Author's Note: Takes place during season five's Disaster Relief. The impetus for this chapter is the beginning of the episode where CJ explains to Donna how to handle Josh after Carrick left the Democratic Party. I always thought it was interesting that CJ was the one telling Donna how to handle him as if she had to help Josh through something before. On a side note, watching Constituency of One and Disaster Relief back-to-back can really bum you out. Everyone is so sad.

"Hope"

It was late. CJ had finally gotten back to the White House after the disastrous trip to Oklahoma. She had worked a full day. Her head ached from the stress of the last two days. She returned to work and had to hear an earful from Leo, who hadn't wanted them to go to Oklahoma in the first place. She had an awkward conversation with the president on Air Force One and in exactly seven hours her day would start all over again.

CJ slung her bag over her shoulder and turned off the light on her desk. She walked down the hallway and was met by Josh leaving his office.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," Josh said. He had his backpack slung over his drooping shoulder.

"How are you?" CJ asked.

"I'm okay," Josh replied.

CJ looked at him, knowing that was all she was going to get. "I'm glad. I'll see you tomorrow," she said as she walked ahead of him.

Josh watched her walk ahead of him and he looked over to the bullpen. "'Night Donna," Josh called. "We'll talk hybrids tomorrow."

"Okay. 'Night," she said.

Josh took a few steps in rapid succession and was able to catch CJ as she got to the door of the White House.

"Did you drive?" he asked.

"I took the Metro," she replied.

"Me too," Josh said. "We'll walk together."

"Okay," CJ said.

They walked out into the night air. CJ always liked the autumn air. It was cool, not chilly and the darkness gave her a sense of comfort. The darkness also matched her mood of the past few weeks, oddly enough.

"So," Josh said, breaking the ice. "Donna pulled out the 'isn't it a shame' folder today."

"Really?"

"It's come to that," Josh confirmed. The way he said it had meaning. There was a weight to the statement as if CJ should infer that the 'isn't it a shame folder' indicated that he had hit rock bottom. She was surprised.

"Anything good in it?"

"There's some stuff," he said shifting the backpack to the shoulder farther away from CJ. They walked side-by-side, their shoulders almost touching towards the gate of grounds. "It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be."

"Going through the folder?"

"Yeah," he confirmed. "At least, if I do some of the things in the folder I'll feel useful."

"You are useful," CJ said reaching out and giving Josh's arm a little squeeze.

"I'm lucky I still have a job and you know it," Josh said. "This is the Mary Marsh thing times a million."

"It's bad," CJ confirmed biting her lip. "But you'll get through it. You're getting back on track."

"Minus the legislative agenda," Josh interjected. "I really thought…this morning, Leo told me that no one wanted me there. I got the feeling he might include himself in that statement."

"I think he wants you there more than me right now," CJ said.

"What?" Josh asked. He was taken aback by the statement.

"I think if he had to choose between the two of us he'd fire me before you," CJ said.

"Why would you say that?"

"I'm not his favorite person lately."

"Who is?" Josh asked. "He's just been through a lot. He's had to pick up the slack of everything for the last few weeks."

"I know," CJ nodded as they walked. "It's been bad."

"I feel like this week everyone has been using the word hope and every time someone says it I have to sort of check myself before I say something I'll regret."

"Like?"

"Like, what's hope? I actually feel like I have to have Toby define the word for me."

CJ scoffed out a tiny breath of air that was full of contempt. "Yeah," she agreed.

"I wish I had it," Josh said. "You usually do."

"Not lately."

"You wanted the president to go to Oklahoma to give people something to be hopeful for," Josh said.

"And look where it got me," CJ replied. "The president had a brief break with the reality of his life and Leo will probably never let me voice another minority opinion again."

"On the upside I heard little Ryan Pearce asked you out," Josh teased her.

That made CJ grin. In fact it made her laugh, loudly. "Well I've got that going for me," she agreed. "He told you about that?"

"He told Donna," Josh replied. "Being asked out by the great-great-great grandson of a former president has to do something for your ego."

"Oh yeah, I'm privileged," CJ chuckled.

"What did you tell him?"

"That there weren't enough phone books in the area to allow that to happen. Honestly though, the way things are going it did kind of make my week."

It was Josh's turn to laugh. "That kid," Josh muttered.

"We'll get through this," CJ said as if she was talking herself into it. Lately she honestly wasn't so sure herself.

"Sure," Josh replied unconvinced.

They walked at a slow clip until the White House disappeared behind them. It was a companionable silence until Josh said, "Did you tell Donna to coddle me this week?" he asked.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"She met me on my way in the office on Monday," Josh said. "I don't think she'd think of that on her own."

"Donna is a very perceptive woman Josh," CJ deflected his statement. "Maybe she thought it would be nice."

"She lined up a call for me with the DNC Chair too," Josh continued. "It wasn't just busy work. She scheduled things that needed to be done."

"Isn't that her job?"

"The Donna I know would have scheduled a meeting with a bunch of lackeys to help me rouse my self-confidence. You would be the one to put me in the tank with the sharks so I didn't feel pitied."

CJ was silent. She didn't confirm his suspicions, but she also didn't deny it.

"You told her what to do," Josh pressed.

"Yeah," CJ sighed as she stopped walking. "I told her what to do."

Josh stopped short and turned around to face her. He shoved his hands in his pockets. "Thanks," he said.

CJ started walking again and Josh fell into step with her. "You're welcome," she replied. "I'm surprised."

"By what?"

"By this conversation," CJ replied. "I told Donna that you'd never come to me and talk about it."

"There's nothing to say," Josh shrugged.

"I think there is."

"Everything feels like its falling apart. Is that enough?"

"Yeah," CJ said. "It is."

"You feel it too?"

"Yeah."

They were closing in on the Metro station. The walk seemed a lot shorter than usual. Maybe that was because Josh wasn't quite ready for the walk to end. If they were walking and talking it wasn't as heavy as if they were sitting and talking and Josh still felt like he had some things to say.

"Do you think I've been doing this too long?" Josh asked. CJ didn't immediately respond and so Josh continued on, "I feel like I should have seen this Carrick thing coming. I didn't even entertain the possibility that he'd jump ship."

"I don't think Leo saw it coming either," CJ said. "He wouldn't have given you the green light otherwise. You can't shoulder all the blame yourself."

"For it to happen when it happened," Josh said letting the statement hang.

"Not the best birthday ever?"

"It wasn't about the birthday. It was about that stupid article in The Post. Did you know Amy orchestrated the whole thing?"

"No, I didn't know that."

"She thought I'd like it," Josh explained.

"You did a little," CJ said.

"It's not what we do and then to have the Carrick blow up in my face on the same day…"

"You and Amy on the outs again?" CJ asked.

"Who knows? I think so."

"You been wrong about things like this in the past," she reminded him.

They stepped onto the escalator to go underground. It was a fairly quiet evening. Of course it was also fairly late. There weren't many people around. "She got fired. Or quit. I'm not entirely sure," Josh said.

"I'm sorry," CJ said. "I know you were kind of…" She didn't know how to finish the thought so she just let it trail off.

"I think it was just because it made me feel good," Josh said as they hopped on the next escalator. "Things have been so…she was just someone to have fun with."

"Yeah," CJ said thinking. Josh took her tone for incredulousness.

"I don't think it can actually work," Josh assured her.

"No, I mean, I get it. With everything that's happened lately there's part of me who would just like to have some fun; something easy and light and meaningless."

Meaningless. CJ had used the word and that made Josh wonder. Was he with Amy because it was meaningless? He felt bad as soon as the thought crossed his mind, but it made him wonder. If he was looking for fun he could have called CJ, but being with CJ would have a layer of meaning to it that neither of them wished to discuss.

"It would be nice to feel good again," CJ said.

"When was the last time you felt good?" Josh asked.

CJ laughed. "No I'm serious," Josh said. "I really honestly can't think of the last time I felt totally relaxed and good about anything. Zoey got kidnapped, Walken was in charge and then the president came back and we were dealing with that. I mean, it's got to be months since I've felt really good."

"Do you remember when Walken was in control of things and we were just waiting for the minute Zoey was recovered so the president could come back? I felt like when he came back we'd be us again."

"That didn't happen," Josh said.

"No. It sure didn't."

They were standing on the platform waiting for the train. There weren't too many people around and they had quite a berth around them so they could speak freely.

"Well aren't we the poster children for Up with People tonight?" Josh joked.

CJ smiled at him. "You're right," she said. "But we were never really glass half full kind of people."

"I thought you were."

"I have my moments."

The train came whizzing up the track towards them. The breeze that filled the tunnel was slightly refreshing because the air had been stagnant. They walked towards the train as the doors open and found seats near the back of the train. There weren't many people in the car and they mostly seemed like the younger, bar-hopping crowd.

They sat silently as the train took off into the darkness. Now that they were seated the ride would be quick. There wasn't much time for conversation.

"You know what we need?" CJ asked suddenly.

"A drink?" Josh asked wryly.

"No, I was thinking, we need a common enemy. I feel like we've been picking each other apart and we need someone to focus our frustrations on."

"I think Toby would like that person to be Will."

CJ chuckled. "Yeah. Will is going to have to man up on that decision."

"Toby will never forgive him."

"Probably not. So, who can we hate?"

"Republicans."

"The old stand-by," CJ agreed.

"If I had anything to do with the legislative agenda I could come up with a few ideas."

"You're just benched. You can devise strategy from the bench," CJ informed him.

"I can," Josh said a little confidently. The train pulled into the next stop and a few people exited the car before it pulled away again.

CJ ran her hands over her face. It was getting late and she tired, but somehow talking to Josh made her feel better. They hadn't solved anything, but the talking was good. CJ felt like none of them had really sat down and talked to each other in a long time.

"Hey," Josh said suddenly.

CJ turned to face him when she felt his hand cup her cheek and pull her face towards his. His lips caressed hers gently as if he was asking permission before leaning in closer and opening his lips and feeling hers crash against his. He felt CJ's hand run through his hair softly and his tongue tangoed with hers in an impromptu makeout session as the train traveled through the darkness.

They both felt the train slowing and knew that they were almost to their destination. CJ pulled back a little and rested her forehead against Josh's. They were both a little breathless.

"I probably shouldn't have…" Josh started to say before CJ silenced him by placing her lips on his and kissing him twice in rapid succession.

"Don't," she said. "That was the best two minutes I've had in months."

"Me too."

They each leaned back as the train pulled into the station. "I'll see you at work tomorrow," CJ said.

"Yeah," Josh said. "Is it weird if I say I kind of needed that?"

"Not at all. Have a good night mi amour."

The train stopped and CJ got out. Josh watched CJ as she walked on the platform. He thought he caught her smiling to herself. The train took off again and he leaned back in his seat. Suddenly he didn't think he needed Toby to define what hope was anymore.

TBC