A couple days after Valentines Santana arrived at my house unexpectedly climbing through my window and finding comfort at the edge of my bed, grasping something very tightly in her hand, so much so that it was wrinkled and I noticed it was the valentines day card.
She seemed so far away when in reality she was only a few feet from me. She was hesitant and I could see the hidden sentiment in her eyes as she rose and walked towards me, "The merry go round, that was a great day Britt." Her words felt heavy as they left her lips as if she was slowly decaying within, "Always moving but never going anywhere… that's how we are, right?" She said with ripe words and a fake smile overtaking her features as her eyes drifted to the floor expecting me to answer.
I stood there unable to move, she was right though. We were always moving, always leading each other on but never putting the label on our relationship or whatever it was. I stared at her for a moment that smile that had no meaning was upsetting, why did she keep pretending and before I could even process my thoughts I blurted out the question, "Are you happy San?" Her eyes met mine the deceiving smile left her face, she knew it wasn't fooling anyone.
She walked closer to me and exhaled deeply, "…no."
The silence filled the air and I felt the weight lifted; at least she wasn't lying anymore.
But before I could even delve into the topic of us she made her way back out the window not even saying goodbye. I should be grateful that Santana had even come after all this was Santana opening up and even though she was running away again at least she had let me get past her walls and into the very core of her recent behavior, at least she trusted me enough to let me know she wasn't okay.