I'm updating again, originally I was going to do a one chapter a week thing. But that didn't really work out so…well I'll update when I can. How about that?

DISCLAIMER: I don't own 'man

WARNING: there might be some….lime? no lemon…ew….no lemon. SICKOS! I WOULD NEVER WRITE THAT! XP yuks. More AU Kanda, I'm sorry, you must hate that.

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Alice felt a hot stinging pain at her foot, Oh! My casts! That's why he wanted to help me. She heaved her foot to the side of the tub, and then pushed herself up. The doorknob clicked. Oh, I need to get something! She grabbed the closest thing to her, which unfortunately was the floor mat. She wrapped around her as fast as she could, which was pretty darn quick.

The door swung open, Kanda stepped in. "Uh, Alice, what are you doing?" He looked me up and down. My cheeks burned. "S-stop staring at me!" I tried to pull the mat a bit lower, but it was so damn small! He walked closer to me and towered over me. "What have you got to hide? We'll be married soon anyways, so I'll be seeing all of you anyways." He held the hand that held up the towel and gently removed it from its tight grip on the towel. I heaved a shaky breath, as the towel/mat slid down my body. My big blue eyes stared at him as he wrapped an arm around my bare waist and leaned in and kissed my neck. Then moved up and grazed my lip.

"No!" I grabbed a towel from the rack and wrapped it around my body again, and ran into the room and hid under the covers. Ew! I wasn't wearing anything! And he was holding me! And it felt kinda good…NO! it didn't feel good! Calm down Alice, you will be marrying him, but isn't this kinda early? It is early! I can't do that now! Breath Alice, breath Alice! Calm down! I breathed deeply, taking in the fragranced air of the sheets. Clean air. But I was still only wrapped in a towel, sitting on Kanda's bed.

On Kanda's bed.

Kanda's bed. Where he sleeps, Oh god! I have to get- The sheet and comforter was lifted up off me. "Eh heh heh? Hi?" I laughed nervously. Kanda looked thoughtful. "If you didn't want…never mind, it was my fault. I'm sorry Alice, I couldn't contain myself." He didn't look at me. I felt guilty, like it was me that had some how tempted him, well, I wasn't pretty or anything, so that wouldn't be it. But if I wasn't pretty, then why would he like me in the first place? Maybe he- NO! I will not doubt him! He loves me! He does! So why doesn't it feel right? I looked at him sadly, "Kanda you do love me don't you?" I mentally slapped myself, word vomit! I have to get rid of that problem.

"Yes."

"Oh, okay." Why was I not convinced? This person has gone through so much for me, why didn't I know that? why couldn't I realize that and thank him and move on?

Moving on.

Moving on.

I've moved on too much, I've moved on from my friends, my family. I've left them behind, and I've moved on from death. I've cheated it twice now. Twice I haven't deserved it. Was this fate? Why had I cheated death twice? Why had I lived? Was I meant to meet him? Was I meant to love him like this? This terribly unrequited love with too many corners? Too many holes? Too many chances? But there has to be a reason I am living, there has to be a reason!

So I can just thank God, I have to thank him until I find a real reason. "Kanda, I'm sorry. I've been a terrible person to you, and I know you probably want to rip me to shreds sometimes, most times. But I-I just…" I sobbed, I had no idea why I was crying, I wanted to stop but the tears cascaded down my face like the first rain after years of drought. "Need closure." He wrapped my in the sheet and cradled me in his arms. He didn't say anything, he didn't need too. Sure he might have been mad, but he did a damn good job at concealing it.

"Alice, you're a hard nut to crack." He finally said. "I can't figure you out. You're so damn frustrating! But somehow that makes me want you even more. Don't worry. If you're worrying about your parents or Lenalee, none of that matters right now. Just wait and everything bad will pass."

My tears were staining his shirt, I could see it. Then I remembered, I was never a happy child, beat, I only tried to remember the good, but bad memories have to come back sooner or later. "Mommy beat me." I mumbled into his shirt. "She hated me. She drank, Daddy always tried to stop her. But Mommy is, is," I sobbed again. "Sorry."

Kanda ran his hand through my hair. "What was Mommy?"

"Mommy…Mommy…told me not to tell. I can never tell. I'm not supposed to tell. She'll hurt me!" I cried, "CAN'T TELL! She'll..Sh-She'll hit me."

"You can tell me, Alice, you can trust me. Tell me, you can trust me."

I wanted to trust him. I wanted so badly to trust him.

"ELIZABETH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ALICE?!" Mana cried. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"LET GO OF ME!" Mother screamed. I cowered in the shadows of my parents.

"You've been drinking." Father glanced at the bottle of whiskey on the counter. "You've been drinking!" He accused.

"SO? What's your problem? What have you got to say? Huh? You're never around! You wouldn't care about what I did to her!" She grabbed my arm and slapped my hard across the face. "YOU STUPID, STUPID CHILD! HOW DARE YOU FORGET TO WASH THE DISHES!"

"No mommy! No! Maria washes them! I don't wash the-" I was slapped again. I could see Father desperately trying to stop Mother.

"DON'T BLAME OTHER PEOPLE!" Her mouth was so close to my face I could smell the alcohol in her breath. "MARIA IS GONE! THERE IS NO MARIA! YOU WASH THE DISHES! I DO SO MUCH FOR YOU ALL DAY! AND THIS IS WHAT I GE-" Father grabbed me and pulled me out of Mother's chokehold.

"Elizabeth. You have gone too far. I will never let you beat my child again! I-I'm making you leave this house!"

She looked up at him, her eyes glazed and glassy. "You wouldn't dare, what would that do to your reputation? Hm? You depend on me. You can't leave me." I was crying and my arm was bruised and my face was hurting. I was bleeding from when she had scratched my arm and my legs all over. But Mother was right, what would other people think when they heard the perfect couple Elizabeth and Mana, get divorced? What would they think? That would take a huge toll on their social life. They would get shunned by their parents, their peers.

Their peers.

That's what mattered. "Mana, you're a fool and a wimp. You could never, never afford to lose me. You know that."

Suddenly I was watching this, I was watching me, getting beat, my Mother hitting me, metal spatula in one hand, and meat cleaver in another. I was frozen, I saw my seven year old self, covering from the fury of my Mother. What was my Mother. She wasn't my Mother, she was a woman I didn't know, and how did I cope with this woman? This crazy person? I wanted to scream at my younger self. I wanted to help her, but I couldn't move, I was paralyzed.

"MOTHER NO!" I cried, I was wet, I was cold. My face was all wet and I was scared. Kanda burst into my room. "Alice are you okay?"

"S-she was hitting me, then I was watching then, oh no! I told! Don't hurt me Mother! Don't hurt me anymore! I liked you when you were nice!" I covered my eyes, screaming.

Kanda shook me, "Alice tell me what's wrong. Tell me!"

I looked at him, my eyes cleared. "K-Kanda, it's okay I'm fine. Really!"

"Are you sure?" He looked at me skeptically. I didn't know what to do so I leaned up and kissed him, it was soft and short.

"I'm sure."

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Um this one was kinda short to.

But I hope you guys like it!

~byrdie