A/N: I'm so sorry for the delay in updating. Apparently real life has decided to go into overdrive lately and kick my ass. That unfortuitly means that I might be a little slower in getting each chapter up, but don't worry, the chapters are still coming. I want to thank everyone who reviewed and/or added favorited (not an actual word, but you all know what I mean). Anyway, let me know what you think.
Chapter 7
The difficulty in life is the choice. –George Moore
Our best evidence of what people truly feel and believe comes less from their words than from their deeds. –Robert Cialdini
Puck didn't show up to math. Rachel would have shrugged it off, as going to the class was new for him, except he'd made a point of showing up since he started helping her. He also hadn't shown up for English or biology. She knew he was in school, she'd seen him several times in the halls, but he didn't come over to her, didn't say anything, just walked by as if she wasn't there. Each time it happened Rachel felt a familiar tightening in her stomach, one that she hadn't felt in months, not since they had become friends. What if he's tired of me? What if he doesn't want to be my friend anymore?
She walked slowly to glee after getting out of math with a feeling of dread that she hadn't felt in what seemed like forever. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice Mercedes and Kurt standing in the middle of the room. "Rachel."
She looked over in surprise, "Yes?"
"Mercedes and I talked it over, after your little," Kurt paused, "episode yesterday." Rachel blinked, raised her eyebrows, and wished vaguely that she could lift just one, like Noah. "We still don't like you." Rachel's eyes narrowed dangerously, "However," Kurt continued quickly, "we agreed that we have been a bit too harsh on you."
"Thanks." Rachel muttered sarcastically, turning to sit down.
"Hold up, we're not done." Mercedes said. "Just because we don't like you doesn't mean that we don't respect how talented you are."
"Even if it pains you to admit it?"
"Rachel, you're the best one in here, everyone knows that." Mercedes said softly. "I mean Kurt and I, we're good, really good, but you're better. It's hard to sit here and watch while you get the solos that we want without really trying."
"Aside from the fact that the first solo that I got picked to sing in months was the last practice, I work outrageously hard. Do you know how many hours a week I spend, outside of glee, in vocal training, in dance class, in piano lessons?" Rachel scoffed.
Mercedes and Kurt exchanged a quick look, "No, we didn't realize." Kurt started.
"Well, maybe you should think about what you're saying before you open your mouths."
"We're trying to apologize."
"No, you're trying to make yourselves feel better." Rachel took a deep breath as Kurt huffed. "However, you're right. We don't have to like each other, but if we're going to win Regionals we do have to respect each other."
"Fine." Kurt muttered going to sit down.
Mercedes stared at her for a moment, "I like you better like this."
Mercedes turned to sit next to Kurt as Santana and Brittany walked in with Mike and Matt.
"Hey, Rachel."
"Hey, Rachel."
Rachel gave a half smile to both Mike and Matt, they'd made a point of saying "Hey," to her every time the saw her.
"You going on another rampage, Joan Crawford?" Santana asked.
Rachel smirked, catching several people off guard, "Only if you use wire hangers."
Santana laughed, "You would know that movie."
"I thought that was Rachel." Brittnay whispered to Mike.
Rachel's stomach clenched when Puck and Quinn walked in. Quinn smiled at her before sitting next to Santana and Brittany. When Puck sat down next to her she let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding.
"Can we talk after practice?"
Rachel bit her lip nervously, "Do you want to talk about it now?"
Puck shook his head, "I'd rather wait 'till we're alone."
When glee was finished, finally, Rachel was fairly certain that she was going to vomit everywhere. She got up to gather her things, but Puck grabbed her wrist, tugging her onto his lap. She didn't think he realized he was rubbing the inside of her wrist. He smirked, but didn't mention the shutter that she unsuccessfully attempted to fight. "You're adopted."
She stared at him a moment, "Sort of." At his raised eyebrow she continued, "My fathers wanted a child so they chose a surrogate and mixed their sperm together." She ignored Puck's muttered "gross," and continued. "They still say that they don't know which one is my real dad, but I mean, it's obvious Daddy's my biological father. I let them think I still don't know."
"So if your dad's your bio dad how are you sort of adopted?"
"My mother gave up all of her parental rights after I was born. Dad adopted me so that if anything happened to Daddy there wouldn't be a question of what would happen to me."
"You're dads told you that?"
"What? No, of course not." Puck raised an eyebrow. "They have files of everything to do with my life in the basement. I went through them a couple of years ago and found the paperwork."
"Do you ever wonder what she was like?"
"My mother?"
"Yeah."
Rachel shrugged and squirmed slightly. "Sometimes. I wonder what her favorite food is, her favorite color, Broadway show," he snickered, "if she can sing, if I look like her. Mostly, though, mostly I miss the idea of her."
"What?
"You know someone I could go to, talk to about girl things. My dads are great and I love them, but there are some things I just can't talk to them about. Do you know how horrifying it was to have a puberty talk with my dads when I was thirteen, even if Daddy is a doctor?"
He looked at her, wanted to laugh, but he'd been there. "Probably about as horrible as it was to get a puberty talk from my mom, even though she's a nurse." He reached into his backpack, pulled out a manila folder, "Quinn stopped by my house yesterday to give me these."
Rachel took the folder, glanced through the papers, "Adoption papers."
"Yeah." He slipped her off his lap, paced angrily around the room. "Fuck, Rach, that's my kid and we're just going to give her away."
"Do you want to keep her?"
Puck kicked one of the chairs, "Sometimes. I don't want to be my dad. I don't want to be the douche bag who abandons his kid."
Rachel walked to him, ran a hand comfortingly down his arm, "What your father did was terrible, but this is completely different."
"How? I'm pretty much saying I don't want her and foisting her off on some other people to raise."
"Noah, why did your dad leave?"
"How the fuck should I know, I was nine, and he was a selfish bastard."
"Okay, why are you thinking of giving your daughter up for adoption?"
"Why the hell do you think?" Rachel raised her eyebrows. "Fine. 'Cause there's no way Quinn and I are going to be able to raise her. We're sixteen fucking years old. Her parents aren't going to help and my mom barely has enough for me and Eden. I want her to be able to have the things that she wants and I'm not going to be able to give them to her."
"There you go. You're not foisting her off on someone else to raise. You're giving her opportunities that you, yourself, may not be able to provide her. That's the complete opposite of why your father left."
"I don't want her to hate me." He said softly.
"Oh, Noah." Rachel hugged him, her heart breaking.
Pulling her closer he continued, "It's lose, lose. Either fucking way she's gonna hate me. If I give her up, give her to those assholes with the house and the picket fence and the dog she'll hate me. And if I keep her she'll hate me 'cause she wont get the things that she wants."
"Or she'll love you for giving her a life with the house and the picket fence and the dog. And if you keep her she'll love you for doing your best for her. Kids don't just want toys and material objects from their parents."
"Why does this have to be so fucking hard?"
"I'm sorry, Noah."
"It's like I know what the best thing for her is, but it feels like it's the worst thing for me."
"Sometimes doing what's right for the people we love is a tough decision. Sometimes it hurts."
"What the hell do you know about it?" He asked harshly.
Rachel had never actually been punched in the stomach, but she had a feeling that this is what it felt like. Face blank and voice carefully devoid of emotion Rachel stepped back, "Just because there aren't many people who love me doesn't mean that I don't love other people."
She picked up her bag, carefully sat the folder on one of the chairs and hurried out of the room without looking back. She didn't let herself cry until she was locked safely behind her bedroom door.
Parked outside Rachel's house Puck punched the steering wheel. "Fuck, get it together." He glanced at house. "Shit, Puckerman, man up. Stop being such a fucking pussy."
He walked quickly to the door and took a deep breath before ringing the bell. Please be the little one, please be the little one. Puck groaned inwardly when the shuffling behind the door did not turn out to be Alan Berry. Crap. "Um, hi Mr. Berry. I don't know if you remember me, I'm a friend of Rachel's. Can I, uh, talk to her?"
Richard didn't say anything for a moment, Puck was pretty sure he was thinking of the best way to dismember him, and, yes, Rachel's calendar was pretty sweet. "As I'm sure you know Noah, Rachel is grounded. I'm sure that what ever it is can wait until school tomorrow."
"No." Richard raised his eyebrows quizzically. It was a look that he had seen Rachel give a hundred times and it threw him slightly. "It's, it's just that I said something to her that I need to apologize for. I really don't want her to think I meant it. It'll only take a couple of minutes, then I'll leave, I swear."
"Rich, who's at the door?"
"It's Rachel's friend Noah." Puck actively had to fight the urge to squirm at the way Rachel's father said his name. "He wants to apologize to her."
"Is that what was wrong with her this afternoon?" Crap, now I feel like more of a douche. "Why don't you go on up, Rachel's in her room."
"Um."
"It's the second door on the right."
Puck managed, barely, to keep from responding that he already knew where her bedroom was. "Thanks."
"And keep the door open if you don't mind."
Puck looked at Richard, nodded his head before heading up the stairs. No reason to give the guy more of a reason to want to murder him. He knocked softly; listening to what he thought might be R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts." When he didn't get an answer he tried again, "Rach?" When there was still no response he pushed the door open. "Rachel?"
She jumped and turned to him, a hand at the base of her throat, "Holy mother of god. You scared me half to death. What are you doing here, Noah? And why did my dads let you in?"
"Sorry." He muttered staring at her. She was barefoot; her hair in a messy ponytail, wearing skintight jeans, and what he thought might be a boy's undershirt.
"Noah?"
The fact that her shirt was damn near see through and she wasn't wearing a bra had his blood rushing downward and all coherent thought leaking from his head. "You're toes are pink." He murmured, unable to take his eyes off her.
"What?"
"What?" He repeated.
Rachel raised her eyebrows, "Noah, my eyes are up here."
"I know."
"Noah!"
"Wait. What? Fuck, sorry. I didn't… that's not why. Shit, it's just your and you never, Jesus your hot."
She blinked as she tried to understand him, "I have no idea what you just said to me. What are you doing here?"
"Damn it. I fuck everything up." He threw his hands up in frustration. "I'm sorry about before, I was an asshole."
"You came here to apologize?" Rachel asked disbelievingly just as her iPod switched songs.
Puck opened his mouth to respond, but was distracted by the opening drums of the new song. "You seriously have Nine Inch Nails on here?"
"Do you really want to critique my musical selection right now?"
"We've really got to turn this off." He muttered hitting power just as the chorus started; I want to fuck you like an animal. I want to feel you from the inside. He turned to look at Rachel again. "I am sorry. I didn't mean what I said."
"Why did you?"
He shrugged, "You were there." Her eyes narrowed. "And I knew you'd take it."
"I want you to leave."
"Rach, let me finish."
"You're the only one who's said that they think I might be able to take care of my kid, the only one who hasn't said that I should give her up without even listening to the reasons that I might want to keep her. You, you're my best friend. I needed to vent and I'm a d-bag for taking it out on you, but Christ I've been pissed off since Quinn dropped the papers off at my house. And I kinda knew that even though you might get mad that you wouldn't really leave."
"Because I'm such a loser."
"No, because you're you. And you're not a loser; I don't hang out with losers. I only hang out with awesome people." He took her face in his hands, rested his forehead against hers. "Rachel, I'm sorry."
She looked into his eyes, sighed, "I thought you said mouth diarrhea was my trademark, not yours?"
He snickered, placed a quick, chaste kiss to her lips, "I wont make a habit of it as long as you don't tell anyone."
"Deal."
"Listen, I gotta go. I told your dads I would be quick and I've been up here a while." He said stepping away from her.
"How did get them to let you in anyway?"
He grinned, "No one can resist my charms."
She rolled her eyes, "Goodnight, Noah. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Night, Rach." He replied giving her another quick kiss.
Rachel walked into English class the next day expecting to be the first one there, as usual, but was mildly surprised to see Puck already there. "Hi."
"Hey. God, you have no idea how happy I am that today is Friday."
"It has been an exceptionally long week."
"Listen," he said placing a hand on her leg, just below the hem of her skirt, "I may not be in bio today."
"Why?" He unconsciously rubbed his thumb in small circles on her inner thigh and she was pretty sure that she needed to stop him or she was going to embarrass herself.
Instead she turned towards him, parting her legs slightly. "I have something that I have to take care of. I'm gonna try to get it done during lunch, but I don't know how long it's gonna take, so I might not make it back in time for bio."
"Wh… What do you have to do?" She asked, faltering as he hit a particularly sensitive spot.
He grinned wickedly moving his hand higher. His thumb brushed against the front of her panties, causing her to gasp, before he whipped his hand out from under her skirt. "Can I tell you about it later?"
She took a deep breath as other students started to filter in, "Okay."
"Thanks." He replied leaning over to kiss her temple.
Two hours later Puck fighting the urge to squirm, "It's important, can you please just tell him that Noah Puckerman would like to see him."
"I understand, but son, he's very busy. His schedule is booked today." An older woman replied turning to sit behind a heavy wooden desk.
"I get that, but it'll only take a coupe of minutes, I'll wait until he has a minute." He smiled, willing her to agree.
She sighed exasperatedly, "I'll see if he has a minute." She picked up the phone sitting next to the computer, "Sir, yes, there's a Noah Puckerman here to see you. Do you have a minute? Oh, of Rachel's? Okay, I'll send him in." She placed the phone down. "Go on in, his last appointment cancelled."
"Thanks."
"You should have said you were a friend of Rachel's I wouldn't have given you such a hard time. She's a good girl."
"Yeah, she is." Puck muttered walking through the double doors at the other end of the room. "Um, Mr. Berry?"
"Hello, Noah, is everything alright? Is Rachel okay?"
"Yeah, Rachel's fine. It's I, er, I need some help with something."
Richard narrowed his eyes, "Something legal?"
Puck swallowed nervously, don't give him more of a reason to hate you, "Sort of. I'm not in trouble or anything."
"Glad to hear it." He gestured to a leather chair, "Sit down."
"It's, I don't know if you know about Quinn Fabray and the baby..."
"I've heard." At Puck's surprised look he continued, "Lima is a small town Noah."
"I guess. We, well Quinn, want to give the baby up for adoption."
"What do you want?"
"I want what's best for her." Puck responded without hesitation.
Richard smiled, "That's a good answer. However, do you think giving the baby up for adoption is what's best for her?"
"That's what everyone's been telling me."
"That's not what I asked you."
Puck rubbed a hand over the back of his head, "I think so. I've thought about it, Quinn doesn't want to have anything to do with her, so I'd have to do it alone if I kept her. I can barely take care of myself and my mom has it hard enough with just my sister and me."
"Okay."
"And I talked to Rachel about it."
"Rachel?" Richard looked surprised, "You know she's not…"
"Yeah." Puck interrupted. "She explained it, but she's the only person I know who's even sort of adopted. And she's my best friend; I wanted her opinion. She's the one who convinced me that giving the baby up for adoption isn't the same as abandoning her."
"Alright, so why have you come here?"
"I just, I thought maybe you could look over these adoption papers, make sure there, you know, all legit. I tried to read them, but they kind of made my head hurt. I don't want to sign anything until I know that she's gonna be okay." Richard stared at him for a minute, "Uh, I know you're busy…"
"No no. I'll take a look at them for you. When is Quinn due?"
"Oh, um, June twenty-fourth."
"I'll have them back to you before that."
"Thank you, Mr. Berry."
"You're welcome, Noah." Richard replied, holding out his hand.
Puck shook the offered hand, "I've got to get back to school, I'll be late to class if I don't leave soon." Noah stopped and turned to Richard before leaving, "Mr. Berry?"
"Yes?"
"There's a carnival this weekend."
"And?"
"Rachel wants to go. And I know that she's grounded so I can't take her, but maybe you and, uh, Mr. Berry could take her."
"You want us to take Rachel to a carnival?"
"Well, I'd like to take her, but I want Rachel to be happy. She keeps staring at the flyers in school. She said she'd never been. They only come every couple of years and by the time it comes back Rachel will probably be in New York."
Richard was quiet a moment, "Why don't you stop by the house around seven tonight."
"But, I thought that Rachel was grounded for another week?" Puck asked confused.
"Are you really going to argue with me about this? I can guarantee I'll win, I'm a lawyer."
Puck grinned, maybe he's not so bad, "Could you not tell Rachel, that way it'll be a surprise?"
"I think I can do that. I'll see you tonight."
"Yeah, thanks, Mr. Berry."
When the doorbell rang at six fifty eight Rachel sprang up from her position on the couch, half worried that someone was going to egg the house. In her hurry she missed the look that passed between her fathers. "Noah?" She asked surprised when she opened the door.
"Hey." He replied holding out a handful of daisies. "I know you like lilies better, but I couldn't find any."
"You bought me flowers?" She asked, taking them from Puck and sniffing at them.
"Yep, aren't you going to invite me in?"
"I'm, I'm grounded; you know that."
"Rachel, pumpkin, Noah came to see me today, Daddy and I have agreed to end your grounding early."
"What?" Rachel replied with wide eyes.
"We're going to the carnival." Puck said with a grin.
"Yeah?" Rachel asked jumping to hug him.
"Yup, now go change into some pants, some of the rides go upside down, you don't want to deal with that."
Grinning she turned to her parents, "Thank you." She turned back to Puck, "Five minutes, I just want to put these in water first."
"We want you back by one, sweetie."
"Okay, thank you."
"Noah, how did you manage this?" She asked once they were in the truck.
"I'm fucking awesome, baby. No one can resist the Puckerman Charm."
Rachel rolled her eyes, shook her head, "However you did it I'm glad."
"Come on shortie, lets go pop your carnival cherry."
"Ugh, gross." She muttered slipping from the truck. "Must you always be so crass?"
"It's how I work." He replied throwing an arm over her shoulders and steering her towards he carnival entrance. "So, I figure we can go on some of the rides, then grab something to eat, then maybe play some games, so you don't have to haul around the prizes."
She glanced up at him, "What about you?"
"What about me?" He asked paying for several tickets.
"Aren't you going to haul around prizes?"
"Honestly, most of the things here are going to be stuffed animals, if I win anything I'm going to give it to you."
"What if I win something and want to give it to you?"
He glanced around, spotted a giant neon green gorilla, at the dunk tank, "If you win for me that I'll haul it around and keep it forever."
"Promise?"
"Sure, Rach." He replied laughing. "So what do you want to go on first?"
She glanced around, spotted a colorful ride with twelve cages, "That one."
"The Zipper? Fucking awesome." He gripped her elbows, pulled her to her toes, "You are seriously, fucking awesome." He kissed her soundly.
Dimly she heard a couple of young boys snickering, "Get a room!"
She blushed slightly as Puck muttered, "They're just jealous" against her mouth. He stepped back, "Come on, lets have some fun."