to rob me of."
"My love," Leslie said very softly, "don't go on the defensive so fast."
"It's hard not to," Christian said a little plaintively, staring at her over his shoulder again. "This whole thing is difficult for me, you're well aware of that."
"I'm still here, and I'm not going anywhere," Leslie assured him, finally getting another smile from him. He tipped aside and dropped a kiss on her mouth.
"You truly are in love with her," Arnulf said, as if astonished, and they looked around to see that he'd been watching them intently.
Christian gave him an incredulous look. "Of course I am…why do you think I was so miserable during the years with Marina?" He sighed again, gustily, and slumped a little in the chair with an air of resignation about him. "Look, Arnulf, I've been told ever since I first learned of your heart attack that you've been insisting on seeing me. Well, I'm here. What do you want with me?"
Arnulf regarded Christian and Leslie in silence for at least a full minute while they waited, both returning his stare—Christian in an expectant, chilly silence, Leslie in quiet curiosity. Gradually the king's features grew strangely wistful, regret gleaming from his eyes and his thin lips stretching into a slight, self-mocking smile. "I realize you have come here from the other side of the world on my command," he said. While his English was fairly heavily accented, he spoke it well, if formally. "I wish to thank you for doing so. I do have my reasons for asking you to come. I wonder, Christian, if you can find it within you to let me explain myself, or if I have done too much damage."
Christian's grip on Leslie's hand tightened. "I'm listening," he said guardedly.
"I can barely remember anything after I first felt the pain of the attack," Arnulf said, his gaze straying to some point on the ceiling. "I woke here in the hospital, and my chest was still very painful, and my senses were not working properly. Everyone spoke in hushed voices around me and used only soothing words when speaking directly to me. That is when I understood how bad my condition was, and I knew then that I was dying." He looked at Christian, whose face was now clear of all expression, and seemed to be waiting for some sort of reaction. When it didn't come, he looked away again. "Ah, perhaps I deserve that.
"Christian, I am sure you know all too well that you were a surprise to the family. I well remember the day Mother learned she was expecting you. At first she didn't quite know what to think. She had the daughter she and Father had been trying to get, and there were no plans for further offspring. Then she thought it might be nice to have a second daughter, a sister for Anna-Laura. When you were born, it was another shock to them to get a third son. They were simply not prepared for you."
"They didn't want me, you mean," Christian broke in tightly.
Arnulf's gaze came back to Christian's with a jerk. "So you were told, then. Father never minced words with you…I remember that also. You were very different from the rest of us, Christian, not at all like us…Leslie, you have a phrase for this, do you not?"
"The black sheep of the family?" Leslie suggested doubtfully. It didn't seem to fit Christian, but she couldn't think of anything else.
"Yes, exactly. So it seemed, at least. Father was a slave to tradition and formality, and raised us to be much the same. I certainly followed his lead, I can see that now as I look back. Carl Johan and Anna-Laura did too, perhaps less so, but without complaint. But you, Christian, you fought it with every breath, I believe. From the time you could walk and speak, you had a mind all your own and a strong streak of independence. If you had not looked clearly like an Enstad, Mother often said, she would have wondered if her baby had been switched with another in the hospital.
"Mother tended to indulge you. Perhaps that came from a scare we had when you were about three months old. A servant managed to infect you with pneumonia, and in an infant the disease can be especially dangerous. You spent two weeks in the hospital, and it badly frightened Mother. Anna-Laura cried a great deal…she had become very attached to you. But Father thought it might be for the best, if you didn't happen to recover…"
Christian cursed sharply, and Leslie winced, sliding her arm protectively around his shoulders and shaking her head. "Did your father actually hate him?" she demanded.
Arnulf looked pleading. "Mother's pregnancy with Christian was difficult," he said, "and Father felt it never should have happened. She was just past forty at the time and in those days, pregnancy at that age was thought to be medically inadvisable. For some time the family was a little undecided about Christian's arrival; then he contracted pneumonia, as I said, and Mother realized she wanted him after all. I believe she indulged him partly to offset Father's unusual sternness with him, and partly from remorse over her initial wish that she had not borne him. She followed Grandfather's lead: Grandfather found Christian a source of great entertainment and tended to encourage his escapades, until he died just before Christian's fourth birthday." Arnulf sighed. "Father did not hate Christian, Leslie. Please do not misunderstand me. It was only that Christian showed independence almost from the very beginning, and he was unable to understand or accept that; so he did not know how to deal with it."
"So he turned into a dictator with me," Christian said, his voice glacial now. Leslie shot him a worried look; he seemed almost combative, and she could glimpse the pain he was struggling so hard to hide at this new revelation.
"Yes, I am afraid you are right," Arnulf agreed quietly. "I, for my part, always approved of the disciplinary measures he took with you…but you see, Christian, that is only because I was envious of you. In my secret heart I wished for that same independence and the courage to show it. You got away with more because you were the youngest, with fewer expectations. I was destined to be king one day and must therefore be groomed for the position, so I must needs conform to Father's wishes. That was my thinking.
"And you had that stubborn independent streak all through your childhood and adolescence. I watched you develop certain coping mechanisms as you grew older. You adopted a formal mien with Father, learned to adapt to him and his demands just enough to keep him satisfied, most of the time. Occasionally you rebelled and incurred Father's wrath, as you certainly must recall, and Father would wonder what he was to do with you.
"For some reason you withheld your deepest emotions. You were most open with Mother, I think, and then around Anna-Kristina after she was born; but I can recall that even with them, you were still somewhat reserved. You must have sensed from some very early point in your life that your existence had been debated, and perhaps that taught you not to put complete trust in anyone to fully accept you."
Christian looked unwillingly impressed. "You seem to know me well."
"I saw it all, Christian," Arnulf said. "We were all raised to be distant, formal, regal, as befitted our stations in life. You were easier to reach, somehow. Mother must have left her mark on you, for you were generally a happy child, and you had the ability to love all along. But even so long ago, it was plain that it would take someone very special to unlock that ability. So here you were, a walking contradiction. You were able to make the connection to our people that the rest of us could not quite manage, yet you were always careful to hide away a part of yourself. Father and Mother watched you grow into adolescence without expressing crushes on any of your female classmates, or showing interest in girls in general, and Father began to think you must be…" He paused.
Christian started to laugh sardonically. "He thought I was gay, didn't he?" he guessed. At Arnulf's nod, he shook his head, still laughing. "That explains quite a bit to me, now that you tell me this. That's why he chose Johanna and pushed me into marriage to her, despite the fact that we didn't suit at all—isn't it?"
"Yes, it is," Arnulf confirmed. "What, then, was the true reason?"
"I was a prince," Christian said, as if it should have been obvious to any and all. "My title always seemed to get in the way of things. The older I grew, the more aware of my royal status my classmates became, in the way of children who know no better and then become teenagers who are relentlessly conscious of social hierarchy. As a prince, I stood alone. Girls either were intimidated by me, or showed interest in me solely for the bragging rights I could provide them. Don't you think that would discourage anyone in such a position?"
Arnulf nodded faintly. "Yes, I see your point," he said quietly. "In any case, Father thought throwing you at one particular girl would 'cure' what he thought were homosexual tendencies, and thus you were married at the age of nineteen. Most of us saw what a mistake it was from the day of the wedding. Johanna was cold and aloof, and it was plain that you two had nothing at all in common. Father came to me once and wanted to know, in light of the fact that you and she kept separate bedrooms, whether you had ever consummated the marriage." He saw Christian's disgusted look and smiled slightly. "No one ever knew; you certainly would not speak of it, and Johanna never did either."
"Most likely because it would have cast an unfavorable light on her, that despite her beauty, her husband wanted nothing to do with her," Christian remarked. "Not that it's any of your business, of course. If Leslie asks, I'll tell her, but she's the only one."
"The secret that will go with you to your grave, I see," Arnulf said with unexpected humor. "In any case, when Johanna was killed in that train wreck, it left you unaccounted for, in Father's words. You still showed no interest in any one woman, and he could not let the problem rest or work itself out. It just so happened that Grandfather's contract for the family's supply of amakarna was coming due for renegotiation, and it further just so happened that Count LiSciola had social-climbing tendencies. He had daughters, one of whom was mentally ill, the other a mere child. But that did not matter a whit to Father. When the count demanded that his five-year-old girl be married to a member of the family, Father saw an immediate and convenient solution to The Problem, as he used to call it. And that is why he offered you, rather than Gerhard or Rudolf. He did not mind that it would be a long wait before Marina was old enough to marry. All that mattered was that you would be properly wed to a woman."
Christian was shaking his head. "Herregud," he muttered. "I don't know what to say."
"Little wonder," Leslie murmured sympathetically. "There's not much you can say to something like that, my love." Christian nodded rueful agreement, and Leslie looked at Arnulf. "What about the women Christian was seen with between his first two marriages? What did your father say to that?"
"He expressed relief that Christian at least appeared not to be homosexual after all," Arnulf confessed. "But the contract was signed and irrevocable, so he decided to take it as a sign that marriage to Marina would work out as it had not with Johanna. Father died believing he had done the right thing."
"It seems you believed it too," Christian observed, his voice again taut with resentment. "After all, you're the one who enforced the damned contract when Marina came of age—and your timing was exquisitely bad, for when you did marry me to that girl, I had finally fallen truly in love. Had you been patient…"
"The contract was irrevocable, Christian, as I have just said," Arnulf protested, sounding strangely defensive. "Even if you had come to me or Father years earlier and stated that you were deeply in love and wished to marry, you would still have been bound by it."
"I'll never understand that," Christian said icily, "since when Father pushed me into that arrangement, I was of age and should have been allowed to decide for myself. Instead, he went behind my back and then conveniently forgot to tell me about it. When I had just met Leslie and was still getting to know her, and you called telling me I was to return here and honor the contract, I had no idea what you were talking about. I said as much, and you didn't believe me. No one ever told me about it, Arnulf, and I saw it as yet another form of control. Which brings me to the real subject: why you have always treated me as a pawn. I recall Marina phrasing it as my being a toy that you played with when you were in the mood, and threw in the corner when you weren't. Is that, too, born of your so-called envy of my independent spirit?"
Arnulf looked drained. "Yes, now that I think of it, I believe so," he said with a resigned sigh. "Perhaps the one act that conveyed that spirit to Father beyond all doubt was when you completed your military service after Johanna's death and came back, only to announce that you had rented a flat in the city and intended to move out on your own. Father did not believe you at first; he did not realize that you had gained interest in and skill with computers while you were serving, and was convinced that you would be back in less than a month because you did not know how to do anything. When it was clear to him that you meant it, and that you were making a success of life on your own, he informed you that you would henceforth have no access to the royal treasury. I saw this as only fair, and if the truth is to be known, I still believe this."
"That's perfectly fine," Christian retorted. "I don't need the royal coffers; my business is doing very well. In fact, I knew when I started my service that when I came home, I'd be moving out anyway. It was always my intention to make my own way, Arnulf."
"That was too much independence for Father to take," Arnulf said, his voice a little threadier now from so much talking. Yet he was clearly determined to say everything he had to say. "The marriage contract with Marina was intended not only to solve the problem Father had decided you had, but also to serve as a sharp reminder to you that you had duties and responsibilities: you were a prince, and you seemed to have a way of forgetting that."
Frigidly Christian said, "I don't forget, Arnulf, not for a moment. I have never been allowed to forget. There has been only one person with whom I can ever forget my station in life, and she's sitting here beside me. And I find it exhilarating to be just Christian, instead of His Royal Highness, Prince Christian Carl Tobias Enstad of Lilla Jordsö…and unofficial ambassador and spokesman for his country." He shook his head and shifted in his chair. "You'll have to excuse me one moment…I'm afraid nature is calling." He gave Leslie a rueful smile, and she grinned back, watching him rise and leave the room.
In his absence, Leslie and Arnulf regarded each other, she a bit warily, he with great curiosity. "Tell me about yourself," Arnulf requested.
To Leslie it sounded like a royal command; she was too uncertain of protocol, and had no way of knowing what and whether she could refuse him, as Christian did. "I'm 36 years old," she said slowly, "and I was born in Connecticut, in the United States…I don't know, please, tell me what you'd like to know."
"Christian told me your name was Leslie Hamilton," Arnulf recalled. "Yet he said you are Mr. Roarke's daughter…how is that possible?"
"Oh…" Leslie smiled briefly and explained this to him, and he nodded.
"It seems," he said, "that you are the focus of my brother's life. When he came here to tell me he meant to marry you and move to Fantasy Island, I simply rejected the idea out of hand. It was time that he fulfilled his duty."
"So you forced his hand," Leslie said. "Christian had gone for so long without falling in love, you didn't believe it when he finally did."
Arnulf peered at her. "You waited for him," he said.
"Because I loved him, and I still love him," Leslie said without hesitation. "Even when I thought that damned arranged marriage was some stupid royal whim Christian was trying to pull on me, I loved him. I loved him all the more for the effort he went to, to explain to me what had really happened. Did you know that's why he insisted on having the reception on Fantasy Island? He could see no other way to get to me—I'd have rejected phone calls and e-mails, and he knew it. He had to do it in person to get me to listen, and he did it without even thinking about it. He begged me to wait for him, do you know that? Marina had to explain things to make me understand what had really happened, and it took me a while to realize that he'd been trapped by the machinations of others and that it wasn't his fault at all. We found ways to see each other, and we stayed in touch, and our love just got stronger all the while." She paused, studying her wedding ring, then looked at Arnulf with resolve. "I love your brother, Your Majesty. I love Christian so much, I can't imagine my life without him in it. I'll love him as long as I live. He's a beautiful person inside and out, and I think it's a miracle he's even capable of feeling what he does, after everything he's been through. I feel incredibly privileged even to know him, much less to be his wife."
Arnulf stared at her, speechless; she nervously broke their gaze and examined her shoes. And then they both heard the door close.
Arnulf turned his head and Leslie looked up: and there stood Christian, his eyes wide, his face filled with wonder. "Are you all right?" Leslie asked, rising.
"I've never been better," Christian said softly, staring at her. "Leslie, my Rose, I've never heard anything so moving in my life."
"You heard?" she asked, startled.
Christian nodded, then held out his arms. "Come here, my darling…"
She walked into his embrace, and only then saw the tears in his eyes. "Oh, Christian, my love, you're not going to cry, are you, after all your pleading with me not to do it?"
"Hypocritical of me, isn't it, my darling?" he agreed with a shaky chuckle that jarred one of his tears loose. He abruptly hugged her hard, his trembling hand smoothing her hair. "I love you so very much, my Leslie Rose, now and forever. I love you." He drew his head back and kissed her; they had both forgotten Arnulf was gaping at them.