Chapter 10
"These fancy things, will never come in between, you're part of my entity, here for infinity
When the war has took its part, when the world has dealt its cards
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart
Because when the sun shines, we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever, said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath, I'm a stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever, know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella"
Umbrella by Rihanna
Tristen flew out of bed. He knew Alistair was on his way and he didn't want him to find Sabrina here. That would only add fuel to the fire. He grabbed a pair of trousers and a loose fitting shirt and he started out the room. He heard his brother's voice bellow from the end of the corridor, just as he quietly closed the door.
"Now, I understand why you didn't want to explain the connection. You didn't want me to realize that all of those dreams of me and Sabrina were actually your dreams of the two of you," Alistair roared.
Tristen started down the hallway towards him. "That's not true, Alistair. I have been sharing dreams with you all my life. I've had time to adjust to it. I wanted you to come to the realization on your own so that it wouldn't be as traumatic," Tristen replied.
"Not as traumatic. Are you bloody kidding me? I just found out through a dream that my twin brother not only has been fucking the woman I love, but he is in love with her too. I would say that's pretty traumatic, wouldn't you?" Alistair retorted as he began pacing back and forth in the hallway. "How could you? You knew I loved her, how could you allow yourself to fall in love with her?"
"How could I not, Alistair? You dreamed about her every night for eighteen months. Through your dreams I saw all the amazing wonderful qualities that you saw in her, all the things that caused you to fall in love with her and it caused me to do the same."
Alistair looked at him with such a heart wrenching look, "But you are my brother. Out of respect for me, why couldn't you leave her alone?"
"I would have, Alistair. I would have loved her from afar and would have been happy for the two of you even if it meant my own heartache…"
"Then why the hell didn't you?" Alistair yelled.
"Because you tossed her aside like she never meant a damn thing to you and married another woman. I saw the agonized look in her eyes that night you broke her in the library and it tore me apart. I couldn't just stand by and watch the woman I loved be destroyed by your anger and hatred. You were slowly killing everything that was once good and special about her. I love you, brother, but I'll be damned if I'm just going to let you demolish everything that is wonderful about her."
"The first part of that dream, you treated her like a whore and you humiliated her. What makes you any better than me?"
Tristen sorrowfully looked at his brother and he slowly shook his head, "Alistair, Sabrina needed to believe that I was you in order for me to get her away from Denerim. I had to act like the monster you had become."
A horrified expression settled on Alistair's face as he started to back away from him. He shook his head in denial, as tears started to well up in his eyes, "No, no, no that's not true. I love her."
Tristen took a step towards him, "Alistair, I know you love her, but your anger and hatred corrupted that love and now it will only bring her pain."
"That's not true. She forgave me, I know she still loves me," Alistair countered.
"She does love you, Alistair. She always will. You were her first true love, but you have also brought her great pain…"
"And I will spend the rest of my life making that up to her," Alistair said defensively.
"Some decisions can't be erased just because you say you're sorry," Tristen said calmly.
"Oh and you think you can do better. You think you can love her better than me. You are nothing but a cheap copy of me. I was there first, she is only with you because you remind her of me," Alistair spat at him.
In that one single statement Alistair had tapped into his deepest fear and for the first time in this inevitable confrontation, Tristen lost his composure. "We may look the same brother, but we are completely different. Where you have failed, I will succeed, I will do what you couldn't. I will always choose her first, above all else. You chose honor, duty and vengeance first, but my duty is to her and I will never waver in that. Until I breathe my last breath she is all that matters to me."
Alistair looked stunned by his declaration and stumbled back as if he had been punched. At the end of the hall Tristen heard his door open and he shook his head in frustration as a small groan escaped his lips. He knew nothing good could come of this.
Sabrina approached them wearing one of Tristen's shirts. It was obvious where she had come from and Alistair's eyes flared with fury.
"By Oghren's hairy arse, what the hell are the two of you yelling about? You're going to wake up the entire Keep?" She hissed.
Alistair stared at her for a long time as he eyed her up and down and then a spiteful grin crossed his face. "Do you know? Did he tell you what the connection is?"
"What the bloody hell are you talking about Alistair?"
"The connection you mentioned that he and I share, did he tell you that the connection is through shared dreams?"
Tristen watched as Sabrina's face contoured into a look of complete confusion and Alistair continued to grin at her. "He and I share dreams. He can be in my dreams as an observer and I can be in his. So you see, Bree, every dream that I have ever had about you, and trust me there have been a lot, he has been there. For every intimate moment, every sexual encounter I ever dreamt of with you, he has been there to witness and observe it. He isn't connected to you on some deep level. He used my intimate knowledge to get close to you, to make you feel like he knew you so completely, to make you cry out his name in pleasure, but he only knows you because I know you so well."
Tristen turned to Sabrina, "That's not true, Brin. I may have knowledge of you because of our dreams, but I never used it to get close to you. I have always been myself with you."
"Didn't you just tell me that you fell in love with her because I fell in love with her? How do you know he really even loves you, Bree? Or is he is just feeling what I do?"
Tristen ignored Alsitair, stepped forward and placed his hands on Sabrina's shoulders. "Brin, I didn't fall in love you because Alistair did. I fell in love with you for the same reasons Alistair did. I love you for who you are, not who my brother thinks you are. Please Mon Soleil, please believe me," Tristen pleaded with her, but she pulled away from him and backed away down the hall as the tears slid down her cheeks.
"You should have told me Tristen, and then let me decide what to do with the information. Now, I don't know what to believe." She turned and ran down the hall, past his door toward her rooms.
Anger seethed in his veins as he turned back to his brother. "You selfish son of bitch!"
Alistair glared at him. "She had every right to know."
"Oh and you think that was the way to do it, right? By doing what you always do when it comes to her, by putting your wants and needs ahead of hers, inflicting more pain. You will only bring her more heartache. Alistair, I love you as a brother, but I won't apologize for loving her. I am better for her than you. I may have gained knowledge of her through you, but I understand her in ways you never will and because of that you will always fail her."
Tristen spun on his heels and headed back to his room.
xxXxx
Before the sun was even up the next morning Sabrina was on her way into the City of Amaranthine. It had been over two weeks since she had paid the Dark Wolf his fee for information regarding the assassins that were hired to kill her; now she either wanted the information or she would insist on a refund. More importantly she needed to get the hell away from Alistair and Tristen. She was now more confused than ever; just when she was ready to commit to Tristen and leave Alistair in the past where he belonged. She had been completely blindsided by the news that Tristen had been in all of Alistair's dreams about her – all of his intimate thoughts, desires and actions with her, Tristen had been present. She felt violated and humiliated and if she felt that way, she could only imagine how Alistair felt – to have your innermost feelings and desires on display for another to see had to be very unsettling. She didn't blame Alistair for his anger. If Tristen had just been honest with her about the nature of their connection, it wouldn't feel like such a betrayal.
"Commander, we are approaching the city," Nate said startling her. She had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't even realized they were nearing the city gates. She had brought Nate with her because he had heard that his sister was living in the city and he wanted to visit her. She had also brought Anders because she didn't know a damn thing about this Dark Wolf and a mage might come in handy. She had left a note for Varel, letting him know that he was in charge of the Keep and that Tristen needed to spend some time training and evaluating Sigrun. She told him she was unsure when she would return, stating that it would all depend on the information that the informant provided.
"Nate, I know that you want to go look for your sister, Anders and I will go in search of the Dark Wolf. I will secure rooms at the Crown and Lion Inn so let's plan on meeting there late this afternoon," Sabrina said.
Nate nodded and headed off toward the market. Sabrina and Anders started towards the back gate when a messenger approached them. "Commander Cousland?" The messenger questioned.
"Yes," Sabrina replied hesitatingly.
"I've been waiting for your return for days. I have a message for you." The young man handed Sabrina the note. "I am supposed to wait for a reply."
Sabrina nodded and quickly scanned the note. She handed the messenger three pieces of silver, "Please let the sender know that I will be there."
The messenger looked at the coins and grinned. "Yes Ser, and thank you."
"Good news I hope," Anders said.
Sabrina grinned, "I'm sure you will think so. The Dark Wolf wants to meet in a back room at The Randy Stag."
"Oooo, the Randy Stag, I've heard good things about that brothel. I like this informant more and more," Anders replied.
"Just remember we are there on business, not to sample the merchandise," Sabrina chortled.
"Well, they don't charge to look," Anders countered.
"You better hope not or I'm taking it out of your salary," Sabrina replied.
They made their way towards the docks. As they neared the seedier section of town the cat calls to both Sabrina and Anders became more frequent and more obscene.
"I can make their privates wither up and fall off if you want me to," Anders whispered.
Sabrina laughed. "You can do that?"
"Sure or I can just freeze them and then make them shatter," Anders offered.
"I'll keep that in mind, but I would prefer getting out of here without a fight if we can help it," Sabrina replied as she opened the door to the brothel.
She entered a dimly lit room. She waited cautiously by the door as her eyes adjusted to the low lighting. She was approached by a shapely woman in a very low cut dress that left very little to the imagination. She heard Anders groan, "Mmmm, that's nice."
"Focus," she hissed back just as the woman slid up to them and ran her hand down Anders' chest.
"Well, what do we have here? A couple looking to take a walk on the adventurous side," the woman purred.
"I was told to ask for Catrain Dubosc," Sabrina replied.
The woman's eyes narrowed as she studied Sabrina. "And who's asking?"
Sabrina hardened her stare, "None of your damn business unless your Catrain."
The woman glowered at her and then yelled over at the bartender, "Mace, tell Catrain she has a couple of visitors."
Mace nodded and headed to the back room. A few minutes later, a tall beautiful blond that was voluptuously built, walked out from the back room. She studied Sabrina and then broke out into a smile as she walked over to her. "Commander Cousland," she stated in an Orlesian accent.
Sabrina raised an eyebrow, "Yes that's me. How did you know?"
The striking blond smiled. "I was given your description and told to keep an eye out for you. My name is Catrain Dubosc, but you can call me Cat. I am the proprietor of this establishment," Cat replied as she extended her hand.
Sabrina shook it, "Nice to meet you."
"I have a room set-up in the back for you. I think you will find it very comfortable," Cat said with a smile as she eyed Anders. Sabrina looked up at Anders who was grinning from ear to ear.
"Umm thanks, but we aren't here for that type of visit," Sabrina retorted.
"What a shame? He looks like he would be a lot of fun," Cat chortled as she licked her lips.
"I was told to meet someone here. Did that person leave any instructions?" Sabrina replied trying to keep her patience in check.
"Aaah, I see the Commander is all business. You know, my lovely Warden, I can help relieve some of that tension and frustration," Cat purred as she stepped closer and ran her finger down Sabrina's arm.
Sabrina took a step back. "Thanks for the offer, but I will find a way to relieve my own tension," she replied dryly.
"That can make for very sore fingers, but suit yourself. Follow me," Cat replied as she turned to lead them down a dark hallway.
"I would prefer not to relieve my own tensions. Maybe we can work something out…ya know, as long as we are here," Anders hissed in Sabrina's ear.
"Once our business is concluded here Anders, what you do in your free time is entirely up to you. If you've got an itch that absolutely must be scratched, then go for it," Sabrina replied.
Anders grinned as he whispered, "Do you think Cat will help scratch my itch?"
Cat turned on her heels to face them. She reached out and twirled one of Sabrina's curls. "I can help with that itch, but only if the Commander is willing to join in the fun." Anders looked as delighted as a kid opening his presents during Twelfth Night Celebration.
Sabrina grinned mischievously. "As tempting as that offer is and even though it has been a deep seated desire of mine to see Anders naked, I am afraid I must decline," Sabrina stated dryly.
Anders went from jubilation to utter disappointment in a matter of seconds and Sabrina had to bite the side of her lip to keep from laughing.
Cat's lower lip protruded out in a pout, which Sabrina had to admit, was very sexy. "Our mutual friend said you would say that, but you can't blame a girl for trying."
"Our mutual friend? You mean the Dark Wolf?" Sabrina asked.
Cat hesitated at first and then said, "Yes the Dark Wolf."
She turned to a door on her right and opened it. "This is our finest room. I have brought in a cheese and meat tray along with our finest Antivan wine. The Dark Wolf was handling a different matter and he will be arriving shortly. If you should change your mind about my offer all you have to do is send me a message." Cat winked at Anders as she headed out the door.
Anders poured each of them a glass of wine, "Are you sure you don't have an itch you want scratched?"
"Anders, don't drink that wine. I don't like the feel of this and I don't trust these people," Sabrina replied.
Anders looked at Sabrina and then at the wine, "You think they might poison us."
"A good friend of mine once told me, 'There are people I know who won't hurt me. I call them corpses'. Now granted he was a little paranoid and in his line of work he had to be, but there is truth to his statement. I've learned that you can't go through life trusting people just because they say they are your ally. You must make sure people are deserving of your trust otherwise they will make a fool out of you…or worse a corpse," Sabrina replied cynically.
Anders looked at the wine and then set it back down on the table.
"That is a very wise friend you have," the Dark Wolf said as he emerged from the shadows out of the corner.
Anders jumped at the unexpected appearance of their informant, but Sabrina's sword and dagger were already drawn.
"Has anyone ever told you that it's rude to hide in corners and eavesdrop on other's personal conversations?" Sabrina questioned.
The Dark Wolf laughed, "Why yes, a good friend of mine told me that she would slit my throat and cut off my balls the next time she caught me listening in on one of her 'tête-à-tête' discussions."
"Obviously, you didn't take her warning seriously," Sabrina said as a grin began to spread across her face.
"Should I be worried?" The informant inquired.
Sabrina sheathed her weapons, "Only if you don't get your arse over here and give me a hug."
The Dark Wolf removed his helm and and a head of long blond hair cascaded down past his shoulders. Sabrina dashed into the elf's arms. "Oh Zev, you are a sight for sore eyes."
Zevran hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek, "Mia Tesoro Amica, it is good to see you again too. What gave me away?"
Sabrina pulled back from his embrace slightly and looked into his eyes, "Well, my first clue should have been meeting at a brothel, but I had my first inkling when Cat mentioned our mutual friend. Then when I saw the fine Antivan wine and the fact that only our companions knew I was the real 'Dark Wolf', it all clicked into place. Why all the cloak and dagger stuff? And why use the name, the Dark Wolf?"
"Well, when the news reached me that several nobles from here were looking to take out a contract on the Commander of Grey, I immediately came here. You had created the perfect persona for gathering information in the guise of the Dark Wolf. I didn't see a need to reinvent the wheel. So I used the Dark Wolf's reputation and spread rumors that he was working with the Crows. It's amazing how forthcoming people are with information, when you throw out the names 'Dark Wolf' and 'Crows' in the same breath," Zevran said as he kissed her forehead and then released her. He walked over, poured himself a glass of wine and took a sip.
"Aaah, I take it the wine is okay to drink or as an assassin have you built up some weird tolerance to poisons," Anders said skeptically.
"Well, as a matter of fact I have built up a tolerance to several different poisons. However, this wine is poison free," Zev amused.
"Oh Zev, this is Anders, he is one of my new Wardens," Sabrina said.
"Don't you love it when she gets all possessive? I particularly enjoyed it when she called me, 'my assassin'. It really is a turn on, bella mia. It gets the blood flowing to all the right parts, am I not right Anders?" Zevran cooed as he winked at Anders.
For the first time ever, Sabrina watched as Anders turned a deep red and become slightly flustered.
He reached for his wine and took a huge gulp, "I hadn't really noticed."
Zev eyed Anders knowingly and then said, "If I heard correctly, Anders, you wish the company of the lovely Catrain. Am I correct?"
"Umm, yes, but she said that she was only available if Sabrina joined in," Anders replied softly and turned even redder.
Zev grinned, "Yes Bree, you are exactly what Cat desires in her female lovers, but Anders, I do believe Cat would be very willing to enjoy the pleasure of your company alone as a personal favor to me. Wait here a moment."
Zevran exited the room and a few minutes later returned with Cat. The lovely Madame walked over and took Anders by the hand, "Follow me, Cherie. I understand that you wish to spend some quality time getting to know me better."
"I thought you would never ask," Anders said smoothly.
"Nice recovery," Sabrina mouthed to him. Anders winked and followed Cat out the door.
"Now, don't hurry back too quickly," Zevran called out after them. Once they were gone Zev closed the door and sat beside Sabrina on the sofa. "I thought Cat could keep him occupied while we caught up."
"Good thinking. I've never seen him so ill at ease before. He is normally very charming and quick witted," Sabrina replied.
"Aaah, those are the effects that a beautiful woman can have on a man," Zevran stated.
"I know that Anders liked Cat, but I didn't…"
"You misunderstand, mia amica, you are the beautiful woman that I speak of. I believe our little mage has a school boy crush on you, and the thought of you taking possession of him made him… anxious in good way," Zev said as he laughed.
Sabrina furrowed her brow, "Really? You think he has a crush on me? But I've never lead him to believe that I was even remotely interested."
"That's amore, we don't choose who we are attracted to. You know this better than anyone, love," Zevran replied.
Not wanting to discuss her love life at that particular moment Sabrina asked, "So if the Dark Wolf is now one of the Crow's personas, are you back with them?"
"Not in the sense that you mean. After the Blight Celebration I went back to Antiva. I contacted several of my Crow brothers and sisters that were heavily indebted to me, and began to work with them to bring down the top levels of Crows. Due to the instability that the current leadership had caused and to their foolish beliefs that they were untouchable, it wasn't difficult to infiltrate their lives and destroy them. Within six weeks I had cleaned house and set-up those that had assisted me, in leadership roles to run the Crows, and except for a select few no one knows I am alive. However, through those I placed into power, I am still able to use my Crow connections without being a part of them. So you see, Mia tesoro amica, I am all yours," Zev replied as he gave her one of his sexy grins.
Sabrina grinned back at him, "Well, I would be honored to have "my assassin" back with me. So was the Dark Wolf able to find out any information on who wishes me dead."
"Why of course and I have already dealt with the conspirators myself so no need to worry your pretty little head about that," Zev replied.
"Well, I'm most appreciative. I think I could get used to having the Dark Wolf on my side," Sabrina said.
"Oh and how appreciative are you?"
Sabrina smacked his arm, "Not that appreciative."
Zev slid his hand under her chin and raised her head so that she had to look him in the eye, "Mia amica, you still look very sad. I truly hope that you aren't still yearning for that pompous fool of a King."
Sabrina let out a sigh, poured both of them a large glass of wine and then told him the whole sordid tale.
When she had finished, Zev let out a low whistle, "Wow, my pet, you really know how to pick them. I can't believe that there is not just one arrogant self centered bastard out there, but two that are identical."
"Tristen isn't arrogant or self centered," Sabrina said defensively before she could stop herself.
Zev raised an eyebrow, "Oh really and you say you're not in love with him. Hmmm, you know that to deceive yourself can be pretty devastating and dangerous."
"I'm not deceiving my…"
Zev put his fingers up to her lips, "You don't have to admit anything to me, bella mia, but you need to be honest with yourself even if the possibilities scare you to death. You can't deal with any of this until you confront your emotions openly and honestly."
"When did you become so wise?"
Zev put his arm around her and drew her to him. "I had a very astute tutor. So do we head back to the Keep from here?"
"I guess," Sabrina said as she pouted a little.
"You don't want to head back to the Keep?" Zev asked.
"Not really, I'm not ready to face the Theirin brothers."
"Well, I hear that Highever is less than a day's ride from here and I've heard so much about this great Teyrn that lives there," Zev replied suggestively.
"But I'm in the middle of this investigation into these strange darkspawn activities," Sabrina sighed.
"Well, I did also hear that there was a darkspawn attack near Highever. We could head there to investigate," Zev stated.
"Well…if there was a darkspawn attack near Highever it would only be proper for me to investigate, since he is the highest ranking noble except for Alistair," Sabrina summarized.
"I do believe that we have reached a decision," Zev said. "Highever, ready or not, here we come!"
Author's notes – The quote that Sabrina referenced - "There are people I know who won't hurt me. I call them corpses" was by Randy K. "ht tp:/ww ions / quot es/Randy_K._Milholland/"Milholland
* Mia Tesoro Amica is Italian for my treasured friend -roughly translated.
* bella mia is Italian for my beautiful one
*I also want to thank Goddess Beta One – RandomWittering and Goddess Beta Two –Jinx1983 for their sextacular beta-ing skills. You girls rock!