Although this story will take place around Awakenings I will not be rehashing the story. For the most part it will just be part of the background. The one exception will be this chapter that opens with Alistair's arrival at Vigil's Keep.
Chapter 6
"The road is long, with many a winding turn, that leads us to who knows where
Who knows where, but I'm strong, strong enough to carry him, he ain't heavy, he's my brother
So on we go, his welfare is of my concern, no burden is he to bear, we'll get there
For I know, he would not encumber me, he ain't heavy, he's my brother"
He's My Brother by The Hollies
The royal entourage was miles away when they saw the smoke rising from Vigil's Keep and as they approached the Keep itself, they noticed the darkspawn corpses sprawled across the fields. Alistair felt his stomach tighten as fear started to spread through him. He prayed to the Maker that she was okay.
Alistair and the royal guard marched through the Keep's gates and were greeted by Sabrina and a small group of soldiers. She was covered in blood, but seemed unharmed and Alistair breathed a sigh of relief. She was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and a part of him wanted to take her in his arms and never let her go, while the other part of him wanted to physically cause her pain for destroying what they had together. He pushed those thoughts aside. He did not want to go to the dark place.
As Alistair moved further into the Keep he saw shock ripple across Sabrina's face when she realized it was him. She immediately went to her knees and bowed her head, as did the rest of the group when they realized who he was.
"Oh, there is no need for that. Please stand," Alistair insisted. "I wanted to come and give the Wardens and the Arlessa a formal welcome. However, I certainly didn't expect this. What is the situation?"
"Your Majesty, I am Varel, the seneschal of Vigil's Keep. What darkspawn that remained have fled. The Grey Wardens that arrived from Orlais appear to be either dead or missing," the older man in the heavy chain armor said.
"Missing? As in taken by the darkspawn? Do they even do that?" Alistair asked.
"Well, obviously, they have learned a few new tricks," Sabrina replied coolly.
Alistair turned to her smiled. "And how about you, Commander, you weren't badly hurt I see."
"You know me, your Majesty, it takes more than a few darkspawn to bring me down. I am fine," Sabrina replied calmly.
"As indestructible as ever, I see," Alistair chuckled as he tried to lighten the mood, but was having trouble reading her. "I would love to help you fight darkspawn, Bree, but with the country still in need of my aid, I am afraid I won't be able to stay long."
"I'll be fine your Majesty. No need to worry. I have everything under control," Sabrina replied.
"As always, Commander," Alistair responded.
"Hey, what am I, chopped nug livers?" Oghren asked.
"Oh, Oghren, I didn't even see you there," Alistair retorted.
"Was that a criticism about my height?" Oghren challenged.
"Not in the least. I honestly didn't see you there," Alistair replied.
"Came here to join the Wardens, now show me the cup so I can gargle and spit," Oghren demanded.
Sabrina leaned over and whispered in Oghren's ear, "Spitting isn't allowed."
"Oh good to know," Oghren whispered back.
"You'd be welcome amongst us" Sabrina replied.
"Well smack my ass and call me Sallie, I'm in!" Oghren exclaimed.
"I am glad to hear that you will be traveling with her again," Alistair replied.
"Joining the Grey Wardens? Well good luck with that," the mage standing behind Sabrina chortled.
A templar stepped forward and warned, "Your Majesty beware, this man is a dangerous criminal."
"Oh the dwarf is a bit of an arse, but I wouldn't go as far as to call him dangerous," Alistair insisted.
"She means me your Majesty," the mage answered.
"This is an apostate we were in the process of bringing back to the Circle to face justice," the Templar went on to explain.
"Oh please, the things you people know about justice you could fit into a thimble. It doesn't matter anyway, I will just escape again," the mage retorted.
"Never, I will see you hung for what you have done here, murderer," the Templar threatened.
"Murder? But those templars were already…oh never mind. You won't believe me anyway." the mage replied.
"There doesn't seem much to say, unless you have something to add Commander?" Alistair asked and he knew that she would and where she would take this. After Greagoir had refused to offer aid during the Blight, Bree had vowed to make it her personal goal to take as many templars from that small minded arse as possible.
"Anders helped us defeat the darkspawn in this recent battle and I found no evidence that would implicate him in the deaths of those templars. I believe this templar has allowed her own personal feelings for mages and for this mage in particular to cloud her own judgment."
"That is untrue," the Templar snapped.
"Really? What evidence do you have, to show that Anders murdered those templars?" Sabrina questioned.
The Templar remained silent. "I thought as much. Well I have seen their bodies and I know the difference between darkspawn wounds and those produced by a mage. Those templars were killed by darkspawn," Sabrina retorted.
Alistair watched as a mischievous glint appeared in her eyes and a wicked grin spread across her face. "I hereby invoke the Right of Conscription on this mage and offer him a place in the Grey Wardens," Sabrina grinned.
"What? Never!" The Templar cried out, "I won't allow it."
"I do believe the Wardens still hold the Right of Conscription," Alistair said. "I will allow it."
The Templar said nothing and stomped off. "Aaah, way to go kid. Welcome aboard," Oghren chuckled.
"Me, a Grey Warden? I guess that will work," Anders said.
"Welcome Anders," Sabrina said.
"Commander, there is a man in the dungeons that took four Wardens to bring down. Now that the Keep is back under control, the decision regarding his sentence should be dealt with immediately," Varel said.
Sabrina let out a weary sigh, "Fine, Varel, if you could please show King Alistair to our guest quarters and the royal guard to the barracks, I would like to go wash up. Then I will go deal with the prisoner. We are sorely lacking Grey Wardens, so let's prepare to have the joining first thing in the morning."
"Yes, Commander," Varel replied.
"I would like to be there for the joining," Alistair said.
Sabrina raised an eyebrow.
"It's not like I have never been to a joining before. That is one Warden secret I do know about, so I would like to participate in the first joining in Ferelden since the Blight."
"As you wish, your Majesty," Sabrina said sarcastically and she turned to head into the keep.
Alistair stepped forward and touched her arm. He paused as he waited for everyone to move out of earshot. "Bree, I really need to talk to you."
"Alistair, it has been a very long day and it doesn't look like it is about to end anytime soon. I really am not up for a verbal sparring match with you."
Alistair looked at her and she did look bone tired. He wished he could help relieve some of her stress, "I don't want to fight with you either. I just want to talk you."
She looked at him and then at his hand that was still holding on to her arm. Alistair immediately released her. "There are things that still need tending to, if I am not absolutely exhausted afterward I will send word to your rooms. Otherwise, it may have to wait till after the joining in the morning."
Alistair felt a flare of rage race through his veins. She was purposely avoiding him. "I am your King. I could demand that you see me immediately," he jeered at her.
She stepped forward so that she was inches from him. He saw that old glint in her eyes that he hadn't seen in months. She leaned in even closer and hissed, "You Sire, are at Vigil's Keep, a Warden compound, and since you keep insisting that you are still a Warden that means that as Commander of the Grey, you fall under my command, not the other way around. I will see you when I am damn good and ready. I have no idea what the hell you want to talk about Alistair, but you aren't starting out on my good side."
It had been a while since he had seen her strength and resolve. She no longer looked like the broken woman he had left in the library. She had found herself again and as heat flickered through her eyes, he remembered how intimidating she could be when she wanted to be.
He took a step back and he clenched and unclenched his fists to keep from striking out at her. He took a deep breath, trying to rein his anger in. Why was he becoming furious with her? He knew she was right and she did look utterly exhausted. Why was he provoking her? He drew in a deep breath, fighting to stay calm. "Fine, please let me know when can meet."
She nodded and Alistair watched her walk away from him once again. He had come here to make amends with her not pick a fight with her. He needed to control himself if he had any hope of trying to set things right between them.
xxXxx
Sabrina made her way down the long dark corridors towards the Commander's quarters. She was still in shock that Nate was here. That Nate was alive and that by this time tomorrow Nate might be dead from the joining. At first, he had been just as happy to see she was alive as she was to see him, but then in typical Nate fashion, his stoic demeanor took over as he questioned her about his father's death. She was brutally honest with him about the monster that Rendon had become. She could tell that he hadn't believed her and under his apathetic façade she knew he was bitterly angry at her. Only time would tell if he could work through that anger and if they could once again become friends.
She also knew that Alistair wanted to see her tonight, but he was going to have to wait. She was physically and emotionally exhausted. She didn't know what the hell he was doing here or what he wanted, but she was in no mood for his mind games tonight. She would deal with him tomorrow after the joining.
Sabrina opened the door to her rooms and saw Tristen sitting in front of the fire with a glass of brandy in his hand and his head hung down.
"Tristen," she said softly. He didn't move or even stir in the slightest.
She walked over and knelt down in front of him. She took the glass from his hand and set it on the table. She took his hands in hers, "Tristen," she said again.
He looked into her eyes and she could tell he had been crying. She reached up and stroked his cheek. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her up and into his lap. His arms went around her waist as he hid his head against her chest and cried.
Her arms went around his neck and she buried her fingers in his hair. "Tristen, I am so sorry," she whispered.
He shook his head, "I can't believe they're all gone. I've known some of them most of my life. They were my family – they were my brothers and sisters."
She continued to stroke his hair and she kissed his forehead. "I know and I am so sorry."
"I should have been one of them. If I hadn't volunteered to go get you I would be dead or one of the missing Wardens," he moaned against the side of her neck. The thought that Tristen could have been one of the missing Wardens sent a cold chill of fear down her spin. The thought that they might never have met if not for that one decision caused her to breathe a sigh of relief.
"I know it's selfish to say, but I am really glad that you did come get me," Sabrina murmured.
He looked up into her eyes again and she caressed his cheek. "I know it's wrong, but a part of me is glad too. If I had stayed here I would have never have met you. The thought of dying without ever really knowing you; of not knowing the warmth of your smile, the enchanting sound of your laughter, not seeing the sparkle in your eyes or tasting your sweet lips, would have been torture, but then I feel this horrible guilt for even thinking that."
"Tristen, take it from someone who has learned to live with survivor's guilt, what you are experiencing is completely normal, so please don't beat yourself up over what you are thinking and feeling. Allow yourself the freedom to feel relief while at the same time grieving over the loss of those you loved."
He reached up, resting his hand on the nape of her neck while his thumb gently stroked her throat. "Sweet Brin, my sweet, sweet Brin. If there is one person in this world who knows what I am going through, it's you."
He pulled her forward and gently kissed her lips. "Let me in, Brin. Tell me what really happened that night."
She thought about it for a moment. If she wanted to be able to help him through this, he needed to know the details of her past. She kissed him gently, slid off of his lap, and poured them both a glass of brandy.
She sat down in the chair beside him. She let out a long sigh and then began, "I got woken in the middle of the night by the castle bells ringing and Strider was barking viciously at my door wanting to be let out. I knew something was wrong so I put my armor on and grabbed my weapons. My door opened and one of the servants ran in to warn me, but he was shot from behind with an arrow. I fought my way through Howe's men as I tried to get to my sister-in-law and nephew."
She paused, taking a sip of brandy as she collected her thoughts. "Please don't ever tell Fergus what I am about to tell you. He doesn't need to know these details."
Tristen nodded, "Of course not. This will stay between us."
"When I pushed open the door to Oriana's room I..I was horrified. Those bastards had slit Oren's throat and they'd raped and brutalized Oriana before they k-killed..." Sabrina's voice hitched and she paused again to collect herself. Tristen reached over and clasped her hand and squeezed it.
She smiled briefly then continued, "M-my mother ran in behind me, broke down when she saw them. I got her out of there as quickly as I could, telling her we needed to find my father. We had to fight our way through at least a dozen of Howe's men as we made for the larder, to the servant's exit. In every room we went through those monsters had savagely murdered the men and raped, tortured and killed the women. I never realized that people could be so utterly cruel and inhuman to each other. I was so naïve."
Still holding her hand, Tristen pulled her out of her chair and back in to his lap. "Man is the cruelest of all the animals. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it," Tristen said as he nuzzled his head against her neck. Sabrina took comfort in his warmth and in the security of his arms.
"When my mother and I got to the larder, we found my father. He'd been wounded so badly, was bleeding so much, I-I knew he was dying. Duncan found us a few minutes later. My father asked Duncan to get my mother and I to safety. Duncan said he would, if he had my father's permission for me to join the Grey Wardens."
"Duncan conscripted you while your father was dying?"
Sabrina nodded. Tristen was quiet for a long moment and then muttered, "Whatever it takes."
"Yes, whatever it takes." Sabrina was silent for a while before continuing, "My mother refused to leave my father's side knowing that she would die there with him…I never understood that until…" she didn't want finish the sentence.
Tristen looked at her, "Until Alistair."
She nodded. "I would have died for him if I had to. I would have taken the final blow if it came down to the two of us. I didn't know at the time, why Riordan would ask us to conscript Loghain. It didn't make sense, he knew what Loghain had done at Ostagar and still he asked us to put him through the joining. I knew there had to be a reason and I had to trust that a senior Warden would have reasons that I didn't know about yet."
"Wait a minute, are you saying that when Loghain was conscripted, you and Alistair didn't know why it had to be a Grey Warden to kill the Archdemon?"
"No, Duncan never had a chance to tell us before he died," Sabrina said.
"And does Alistair know this now?"
"No, he left before Riordan could tell us," Sabrina replied as she yawned.
Tristen didn't say anything, but seemed to be pondering something. She rested her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes. She must have dozed off because the next thing she knew, Tristen was standing up with her in his arms. He walked over to the bed and gently laid her down; he kissed her forehead and she rolled over onto her side as he pulled the covers up. The last thing she remembered was the door clicking shut as the blanket of sleep took her over the edge into unconsciousness.
The next morning Tristen quietly eased into her room with a breakfast tray and set it on the table near the fireplace. He went over to the bed and sat on the edge, just watching her sleep peacefully. Even with her hair all messed up and what he was sure would be the worst morning breath he had ever smelled, he couldn't imagine loving her more. He leaned down and kissed her forehead.
"Time to get up, Commander," he whispered.
"Mmmm, but it's so nice and warm in here. Let's put the joining off until this afternoon," she groaned as she stretched.
"Somehow, I don't think that the recruits would be very happy to hear that," he said as he pulled the covers down.
"Hey, now that is just cruel," she moaned as she grabbed for the covers, but he grabbed her hand and pulled her out of bed.
"So tell me about this rumor I heard that both of your ex-boyfriends will be participating in the joining this morning. One as a recruit and one as an observer?"
"Oh that," she mumbled as she made her way over to the tea pot and poured herself a cup.
"Yes, that."
"Well, I would have told you about it last night, but we had other things to discuss." She paused, reaching for his hand and squeezed. "How are you this morning?"
"I think I'm still in shock and denial. It doesn't seem real. I mean there are so few bodies, a part of me wants to hope that they are still alive," Tristen murmured.
She smiled at him warmly tinged with sadness. "I know. For almost a year I held on to the hope that somehow my parents made it out alive. Then by chance I ran into one of Highever's knights in Denerim and he told me he was there when they laid my family's bodies to rest. The grief that hit me was so strong, it was as if it had just happened."
"I'm sorry, Brin."
"It's okay. I just wanted you to know I understand. Waves of grief will hit at unexpected times and that's okay. I'm here for you anytime you need a shoulder to cry on," Sabrina said sympathetically.
"And what if I want to cry on other parts of you," Tristen said as he grinned wickedly.
"Here I am trying to be compassionate and off you go thinking about sex."
"I told you, I'm a guy. I think about sex a lot and I think about sex with you even more," Tristen chortled.
"And when you're thinking about sex, but not with me, who are you thinking about?" Sabrina inquired.
Tristen grinned, "Why? Are you jealous?"
"No, just curious."
Tristen continued to grin at her, "And what are you curious about?"
Sabrina started to blush, "Nothing in particular, just curious."
"You're lying."
"Okay so back to your original question…"
"You're trying to change the subject," Tristen interjected.
"I'm not trying, I am changing the subject. So the reason that both of my ex-boyfriends will be at the joining is because I conscripted Nate and Alistair insisted on watching the first joining in Ferelden since the Blight ended, then our King wishes to have a chat. Looks like a busy morning for me," Sabrina said.
Tristen had been prepared to continue to give her a hard time until he heard that she'd conscripted Nate. Varel had only said that Nate was going through the joining, not that Sabrina had conscripted him.
"And why exactly did you conscript Nate?" So over breakfast Sabrina relayed what had happened in the dungeon the night before.
"And you still believe he had nothing to do with the attack on Highever?" Tristen asked.
"Yes, I do. He is very angry at me. If you're a co-conspirator you'd be more fearful that I would find out the truth, not come here to avenge your father's death. No, Nate is innocent of his father's crimes, but unfortunately for him he will spend the rest of his life trying to prove his innocence. If I can help him bring honor back to his family's name then I will," Sabrina replied.
"This has to be some weird nobility code of honor because I just don't get it. This man's father killed your family, why would you want him to regain his honor?" Tristen demanded.
"Because if the children are innocent of the sins of the father, they should not be punished for the rest of their lives for the heinous acts their father committed," Sabrina countered.
Tristen wanted to push the subject, but decided now was not the time. If the man passed his joining he would look him in the eye and see for himself if he was trustworthy.
"So do you know what Alistair wants to talk with you about?"
"I have no idea, but I'm sure it will be enlightening," she replied sarcastically as she stood up to get dressed.
"Brin, please be careful. I have sensed that Alistair is trying to control his anger, but any little thing could set him off," Tristen said.
"I appreciate your concern for my well being…"
Tristen stood up and pulled her into his arms. "You know full well it's a little bit more than just concern for your well being. Please promise me that you won't purposely provoke him."
A look of feigned shock spread across her face, "Who me? Why would I provoke him?"
"Because you are angry at him for betraying you and until you confront him about that, you won't have any resolution, but now is not that time, Brin. Besides, I think that while he is here at the Keep, we should let him know about me."
Now real shock registered on her face. "Do you think that's wise?"
"Your brother is right, I can't be running all over Ferelden fighting darkspawn with you, when I look like the King of Ferelden. He needs to be aware of my existence and since he is conveniently here - no time like the present."
"Your right. I plan on meeting him in my study after the joining. How about I invite him back later on for lunch, and then we can tell him together? This is going to be a lot for him to take in. He may be mad at me, but he is going to need a friendly face there when he finds out."
"I think that will be perfect." He leaned down and kissed her. "And just to set the record straight you're the only person I think about having sex with."
Sabrina passionately kissed him back, "Aaah, that's so sweet." She said coyly as she slipped out of his arms and went behind the divider to dress.
"Hey, you can't leave it like that. Who do you think about having sex with?"
"Tristen, I can't believe you would ask me such a thing." She stuck her head out from the divider and winked at him. "A lady never tells."
"Bullshit!" Tristen declared as he rounded the divider. She stood there in just her small clothes. He grabbed her around the waist and started to tickle her. She screamed as he continued tickling, "Tell me who." She was laughing so hard tears were rolling down her cheeks as she tried to squirm away from him. "Tell me, Brin."
"Y-you," she stuttered trying to catch her breath. "O-only you."
He stopped tickling her and pulled her to his chest. He brushed the hair out her face. "As it should be, my Lady," and he leaned in and claimed her lips with his.
From the balcony above the throne room Tristen stood in the shadows and watched as each of the four recruits drank from the joining chalice. All but one made it and Tristen saw the pain ripple across Sabrina's face when the female recruit collapsed and Varel declared her dead. He wanted to hold her and make that pain go away.
She took a moment to compose herself, then walked up to her new Wardens and she placed an amulet around their necks. "This amulet contains a trace of the darkspawn blood that you consumed during the ritual. These amulets serve as a constant reminder to you of the Warden's eternal vigil against the darkspawn hordes. Welcome brothers to the Wardens."
As the group slowly filed out of the room, Varel approached her and said, "I will have a pyre made for Mhairi."
"Thank you, Varel," Sabrina said then she walked over to female recruit that didn't make it and knelt down beside her. "I'm sorry, Mhairi, your sacrifice will not be forgotten and I promise from now on I will do a better job of ensuring that potential recruits will make it through the joining."
Alistair walked over to her, knelt beside her and placed his hands on her shoulders. Tristen watched as Sabrina's body tensed, but Alistair continued to rest his hands on her shoulders. "I'm sorry, Bree. I know it's hard to lose someone through the joining, but it is a risk that we all take. You can't take each one so personally otherwise it will eat you up inside."
Sabrina immediately stood and Alistair followed. She turned to him, "Alistair, the day that I don't take the loss of life personally will be the day that I lose my humanity. I have to take it personally and I have to find away to evaluate potential recruits better so that the joining survival rate is higher."
Alistair smiled warmly at her, "Bree, I've seen you do the impossible so if there is anyone who can accomplish such a feat it is you."
Sabrina relaxed and smiled back at him. "Thank you, Alistair. I appreciate you saying that."
Alistair stepped closer to her and she now had to look up at him. Tristen could see the love shining in Alistair's eyes as he looked at her and Tristen just knew that this was how he was with her before the Landsmeet. "I only speak the truth, Bree. You're the most incredible woman I have ever met. I've come to expect great things from you."
Tristen kept waiting for her to step back from him, but she didn't. There was a natural rapport between the two blight companions and Sabrina looked completely at ease. "Alistair, you said you wanted to talk. If you're free now would care to join me in my study?"
"That would be wonderful," Alistair replied.
Tristen watched as the two of them walked out of the throne room together and as the panic began to rise he tried to push down.
Author Notes- Once again, I want to thank the Beta Goddess RandomWittering for all of your help and insight.
I also wanted to give a shout out to both Jinx and RandomWittering for putting together such a wonderful forum for writers. It has been a pleasure getting to know all of the cheeky monkey over there. If you haven't visited the forum I highly recommend it. ht tp:/ /w w storm. /cm da/ index. php Remove the spaces.