I sat in the Auditorium on Monday morning trying to hold back my tears. I'd once sat here revelling in the fact that Edward had smiled at me, and I knew now that it was all a show to embarrass the poor girl, the charity case…
I'd once sat in this very room and Edward had given me a look so horrible, disgusted and resentful that I knew he was vindictive and not a nice person, but why hadn't I trusted my instincts, instead of… Falling in love with him…
I'd cried the whole weekend, Alice and Rose had called me and I convinced them that I was fine, that I was barely falling for him, and they seemed to believe me…
But right now, sitting in the Auditorium, I felt my heart breaking all over again, like it had every time I thought about Edward over the weekend.
He wasn't in the room yet, so that made it a bit easier, but when he arrived, and looked at me, I would have to muster up my best face and my best acting skills.
What hurt the most was, telling him everything about my family and knowing that he would pass it around and laugh about it with his friends…
The door opened and Edward walked in, his bag on his shoulder and his head down. My heart jumped as I took in his perfection and I hated myself for it.
He looked up at me as he made his way to his seat, he smiled and I looked down at the sheet of paper I had on my desk. He obviously was still going on with his plan…
"Okay!" Mr Smith called, "This week is going to be very sore for your hands… This week we will be spending our time mostly on theory, so that next week you can have a full week of practice with your partners." I felt my joy at his words. This week I would hardly have any time with Edward, and by next week I knew I would have better control over my emotions… "So, I am passing round three sheets of paper. One is this week's timetable, the second is next weeks and the third is the timetable for every week after that…"
I took the sheets and glanced down at them. This morning I had practice with Edward and in the afternoon I had theory. Tuesday, Wednesday Thursday and Friday morning were spent on theory and Friday afternoon on practice…
"Now, during your practice session this morning I will be coming around to ask you a few questions on your character and how you will play it… Now off you go…" he said with a wave of his hands. At least I wouldn't have the time alone with Edward.
I made my way slowly to the room and to my surprise, Mr. Smith was already in our room. I smiled at my saviour and put my bag down, never glancing at Edward.
"Right," Mr. Smith said as he sat down across from two chairs. Edward occupied the first one and I went to sit on the next one, "Bella, tell me about Cathy's love for Heathcliff…" It didn't help when he pointed to me and then Edward... As if telling me to describe my love for Edward…
I cleared my throat, "Well, they've loved each other from the first moment they laid eyes on each other… They had their ups and downs and they fought with each other, but their love never changed… Cathy loved Heathcliff with all her being…" I glanced at Edward from the corner of my tear filled eyes, "And even though he tried to ruin her, she still loved him… And it was him she always wanted… Her love for him wasn't easy and he made it hard, but no matter what horrible thing he did… She always loved him…" I tried to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat.
"Very good Bella…" he said, smiling and nodding.
"Thank-you, sir… Could I please be excused for a moment, I'm not feeling very well…" I whispered.
"Yes, of course, take your time…" he called as I walked quickly out the door.
I ran to the bathroom and stayed there for most of the lesson. My head was spinning, my whole insides turning to mush as the thoughts came over me. The thought that I wasn't explaining Cathy's love for Heathcliff, I was describing my love for Edward…
I walked slowly back to the room, thankful that the bell had already rung and Edward would be away to lunch.
But when I walked into the room I saw Edward sitting in the chair. He bounced up and came over to me. I put my head down and went to get my bag, I tried to control the aching love and fiery anger I had for him.
"Hey." He said coming up to me.
"Hi." I said, clearing my throat.
"Have you been crying? Maybe you should go see the nurse…" he said as I picked up my bag. He tried to reach out to me and I stepped back, pulling my hand away from his grasp, "Are you okay? What's wrong?" he asked.
I turned and began walking towards the door, "Leave me alone…" I whispered as the tears began running down my cheeks.
He grabbed my hand and spun me around to face him, "What?" he asked, he sounded hurt.
I felt the anger building up and I had to let it out, "You can stop your acting now!" I almost shouted, the tears were stopping me from getting the full impact.
"What acting? What are you talking about?" he asked, squeezing my hand. I tried to ignore how the warmth of his hand made me feel.
"Your job's done now! So you've got no need to carry on!" I screamed.
"What job? Bella, will you please explain to me-"
"I've fallen for you!" I shouted, "So your job's done, no need to continue being nice to me, no need to continu-"
"You fell in love with me?" he asked quietly, he sounded happy. He was still acting.
"Yes! So you can stop your little game now, because you've broken my heart and ruined me, congratulations!" I said, pulling my hand away from his, I closed my eyes.
"What game? I don't know what you're talking about!" he almost shouted.
"Stop it! Because you do know… You're making me fall in love with you, then we'll do the play and you'll get a great mark and then you'll crush me and break my heart and ruin me just like you said you would!" I shouted at him.
Suddenly his hands were on my cheeks, wiping the tears away with frantic fingers, I opened my eyes to look at him.
His eyes blazed as he laid his forehead against mine, "I'm not playing any game… I would never do that to you!" he said fiercely.
"But-" I tried.
"But nothing. Look at me, look into my eyes and tell me that I'm playing with you…"
I gazed into his blazing eyes for a long moment and it was true. His eyes were not the hard rocks I saw on my very first day, they were now melted and a gorgeous pool of green that I could happily die in…
"But they said when you're with me, you have you acting smile on…" I mumbled, trying to remember the evidence.
"That smile is my real smile… Acting is what I love to do, so I show my proper smile, and you… I love you, so you get my proper, happy smile too…"
"You love me?" I whispered in shock.
He smiled and wiped a few more tears that had fallen from my eyes. He nodded silently.
"But they said you did it to other girls too…" I said.
He shook his head, "Don't you see Bella? Don't you see what you've done to me? I was like that… That was before I met you… When you came here, I thought you were like all the rest, and then I got to know you and I fell in love with you… I started changing and I don't ever want to go back. Can't you see how you've changed me so much?"
I reached up and touched the side of his eye, "Your eyes melted…" I whispered quietly.
"Every part of me melted, you saved me…" he whispered.
I smiled slightly, and looked up at him, "Why would you love someone like me?" I asked.
He shrugged, "Because you're you… I don't know why, but I know I do. So do you believe me?" he asked.
I looked into his eyes for a long moment and I smiled, "Yes, I do… You don't know how the weekend tortured me, thinking…" I trailed off.
"Thinking something I don't ever want you to think again…" he said, his arms tightening around me.
We hugged each other tightly for a long moment and I laid my head on his chest.
That's went it hit me. I didn't know where it came from, or why it entered my head when I was the happiest I'd ever been in my entire life, but somehow the knowledge that Edward and I could never be together, hit me like a ton of bricks aimed straight at my head.
I stiffened in his arms and he froze. "What's wrong?" he asked.
I stood there, my head still rested against his chest when the tears began again.
"What's wrong?" he asked, crushing me further into his chest. I was glad of it, because looking into his eyes now would make breaking up with him ten times worse.
"We can't!" I croaked.
"Can't what?" he asked, blind to what I was saying.
I took a deep breath, "We can't be together…" I whispered.
He stiffened and pulled me away from him, "What?" He asked incredulously.
"We don't belong in each other's worlds…" I cried.
"You're talking nonsense!" he said, I could hear the denial in his voice.
I shook my head and looked up at him, "We are too different… If we started dating and being with each other…" I shook my head again, "You're rich, you've got authority, and you've got people! I've got nothing, my mum works night and day to get us by… I don't belong here never mind being your girlfriend…" By the time I'd finished I was speaking in a whisper.
The whole time I spoke he shook his head softly, his eyes were wide as if he couldn't believe his ears. "No…" he said.
I moved from the circle of his arms, "Yes…" I nodded, I had to get away from him and stay away, if I was near him I'd never get over him… "We should stay out of each other's way, it will only make it harder…"
I turned and lifted my bag from when it had dropped, I began walking towards the door when he grabbed my hand, "Bella, don't do this…"
I let out a deep, unstable breath, "I have to, please just let me go…" I begged.
"No." he growled, he swung me around and took my face in his hands, "Tell me you don't want me…"
I closed my eyes, "I don't want you…" I ground out through clenched teeth.
"No, open your eyes, look at me, and tell me you don't want me…" he commanded.
I shook my head, "I can't…" I croaked, as new tears swam down my cheeks.
"Exactly." he said, wiping the tears away with what felt to be his kisses.
I shrugged out of his hold, "Leave it…" I commanded with more force.
I turned quickly and ran out the door, before he could object…
I reached our lunch table and I slumped down onto the seat. I looked down at my shaking hands until the tears blurred them out. I heard Alice and Rose's talking stop.
Alice grabbed my hand, "What happened? Was it Edward?" she asked.
And that's when I broke down. I told them everything, how Edward hadn't been playing with me, how he truly did like me, how he said he loved me, and how I broke up with him.
I hit my head with the heel of my hand, "I was so stupid!" I shouted, my words blocked out by the noise of the cafeteria.
"No…" they said together, Alice rubbed my hand, "You fell in love with him, that's not stupidity… That's fate…"
"A fate that can't come true!" I said, "We can't be together…" I whispered.
They both looked at each other and then they moved around the table so that they were sitting next to me. Alice put her arms around me while Rose rubbed my back.
I let them comfort me, but I couldn't help wishing it was Edward's arms wrapped around me… I cried into her shoulder and as I blinked the tears from my eyes and down my cheeks I saw Edward walk into the cafeteria.
As he walked he turned his head and looked at me, his eyes filled with the same despair as mine…
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