A/N: Wassup! More and more people are checking out my fic-I'm so happy You guys have no idea how long I've wanted to share my work with others, you're making one of my greatest dreams come true. I want to thank all of you. oOo Breezy oOo, you made my day when I saw your name on the review list. Little Rabbit f/LRPLI, your advice and commiseration, as well as your endorsement of TJ, helped me immensely. Unfortunately, the endorsement went to TJ's head, and he's refusing to come out of his dressing room and do the chapter. But I'll work something out. Prima Donnas! Lunar Sphinx, your story was one of the first I ever read on this site. I was surprised to see you reviewing this story, but gratified all the same. And Liz, you know what I have to say to you, but I'll say it anyway: You're my best friend, my favorite editor, and the only person who's willing to read a story based on a game she knows nothing about. You rock.
Anyway, time for TJ to discover that whatever world you live in, life is life. As in hard. But he's about to change all that, because life is also what you make of it. Read and Review is required, enjoyment is optional.
Disclaimer: I do not own Pokémon, Houenn, May, or any derivitave thereof. I do own my character TJ.
Note: "Speaking"
Thinking
Pokéspeak
Psychic conversations
Flashbacks
SHOUTING
Chapter Five:
I Hate Your Life Too!
Place: A little podunk mountain town that most of you will be familiar with.
Time: The next morning after TJ's talk with God, duh!
"Uggghhh! Wh ty i I? Wha ta hel? SHI! I'n lade!"
TJ groaned in agony, he was definitely not a morning person. His clock read 6:15. The hardware store opened at 7. He was so screwed. He had just enough time to shower and sprint to his job. If he was lucky.
He sat up in his bed. In a rush his experience from last night came back to him-his conversation with God, God's promise, his headache.
Wow, he thought, what a weird dream. I wonder what it meant? He shrugged. Oh well, probably just a sign of suppressed sexual tension or something.He started rooting around on his floor, looking for a clean outfit.
Or was it his floor? TJ quickly scanned the clothes lying on the floor, then glanced around the rest of the room. It was his room all right, he just felt that it wasn't his room. It wasn't like there were any big glaring differences to notice, but slowly TJ began to see little things. His clock was definitely a red digital, not a green. He hadn't remembered leaving his clothes there the night before. His Gamecube should be downstairs, not up here. He shouldn't have a life-sized poster of a Charizard hanging on his door. His sock drawer should be-
Hold up. Life-sized Charizard poster? What the HELL?
Slowly, as if he was afraid that it would disappear, TJ turned around to look at his door. Yup, there was a life-sized Charizard poster tacked up to it. Furthermore, it wasn't one of those cutesy crappy cartoon Charizards, it was large, mean, and very real looking.
TJ's jaw dropped. Now, in his defense, he was not, as I had already mentioned, a morning person. It would be completely understandable that he wouldn't notice a relatively small change like that without a can of Mountain Dew or a cup of coffee-
"Gee, you're being awfully defensive!"
"Well, sue me! I'm not a morning person, I need a can of Mountain Dew!"
"Uh huh. What's 'Mountain Dew'?"
"You don't have it. I switched to Onix Breeze instead."
"That's like 'Mountain Dew'?"
"No, it tastes worse. Now shut up and listen."
"Geez, sor-ry!"
Anyway, TJ was floored. He simply couldn't deal with the fact that God had plucked him up from his home and put him into his dream. He needed proof. So, he ran, I mean jogged, oh fine, he stumbled to his window and yanked up the shade to get a better look.
The first thing he noticed was pine trees. He was definitely not in his room then, because he lived in a valley. The second thing he noticed was the large flock of Taillow sitting in the branches.
TJ slammed the shade shut. He pinched himself. He kicked himself. He slapped himself in the face. Then he opened the shade again. The Taillow were still there.
"No way," he said, "no fuckin' way!"
"TJ! Are you up yet? You're going to be late!"
It was Mary! It was his mother! His mother was here! She had been sucked in too!
TJ ran to the door, flung it open, and dashed downstairs. On the way down it registered in his mind that he didn't even have stairs in his house, but that fact could only play second fiddle to the flock of Taillow sitting outside his window. He dashed into the kitchen. It was nice to see something still the same, even if all the wall border had Spearow instead of chickens.
"TJ! What are you doing! You need to shower if you're going to make it to work on time!" cried his mother.
"Mom!" TJ cried right back. "What's happening? Have aliens come? Are we in a computer? What happened!"
"What are you talking about?" asked his mother. She looked at her son with concern.
"When I woke up this morning, there was a flock of Taillow outside my window! Taillow, Mom!"
TJ realized that his mother knew nothing about the "infernal machines", as she liked to call his video games. He was about to explain what a Taillow was when his mother said, "TJ, those Taillow have been roosting outside your window for the past three years! Are you sure you're all right? Maybe you should call in sick or something."
If TJ had thought his jaw dropped low at seeing the Taillow, it was nothing compared to hearing his mother talk about them like an everyday occurrence. For years afterwards he would be able to clearly recall the concerned look on her face as she questioned him about his health, casually mentioning creatures that had, until today, been nothing more than fiction.
"I think you really should call in sick, sweetie," she said in a worried voice. "Why don't you call the pokémart and let them know you're not feeling well today?"
TJ stared. Pokémart? He worked at a pokémart? Since when?
"Well, are you going to call them?"
"Huh? Oh, uh, sure. Um, what was their number, again?"
His mother shot a very concerned look at him, then said, "that's all right dear, I'll call them for you. You just go back upstairs and rest."
TJ just nodded.
OOOOOOOO
Back in his room, TJ lay on his bed, staring at nothing. Thoughts raced around and around in his head, moving too quickly to grab ahold of. Outside, the Taillow were beginning to chirp. TJ moved his head a fraction to stare at his window shade.
No way. No way in hell.
But then, how did he explain this? He didn't take drugs, he didn't drink, he didn't (or hadn't) ever hallucinated randomly before, and he always could tell when he was asleep and when he was awake.
Unless, an unpleasant jolt of fear shot through his stomach, unless I'm awake now, and my memories are really just an incredibly realistic dream.
TJ felt like his insides had dropped out. Was that it? Had he dreamt his little town, and the abuse, and Andy, and all that? Was this reality, and his memories just fiction?
But his memories didn't feel like a dream. They felt real. He was sure they were real. But how could he be sure? He was so confused!
"Oh, God," he moaned, "give me a sign! Show me that I'm not crazy! SHOW ME!"
TJ suddenly noticed a sharp pain in his left pocket. Having gone to bed so late last night, he had slept in his clothes. He reached in, and pulled out a small red square of plastic, with a little blue rectangle nestled within. He also held a small red rectangle. They were his Gameboy and Pokémon Ruby and Sappire versions.
Thank you, thought TJ, thank you God.
OOOOOOOO
TJ's mind was racing even faster now. He had been sitting in his room for the past four hours, quietly listing and explaining his situation to himself. He felt like he was getting nowhere.
"All right," he said to himself sternly, "Just list the facts as they are for now."
"One, that I have been taken to another world by God."
"Two, this is very real, and not a dream."
"Three, this world has at least two kinds of pokémon, probably more."
"Four, I had a counterpart in this world who must have switched places with me. He had a life, and a job, when he was here."
"Five, it is safe to assume that he hated being here as much as I hated my home."
TJ sighed deeply. "But where does that leave me?" he asked.
What TJ needed, what TJ desperately wanted, was someone to help him, clue him in, give him information. He needed a teacher.
But who? Not either of his parents, no way. He could have asked one of his few friends, but he wasn't even sure they existed in this world. He could ask his ultra-cool younger brother, but he was sure Thomas would just laugh at him. Who else was there? Besides the baby of the family, Trevor, there was no one who would even talk to-
Wait! That was it! Ask Trevor!
Trevor was nine, almost ten. But from the way he acted, you would think he was twenty-seven. He had kissed his first girl at the age of three. He had had his first girlfriend at the age of seven. He had gotten his first hickey just this past spring, although his parents knew nothing about that.
Trevor was a ladies man, clean and simple. He was also a killer athlete, and he was very good looking for a near ten-year-old. He was the kind of person who normally would ignore TJ, or treat him like dirt, but providence had intervened at birth.
When Trevor had been born, TJ had still been called Terry and he was only nine-and-a-half. Thomas was only seven. Thomas had been completely uninterested in the wrinkled little ball of flesh, but Terry had felt an instant attraction to him. One look and he wanted to play with him forever.
Over the years, TJ had slowly drifted away from his happy-go-lucky childhood and into his burden filled adolescence, and sorrow filled adulthood. Trevor had shined from the moment he had been old enough to walk. He was the golden boy of almost every school he went to. Teachers had told his parents that he would someday be a great athlete. He had friends out the yin-yang, but none as cool as his older brother TJ. Unlike Thomas and the other big kids, TJ hung out with him. He took him places, had lunch with him, played catch with him, talked about video games with him, and did all sorts of cool stuff with him. Over the years Trevor had realized that far from being cool, TJ was a massive dork. But Trevor stood loyally by his brother, defending his meager reputation in front of his peers. TJ was one of Trevor's best friends, and vice versa.
TJ carefully opened his door a crack. Peering down the hall, he could see Trevor sitting in his room reading. Thomas was showering, and his mother was cleaning downstairs. His father was at work.
Moving quickly and silently, TJ dashed into Trevor and Thomas's room and grabbed Trevor. He snaked one hand around Trevor's waist and the other he placed over his mouth. Silently he thanked God that Trevor was still small enough that he could pick him up and carry him. Trevor let out a muffled "what the-" and then TJ was in his room.
"HEY!" shouted Trevor, "what the HECK do you think you're-"
TJ grabbed Trevor by his shirt and hissed, "look, Mom and Dad think that I'm sick. I'm supposed to be in my room resting, so that I get better. If there are loud noises coming out from under my door, someone might get suspicious. You don't want that, do you?"
Trevor shook his head. TJ set him down. Trevor strode over to the bed and sat. "All right dude, what's this all about?"
TJ told him.
Trevor snorted. "Ha ha. Now what's this really all about?"
TJ turned on his Gameboy, and showed it to Trevor.
Trevor shut up.
"Dude," he said, "that's like..."
"Insane?" said TJ. "Crazy? Unbelievable? You're hearing a crazy story from your brother, Trev. I'm living that story. You have no idea what I've had running through my head."
"But, like, if you grew up somewhere where pokémon don't exist, and then woke up here, where's my brother?"
TJ was silent for a moment. "I don't know for sure," he finally said, "but tell me this: was he miserable with his life?"
Trevor snorted. "No, miserable doesn't begin to describe it. He would have jumped off a bridge if it meant he could have left. He hated this place."
"I thought so. I'm not positive, but my theory is that God preformed a switch. I'm now here, and he is now where I was."
"Oh," said Trevor. "I get it." The look on his face said otherwise.
"Just trust me," said TJ, "wherever he is, he's happier."
"But will I ever see him again?"
TJ sighed. "I'm not sure. Only God can answer that one. Pray about it."
Trevor thought about this for a while. "You're sure he's happy?" he said.
"Look, you yourself said he'd jump off a bridge to get away. Well, now he's away. What do you think?"
Trevor thought some more, then nodded. "Okay, I guess I can buy that. So, what do you want to know?"
The brothers chatted and made plans.
OOOOOOOO
"TJ! What are you doing out of bed? You should be resting!"
"Don't worry about it Mom, I feel a lot better. In fact, I think I've recovered completely!"
"I don't think so young man! You march straight back upstairs and into bed this instant!"
"But Mom, I'm fi-"
"No buts! Upstairs!"
TJ took a deep breath, as if steeling himself for something.
"No Mom."
TJ's mother looked at him like he was going crazy. "What did you just say?"
"I said no. Dammit mother, I'm nineteen. Hell, I'll be twenty at the end of the summer! You can't just treat me like a little boy anymore! I'm almost a man!"
"But, but you were acting so strangely this morning! You were pale, and sweaty, and you didn't seem to understand what I was saying!"
"Yeah, well, my life hit me hard all of a sudden. I'm almost twenty and the crowning achievement of my career is a blue vest at the pokémart. That's not good enough for me!"
TJ's mother stared at him like he was an alien from another planet.
"I'm sorry mother, but I'm through with this town. I've got places to go, people to see, and I'm not going to wait any longer. I'm going to see Professor Birch."
And with that, TJ stormed out of the house, intent on finding the Professor's laboratory.
It was a short walk. In less than twenty minutes, TJ found himself at the door of a large building. A sign above it said 'Welcome to Birch Laboratories! Fieldwork Specialists since 1977! Open 9-5'. Squaring his shoulders, TJ went in.
"Hello! Professor! Anybody home?"
TJ's voice echoed inside the large building. A round head with shaggy brown hair popped up from a stack of boxes in the back.
"Who's there! I'm busy right now!"
TJ walked over to where the Professor was sitting. "I promise not to take up your time, I just want to become a trainer."
The Professor stared at him much like his mother had. He looked TJ up and down, then squinted at his face.
"Say, aren't you that Kane boy? The one who hides inside his house? I think I've heard about you from my son."
TJ felt an invisible knife twist in his gut. Still, he tried to remain outwardly calm. "Well, I don't know about 'hides in his house', but I am TJ Kane. I don't know how your son knows me, but I'm not sure he really knows me, if you catch my drift."
Birch sniffed. The knife in TJ's gut twisted harder.
"Yes, well, that may be the case. Just why are you wanting to become a trainer?"
TJ's eyes shined. "I've never wanted to be anything else, sir."
Birch regarded him for a moment. "Then why didn't you apply at ten years old, like most children do?"
The knife was now a jackhammer. TJ swallowed hard and replied, "um, I lived in a big city. My dad didn't want me to go out on the streets and get jumped by a stalker."
"Hmmmm," said Professor Birch. The jackhammer had now become an exploding stick of dynamite; TJ felt like he was going to explode. Or puke.
"Well, I'm truly sorry," said Professor Birch, "but I'm afraid that no one over the age of eighteen is allowed to start as a trainer in this region. Perhaps you might try going to school and getting a job involving pokémon."
The dynamite was gone. Instead there was a big empty spot where his stomach should have been. Looking into Birch's eyes, TJ saw something he was all too familiar with: disdain.
"I understand Sir," he whispered. "Thank you for the advice."
And he turned around, and slowly trudged out. If he had looked back, he would have seen a momentary flicker of regret in Birch's eyes.
OOOOOOOO"Welcome to your friendly Oldale Pokémart, how can I help you?"
It was the next day, and TJ was at work. He had gone home wishing that the earth would open up and swallow him. His mother had been waiting for him just inside the door, but one look at his forlorn face and she had forgotten her anger. She had fixed him up some soup and butter and peanut butter bread. Trevor had come in and offered his condolences, his father had come home and told him that it would go better next time, and even Thomas had offered his support, sort of.
"You suck wastewater, but you don't completely suck."
TJ had managed a ghost of a smile. That was high praise, coming from Thomas.
TJ had only been working at a pokémart for five hours, but already he hated it as much as his job back home. There wasn't really a difference; one sold paint and brushes, the other sold pokéballs and antidotes. The same crappy customers still came through.
Dammit, he thought, I'll get you for this, Birch.
Tears started to well up. But how? It doesn't matter where I am, I'm still a worthless, shiftless, hated bum with no place in the world. How can someone like that do anything
TJ was so deep in thought he didn't notice a large boy about his age stride over to the counter. The register had taken a bit of time to pick up, but it wasn't really that difficult. TJ was running it now.
"Hey! I demand service!"
TJ snapped his head up. Noticing the boy, he sighed inwardly. Oh well, always help the customer, he thought.
Damn, I wish I weren't so moral all the time.
TJ walked over to the rude boy. "How may I help you sir?"
"I want ten great balls, and make it fast! I've been waiting for at least an hour!"
TJ's irritation went up a notch. He knew for a fact the boy had walked in just twenty minutes ago. But, he was a customer, so TJ shoved his irritation aside and said, "I'm sorry sir, but this pokémart doesn't sell great balls, only pokéballs. If you want a great ball, you'll have to go to Slateport, it's the nearest location."
"I know that they sell them in Slateport, you idiot," snarled the boy, "I'm telling you I want to buy them here."
TJ was starting to get angry, but he shoved it away again and said, "all right sir, just let me get my boss. He'll special order them for you, and they should be here within two weeks."
The rude boy banged his fist down on the counter. "I want them NOW!" he said.
TJ wanted nothing more than to rip the boy's words out of the air and ram them down his throat. However, he simply said, "I'm very sorry sir, but I can't get them any faster than that."
The rude boy stared at TJ as if he were a particularly repulsive kind of insect. "Do you have any idea who I am?" he asked. "I'm Andy Stone! My Father runs the most powerful organization in all of Houenn! I'll have your job for this, peasant! I'll have you evicted from..."
Andy just kept droning on and on. Why is it, wondered TJ, that all people named Andy are jerks? Is it some sort of genetic connection? Do all humans have the ability to be assholes if they have the right name?
"Are you listening to me!""Yes sir," said TJ. "I heard every word."
"Well then, what are you still doing here?"
TJ stared at Andy, confused. "Huh?"
"I knew it! You weren't listening to a word I said! I just told you to turn in your badge and resign!"
TJ stared at Andy incredulously. Of all the rude, nasty, arrogant things to say!
TJ's anger was reaching a boiling point.
"What's going on here!"
It was the store manager-TJ couldn't remember his name.
Andy immediately launched into his spiel of insults and demands again. The manager's eyes widened when he heard Andy's full name, and he shot TJ a very dirty look.
Dammit, that's not fair! I didn't do anything! Just because this million dollar asshole has a rich daddy, he thinks he can get away with anything. And my asswipe of a boss is agreeing with him!
Andy finally seemed to have wound down. He turned to face the manager and said, "you know, in a store like this, I would expect to see decent employees, not the substandard moron that this idiot seems to be. If this is an example of your employees, then I might have to tell my father that we shouldn't allow you to represent Devon Co."
Both TJ and the manager stared at Andy, shocked. While he had said it as smooth as silk, Andy was threatening to blacklist the store. Without Devon products, they'd have nothing left to sell.
The manager turned to TJ, nostrils flaring. "TJ, turn in your badge and vest, and get out. You're fired."
TJ stared at the manager, then turned to stare at Andy. The bastard stood there, looking smug.
Slowly, TJ unbuttoned and pulled off his vest. Each movement chipped away at his almost nonexistent pride. Throughout the whole display, Andy stared at him, becoming more smug with each passing moment.
Tears threatened to spill out of TJ's eyes. He wasn't the bad guy here, Andy was! Why was he getting punished?
Because it's me, he thought.
The manager held out his hand. TJ reached over to hand him his vest, but Andy put a hand out.
"I want him to hand it to me."
TJ stared. Andy had the most supremely smug expression possible on his face. The look in his eyes told TJ that this was just the beginning.
Deep inside TJ, something snapped. Dammit, he thought, this is my dreamworld. This is my dream come true. I've come too far, done too much, to be shut down by anybody! Not some puffed up prejudiced academic, not my family, and certainly not some two bit spoiled rich brat who thinks he owns me!
TJ stalked up to Andy, breathing heavily. Andy smiled down cruelly. He was expecting TJ to yell and rage, or beg for his mercy, or maybe even refuse to do it. Something along those lines.
He most certainly was not expecting the knee that made contact with his groin.
Andy fell to the ground, groaning in agony. The store manager stared at TJ, shocked.
"HEY ASSWIPE!" shouted TJ, "YOU CAN'T FIRE ME!"
"Oh yeah? Why not!"
WHUMP!
TJ threw his vest with every ounce of strength he possessed right into the
manager's face.
"BECAUSE!" he shouted, "I QUIT!"
OOOOOOOO
BAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAM-
Professor Birch stood up hastily and strode over to the door. "Blast it," he muttered, "it's 5:30! We're closed! There's no need to do that to my door, it takes enough punishment as it is-"
The Professor opened the door. "WE'RE CLO-"
He stopped mid word. There on the steps stood an exceedingly angry TJ.
"DAMMIT BIRCH," he shouted, "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TREAT ME THE WAY YOU DID YESTERDAY! WHAT YOU DID WAS PETTY AND SHORTSIGHTED, AND I WANT AN APOLOGY! NOW!"
Birch was flabbergasted. "I don't know who you think you are, young man, but if you're going to accuse me of something like that, you better be prepared to pay the consequences! It's my privilege to choose who I-"
TJ reached up and grabbed the front of the Professor's lab coat, and pulled his face down lower. This close, Birch could see that pure fury radiated from every inch of his body. TJ growled.
"Listen Birch," he said in a voice that was much quieter-and much scarier. "If I had wanted a lecture as to how worthless I am and how powerful you are, I would have come down here and yelled at you to do so. I did not. I have dealt with opposition and prejudice at every turn for the last ten years, and I am sick of it. I am going to achieve my dream, and no one on Earth is going to stop me. I'll tell you once: you make me a trainer or so help me God I will beat your ass either until you're dead our the police pry me off of your unconscious body. I don't give a ratfuck what you think of me, you will do this."
The Professor was taken aback. This was not the shiftless lazy do nothing bum his son Brendan had told him about. In fact, this was not even the same boy who had walked through his door yesterday. This boy-no, this man, was completely different from the person who he had dismissed so easily.
And why did you do that, a quiet little voice in his head said.
Ah, I thought he would be too wishy-washy to be a trainer, Birch replied.
What, you learned all that after just one glance?
Birch squirmed. No...
Well then, said the voice, how did you learn it?
Birch searched within himself for the answer. When he finally realized it, he hung his head, ashamed of himself. Brendan told me, and I believed him.
Birch sighed. He looked at TJ. "You're far too violent to be a trainer," he said.
"AND HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT!" TJ was back to shouting.
Birch stared at him. Inside a massive battle was raging. Finally he shook his head.
"I don't," he said. TJ stepped forward menacingly. "But," Birch continued, "nor do I know that you aren't. I know very little about you. How can I make a decision about you one way or the other?"
TJ growled angrily. "What's it matter? This isn't a matter of good or bad trainer; it's a matter of receiving a beating or avoiding one."
"I would be willing to die, to protect my pokémon," Said Professor Birch quietly.
TJ swelled, like he was about to explode. Birch prepared himself to meet his maker, or at least suffer a lot of pain. But, surprisingly, TJ let out a deep breath and looked him in the eye.
"How can I prove myself to you?"
Birch mulled this over for a second. How could he prove it? After all, the only information Birch had on him was what his son had told him, and he now knew that to be false. It was like a completely unknown person. What if...
"Do you object to labwork?" asked the Professor.
TJ gave the Professor a hard look. "If I work hard, and do a good job, and act
like a trustworthy person, will you give me a pokémon?"
Birch nodded.
"And a trainer's license?" pressed TJ.
Again Birch nodded.
"And a pokédex?"
Birch hesitated, then shrugged. "Why not," he said.
TJ let out a deep deep sigh. Then he shook Birch's hand and said, "Professor, you got yourself a deal."
May stood up abruptly. Picking up her sidepack, she headed for the door.
"Hey," said TJ, "where are you going? I still have more to tell you."
May shook her head. "I'm sorry TJ, but this is sick. Your story is bizzare and
unbelievable, and in the whole run of it I haven't heard a single shred of proof as to why you're right about those three. I'm leaving."
"Wait, May!" said TJ. May spun around and headed for the door. Standing in front of it was Treecko, glaring menacingly. She turned right, hoping to go out the pantry door. Mudkip was blocking her way. Fearing the worst, she spun a 180, coming face to face with Torchic. Knowing who was left, she turned to her left to see TJ holding up a strange rectangular object.
"Get the hell out of my way!" she said, in a panicked voice. TJ was starting to look more and more like Andy and Co.
"Please May, just look at it," he pleaded.
May was scared. However, she saw the sincerity in his eyes, the sorrow. She shouldn't, she really shouldn't, but she did.
"If I look, will you let me go?"
"I promise. And my word is my bond."
May sighed. "All right, I'll look."
TJ smiled. May stared at the small screen. Corny music was playing. On the screen, water was dripping off some leaves into a puddle. Several company names flashed across the screen. Then the view shifted to a grassy field, and something flew past them on the screen.
The view changed. Now they were watching some kid on a bicycle. She was riding at a breakneck pace. She had brown hair covered in a bandanna, and she wore a hip pack over her bike shorts. The girl looked familiar. Maybe it was supposed to be her sister. But she didn't have a sister. In fact, she was the only one from Littleroot town who looked like that. But that couldn't be her.
Could it?
May looked at TJ. He nodded. "Pretty good likeness, I'd say."
May stumbled back to the couch, in a daze. TJ sat down opposite her once more. "Shall I continue?"
May was unable to speak, she just nodded.
A/N: Whew! Long one! But what fun to write! The next chapter should be a lot shorter. I hope. Just so you know peoples, I won't be posting for a while, I'll be in sunny Cali, enjoying the beach, the girls, the sun, the girls, the sights, the girls, and did I mention the girls? Don't wait up for me! But do review!
P.S. If I have insulted any Andys or Andrews out there, I apologize. It's just a story.