Puppy Days
Chapter 2
BCY: Hi everybody! I'm sooooooooooooooooooooo sorry for the massive delay of updates. You see, I'm moving to a new neighborhood and I was really busy packing and I was really b-
Kiba: Lazy.
BCY: SHUT UP! (Hits Kiba with frying pan and knocks him out.) Anyway I'm really sorry for my lateness so I decided to write this!
The Incredibly Long and Unnecessary Disclaimer!
There was quite a riot in New Hampshire yesterday afternoon when a very large crowd gathered around a young author's house. The author, whose pen name is BCY, has taken the ownership of the popular anime/manga known as Naruto and is now paying the price. Naruto Fans from around the world were protesting and fighting against this switch of ownership. BCY's mailbox was overflowing with hate mail, death threats, and letters asking him to kill the Naruto character known as Sasuke Uchiha. One of the letters read:
Dear Stupid Auther
You cannot own Naruto without becoming murdered. So I advise you to give up you F***ING BI***! If you don't, I will personally come at you with a pitchfork.
Best Wishes,
Somebody who hates you.
This letter's sender managed to somehow throw it through a brick wall and into BCY's house. Another letter was found inside an egg in his refrigerator. This one read:
Dear BCY,
Your electricity bill has been overdue for 7 years. If you wish to continue receiving electricity, please pay the total amount of $9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999.25 plus interest. Thank you very much and have a nice day.
Sincerely,
Your land lord
PS, Your rent is also overdue.
After a week of constant protesting, hate mail, and people standing outside his house holding torches and pitchforks, BCY finally decided to return the ownership of Naruto to the original owner, Mr., Kishimoto. During our exclusive interview, BCY had this to say:
"GO AWAY YOU STALKERS!"
And this concludes our special report.
Kiba: ...
Naruto: O.o
BCY: And this is the (Kiba: *Cough* FAKE! *Cough*) reason why my update was delayed.
Naruto: Didn't you just tell us that the update was late because you were moving?
BCY: Oops...
Kiba: You're an idiot, who would believe something like that?
BCY: I don't know, who would pick up a random bottle off the street and drink it?
Kiba: SHUT UP! (Jumps at him)
BCY: Bring it! (whips out frying pan)
(Cartoon fight cloud covers both of them)
Naruto: 0.0 Well... lets start the story and then we can find out who wins at the end of the chapter.
(Lee magically appears)
Lee: The flame of YOUTH! (jumps off a bridge)
Naruto: O.O
The morning sun blared through my eyelids as I slowly regained consciousness. As I yawned and stretched out my legs, yesterday's events flooded back into my memory. I looked around, half expecting to be in a hospital, but what I saw was where I was before I passed out, in the middle of the street, except that it was morning and people were there. Some of them were walking by me as if I didn't exist while others were giving me looks of disgust. What the hell? I mean hello, I'm an unconscious kid on the road, so could they at least call the hospital?
I got up to walk home. Mom is gonna kill me for going missing for a whole night without telling her anything. As I strolled down the street, I suddenly noticed something strange. Was it just me or have I gotten shorter? I shook the thought away from my head. It was probably because I was still a bit drowsy.
As I walked by a small poor-looking shop, the owner came out and dumped a bucket of water on me. I was like, holy sh**! First Naruto and now some crazy woman? Is it "Dump Buckets of Water on Kiba Week" or something? I shot the shop owner an angry glare but she didn't even flinch. She even wacked me on the head with the bucket she was holding! I yelped as a lump formed on my head. The old lady shouted "Go away you mangy mutt!" and the kicked me away. I gasped as I fell to the wet ground, pain shooting through my body. (HA HA! Kiba got beat up by an old lady!) SHUT UP! Its bad enough to be called "dog breathe" by Naruto, but now I have to deal with this stupid author person! (The Stupid Author person to you) Anyway, as I got up to teach that old hag a lesson I caught sight of my reflection in the puddle under me and then I nearly fainted in shock and horror. I WAS A DOG! (BWA HA HA HA! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR IGNORING ME!)
Oh god, why have you cursed me with such an appalling, dreadful, and horrendously terrible author? And I don't even know what appalling means!
(Appalling: adj. 1) to appall or change into the state of being appalled
To disgust or become improper.)
Um…. Hey author, did you swallow a dictionary or something? (Maybe….)
Oooookay then…. Where was I? Oh yeah I was a dog. A DOG? I hurled down the street as quickly as my four legs could take me. Approximately 72.89 seconds later I reached the Inuzuka estate panting and gasping for breath. When I finally managed to jump and paw the door open, I hurried inside.
"Mom? Hana?" I tried to call out, but all I heard was, "Arf, bark bark!" Well, at least they understand dog-speak. They'll be able to take me to Lady Tsunade to get me healed. (Oh really? I wonder what that note taped to the refrigerator says?) Ok, what dastardly evil plan did you come up with this time? …..Hello? YAYZ! HE FINALLY SHUT UP! Wait, didn't he say something about a note? I swiftly ran to the fridge only to find that I was too short to even see the note. As I stared at the smooth surface of the refrigerator, I suddenly notice my reflection. I looked pretty handsome, even for a dog. (WHAT? *COUGH! SPLUTTER! CHOKE!* *faints*) I looked somewhat like a cross between a beagle and a Jack Russell terrier. I sighed. I still think that I look much better as a human. I quickly jumped on the kitchen table to get a closer look at the note the author mentioned. The loopy handwriting was definitely my mom's.
I suddenly screamed "WTF!" and fell off the table. The note on the refrigerator promptly read:
Dear Kiba,
WHY THE HECK WEREN'T YOU HOME LAST NIGHT? Well I guess it's good news for us though. We wouldn't want you here anyway. The whole family is going on a surprise vacation to Hawaii and you just had to be late for the night we leave. Well too bad for you, we're leaving. See you in another month!
Love,
Mom.
I HATE YOU STUPID AUTHOR! GO ROT IN HELL YOU CRAZY MONSTER! (Hey! You know, I can still-) I laid on the ground sobbing and bawling my eyes out. How could he? I frinkin' HATE him! (*frantically* H-hey Kiba! Please don't cry! I-I um…. *thinking* I know! I'll go ahead in the story and rewrite it so its less painful! *quickly flips through pages*) I hid my smirk under my paw. How can he be so stupid?
Two Hours Later
"YOU CALL THIS LESS PAINFUL?" I screamed as I ran down the streets like a missile. (it got better, trust me! Before the rewrite, it involved another male dog in heat.) You have an evil mind for an author, you know that? (thank you. Good luck, I have to go get my daily cup of lemonade now. See ya!) While the author helped himself with some lemonade, a very tired and very terrified me was being chased by a very annoyed, yet very determined group of dog catchers. The main question that formed in my mind at the moment was, "WHY THE HECK DO THE HAVE CHAIN SAWS?" I quickly squeezed through a crack in a fence, turned at a corner and sighed. I think I finally got away-
"Awww, you're so cute!" an all too familiar voice said as it picked me up. When I turned around, I was facing none other than the most idiotic ninja in the history of the village. Well, at least it was Naruto and not some other chain saw wielding dog catcher.
"I'm gonna keep you!" Naruto said happily as he hugged me.
"SAY WHAT?" I barked out loud. Of course, Naruto didn't understand me but he did hear it.
"Don't worry little doggy, I'm gonna take good care of you!" Naruto cooed softly as he carried me home. I sighed heavily. At least he cared about me, unlike some old lady I can mention. When we reached Naruto's house, he put me down on the floor and said "Wait here while I cook you dinner."
Dinner? I thought with my ears perking up. I suddenly noticed that I haven't eaten since last night. My stomach growled fiercely as I sniffed around Naruto's apartment. It was average sized, nothing fancy, but I immediately notice the heave scent of ramen flowing around. There was suddenly a small ding! I turned around to see Naruto place a bowl of instant ramen on the ground.
"Sorry boy, I don't have any dog food yet. Hope this will do for know." Naruto said apologetically. I smiled as I began to help myself. There is no way in hell that I will begin eating dog food. Meanwhile, Naruto ate another bowl at his kitchen table. I finished off my ramen in a matter of seconds and fell asleep. A few minutes later, I was prod awake by Naruto.
"Hey boy, time to take your bath." Naruto said in a toothy grin. I immediately woke up and shot toward the other end of the room. There is absolutely no way that I will be bathed by Naruto. NEVER! But somehow, after chasing me around the house for a few hours, him finally locked me in the bathroom with a bathtub filled with steamy water. I sighed for the fifth hundredth time that day and jumped in the tub. I'm going to regret this. Suddenly the bathroom door opened to reveal Naruto wearing absolutely nothing! AAAAAAUUUUUURRRRGGGGHHHHHH! I'VE BEEN MENTALLY SCARRED FOR LIFE!
Naruto didn't seem to notice my pain as he jumped in the tub with me. NOOOOOOO! MORE MENTAL SCARS!
"Calm down boy!" Naruto laughed stupidly as he took a scrubber and started cleaning me. I slowly began to relax but I didn't dare to open my eyes. It actually felt good to have my belly scratched….. until he started scrubbing lower. Wait. H-he isn't going to go there is he? No, No, NO.
!
Naruto: O.O… wow…. They haven't stopped fighting yet.
Kiba: (with a black eye and torn clothing.) huff…huff…. I'M GONNA KILL YOU!
BCY: (with a couple of cuts but otherwise fine) Good luck with that!J
(Kiba jumps at BCY)
(BCY dodges and puts "sit" collar on him)
Kiba: WTF? Were you watching Inuyasha when you wrote this?
BCY: Yup! And now you're my slave! Go bake me a piece of pie!
Kiba: NEVER!
BCY: SIT!
(BOOM!)
Kiba: owie… where did you say the flour was? L (walks away)
Naruto: Wow…. You're evil.
BCY: Thank you! But I'm starting to run out of Ideas so please review to tell be more ways I can torture Kiba!
Kiba: Wait! Don't! He's evil enough alread-
BCY: SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT!
(BOOM!)
(We are facing technical difficulties.)