Epilogue Part I

"Every step I take, every move I make, every single day, every time I pray, I'll be missing you
Thinkin' of the day, when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you

It's kinda hard with you not around, now you in heaven smilin' down
Watchin' us while we pray for you, every day we pray for you
Til the day we meet again, in my heart is where I'll keep you friend
Memories give me the strength I need to proceed, strength I need to believe
My thoughts Big, I just can't define, wish I could turn back the hands of time"
I'll Be Missing You by P. Diddy

Sabrina stared out of her office window at the training ring below, watching Zevran run a batch of new recruits through various training exercises. It had been twenty-six years since she had met the assassin and she didn't think he had lost an ounce of speed or agility. He was a deadly graceful gazelle both in the sparring ring and on the battlefield. It had amazed her that Zev had remained true to his word and had never left her side. Oh he would disappear for short periods of time attending to some secret Crow business or attending to the needs of his latest sexual conquest, but he always came back to her. He had been her closest friend and confidant for so long she didn't know how she was going to say good-bye to him, let alone actually walk away from him.

"Commander, you wanted to see me?" a voice came from behind her that pulled her out of her thoughts. She turned around to see her second in command, Connor Guerrin, standing there. He had grown up to be such a handsome young man, an excellent mage and an outstanding Warden. On his death bed, Eamon had begged her to conscript Connor into the Wardens in order to get him away from the Circle; Sabrina gave her word that as long as Connor was aware of the dangers and was still willing to undergo the Joining she would honor his request. Eamon agreed to her terms and passed from this world into the next a very content man.

"Yes, Connor please come in and have a seat," Sabrina said as she gestured to the chairs in front of her desk. Connor took a seat as Sabrina sat down behind her desk in an official capacity for the last time.

"Connor, as you know tomorrow morning I will be leaving for Highever and then the Deep Roads." Connor shifted uncomfortably at the mention of her leaving.

"I had been hoping that this letter from Weisshaupt would arrive before I had to leave," she said as she waved a letter in her hand. "I am pleased to announce that starting tomorrow, you will be the new Commander of the Ferelden Grey Wardens."

Connor looked stunned and a huge grin spread across his face. "Wow, I can't believe it; thank you Sabrina, for having enough faith in me to continue the work that you started here."

"You've earned it, Connor. You have proven yourself over and over again and you deserve it. The Ferelden Wardens are in very capable hands. I will announce it tonight at dinner," Sabrina replied.

Connor paused and looked at her for a long moment, "Thank you, Bree for conscripting me from the circle, for being a mentor and a friend... for being my family. I'm going to miss you terribly. The Wardens won't be the same without you."

Sabrina smiled at him sadly. This had been her home for so long now, and the Wardens were her extended family. It was strange to think that she would no longer wander within these halls, spar in the training ring, eat, drink and socialize with the men and women she considered brothers and sisters.

"I'm going to miss you too, but as far as life with the Wardens go, I just hope that I have left my mark." For fear that she would start crying if the conversation continued down this path, she stood up to indicate that the meeting was over. "Now, Commander Guerrin it's your turn to leave your mark on the Wardens. I know you will do a wonderful job."

Connor came around to her side of the desk, hugged her and she fervently returned it. He kissed her cheek and then left the room. Sabrina quickly wiped a tear from her cheek and headed to her bedroom.

For the most part she was completely packed; she really didn't need to take much, just some clothes to change into, her armor, her swords and a few personal items. She sat down on the bed and picked up the tattered letter that she had left there earlier. She ran her hand lovingly over it as she flattened it out. She had read this letter a thousand times and for the past five years it had been her anchor, the only thing that kept her from joining him in the deep roads years before now. The ache in her heart would stop, the moment when she was back in his arms again and she would once again know peace.

My Dearest Brin,

You are asleep beside me, you are making that cute little murmuring sound you do when you are deeply asleep. I can't help but thank the Maker that he allowed me to share these past twenty years with you. As difficult as it is for me to leave you, I know that it is equally difficult for you to stay. I know you want to take this journey with me, Brin, but now is not your time. Your journey is not over yet and you are needed here. Your Wardens need you, your country, your King and Fergus all still need you. But know this, my Love, that when your time comes and that final blow falls, I will be there to welcome you with open arms.

Brin, you are my life, my heart, and my soul; you are my best friend, my beautiful wife and my one and only true love. These past years with you have been the happiest years of my life. You are amazing, Mon Soleil, you have given me joy, you have given me your unconditional love and you have given me exquisite pleasure. I have lived a wonderful life because I had you in it and it is killing me to say good-bye to you. I would trade my very soul to spend another twenty years with you.

But know this, Brin, that until I breathe my last breath I will long to be with you, to hold you, to gently touch your gorgeous face and cup your cheeks in my hands as I gaze into your lovely eyes. Until I breathe my last breath I will long to be close to you, to caress you, to feel you caress me and to be inside you. I adore you, Brin and until I breathe my last breath I will cherish and love you forever.

All of my love,
Tristen

Sabrina let out a long sad sigh as she thought about her last days with Tristen. At first, he had argued adamantly against her traveling to Orzammar with him. She knew that he feared that she would follow him into the Deep Roads, but finally after months of rationalizing, arguing, and then pleading he had finally conceded and allowed her to travel with him to Orzammar. It was a trip that should have taken no more than five days but took them two weeks and they cherished every last minute they had together.

Tristen knew her so well; better than she knew herself at times and he knew she wouldn't be able to let him go into the Deep Roads alone. So after they had spent the night fervently and passionately making love, he'd waited until she had fallen asleep then he had left her to answer his Calling alone. She woke up the next morning to find Zev there with this letter. After she had read it she had crumbled to the floor and wailed with such deep agonizing pain. Sabrina knew that Tristen had arranged for Zev to be there to comfort her once he left.

Zev held her, rocked her, eventually picked her up and took her back to Vigil's Keep. He helped her put back together the pieces of her shattered life. She eventually pulled herself out of her grief, but life without Tristen had left her empty and unfulfilled. How do you move on once your other half has died?

This final journey frightened her; the Deep Roads had always scared her, not because she was afraid to die there, no, she was more afraid of not dying there. The only thing she found comfort in and that was her driving force, was that it would only be a matter of time before she would be reunited with the love of her life. Sabrina wiped the tears from her cheeks as she gently caressed the letter. I'm coming baby. It won't be long now. Sabrina gently folded the letter up and put it in her bag.

She went over to her water basin and splashed some water on her face. She checked her face in the mirror and then headed down to have her last dinner with her Wardens.

For the most part dinner was uneventful and towards the end Sabrina clinked her glass with her fork to get everyone's attention. Once all eyes were on her, she cleared her throat, "It has been my pleasure to be a Warden for twenty seven years, to be your Warden Commander for the last twenty five. During that time we have watched the numbers of the Ferelden Grey Wardens grow from only two, then to seven then to the surprising, but exciting number of two hundred. It has been an honor to serve with you and to kick some darkspawn arse with you."

She paused as a loud cheer went up and she relished in the sound of the camaraderie of her fellow brothers and sisters. "So to continue in the tradition of darkspawn arse-kicking I would like to proudly introduce your next Commander, Connor Guerrin." Another loud cheer went up and Connor stepped forward to make his remarks. Sabrina sat back and enjoyed her last night with her Warden family.

Throughout the evening she enjoyed the companionship of those gathered around her. Nate was the first to approach the head table; he paused in front of her, he didn't say a word, he just bowed and then placed what she knew was his favorite dagger in front of her. She looked up at him in astonishment, but he said nothing and walked away. Then Anders, her prodigal son who had only recently returned to the fold, approached her. He smiled and winked then laid down his favorite staff, blowing her a kiss just before he turned to go. Oghren was next. He approached her, but didn't say a word, simply bowed and placed his battle axe in front of her. One by one, every Warden approached her, bowed to her and gave her their favorite weapon. She sat there stunned as a multitude of weapons were piled in front of her. She knew that they didn't expect her to take all of their weapons with her, it was the symbolic gesture of them sacrificing their prized treasures, that moved her beyond words. Her tears flowed freely as the army of Wardens paraded their weapons in front of her, to honor her.

Connor leaned over and whispered, "Commander, you are loved more than mere words can say. No one will ever be able to take your place in the hearts of these men and women." Sabrina just nodded, words had failed her.

Once the parade of weapons had ended, the Wardens got down to the serious business of drinking. Sabrina didn't drink much, but enjoyed socializing with her friends and spent the next several hours with the people that had become her family. As the hours quickly passed, she was starting to become emotionally tired and an arm slipped around her waist. Zev leaned in and whispered, "Mia Tesoro Amica, are you ready to leave?"

Sabrina nodded and Zev pulled her against him, the two of them blurring into the shadows when no one was looking. They made their way back to her room and Sabrina quietly got changed as she absorbed all that had transpired during this very touching evening. She crawled into bed and the tears began to flow. Zev crawled in behind her; he pulled her to him and he just held her as she cried herself to sleep.

Early the following morning before anyone in the Keep was up, Zev and Sabrina had saddled up their horses and rode out of the main gates for the last time. They rode all day and late in the afternoon they made their way into the courtyard of Highever Castle. The stable boy came from the barn to collect the horses.

"Welcome back, Commander," the young boy said.

"Thank you, Tanner, it's good to be back. Is the Teyrn in?" Sabrina asked.

"No my Lady, he left this morning to tend to a dispute with the land owners in the southern part of the Teyrnir. He hopes to only be gone for a couple of days," Tanner informed her.

"Fine, I guess there isn't anything I can do about that." She sighed as she made her way into the castle.

A week later Sabrina paced in Fergus' study in a foul mood. Fergus had sent her a letter apologizing for his delay, but the dispute was taking longer to solve than he had originally planned. He hoped to have everything resolved soon and to leave for Highever in two days. If it had been his intention to leave for Highever two days from when he sent the letter, that meant he should have been here yesterday, but still no Fergus. What in Maker's breath could they possibly be arguing over that would take an entire week of the Teyrn's time. She needed to see Fergus before she entered the Deep Roads, but the calling was becoming more and more powerful. She barely slept, barely ate anymore. When she did sleep, the dreams were so horrific and intense that she woke up screaming and covered in sweat.

The only good part in the delay was that she had more time to spend with her nephews and her niece. Eighteen years ago at the Landsmeet Celebration, Fergus had spent a great deal of the night talking and dancing with Bann Alfstanna. Over the following year Sabrina looked on with glee as she watched the budding romance unfold. At the next Landsmeet, Fergus proposed and a year later they were married. A year after that, her nephew Sawyer had been born, followed by Stefan two years later. Just one year on, her niece and namesake, Sabrina, made her debut. She couldn't have loved these children more if they had been her own. In order to cut down on the confusion, everyone called her niece Sabie. Since she and Tristen would never have children of their own, they both loved and spoiled them shamelessly and they had taken Tristen's death very hard. It would not be easy saying good-bye to them and she didn't know how to prepare them for the inevitable farewell.

Lost in her thoughts, Sabrina picked up a painted skyball and gently tossed it back and forth in her hands.

"You aren't thinking about using that on my head are you," Fergus chortled as he walked in.

"I just might. Haven't you heard it's extremely bad form to leave a Lady waiting," Sabrina said.

"Oh where is this Lady that I've kept waiting," Fergus retorted playfully.

"Well, you really know how to sweet talk a girl, Fergus. You must have snagged Anna on your looks alone. It surely couldn't have been your charming disposition," Sabrina said dryly.

"You leave my lovely wife out of this and come over here and give your big brother a hug."

Sabrina put the skyball back down, but before she could even move toward him Fergus was across the room and had pulled her into a tight bear hug. He kissed her forehead and then pulled back to look at her. "It's good to see you Bean. You're a sight for sore eyes."

He kissed her forehead again and then released her. "So are you here alone?"

"No, Zev is with me. He was training with Sawyer and Stefan in the practice ring. I'm surprised you didn't see them when you came in," Sabrina replied.

"There wasn't anyone in the ring when I arrived. They must have already headed in to get cleaned up for dinner. Speaking of which, Anna told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in an hour."

Fergus poured each of them a glass of brandy and then took a seat in a chair near the fireplace and gestured for Sabrina to join him. Fergus stared at her for a long while and a solemn look settled on his face. He took a large gulp of brandy before he finally spoke. "So when I received your letter a month ago that you were coming to Highever for a brief visit, I was thrilled of course. At the same time I was very curious because you have always scheduled your holidays well in advance. Then on my way home I heard a rumor from a local lord that the King had released a proclamation declaring that Connor Guerrin was the new Arl of Amaranthine and Warden Commander of Ferelden. Now that I'm seeing you for the first time in months, I can see that you look very tired and you've lost weight…." His voice trailed off while he took a moment to compose himself. "I-it's your time, i-isn't?"

Sabrina looked at her brother sadly and nodded. Besides Zevran, Fergus was the only other non-Warden she had ever told about the Calling. She knew that she was breaking the rules, but when Tristen had received his Calling, Sabrina had sat down and explained what was happening. Fergus had been shocked and then angered that one day, she too would be called to the Deep Roads long before her time.

He reached over and grasped her hand tightly. They sat there in silence drinking their brandy; both at a complete loss for words. Once both of their glasses were drained, Sabrina stood up and grabbed a large parcel that was wrapped in burlap and tied with twine. She carried it over, sat on the floor in front of her brother and carefully unwrapped it. She withdrew a beautiful sword that had a blue glow to it and very intricate carvings. He knew this was her favorite sword, and he had rarely ever seen her without it. She handed it to him. "Once I am gone and you have received word that I have fallen in the Deep Roads, I want you to give this to Sawyer." Fergus began to protest, but Sabrina held up her hand. "Fergus, please let me do this my way."

Fergus nodded reluctantly and then she pulled out a truly beautiful sword that he knew had been forged from dragon bone and dragon eggs. Fergus had heard stories that the Crows had stolen this sword, but through Zev's connections he was able to get it back into its rightful owner's hands. "This is Vigilance. It was Tristen's favorite sword when he carried a shield. I want you to give this to Stefan."

Then she pulled out the stunning sword and dagger set that their father had given her after she had won their duel. Over the years she had added runes to it and Tristen had the words The Song of Brin engraved on the sword and The Thorn of Brin on the dagger. "I used these to kill the Mother and the Architect and I want Sabrina to have these."

Then she looked at the wedding band and engagement ring on her finger and for the first time in twenty-five years she slid the rings off. She placed them in Fergus' hand, she closed his hand over them and then she wrapped both of her hands around his. "Please give these rings to Sabrina. They were mom's before they were mine and they need to remain in the family."

She looked up into Fergus' face and saw the tears brimming in his eyes. "I-I don't know how to say good-bye to you."

"At least you have the opportunity to; neither one of us had the chance to say good-bye to Mom and Dad. When I think back on that night there are a thousand things I wish I could have said, but didn't. You and I have a chance for some closure before I have to leave. I can stay for a few more days, but the time is getting close and I can't stay much longer than that."

Fergus nodded in agreement, then he pulled her back into his arms and they both cried together. He finally pulled back from the embrace. "What sword are you going to take into the Deep Roads with you?"

"Well, if you don't mind, I was thinking I would take the family sword. I started my life as a Warden killing darkspawn with that weapon, it would be fitting that I end my career as a Warden with the same weapon."

Fergus nodded, "Yes, it would fitting indeed."

They eventually made their way to dinner. They arrived late and Anna was about to rebuke her husband until she saw his troubled face. Sabrina sat down beside Zev, he squeezed her hand and she gave him a slight nod and he squeezed again. Both Fergus and Sabrina tried to lighten the mood and shake off their glum frame of minds and as the wine flowed freely throughout the dinner the siblings' optimistic nature began to shine through once again.

After dinner they adjourned to the library where the entire family played charades. The hours passed quickly and Sabrina couldn't remember the last time she had laughed so hard. Eventually Anna insisted that it was both hers and the kids' bedtimes. They begrudgingly said good night and headed to their rooms.

Sabrina decided to use this opportunity to change out of the confining dress that she was wearing and into a comfortable pair of linen trousers and an oversized shirt. When she rejoined her brother and Zev in the library, it was obvious from the lively laughter flowing out of the room that an unhealthy amount of brandy was being consumed.

"O-o-oh, that was too funny, but I have a good one too," Fergus said as he tried to catch his breath before he continued. "A man escapes from prison where he has been held for fifteen years. He breaks into a house to look for money and weapons when he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, before swiftly approaching the girl and while tying her to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: 'Listen, this guy's an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He has probably spent a long period of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist him honey, don't complain, just do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy looks extremely dangerous and I fear that if angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey, I love you.'

To which his wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, he thought you were really cute, and asked me if we had any lubricant. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey and I love you too'!"

They both burst out laughing as Zev poured them both some more brandy. When he saw Sabrina walk in he poured a glass for her too, "Oh Bree, your brother just told me the best joke."

Sabrina grinned, "Yes, I caught the tail end of it. He's been telling that joke for years. You really need to get some new material, Brother."

"Oh and you think you could do better," Fergus said.

Sabrina thought about it for a moment. "Did you hear about the two chantry sisters that were sitting on a park bench when a naked man ran past them," Sabrina said and both Fergus and Zev look at her questioningly.

"Well, the first sister had a stroke. Unfortunately, the other sister just wasn't quick enough." Both of the men just looked at her and groaned.

"What? I thought that was funny. Okay how about this one. You know the difference between a whore and a bitch?" Both Fergus and Zev look at her, shrugging their shoulders.

"Well, a whore screws everyone at the party, a bitch screws everyone at the party except you."

Again the two men groaned. "She'll be here all week folks. Try the roasted nug and don't forget to tip your bar wenches," Fergus said in a mocking tone and they all laughed.
"Well here's one you might not have heard," Zev stated.
"Two prostitutes were standing on a street corner ready for a night of business.
'It's gonna be a good night tonight, I can tell,' says one of the girls.
'How can you tell?' asks the other.
'I can smell cock in the air,' replies the first prostitute.
'Sorry,' her friend replied sheepishly, 'I just burped'!"
All three of them broke out into a fit of hysterical laughter. They spent the rest of the night into the wee hours of the morning drinking and exchanging stories and jokes. It was a perfect night as far as Sabrina was concerned.

xxXxx

Alistair stood on a cliff in Highever that overlooked the ocean. It was such a peaceful and calming place, Alistair always enjoyed it when his dreams brought him here; behind him stood the statue of Duncan that had been dedicated years ago.

He felt the presence of his brother even before he spoke, "Hello Alistair."

Alistair turned around to see his twin brother standing before him and seeing him once again made him realize just how much he missed him. Over the twenty years they had been together before he'd received his Calling they had formed a tight bond and the pain of his absence was prevalent every day. So on the rare occasions that he actually shared the Fade with him, Alistair savored the moment.

"Hello Tristen," Alistair replied with a grin. "It's good to see you again."

"It's good to see you too, Brother. You are looking well," Tristen said somberly.

Normally when they had shared the Fade in the past it had always been a happy reunion, but this time his brother seemed gravely serious.

"What's wrong?" Alistair asked.

Tristen walked towards him and stopped when he was only a few feet away. He drew in long sigh, "Do you remember the promise you made me before I headed to Orzammar?"

Alistair felt his heart begin to race. He knew exactly what promise he was referring to. If Tristen was bringing this up it could only mean one thing and Alistair felt his heart break into pieces as he lost the ability to speak.

"It's time brother," Tristen said sadly. Tristen's biggest fear about receiving his calling before hers was that she would have to go into the Deep Roads alone. Alistair knew that Bree had nightmares about the Deep Roads, about being taken alive by the darkspawn in order to be turned into a broodmother. Tristen had turned to the only other person that completely understood her fear and who could make the final journey with her.

"I promise, Tristen, I will bring her home to you," Alistair reassured him.

"Thank you, Alistair."

Alistair jolted awake, sweat pouring down his forehead and heart pounding. Oh Bree, no, no not yet, but he knew the dream was true and that Bree's time had come. His heart ached at the thought of the nightmares returning and the taint slowly corrupting her; his beautiful Bree slowly being eaten away by her tainted blood. He wanted to be there for her, to hold her and comfort her.

Over the past twenty-five years, Alistair had done what Tristen said he would have, if Bree had chosen Alistair – he had loved her from afar and had been happy that she had finally found the love and peace that she sought, even though Alistair's own heart broke every time he saw them together. He loved them both, he wanted them both to be happy, but his heart was never able to completely stop loving her.

It had taken some time, but as his anger continued to subside, his friendship with her had slowly been restored and it was even stronger than it had been before. The easy rapport and strong bond that they had shared during their travels had returned and he felt once again that he could tell her anything and he knew the same went for her. It had been Bree that had told him that the dreams had returned for Tristen and he had comforted her that night as she cried in his arms.

Alistair started to roll out of bed when he felt the weight of an arm draped across his chest, he eased Anora's arm from him and slipped out of bed. He went to the water basin and splashed some cold water over his face. He quietly opened the balcony door, stepped onto the terrace and leaned against the railing. Ever since Alistair had made the promise to Tristen, he had been making preparations for this day and he was just grateful that he hadn't received his calling before hers too.

He looked down into the courtyard and smiled. There had been a lot of happy memories made in that courtyard. Both his son, Duncan and his daughter, Grace, had taken their first steps in the garden and he had watched his children grow up playing games, climbing trees and having picnics there. He was going to miss his two beautiful children terribly and the thought of not being there when they got married and had children of their own left him anguished. He knew one day he would have to say good-bye to them, but he had hoped it would have been years from now, not days. Maybe Tristen's warning had been that her Calling was about to begin. If that was the case then she could easily have another year before she needed to make the final journey. He prayed that it would be so. There was so much he still wanted to see and experience with his children.

His stomach growled and he made his way to the kitchen to find a midnight snack. He placed some cheese and fruit on a plate, grabbed a bottle of wine and headed for his study. The day before had been so busy that he had not had time to go through the mail that had been laid out for him. He sifted through them and saw several letters from various Arls, one from Fergus and at the bottom one in the familiar hand writing of the Commander of the Grey.

His fingers trembled as he cautiously opened the parchment as if the speed at which he opened it would change the content within it.