More oddness. It started out as random SSB fluff, then developed. I'm starting to wonder about my sanity here!

As always it isn't mine.

The jukebox in the pubs corner burped gently, gave a strange metallic pinging noise, and started playing a cover version of "Hey Jude". It wasn't obvious which cover version, but that didn't really matter, they are all pretty awful! The noise in the bar had abated at the first sign of life from the machine, but rose again when the song became obvious.

Believe it or not there are worse crimes against music than "Hey Jude" and the one time, after one too many vodka tonics (and a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster) emptied into the mechanism, that the box had played a cover of "Mandy" the shockwaves had nearly destroyed the car park. Since then the clientele had treated the machine with a little more respect, after all no-one wanted a repeat or worse, a Chris de Burg cover!

It is interesting to note that the jukebox of the Star Spangled Banner plays absolutely NO original music, only cover versions. It even plays covers of songs which, in reality, have never been covered. On the other hand the borders of Reality and Imagination are pretty odd anyway, so it is perfectly possible that it picks them up from Somewhere, or indeed Somewhere Else.

Even the Proprietor isn't sure where the Jukebox comes from; he said he purchased it as part of the fittings when the previous owners sold up. The fact that the asking price was so low, and that the sellers left in a VERY fast car as soon as he had the keys in his hand is possibly indicative of something. Or not, this is just idle speculation, the buying and selling of unreal estate isn't really my bag!

It STILL doesn't explain the pinball machine though, although after what happened to Fermat the one time it was used no-one wants to speculate! No simple machine should be THAT inventively nasty with a steel ball and a spring. Titan was seen taking notes.

Subreality is an interesting place.

Actually Subreality is a terrifyingly strange place, where crazy impossible things happen all the time and the basic laws of Reality (like gravity and space/time) are, at best, vague guidelines. No wonder there are so many pubs there!

In Subreality anything can happen... and does... with monotonous regularity. In Subreality purple giraffes stalk the plains, giant white rabbits sit at bars, drinking tequila, fictional characters cut loose for a bit and muses, ghosts and other super (and sub)-natural beings walk.

Hang on a moment...

Giant white rabbit?

Drinking Tequila!

In the Star Spangled Banner?

OK, first off; what, who and where, plus a HUUUUGE side order of why?

I am deeply confuzzled!

Nothing new there then.

Marina walked through the door, and paused on the threshold. The bar looked as it normally did this early in the day. The few characters that were actually present were, for the most part, drinking coffee or other non-alcoholic beverages, only the giant (and dentally oversupplied) white rabbit sitting at the bar was drinking anything else. Specifically it was drinking tequila shots, and a pile of empty glasses and chewed lemon peel at its elbow suggested that it had been there a while. Marina scanned the rest of the pub, looking for a reasonably sane person who might be able to explain this phenomenon.

Atlanta Shore waved at her from a secluded corner and Marina slid thankfully into the booth besides her friend, flicking her eyes pointedly at the bar where the proprietor was wordlessly lining up a few more shot glasses.

"Don't ask me!" replied Atlanta with a small shrug, "Apparently it turned up a few hours ago and has been here ever since."

Marina rolled her eyes.

"Yep" responded Atlanta.

Marina got up and wandered over to the bar. The rabbit turned its head to look at her and she shivered as she noticed the crazed red eyes, but it just turned back to its drinks. The proprietor slid a small mug of thick espresso over to her with the ease of long practice and she gave him a small thumbs up. It was uncanny how he managed to know what she wanted without her having to go through the usual rigmarole of writing it down. She put the money on the bar and walked back to Atlanta.

Atlanta was staring at the table in the opposite corner of the room looking puzzled.

"Someone is hiding under that table!" she hissed as Marina sat back down.

Marina raised her eyebrows, and looked in the direction which her friend had indicated. There was indeed a human shape hunched under the table. She beckoned to Atlanta and they casually sauntered over.

"Hi" said Atlanta brightly as they drew close and she was rewarded with a gasp and a muffled THUNK as whoever was under the table straightened injudiciously and hit their head.

"SSSSSSHHHHHH!" Came the sub table voice, and Marina peered closer to identify the speaker. She straightened up and made the universally recognised sign for author (a finger rapidly circling in the vicinity of the ear).

"AAAAH" said Atlanta, it was too much to expect comprehension, but authors are all a little weird, so she bent down to see who it was. "Hi Crystal" she grinned, "Any reason you are under there". In answer a pale hand flicked out in the direction of the rabbit.

Atlanta and Marina just looked at each other.

"OOOOkay" said Atlanta pulling out a chair, "Tell us all."

"It is a Plot-Bunny" hissed Crystal, "Keep your voices down, I want to get out of here before it spots me!"

"What is a Plot Bunny doing here?" asked Atlanta "And why is it so big? They are pretty small usually aren't they?"

"Did you see its eyes?" muttered the harassed author "It is a Badfic bunny! I REALLY can't afford to be caught by one of them again."

Both Atlanta and Marina shuddered, although they didn't get assigned to as much Badfic as some characters, but it was always a horrific experience.

"How did it get here? They normally live in Imagination don't they?" Queried Atlanta

"Usually, but I think it is being attracted by the large numbers of Authors in Subreality, Plot Bunny sightings are getting quite common in some areas."

"But you are the only author we've ever seen here"

"I know, I think it has wandered here by mistake"

"Oh"

"I'm getting cramp!"

Atlanta just grinned.

The bar slowly began to fill up as more people filtered in, most giving the rabbit a wide berth, although it appeared to have no interest in characters (like all badfic bunnies). Various people began to congregate around Atlanta and Marina, and Crystal found herself being surrounded by a forest of legs. This suited her just fine as it made it more difficult for the Plot-Bunny to spot her, however the cramp was starting to get intense.

"It is a Plot-Bunny, and Crystal is hiding from it under the table" said Atlanta for what felt like the fiftieth time (it was actually only the 28th time, but it was getting dull). She had managed to pare the conversation down to the bare minimum.

Scott Tracy wandered over, clutching a pint of the weak fizzy beer that most the Americans preferred, he was still drinking it despite Penny's best attempts to wean him off it and on to something with actual flavour.

"Bad news guys!" he exclaimed, hooking one foot around a spare chair leg and pulling it towards the table (provoking a muffled YOW from the hiding author as a injudiciously placed size 11 came down on her fingers). "The proprietor says we need to get rid of the rabbit"

"Pity." replied The Hood, "I was getting to like it, it adds tone to the old place"

"Tone?" asked Parker "Ow does it do that h'exactly? It is a giant, h'evil rabbit."

"Well there you are then; it's pretty much self explanatory."

"Oh"

"Still doesn't explain why he wants us to get rid of it though." commented Captain Black who had wandered over with a dart in his hand.

"Apparently it is drinking the bar dry. The only stuff left now is a few bottles of those unnaturally blue vodka drinks, some strange sticky stuff in a dark bottle, which might be made from bananas and the Budweiser." Grimaces of disgust crossed the faces of the serious beer drinkers.

"That is it" decided The Hood, "It's got to go!"

"Why?"

"The next delivery isn't until Tuesday; can you imagine having to drink Bud until then?"

Captain Blacks face twisted in distaste "Only too well." he agreed with a shudder.

"So how do we get rid of it?" This last interjection came from Scott, who was less concerned about the quality of his beer and more about the horrible potential that there would be no alcohol at all left in a very short space of time.

"Ummmmm"

"No idea"

"Dunno"

"Don't look at me!"

"We could use bait to lure it out!" said Captain Magenta helpfully

"What bait?" asked Atlanta carefully.

Scott peered under the table, a pair of worried eyes peered back at him.

"I think..." he said, making a grab for the cowering author "we have some bait right here" his hand came up with a fistful of blond hair attached to a, by now very worried, Crystal.

"Oh no, oh no, no, no, no."

"Come on, it is probably the only way" cajoled Scott.

The crowd around the table stared at her and her resolve began to crumble. "I've got cramp!" she complained, in a last ditch effort to stave off the inevitable.

"Exercise, just the thing" boomed The Hood with an evil grin.

"Okay, okay. Get me two double espressos" From her pocket she drew a small packet of caffeine pills.

"Why coffee? You don't even drink coffee." exclaimed Captain Black. Crystal gave him a level stare.

"I stand a chance of getting away from that thing on a caffeine high." the author sighed, "Not much of a chance it has to be admitted!"

Two triple espressos later

"Horrible, but it's starting to kick in." Crystal was beginning to vibrate slightly as the caffeine took over. "If this doesn't work guys then you will ALL star in whatever excrescent rubbish that thing makes me produce." Some of the more sensitive members of the crowd edged carefully away. "I won't spell check it either!" Captain Black appeared to be having second thoughts, as he and The Hood manhandled her over to the door.

"Hey Bunny boy! Over here!" The rabbits head snapped around, and it licked its lips in anticipation. Crystal made a muffled meeping noise; somehow it appeared twice as big this close. The rabbit prepared to spring as Crystal was released; she hit the ground running and took off across the car park and into the mists, hotly pursued. Her fading scream away dopplered into nothing.

Captain Black shut the door firmly behind them. "Anyone care to bet whether she escapes?" he asked with a malicious grin.