I followed Daryl into the romper room, and all hell had broken loose. Beth was giving Merle a piggy-back ride, while he twirled his shirt around yelling "YEE-HAW" like a goddamn bull-rider! Jamie, Natasha and Glenn were lying on the floor, pointing at the ceiling and giggling. Kayla and Zoey were standing on two chairs, dancing to some imaginary music, while Charlotte and Annabelle were following Beth and Merle like a conga-line!
Holy shitballs! Please return your trays to the full upright and locked positions.
Daryl and I just stood there silently for a good five minutes. Then I realized that Pam and Michelle were gone … again.
"Daryl … where do you suppose Pam and Michelle went?"
"Shit, I don't know… they eat the stew?"
I had to think about that one. "I'm not sure, I mean I never saw them eat, but they told me they were going to."
"You stay here … I'm gonna take a look around. And for Christ sake, can you git Merle down from there?" he said as he nodded towards Beth.
"Uh yeah, sure Daryl …I'll just flex my HUGE muscles and pull your brother down from Big Bertha!"
"Look Sadie, we don't got time to be screwin' around! If you wanna go looking for those two, then be my guest! But don't come cryin' ta me when they gang up on ya! They ain't the friendliest broads"
I huffed. He was probably right. Dammit.
"OK Fine! Just … hurry up ok? I don't know how long I can handle this by myself"
After a long glare, Daryl turned and left me alone. Well, ok … not alone. He left me with eight children. Wait …eight?
I did a silent count, and realized that Shorty was missing too! CRAP!
I tried to get Kayla and Zoey's attention but that was completely pointless. I think for a minute I heard them singing 'Pour Some Sugar on Me'.
I decided to try the floor-bunnies next.
"Hey guys!" I tried to sound cheerful as I bent over Glenn, Jamie and Natasha.
"Do you happen to know where Shorty is?"
No answer. Jamie just reached up with her hand to feel my face.
"Dude … your face feels like rubber." She giggled.
"Thanks" I replied. Moving on …
"Hey Merle … uh why don't you come down from there?" I asked.
"Why? I'm havin' me a good 'ol time! WOO-HOO!" he bellowed.
Beth turned to me and grinned.
"Well, Merle … I just thought you might need another drink" It was the only thing I could think of.
Just then, Beth's eyes lit up. "Another drink?"
And with that, she promptly dropped Merle on his ass and went running for the punch bowl.
Annabelle laughed so hard she fell down too. Charlotte helped her up and then came over to Merle and helped him up. They were standing face to face when she handed Merle his can of Skol. "I do believe you dropped this" she said, staring into his eyes. Merle just smiled. Charlotte then began to pack the chaw for him, and opened it up, "You want some?"
I think I actually witnessed Merle falling in love and to be honest … it kinda creeped me out.
He slowly got down on one knee "I do believe I love you … marry me darlin!"
The entire room got quiet, and everyone turned to Charlotte, who looked utterly flabbergasted. Then, out of nowhere, she shouted, "Hell yeah sugar!"
Glenn yelled from the floor, "BACHELOR PARTY! Bring on the Ssssssstripperssssss!"
THIS. WAS. NOT. HAPPENING.
The chaos erupted once again and I suddenly remembered that I needed to find Shorty. I stepped outside and made a circle around the cabin. There she was, just leaning up against the back corner of the cabin.
"Oh thank God! Shorty … you all right? You're missing all of the excitement inside!"
She just looked straight ahead, and nodded.
"Um … well, why don't' you come on inside? There's plenty more to drink"
"I can't" was all she could muster.
I was beginning to get a little worried. "Well, why not?"
She turned to look at me, her eyes as black as night, "because if I let go of this cabin, I'm gonna float away."
Oh boy …
"I tell you what … how about I hold you down until we get inside, and then you can hold on to something in there? I'd hate for you to be all alone out here"
She was really comtemplating … hard.
"All right Sadie, but you CAN'T let go of me! I'm so afraid of heights!"
"OK, I won't, I promise! Just take my hand … there you go"
I led her inside slowly and she eventually decided she could "hold on" to the cabin near the kitchen area. Once I was satisfied that she wasn't going anywhere, I got her a drink … and one for myself. A very large drink for myself.
Christ, I wonder what else is in store …
I did another mental roll call and decided that since everyone except Daryl, Pam, and Michelle were in the cabin, safe and sound, it was ok to take a little break. Huh … silly me.
"All right everybody … me and my little pussyfart here are gittin' married! Time to celebrate!" cried Merle.
I dreaded the thought of anyone calling me a pussyfart … let alone Merle.
"Hey! Where's my baby bro? Dammit, I need a Best Man! Daryl … where you at?" Merle was screaming way louder than necessary. I jumped up to intervene when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see Daryl, obviously pissed about something and looking like he just ran a marathon.
"Daryl, what the hell happened?"
"We need ta talk … " was all he managed to get out before Merle spotted him and picked him up by the waist, swinging him around like a kid.
"You hear the news brotha? I'm gittin' hitched! SWEET JESUS!"
"Dammit Merle! Put me the FUCK down!" hissed Daryl. I knew something was wrong, and my only chance would be a distraction …
I jumped up on the chair and whistled as loud as I could. Everyone peered intently at me and I said the only thing that came to mind. "Who wants a lap dance?"
Oh fuck, did that really just come out of my mouth? Of course it did. And … of course Merle had to be the one to answer.
"Hell yeah! That's the smartest thing you done said all day!" As he climbed in the nearest chair and motioned me to come closer. Think fast, think fast.
"Well … eh … I meant who wants to give a lap dance? C'mon ladies … somebody's gotta do it, right?"
Thankfully Annabelle stepped up to the plate. "Aw hell, you don't gotta ask me twice!" Merle looked as happy as can be and Charlotte, being the observant one that she was yelled "OK, well who's gonna give me one?"
All eyes turned to Daryl. OH CRAP. Without thinking I grabbed Glenn off of the floor and shoved him towards Charlotte. Frankly, I don't think he would have even noticed if I had set him on Merle's lap. The girls began to shout and squeal and Merle was slapping Annabelle's ass like his life depended on it.
It gave me a chance to sneak over to Daryl.
"So … what happened?" I asked.
"My brother's gittin married? THAT'S what you call keepin' an eye on things?" Daryl gritted through his teeth.
"Don't start with me, Daryl … for fuck's sake I had to hang on to Shorty for a half an hour 'cause she thought she was gonna float away! At least no ones' hurt"
"ppffft … YET" he mumbled.
"Wha … what to do you mean" I was seriously starting to wish we had never moved from our campsite in the first place.
"What I mean is … we gotta git outta here … the sooner the better!"
"Why? Daryl … we can't just drag three other people through the woods who are hallucinating! Fuck … goddamn walkers would hear us for sure. What the fuck is going on?"
After a long pause, he said "OK … here's what we're gonna do …"