Daryl explained "the plan" to me as I stood … horrified. "You want to do WHAT?" I asked.
"Look … Sadie … we don't got much choice here!" Daryl scoffed at me.
"Wait, wait, wait … Did you really hear them say that?" I couldn't help but be a little unsure.
"YES! I told you … Pam and Michelle were out back by the shed, an I heard every word they said! If you don't believe me, then why don't you go ask 'em yerself!" Daryl was steamed, I could tell.
"Uh, you know Daryl … that's not a bad idea" I said. "Maybe I could get some information out of 'em"
Daryl looked at me like I had officially lost it. "You crazy? If they think we know their little plan, they'll pro'lly kill ya!"
"Just let me take them a drink! Women love to talk … if I'm not back in thirty minutes, you can come and save me all right?" I wasn't really asking. "Stay here and keep an eye on things for now." I grabbed a couple of drinks and headed out back to the shed, while Daryl headed inside the cabin, shaking his head at me.
I had to find out if what Daryl heard was true, so I thought I'd butter up the ladies as best as I could and hopefully not get a beating to go with it. Approaching the shed I heard giggles … oh great. I found Michelle sitting on the ground with Pam kneeling over her.
"Hey, are you guys ok?" I asked. The expression on Pam's face was pure bewilderment.
"Yeah, I guess … I mean I'm ok but something's wrong with Michelle here! She won't stop laughing and I can't get her to stand up or even move!"
"Pam … uh … did you guys by chance eat any of the stew?" I'm not sure why I asked since I knew the answer already.
"Yeah, well I didn't really get a chance to eat any yet …"
I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her close, "Don't eat any! Glenn added some mushrooms and they were, you know, special mushrooms. Everyone inside is completely tripping and Daryl and I are the only sane ones!"
Pam was stunned.
"Oh my god … I can't believe it! Wait! Even Beth?" she asked. I thought I detected a hint of a smile on her lips.
"Yep …even Big Ber—uh, I mean Beth" Whoops!
Pam doubled over with laughter and started doing some kind of "happy dance"! I really didn't know what to say.
Then … suddenly … she stopped. Her face became serious again and she pushed me a little ways away from where Michelle was sitting … still giggling, mind you.
"Sadie … how long does that stuff last?"
Why did everyone assume that I knew?
"Its hard to tell. Maybe a few hours, maybe twelve … I can't say for sure … why?" my curiosity had really peaked at her sudden change in attitude.
"I think you need to get your friends out of here … especially Daryl."
Here we go again, "Why? What's going on here Pam?"
She lowered her head, obviously ashamed of something. She proceeded to tell me how Beth has been slowly losing her mind out here in the woods, and for some reason she thinks they need to keep a few men here to re-populate! Beth wanted Pam and Michelle to kidnap Daryl! Apparently she thought Merle was too old and Glenn was to … well … "oriental" as Pam put it. Oh. My. Fucking. God.
I could hardly believe what I was hearing! Beth was completely wacked, and I started to realize that this could be more serious that I had anticipated. How the hell were we going to get out of there?
I turned to Pam, "Listen … I really appreciate you telling me this, but I've got a cabin full of delirious people in there and I'm gonna need your help to get us out, ok?"
She nodded yes. I could tell she was a little frightened.
"Don't worry Pam … Beth will never know that you told me. I just need to figure out how we're gonna do this, all right?" I put my arm around her shoulder. A minute of silence passed as I tried to figure out a way for us all to escape without killing anyone or, God-forbid, getting killed!
Then Pam jumped. "Holy shit … I forgot! I know how you can get outta here! About a half-mile back into the woods, along that little dirt path Beth has an old pickup truck. She figured there was no need for it anymore. I'm sure it's got enough gas in it to get you back to the quarry!"
"PAM! That's wonderful …"
She cut me off, "But …"
"But what?"
"Beth has the only key on a chain around her neck"
My heart sank. This just keeps getting better and better.
"OK Pam … The only thing I can think of is to get everyone drunk enough to pass out. Then, I can steal the key and send Daryl off to get the truck and you'll have to help us load up the other three in the back."
"I don't know Sadie …it ain't gonna be easy" she pleaded.
"I know, but it's our only shot! Can you help us?"
"Yeah, sure … I'll do my best" I hugged her so hard she yelped a little. As I turned to head back to the cabin to let Daryl in on our little plan, I heard screams coming from the cabin, followed by a loud BANG! Pam and I looked at each other frozen in fear.
Then … I saw something that I will never, ever forget for the rest of my life … Daryl in his underwear.
He was running around the cabin in his boxers, carrying his jeans with him followed by an angry mob of women! I heard shouts of "c'mon baby take it off!" and "come to mama darlin!"
I roared with laughter! Not at the fact that Daryl was in his underwear … no, that wasn't even the funniest part. The look on the poor guy's face was fucking priceless! It was somewhere between 'Fuck you and 'Holy shit, somebody help me!"
Just then Daryl spotted Pam and I and made a beeline towards us. I tried to think of anything … anything at all, other than the fact that Daryl Dixon was in his underwear … running straight at me. Nope, it didn't work.
"Sadie! Get these fuckin crazy bitches away from me, or I swear … " Daryl did a circle around Pam and I.
"Or what Daryl? You gonna shoot me?" I teased. He gave me an evil glare and kept running back to do another lap around the cabin … the ladies still chasing after him! Part of me was hoping to see what would actually happen if they caught up to him, but then I remembered Beth's psycho "plan" and I decided it would probably be best to help the poor guy out.
I turned to Pam, "Quick … when they get back around, help me try and distract them all!"
"How?" she asked.
"well … ask them about the wedding! " I started to explain more … but it was too late. Daryl was already rounding the cabin heading for us again. Man … he was fast! This time he was far enough ahead that he slowed down, and ducked behind me to try and pull his pants back on.
"Sadie … you better hope none of 'em touch me they're gonna git an arrow in the ass!"
By now, all the ladies were slowly heading towards us … most of them losing speed fast. I guess none of them were in very good shape. Pam spoke up, "Hey … what's this I hear about a wedding? What the hell are ya'll doing out here, shouldn't we be celebrating?"
Nice one Pam.
Zoey shouted, "Aw c'mon Daryl! The bachelorette needs a stripper too! Just do a little dance for us sweet-cheeks!" The rest of the ladies hooted.
I turned to look at Daryl, just as he finished pulling up his jeans. He left the button undone and was still shirtless, but looked very annoyed … and sweaty … and oh boy … this was not good.
I figured, if I have to be the one to save Daryl Dixon … by God, I'm gonna do it right! And maybe humble him a little in the process. I took a step to the side and held up my hands.
"Sorry ladies! You're not getting any dances from this one here … 'cuz he belongs to me!" I turned around and sauntered over to a confused-looking Daryl. I reached out and grabbed a nice handful of his ass. "Ain't that right honey?"
Silence.
"Ah-ahem! I said … ain't that right honey?" I gave him a sly grin and a wink. It took every ounce of will not to laugh out loud.
Daryl slowly put his arm around my shoulder … so lightly I could barely feel it. For fuck sake, you'd think I had cooties or something.
"Yep … ya'll leave me alone now." Daryl muttered quietly.
Just then Merle hollered from the doorway, "What the hell ya'll doin' out there? Fuck, we got more booze ta drink!"
Cheers erupted once again, and Pam herded the ladies back into the cabin. I turned to look at Daryl, whose face was completely red. He opened his mouth to say something, but I stopped him.
"Look Daryl, you can thank me later … right now we gotta get everyone really wasted so they pass out"
"Why the hell wouldya do that?"
"I talked to Pam and she told me everything. You were right … but we've got a plan to get out of here."
We walked slowly towards the cabin as I explained all of the details to Daryl. He listened intently and agreed to go along with it. Just before we reached the doorway, he grabbed my arm and spun me around.
"Sadie … How long we gotta play along with this?"
"With what?" I questioned.
"You know … you and me … bein' … together?"
I just smiled my evil bitch smile, "Well Daryl, do you wanna pretend, or do you wanna get molested by a bunch of horny strangers?" I put up my hand "WAIT … don't answer that!"
He huffed and grabbed my hand, pulling me into the cabin, "Hey Merle … let's get this thang started!"