TOW Justin Bieber
Rachel sat nervously at the coffee house with her friends waiting for Justin Bieber to show up.
"Why are you so nervous Rach? You've met famous people before." Chandler said as she patted her leg.
"Yeah, but this could go one of two ways. Either he likes my style and it gets me a promotion or he hates it and I get demoted to the mailroom and have to work with creepy Steve. The guy only has 3 fingers!"
"Ew." Everyone shuddered simultaneously as the bell chimed on the door. A teenager with longish hair and a guitar appeared before all 6 of the friends.
"Dear god, it's a canadian lesbian!" Chandler gripped the arm of the couch as he scanned the teenager.
"Hi, I'm looking for Rachel Green..." the teenager spoke. Phoebe leaned over to Joey.
"Is that a guy or a girl?" She asked. Joey scanned the teenager for a moment before giving Phoebe a confused look.
"I don't know...I'll ask it." Joey stood up and faced the kid.
"Hey, how you doin' ?"
"Fine." The kid shruged.
"WHAT ARE YOU!" Joey screamed as his face looked like he was trying to solve 232/13. Again.
"Justin Bieber."
"It's a guy...I think." Ross whispered to Joey and Phoebe.
"I'm Rachel." Rachel stood up and introduced herself. She and Justin shook hands before she gestured Justin to sit down in the chair perpindicular to the couch.
"It's an honor to be working for you Justin. I've heard so much about your music. How's that going?"
"Better than ever. My fans are the best. Wanna hear a song?"
"Sure!" Rachel clapped as Bieber got out his guitar.
" And I was like baby baby baby oooohhhhh. Baby baby baby oooohhhhh. How was that?"
"It sounded like the time Chandler rented bad porn from Japan..." Joey whispered to Phoebe. The two giggled as the rest of the gang stared at him.
"I mean, it was the best song I've ever heard." Joey said sarcasticlly. Chandler patted his back.
"Awww! You're so cute!" Phoebe commented. "How old are you? Like 10? 11?"
"16."
"Damn, pollution really does slow down puberty." She sunk back into the couch and took a sip of her drink.
"So, Justin, where are you staying?" Rachel asked.
"My manager said I'd be staying at your place...didn't he tell you that?"
"Ummm...no. Sweetie, listen, you can stay at Joey and Chandler's apartment!" Chandler and Joey both didn't like the idea too much and tried signaling that to Rachel. She ignored it and put on her puppy eyes. Both guys caved.
"Fine, but the lesbian sleeps in Chandler's room." Joey said.
...
Chandler ran over to Monica's apartment in a search for his sanity.
"The lesbian is singing again. You know, getting kicked in the balls sounds really good right now." Monica chuckled.
"He's only here for a week. How bad can it be?" She spoke too soon. Justin started belting out to "one less lonely girl" very loudly from the shower.
"Ok, if you can't get the lesbian to shut up in the next 10 seconds there will be one less lonely girl on this earth after I kill him!"
"Easy Mon..." Chandler put his hands on her shoulders. He had just taken a shower with chocolate cake sceneted soap. Monica recognized this right away.
"Mmm." She moaned. "Is that chocolate cake soap?"
"Yeah, Joey got it from Estelle. Eh, it's ok I guess. Why are you so intrigued by it?"
"Honey, let me explain this to you. Soap that smells like cake for me is the equivilent of lesbian porn for you." Chandler shot a satisfactory nod with his signature goofy grin at the thought of lesbian porn. He was quicky shaken out of it as Monica inhaled the aroma of his soap again. Her breath tickled his skin.
"Mmmmmonica." He moaned. "D-dammit woman...stop." He shivered as she and him got closer...and closer...and closer...Chandler trusted his instinct and kissed Monica. She kissed him back as he leaned her over the kitchen table. The two adults started fiddling with each other's shirts as the heard the door open. Uh oh. It was Ross. And he didn't look too happy. Monica and Chandler both froze. Not knowing what to do, and still bent over her, Chandler stuck his finger in Monica's mouth.
"Yup, 98.6. Healthy as a duck. Gotta run!" Chandler lept up and tried to run to the door. Ross was much faster than him and grabbed his arms and put them next to each other behind Chandler's back.
"Chandler, I could kill you right now. I could even have you arrested for invading the personal space of my baby sister. How dare you come onto her like that! That's my sister, man!"
"I came onto him, Ross!" Monica blurted out.
"What!"
"Yeah, he walked in, I smelled the soap he used and it just made my hormones go wild! I couldn't control myself, the guy smells like a cake!" Ross sniffed Chandler and nodded his head.
"Dude, you do smell good." Ross commented.
"Ok, now that I've had both Gellers smell me, may I go in one piece?" Ross released Chandler as Phoebe walked in.
"Oh good, you're both here. Mon, I found the cutest baby outfit at the store today! It'd look so cute on little baby Mondler." Phoebe held up a yellow duck baby outfit.
"Baby outfit? For who?" Ross asked.
"For Monica. She's pregnant."
"What!" Ross' face turned a shade of red.
"Mondler?" Monica questioned.
"Yeah, and I got ducks especially because of Chandler. You know, since he's the father and everything. And Mondler is just a mix of Monica and Chandler. Rolls of the tongue doesn't it?"
"WHAT!" Ross' face by this time was the color of blood.
"I take it no one told him yet..."Phoebe told herself. "Oops."
Chandler ran into Monica's bedroom. Ross charged after him and Monica ran after Ross. Phoebe shruged and left the outfit on the table as she let herself out.
"YOU. GOT. MONICA. P-PREGNANT!" He screamed at Chandler.
"Ross, listen. We've never slept together. Monica and I made that up because Joey and Phoebe are sleeping together. By telling them that we are sleeping together, we're hoping that they'll come out and say they're sleeping together."
"Oh my god. Joey and Pheebs?" He put his hand over his chest as Monica and Chandler nodded.
...
Joey was across the hall in his apartment with 'the lesbian' as he called Justin, trying to teach him how to be...well, Joey.
"The next thing I'm gonna teach you how to do is how to unhook a bra with one hand."
"What's a bra?" Justin asked. Joey facepalmed himself.
"A bra is what women wear to protect...their 'ladies'. Like we were a cup to protect our 'men'.
"Oh, I think my mom has one of those."
"A bra?"
"No, a cup. But I think she has one of those bra things too." Joey gave the 'boy' and odd look and paused for a second.
"Anyway, the trick is to-" There was a knock on the door. Joey got up to answer it. Phoebe was there.
"Hey Pheebs, come in. I need you for a demonstration. Turn around."
"Ok" She giggled as Joey closed his eyes and fiddled for her bra and unhooked is effortlessly.
"Bam! And that's how it's done." Justin clapped. "Now once you get to my level, you'll be able to just look at a bra and have it just pop off."
"What's next professer Tribbiani?" Justin eagerly asked. Phoebe giggled.
"I thought that was what I called you." she whispered.
"Well, I offer two classes. Introduction to being heterosexual, and a one-on-one training class. That's what you're enrolled in." He winked and nudged her side playfully.
"Next is a little thing I'd like to call 'the line'. This line never gets old. Now, the trick to make it work is your body language. Pheebs." She stood facing him as he leaned against the counter and scanned her from head to toe.
"Hey, how you doin'?" He asked slowly and in a lower octave voice while having the corners of his mouth form a playful smirk that almost said 'come hither'. Phoebe giggled and turned to the side to cover her mouth.
"See? It gets 'em everytime. Oh, and only do this to people you find attractive. If you ask everyone how they're doing, they'll get confused."
"Got it!" He gave Joey a thumbs up as Ross, Chandler and Monica came in the apartment.
"Ross, you didn't kill Chandler!" Phoebe exclaimed.
"Yup, I decided that they're both grown up and it's their decision. Even though they used a lot, and I mean a lot, of protection, one of Chandler's little guys was just so darn determined to just get in there." He looked over at Joey and Phoebe as they both awkwardly shifted.
"Whew, is it hot in here...?" Joey tugged at his collar as eveyone shook their heads. He sat down.
"Well thank god I'm not pregnant!" Phoebe said. She looked at Joey and mouthed 'I took a test'. I don't think Joey had ever been so relieved in his life.
"Well, I better go make dinner. You guys coming over?" Monica asked as she and Ross headed for the door. Joey, Phoebe and Chandler nodded. They left.
"I'll be in my room if you guys need me." Chandler said. As he walked by Justin spoke.
"Hey, how you doin'?" Chandler stopped dead in his tracks as Justin winked at him. Chandler just stood there speechless while only his eyes moved as the creepy teen smiled at him.
"Bad lesbian!" Joey scolded. "Go sit in the corner with the duck!"