Farewells

A peacekeeper grabs my arm, yanking it roughly behind my back as I start to descend the stairs. I am actually capable of walking, surprising as that may be for a community home girl, I think irritably as I swear he tries to pop the bone out of its socket.

I can hear Stelson's anxious breathing coming from beside me as we walk, but I lock my neck tightly so that I don't have to look at him. I know that he'll expect me to act as his protector or something in front of the other tributes and I don't feel that this is quite the moment to be crushing his hopes in that respect.

Seriously, this kid needs to man up and stop expecting me to always be there for him because, news-flash, I'm not exactly the most fucking maternal of people. He needs to clue me in to the reason why he's always following me around.

I hear a whine of pain escape from his lips and I refuse to let myself turn around – I'm not planning on looking weak while I know there will be cameras focused on us. The other tributes only know that I'm the daughter of a victor and that should give me some pull over them for now. I don't need that to be taken away from me by being seen flapping around Stelson on nation television.

I have to clamp down on my lip to distract myself from looking around though because he's just so damn fragile, and everyone here knows that his chances of making it back out of that arena are probably less than nothing. And as much as I may want to push him away and act aloof, Stelson is the one kid who has the ability to capture my emotions and I know that he is perfectly aware of this.

Damn, trust me to get thrown into the Hunger Games with the one person who I might actually risk myself to try and protect. Don't get me wrong, I know that he's a complete wimp but since I arrived at the Community Home he's seemed like a little brother to me; desperately annoying but I still feel an irritating pang of affection towards him. I hate that he has power over me like that.

The peacekeepers shove me unceremoniously into a claustrophobic box of a room, with pale white-washed walls and a couple of mangy sofas shoved up against the walls. I think they're feeling slightly optimistic about how many visitors I'm going to receive. There'll be Mai and... nope, I've run out of names. In fact, Matron might not even allow Mai to come so maybe I'll be in the same boat as Stelson and no one whatsoever will come and see me off.

For a second, I wonder if I would've gone to say goodbye to Stelson if only he had been chosen for the Games. Probably not, I decide after a few minutes, it wouldn't exactly have been much fun.

The door creaks open, and Mai launches herself at me, practically knocking me off my feet. "Ouch," I mutter against her shoulder, "what are you doing?"

"You can't leave me in the madhouse by myself," she exclaims, pulling away from me with a disheartened expression on her face and making me laugh. Which seems slightly strange seeing as I'm off to the Capitol in less than an hour and my stomach is swimming with nerves.

"I'm sure you can look after yourself," I retort with a grin.

"No, Neri, you have to promise me that you're coming home. I can't cope in there without you," she tells me sternly, and I find it hard to meet her eyes.

"Of course – and then you can come and live in my victor's house with me, and we'll never spend another night in that place again."

"You can do it," she grabs my shoulder," come on, you've trained for this." They make everyone in the Community Home over the age of eleven put in a couple of hours of training every day, just so that we don't embarrass ourselves (or, more importantly in their eyes, embarrass the Home) but it's nowhere near as much as the average Career tribute and this will put me at an instant disadvantage. From the look in Mai's eyes, she knows that just as well as I do, but clearly neither of us are going to mention it.

So I don't bother replying to this because, honestly, what's the point? We both know I can't promise that I'll come home because, chances are, I won't. I can promise her that I'll try to make it back home but that probably won't be good enough for her and it will let her know that I'm in the worst possible mindset for this.

"Nerine, you have to come back," she says firmly, "remember that trick Matron taught us for defence."

Unfortunately, I remember her tale of eye gauging methods all too well and a shudder ripples through me as I consider the idea of actually doing that to another human being. I'm not saying that I plan to just roll over in the arena and let myself get killed without even putting up a good fight, but I do intend to try to hang to just a shred of humanity and that certainly means that I don't want to be gauging anyone's eyes out.

I meet her eyes, "You know that I'll try Mai," I say impatiently, "but I'm not going to make you any empty promises. If anything happens, then you just have to move on."

"Trying isn't good enough," she snaps but I simply turn away from her so that I don't have to continue this argument any longer. I'll do my best to make it back to her and she's knows that. What more can I do?

I can still feel her eyes on me though and I force myself to blink rapidly to keep myself from looking stupid and crying in front of her. As I let my eyes trail back over the walls to glance at her again I see her hands have moved to the thin chain around her neck and she's trying desperately to pull it off. For a second I'm worried that she's going to break it, so I start towards her.

"What are you doing?" I ask, confused as to why she's attempting to break her most treasured possession in front of me. If it's to make me feel bad or something then it's not going to work.

"It's your token, you idiot," she tells me grumpily.

"Don't be stupid Mai – I'm not going to take that necklace from you." It's the only thing she has left of her mother's after both of her parents were killed in a fire, and there's no way she's giving it me to take into the arena.

"It's your promise that you're going to come back home again," she says, glancing at me determinedly; her dark eyes flashing with anger as she watches me, "because I want it back again." I don't like to break her spirit by telling her that she'll get it back no matter what happens to me, but I assume that she doesn't want me to tell her that she'll be able to remove her necklace from my neck herself when my body arrives back in the District. If, I force myself to think, not when.

I heave a sigh, and dart round behind her to undo the stiff clasp of her necklace and the slinky thing falls into my fingertips. It's a silvery, but starting to rust now seeing as Mai never takes it off, not even when we have to help out on the boats and end up being dunked in the ocean multiple times. There are a couple of small white pearls dotted along its length and I know that it will remind me of home once I enter the arena.

She takes it from my hand and then fastens it around my own neck, "Promise you'll bring it back to me?" she says, fixing me with a stare that makes me feel distinctly uncomfortable.

"Of course," I answer because, really, what else can I say? No actually, I've already decided that the only way you're getting this thing back is from around my dead neck. Yeah, maybe not.

The door suddenly creaks open, and a heavily bearded Peacekeeper sticks his head around the corner, "Five more minutes," he says sternly, with no trace on his face that he actually gives a damn.

"What's the point?" I can't help muttering under my breath after his face has retreated from the doorway, "It's not like I'm going to get anymore visitors."

Mai says nothing in response to this, simply wraps her arms around me tightly and I can feel her shaking with barely held in sobs. I can't help but feel grateful that she doesn't let herself cry in front of me because then it would be much harder for me to hold back my own tears.

The door opens once more and the Peacekeeper informs us that Mai's time is up. I glance at her almost desperately, not knowing quite how to say this final good bye.

"I'll see you in a few weeks," she says, glancing pointedly at the chain around my neck and then she squeezes my hand tightly and walks out of the room, leaving me standing and smiling; wondering how she can have the conviction to say something like that.

My next visitor is something of a surprise; my old roommate, Rosa, stands in front of me, tears rolling slowly down her cheeks. We've barely spoken since I turned seventeen five months ago and moved out of the room we shared. We had never really got on with each other that well, especially because Rosa resented my attitude towards Stelson.

"I'm so sorry Neri," she whispers now, her blue eyes sparkling with water and her mouth trembling sadly.

I just grin back at her – it's much easier than trying to express to her how I really feel, "It's fine Rosa: everyone knew that this day was coming so it's not that much of a shock really."

"Stelson's not in a good way," she tells me dully and I glance at her in surprise.

"You went to see Stelson?" I ask her, my voice clearly showing my confusion.

"Of course," she replies, and I'm left thinking that maybe it shouldn't have been that much of a shock because she has always made it her business to take care of the fragile ones within the Community Home, and he's as fragile as they come.

Rosa glances at the door, and lets out a sigh, "I should go. Just... take care of yourself, ok?"

I want to laugh at these words, but I restrain myself because I sense that she probably won't appreciate it very much.

"And you," I murmur back. She lurches forwards and squeezes my shoulders so hard that it actually hurts – I wouldn't have thought she'd have been capable of force like that.

I assume that my visitors are over, so when my next one walks into the room my mouth falls open in shock.

"Shut your mouth before something flies into it," the iron-haired lady standing in front of me tells me sharply.

"Yes Matron," I mutter in response and quickly press my lips together. I have absolutely no idea what she's doing here, unless it's Community Home policy that she comes to see off those who have been reaped. I can't think why she would bother though.

"I just came to tell you to do us proud," she informs me which clears it up quickly – of course, she's worried about their reputation.

"I will," I say, nodding my head firmly; I don't plan on embarrassing anyone in that arena.

"Good luck," she says and I can't help a smirk crossing my face as she shakes my hand and disappears from the room. Even formal when she comes to say goodbye to me; I guess I hadn't really expected her to show me any emotion.

The Peacekeeper returns and informs me it's time to get on the train. My stomach flutters anxiously as my eyes land first on the black cars waiting outside to whisk us away and then on Stelson who already sits huddled in the back of one of them, his eyes trained miserably on the Peacekeeper who's guarding him.

What am I supposed to do about him?