Hi everyone!
Thank you all so much for all of the reviews on the last chapter! I really am so grateful to all of you for reviewing and keeping me feeling inspired! It's definitely much appreciated.
This prompt was requested by Dvallas1 and is a follow up/continuation to Whenever You're Ready - so please go and give that a read first. I hope this is okay and what you were after lovely! Thank you so much for requesting. I loved writing this!
Enjoy!
When Sheldon returned home, he found the apartment engulfed in darkness. This was an unusual occurrence, Amy was always home before him, he would often come home to find her in their little kitchen preparing dinner or curled up in the corner of the couch with a good book. Walking into the apartment and not being greeted by that weirdly made him appreciate those little moments even more, it was a comfort, she was his home.
Sheldon decided to head across the hall where he would sit it out and wait for Amy there. He wasn't sure what had come over him recently but he didn't really relish the thought of being alone like he used to. Being alone gave him time to think, to think about the baby they both so desperately wanted but seemed to be taking forever to achieve, what if it never did happen? What if for some reason it was his fault it couldn't happen? Would Amy leave him? Would he want her to leave him? After all he just wanted her to be happy. Of course, the baby that they had lost was never far from his mind either, what if that had been their only chance, their only hope. Plenty of people only get pregnant once, what if that had been their only opportunity.
Shaking those thoughts away for a moment, he turned on his heels, deciding to pay Leonard, Penny and baby Lucas a visit. Sheldon was gradually warming up to their son, he wouldn't admit this but he actually enjoyed spending time with him, now that he was six months old he was much more responsive and alert to the world around him, he wasn't just some sleeping baby that would lay in his arms. He now had character.
As he turned, Sheldon caught a small glimmer of light shining through the thin glass panel on their bedroom door. Amy couldn't be home could she? He started to panic and his heart began to beat faster, was this an intruder? He really did feel like he needed to head across the hall, to grab Leonard for back up or maybe even Penny she was probably better equipped to deal with this, but something made him stay, something kept his feet grounded to the floor and in apartment 4A.
"Amy" he called as he edged closer to the door, not entirely sure what he was playing at, anyone could have been behind the door. "Amy" he tried again, now he was stood right outside the door, so close that if Amy was to suddenly open the door and walk out their bodies would collide, clashing into one another.
With slightly shaking hands, he reached for the handle, pulling it down and opening the door just a crack. He felt his whole body relax and his heart rate instantly decrease when he saw Amy sat on the bed, her back to him. The light from her bedside table illuminating her, it was clear from the sniffles he could hear and the way her shoulders were gently shaking that she was crying.
"Amy" he said her name again, gentler this time and maybe not so urgent. She startled at his presence, quickly turning round and wiping her tears, it was clear that she probably hadn't heard him calling her name just moments ago.
"Sorry, I didn't even know you were here" her voice was quiet as she wiped at her cheek. She hated crying in front of people, she hated crying in front of sheldon.
"Why are you crying?" he asked as he moved around the room, sitting down next to her on the bed.
"I'm just being silly" she shook her head. She didn't want to tell him, she wanted to protect him, if this stirred up half of the emotions in him as it did in her, then she simply didn't want him to know.
"Amy" he sighed, placing his hand on her knee. Wanting to avoid eye contact, Amy refrained from looking up at her gorgeous husband but that didn't stop his eyes burning in to her, silently demanding answers. She knew she couldn't keep this from him, the logical side of her brain told her that he needed to know.
"I think I might be pregnant" she revealed, her lip shaking as she tried to keep the tears at bay.
"You do?" she could hear the excitement in his tone and it broke her heart.
"I don't know for sure" she started rambling. "I was talking to Penny about not feeling great and she kind of planted the idea in my head" she explained. "I think she might be right" she spoke quietly, gazing up at him beneath her lashes that were wet with didn't want to voice this out loud but she felt very similar to the last time she discovered she was pregnant.
"Amy, I'm struggling to understand why you're crying" he sounded somewhat apologetic for not quite grasping why she was so upset. "Is it because your scared?" he asked, it seemed like a likely reason.
"A little" Amy nodded, she knew he wouldn't fully comprehend her emotions but what made Sheldon love Amy more than anyone in his life is that she understood. She didn't snap at him for not getting inside her head and knowing her thoughts, she just calmly explained. "Sheldon, what if it's negative?"
"Then we keep on trying" the answer to her question was very black and white, it was the only answer in Sheldon's mind. If the test came back negative then they would just keep on trying. They weren't naive to the statistics regarding trying for a baby, let alone trying for a baby in your mid to late thirties, it would take some time, no matter how frustrating, they had to be patient.
"Okay" Amy nodded. "Then what if it's positive?" Sheldon couldn't have been sure but it seemed that this alternative made her cry even more.
"Then we're having a baby" he squeezed her knee again rather excitedly. "This is a good thing Amy, we both really want this," never did he think those words would leave his lips with regards to children, it went without saying that Amy would be the most natural, caring, wonderful mother. The way she had taken care of him over the years, how calm and understanding she was, how kind and caring, they were all in Sheldon's eyes her most beautiful qualities and the qualities that would make her shine as a mother.
Sheldon on the other hand, still couldn't quite see himself yet as a father, maybe it was because it was a role he never saw himself wanting to fulfil or maybe it was because he hadn't had the greatest of fatherly figures in his life, that he was scared of not being successful. Regardless of that though, he was desperate for this baby, he wanted a little mini version of himself and Amy, someone that he could love unconditionally and in turn would love him. He had seen his best friend blossom in that role over the past few months and this a long with Amy's miscarriage only cemented his decision on becoming a father more.
"But we've been here before haven't we" her voice was quiet as she dredged up the past, it was silly of Sheldon to not realise that this was why she was crying. The fear of what happened before now explained everything. "I don't think I could go through losing another baby, the last time nearly broke me, it nearly broke you" she went quiet for a moment. "It nearly broke us" her hand had found his now, she needed to feel even closer to him.
Her last sentence hit him hard. Amy's miscarriage left her numb and utterly heartbroken, he had never seen her that low. Having to watch her in pain and cry her heart out knowing there was absolutely nothing he could do to make her feel better was quite possibly one of the hardest times of his life.
She was right though, it had nearly broke them, they had pushed each other away and didn't open up for a long time. It was the only moment in his life where he felt he may lose her for good. It took Amy a long time to build herself back up, probably longer than Sheldon had realised. Even when he thought she was okay, he would sometimes return home to find her crying, they could go days, weeks even without anything and then suddenly it would hit her. Sheldon realised this was normally after she had spent the day with Penny and Lucas where the reality of what she was missing out on, what could have been, hit her hard.
"Just because it happened before, doesn't mean it's going to happen again. It doesn't follow a pattern" he explained gently. He really had no idea what the likelihood of it happening again was, he could only hope and maybe even pray that it didn't happen again.
"I know" she knew Sheldon was right, despite hating to admit that, but it still didn't make her feel any better. She wanted this baby so much, they both did, more than anything in the world but it was the hope that killed her. Hoping that in nearly nine months time she'd be holding their little baby son or daughter, that she'd be someone's mother, the thought of that suddenly being taken away from her all over again was too much to even comprehend. She told herself then that she just wouldn't hope, at least that way she couldn't be disappointed.
"But whether you're pregnant or not, we need to know" Sheldon reasoned. He knew Amy was scared and now he completely understood why but sitting here and wondering wasn't helping anyone, they needed to know either way to be able to move forward.
"I guess you're right" Amy sighed, removing her hand from Sheldon's, for a brief moment she buried her head in her hands before looking up at her husband. "I did buy a few tests earlier" she admitted, maybe without realising she had allowed herself to hope just a little.
"A few?" Sheldon asked, surely one would do the job just fine.
"Just to be sure, they can sometimes give out false positives" again, maybe she was willing to pin her hopes on more than one test. Sheldon was meticulous and although he didn't want to think about how expensive the tests were, he admired Amy's thoroughness. "I guess I should take them now" she muttered, looking at Sheldon for reassurance.
"Now would be good" he nodded. "Do you want me in there with you?"
"I have to pee on them, you know that, right?" Sheldon had always been avert to any bathroom habit of Amy's, he even hated the sound of her brushing her teeth and now here he was offering to be in the same room with her whilst she peed.
"I won't look"
"It's okay" Amy laughed, she was grateful that even when she felt like this, without meaning to he was able to make her smile. She leaned across to her nightstand, opening the top drawer she pulled out two tests, Sheldon could see there were more in there but refrained from asking how many. "You don't have to be in there with me" she rose from the bed and made her way across to their en-suite bathroom, stopping at the door, she turned to face Sheldon. "You'll be right here, won't you?" she asked, any confidence she had slowly slipping away.
Right there and then, Sheldon didn't know if she was asking if he would be right there whilst she took the test or whether her question went a little deeper and she was simply asking him if he'd always be right there with her.
"Of course" he nodded, his simply and genuine answer, answering any version of what her question could mean.
As he watched Amy close the door behind her, he realised how much he wanted this. How much he wanted the results to be positive, even after everything they had been through last time. He wanted to have a baby with her, he wanted, more than anything to start their own little family.
Not really knowing how long he had been left alone with his thoughts, his attention was brought back to the moment when he heard the bathroom door creak open. Amy had been an emotional mess in the bathroom, she was grateful that Sheldon had given her sometime by herself to just be. Never had she wanted something so much but also been so been scared, oddly it wasn't the final outcome that scared her, she knew they would make amazing parents, it was potentially not making it to that final point, just like before, that terrified more than anything.
"Do we…"
"We don't know yet" Amy interrupted him. "We still have a minute left, I didn't want to wait on my own" she told him as she took up her position again on the bed next to him. They sat in silence for a while before Amy's phone went off, signalling that the time was up. "Can you look?" she asked him. "I'm too nervous" he felt nervous too but when he saw her hands shaking he found himself nodding in agreement.
Taking the tests from Amy's hands, he turned them over to reveal the results. All the memories from before came flooding back, they had had so many negative tests in the build up that seeing those two lines indicating that Amy was pregnant meant everything to them, seeing that result again would mean just as much, if not more. Blinking a few times just to be absolutely sure his eyes weren't deceiving him, he saw four lines, two on each test staring back at him.
"Amy" she picked up on the fact his voice was shaking. "There's two lines, on both of them, there's two lines" with the more words he said the more excited he became. Amy had to see this for herself and leaned across to see the lines Sheldon had been referring to.
"Oh wow" Amy whispered, her eyes were filled with tears. "I'm really pregnant" she couldn't quite believe she was lucky enough to be in this situation again.
"You are" he couldn't stop himself from smiling. Seeing how emotional Amy was, he draped his arm around her and pulled her close to his chest. "We're going to have a baby" she could hear his smile as she cuddled close to him, taking comfort in his scent.
Immediately, her hand went to rest upon her stomach, although it didn't feel like it just yet, there was a tiny little life under palm that instantly she loved more than life itself. This time round she was even more determined to keep her little baby safe and have a little hope that everything would turn out okay.
Thank you so much for reading. As always reviews are always welcome and so appreciated! I really do love hearing all your thoughts!
Now, because you are all so amazing and have given me loads of ideas and writing inspiration, I am closing prompt requests for the moment. This is just so I can catch up and then I'll open them again, everything requested so far will be written and then once they are all done (if you all still interested), I'll open them up. Thank you so much - I'm so grateful for all of your requests.
Lots of love. xxx