Days like these she was an anchor on my heart preventing me from floating into the meaningless routine of school responsibilities. I barely stayed awake in any of my classes. I had stayed up all night mostly crying into my pillow and trying to convince myself that Santana would come through my window with an apology and maybe sweet lady kisses but that never happened.

She wants me to give up, to stop trying to make her admit the things she feels inside because she's scared and I wonder if I should just give in to her, maybe I should just let her win. This was putting a strain on not just her alone but me and I felt worse with each day that passed and not a word between us was shared.

She wants to feel something but she's too scared to want to feel love. I contemplate whether I should tell her it was okay, that we didn't have to say those three words, that friends would be enough for me. I leaned against my locker as Puck passed me by giving me a wink before opening his own locker on the other side.

I glared at him, he was so smug, he thought Santana drooled over him but she didn't, he was just a warm body to her, he was nothing. I continued repeating the things I would tell her in my head but my mind immediately went blank as I saw her down the hall.

Her eyes locked with mine but she turned the other way standing in front of Puck and I stood there opposite them showered in jealousy. She was dangling all my emotions in front of me as if to test me to see if I would finally accept the fact that she was too scared to begin anything with me. I sighed closing my locker, I admitted defeat.

"So where's the white rhino, Puckerman?" Her voice still had the harsh tone as if the delicate girl a couple nights ago had never existed. "Must be feeding time at the zoo." She was cruel taking personal attacks and I knew it was just an act, a way to keep up her bitch reputation but I couldn't help but think that I could make her a better person if she would only let me.

I decided that eaves dropping on a girl you love probably wasn't the healthiest thing so I picked up my books and slowly headed the other way with my eyes glued to the floor trying desperately not to look back at her. Unable to see what was in front of me I ran into Lauren, "Sorry, I didn't see you there." I said politely as I glanced back at Santana and Puck and I knew this would be a repeat of that horrendous valentines week.

Lauren pushed me aside as she made her way towards Puck and Santana and I felt my heart drop. I swallowed hard as I tried to build up the courage to walk away but failed.

Santana turned around to face the girl who was about twice her size but there was no fear in her dark brown eyes almost as if she had expected this. "Well look who it is, poplin fresh." She said in that same snappy tone that was constantly getting her into trouble and I could feel the pain that would ensue.

Lauren stared down at her, her hands curled into fists already, "Do you really want me to kick your ass again in front of the whole school Dora the explorer?" Santana didn't even flinch at the threat, she stood there chest out and eyes stern. I already knew she wanted to feel it, to feel that pain of a fist coming down on her face. I was hoping she would just walk away but Santana would never do that. I saw her step closer to Lauren a smirk across her face as she whispered something, "Go ahead, hit me." she had initiated it and I knew I wouldn't be able to bear it again.

I ran towards her, stepping in front of Lauren just as she was about to raise her fist, "Stop!" I shouted louder than I expected as I became a shield over Santana. "Please, stop the violence. If you're going to hit someone hit me." I said in a more hushed tone as my eyes begged Lauren to just leave.

Lauren sighed then began walking the other way with Puck. I exhaled deeply in relief and then turned around to face Santana, ready to endure the lecture about getting in the way of things and such. She stared at me but there was something different in those eyes. She wasn't angry or sad or anything, if I didn't know any better i'd say there was a hint of surprise in them.

"Why did you do that Brittany?" She asked as if she didn't have a clue but I think she just wanted to hear me say it, to hear me say how I didn't want to see her get hurt because I cared about her, because I loved her. I felt like I was being forced to relive the rejection over again and I didn't know if I could bear it, I couldn't tell her, I couldn't say those words knowing she wouldn't reciprocate them. I felt tears swell up in my eyes as my jaw clenched. "You know why." It was all I muttered as I ran down the hall turning into the empty choir room where I sobbed uncontrollably.

I heard the footsteps, I refused to let her see the tears. Wasn't it enough that she had my heart now she wanted to watch it bleed. When my tears stopped falling I looked up at her expecting nothing more than a meaningless apology.

She didn't wear her signature bitch face and her arms weren't crossed which seemed like a good thing, at least I knew she didn't chase after me to argue.

"Britt, why are you running away?" She said and I could have laughed if I wasn't overcome with sadness because how could she ask me why I was running away when she was the who had been running this whole time, running from me, running from her feelings.

Instead I stood there motionless, "Because I cant stand there and just watch you walk away from me Santana. I didn't want to see you get hit in the face by Lauren…I just… I care so much about you it hurts to even be in the same room as you." My tears returned as I spoke as if I could no longer control my words. I kept speaking holding nothing back, "I know you're scared and i'm scared too, of being with you of taking care of you but i've never been scared of loving you, never. Loving you is all I know how to do and you just, you think it's so easy to push those feelings away and forget them but I cant do that, i'm not as strong as you are Santana, I cant lie to myself like that because I love you and i'll probably always love you." I felt like my insides had been spewed out, my heart naked on my sleeve as my eyes grew red and puffy from the excessive crying.

She stepped closer to me but remained silent until she grasped my hands unable to keep her eyes from mine. She was hurting I could see it through her every movement and every breath, she was crushed inside the way I was crushed on the outside. She squeezed my hand and pulled me closer as if the space between us was the cause of my tears. Her lips crashed against mine and I let her do it, I let her kiss me. I had craved it ever since that night in my room even though I knew it would be immediately followed by heartache I savored it.

Her lips were soft, delicate, passionate. Her hand gripped my waist lightly as her frame pushed against mine and I felt as if nothing else mattered but this moment, because that's all it would be after all, just a moment.

She broke the kiss and I felt some of the weight lifted from my aching heart. "I love you Brittany, I've always loved you… I thought that if I denied it long enough it would go away but it just grew stronger and I needed you more… but I was scared, scared of loving someone like you." Tears began to roll down her cheek as she left herself exposed with all her emotions and all of her guards down, "Because you're not like everyone else Brittany, you're kind and sweet and you love me even when I don't deserve it… I wanted you to have someone that could give you the love you needed, someone that would appreciate everything you are. I thought that I deserved the worst and maybe thats why I keep going after Puck because I thought we deserved each other, but I don't want him, I never wanted him, all I want is you." She pulled me closer into a tight hold her tears soaking into my jacket as I stood there holding her.

She was vulnerable, there were no sarcastic remarks no sly look on her face, nothing. She was just Santana, the Santana I had fell in love with at the carnival and I knew she was completely broken apart at this point but she was finally allowing me to mend the pieces, she wasn't running away anymore.

A small smile formed across my face as I held her, the smell of her hair filling my lungs as I felt at ease, "Are you happy San?" I managed to whisper in her ear. She pulled out of my arms to stare at me and she had a sparkle in her eyes that made me feel as if I were floating, "With you… i'll always be happy." She said with that smile, the smile I had been waiting for since we were ten and it was finally there right in front of me.

She was happy, we were happy.