I Think I Know
"Dorota! I'm home!" Back in New York, she felt odd…different. Blair had become alarmingly use to having no doorman, no driver, no Dorota. She had nearly opened her own car door when they pulled up in front of her building, before her doorman had stepped forward to open it for her. Her life was so much more relaxed in Columbus; it was so uncomplicated. The mask she had always worn in New York had slowly slipped off without her knowledge. As elevator doors closed, taking Blair higher and higher, she smoothed the creases in her skirt, closed her eyes and breathed. When they opened once more, she was home.
"Miss Blair!" Dorota was beaming as she walked out of the kitchen, a fresh arrangement of peonies in hand. "These just arrived for you."
Blair blanched; she loved peonies, but they always reminded her…. She swiftly snatched up the attached notecard.
B,
Stay strong! You are awesome- try not to forget it!
~E
And exhale. Blair chuckled- she had sent Eve flowers too. "Thank you, Dorota." She was Blair Waldorf, former Queen of Constance, and a major force of reckoning once more. But she did turn and smile at Dorota before ascending the stairs.
Pinning Eve's note above her desk, Blair mapped her senior year out in her head. She realized she hadn't made plans for the holidays yet. She would need to fix that….
"B!" A squeal, followed by a blur of gold smothered her.
"Hi, S." Her voice was muffled by the other girl's giant hug.
"Come, come!" Serena was pulling her out the door, "Lunch, shopping, we have to catch up!"
Blair grabbed at her handbag, simultaneously glancing at the clock, "Only three hours. I have a schedule to keep you know."
"Seriously? Classes haven't even started, and you just got back from…that place, where was it?"
"Columbus. I know, it wasn't Italy, but it was still good." Blair just shook her head as Serena pulled a face at her response.
"There's something good in the Midwest?" Serena laughed and Blair had to chuckle a little. After all, she was still an Upper East Sider at the end of the day.
Classes started, and Blair initiated a strict regimen: morning runs, classes, studying, regular shopping and lunch dates with S, and the mandatory social events where she avoided Chuck. She and Eve managed to keep touch via e-mail and the odd phone call.
Serena met Blair for their scheduled weekly lunch. It was not the Met steps, but the two girls created a new tradition, having a light meal on the steps of Low Library. Croissant, yogurt, and bottled water in hand, the two girls stretched out on the steps, drinking in the late summer sun. Blair had closed her eyes, turning her face towards the light, smiling.
"You're different." Serena furrowed her eyebrows with the realization.
"We've been friends our entire lives, I hope I'm not the same girl that cried when Chuck pulled my curls." Blair rolled her eyes at the memory.
"You know what I mean. What happened to you this summer?"
Blair shrugged, "It was nice. I... I relaxed. That's all."
Serena was not convinced, "You relaxed? That's all? What ever does that mean? Are you not relaxed right now?"
Blair shrugged her shoulders, "No one knew me; they took me at face value. I did things I never tried before; I can drive now, did you know that? I would never drive here, that makes no sense! But other places, it's invigorating, tearing down the road, leaving everything behind you in a cloud of dust. No gossip girl, no Chuck, no Queen B, no Eleanor Waldorf's daughter."
Blair's face softened, and Serena put her arm around her, leaning her head on Blair's shoulder, "That sounds wonderful, B."
"I was happy this summer, S. Life felt good. I want to take that into the future with me, so here I am, trying." The smile returned to Blair's face. Croissant in hand, she tore a fair chunk off. Wanting to lighten the mood, she tried to cram it in Serena's mouth.
"B!" Serena squealed and sat up and Blair continued to pursue her with the large piece of croissant.
The hot summer days mellowed into a crisp autumn, and the sky looked to always be thinking of snow the last paper done and the final test taken, Blair stood in Grand Central Station.
"B!" Eve tumbled forth from the train.
"Eve!" Blair hugged her friend.
"I hope you brought reinforcements. I have a lot of luggage," Eve had a sheepish smile. "And a long journey before I return!"
"I know, poor you, spending your last term studying at Oxford." Blair mocked her friend, "But first- Paris! My father and Roman cannot wait to meet you. Serena will join us before New Years too! But right now, luggage and off to the airport."
Their meeting had been captured and Eve had her first Gossip Girl posting:
Spotted at Grand Central, Queen B hugging a mystery brunette. Does S know she has competition? Who is she, and who will be the first to tell me?
xoxo
Gossip Girl
Blair shared the post with Eve as they waited to board first class.
"Wow, you weren't kidding, were you? And here little old me has made the big times! It was one thing when you showed me the posts about…everyone else."
"Points for evading he-who-shall-not-be-named." Blair smirked.
Eve just rolled her eyes, "I can't say anything, I'm happy as long as you don't say…"
"Karl?"
"Blair!" Eve squeaked.
"What? I wanted to see if he'd magically appear like you say he always does." Blair laughed. First class began to board, and Blair swore she had never seen Eve move so fast.
The two chic brunettes made Paris their playground. It was Blair's turn to play host, and culture and fashion excursions dominated their days and nights. Serena soon joined them and Gossip Girl was abuzz with the small trio that was taking Paris by storm this holiday.
Chuck tossed his phone on his desk and looked down on the city. The newest Gossip Girl blast was of Blair with her friends ice-skating. The light in Blair's eyes shot straight through his heart. He was sure the photos from his PI later would be even more stunning than the small image on his phone.
He had eased into taking control from Lily the year of the Saints and Sinners party. In his first year running it free from Lily, he had kept Bass Industries stable, and it was beginning to steadily expand; but now Chuck was becoming restless. Work had been so consuming the past few years; there had been so much to learn, to do, but now… now he realized he wanted more, needed more, and his thoughts turned to Blair. He had begun to notice she was around less and less. During her junior year, she started slipping away from him. When she ran off for the summer, he was surprised, but thought little of it; he was still mastering running a major multinational company.
However, with Blair's return to the city, he realized something was different. He still regularly saw Serena, and she had noticed it, too. Serena was happy about these indefinable changes in her friend, but it unnerved Chuck. Blair eluded him at all social events, and she practically left the moment her classes were over at the end of term. Chuck needed information. The kind the PI could not recover for him, and he already had discovered what little information Serena knew. He could not let Blair continue to slip away from him. His future had always consisted of two things in his mind: Bass Industries and Blair Waldorf.
S and B waved Eve off as she took the Euro Star North to London before they returned for their last term at Columbia. It was bittersweet, and they all wondered what the future would hold for them.
One particularly frigid English afternoon, Eve padded home through the snow. Her toes were frozen as she peeled off her outer garments. Hefting her burdensome load of books, she entered her bedroom, and she halted.
"Chuck Bass." Eve stated, emotionless.
He was setting at her desk, a picture of her and Blair from the summer in his hands, "Hello, Eve."
She sat her things down on the floor and gathered herself up before him, a sweet smile on her face, "What brings you to Oxford on this beautiful day?"
Chuck smirked at her. She had heard of this infamous smirk, and it was as intimidating as reported. Karl had never smirked, but she saw the same kind of power in Chuck.
"I wanted to meet Blair's new friend, hear about your summer." His eyes never moved from Eve.
"Why, because suddenly you care? She was happy this summer. That's all you need to know." Eve held strong. If the tables were turned, she knew Blair would do the same for her. She saw the muscle in his jaw twitch.
Chuck sat the picture down and rose from the chair with an effortless grace. Standing next to her, his eyes black and gold, he growled, "Blair is precious to me. I gave her what she asked for; but I'll be damned if some little miss from the corn fields thinks she can change the game we play."
Eve thought of Blair, and that day in front of Karl's house, the sadness they had shared. Her emotions ruptured and she shouted at Chuck with all the fury in her own broken heart. "Game! You think Blair, after two years, still sees it as a game! She is fighting for her dreams, the ones only she can make come true. How dare you play with her as though she were some passing fancy? Precious you say? How the hell would you know?"
The fire in Eve's eyes made Chuck back off. It was incredibly similar to another pair of brown eyes he knew… used to know? He had come for information, and had gotten something else entirely: a reality check. Chuck turned on his heels and walked out of that little flat in Oxford.
Eve collapsed on her bed when she heard the door close. It was like confronting her past. She was drained and knew she could never tell Blair he had visited. Eve had fought him off, let him run back to his tower.
Last year, a horrible game theory paper had preoccupied Blair through the torment of Valentine's Day. If only she were that lucky this year. Hearts and cupids seemed to be everywhere. She and S had an evening mapped out for thorough distraction, but Blair still had to make it through the day on her own. Eve had sent a solid supply of macaroons- not Pierre Herme, but Pistacia Vera- only okay because it reminded her of summer. There was another gift on the foyer table and Blair thought it must be from Papa and Roman. Opening the card, the air suddenly left her lungs:
They are lost in darkness
Without the shining light of your beauty
Take pity on us?
Bring back the light to our world.
The card fell from her hands. Two years, he had done nothing for two years. Why now? Oh lord, and what was in the box? She could not do this, she did not want his attention, she just wanted to be. She had to think about school, and her valedictorian speech (she knew that was in the bag), finding the perfect job. Not love, and certainly not Chuck. Her fingers stroked the satin ribbon covering the box. He knew her curiosity would win out. Pulling the perfect bow, it came undone and the sides of the tall, rectangular box dropped away. Blair reached out, seduced by the sphere filled with tiny colored jewels. Lifting it, it came to life with her touch. Butterflies swirled and flew about sending rainbows everywhere, and the third movement of Spring from Vivaldi's Four Seasons rippled through the air. Her eyes and ears were assaulted, and her mind swam.
Oh God. I can't do this.
She sat the gift down; the music stopped and the little butterflies dropped as life fled from them. Blair flew up the stairs, leaving the mess behind her for Dorota to clean up.
Spring.
Trees had turned green, birds were merrily chirping, and Blair could wear suede pumps without the fear of snow and rain destroying them. Walking through Morningside Park on her way to an appointment, she was in a text flurry with S over some new boots. Looking up from her phone she glimpsed a couple taking a long moment to kiss goodbye. Her stomach clenched, and she exhaled long, and slowly. I'll get there again someday. She thought, comforting herself. Glancing the other way, she saw grey and a pop of pink, leaning seductively against a tree. Blair's blood washed cold, and she willed her legs to keep walking.
Chuck marveled as he watched her walk by him, seemingly unaware of his stunning presence. He reached out to grab her arm, "Blair."
She whirled on the spot, and jerked her arm away from him, "Chuck. I'm busy, what do you want?"
He laughed, a short ugly laugh. His eyes were so dark, and she gulped at the trouble she saw in them.
"So many answers to that question. But they all do require the same thing- you."
Blair's mind played Oh my god on repeat as she steeled herself against him, "That is too bad. All the things I want have absolutely nothing to do with you."
She stepped back, preparing to leave- it was difficult, his pull was still so strong. She wanted those arms, those eyes, to kiss those lips; the memory of them made her skin hot and her face blushed, all in rebellion of her better judgment.
"Blair," Chuck spoke softly as he reached out to stroke her soft silken cheek, "I just… I want to be there for you is all." There was an odd sincerity in his eyes, "I've missed you."
"No." Blair bit out harshly even as her heart was racing, but her determination trumped her emotions, "We can't. We tried that. I made a choice- the right choice, and it is all I want right now. I'm sorry, Chuck, but no." She fled the scene, leaving a bewildered Chuck behind her.
Graduation.
Blair stood out on the stage, all eyes on her. The ones she really cared about were the only ones she saw - Serena, Nate, Mom and Cyrus, Papa and Roman. Blair spoke of transformation, and accomplishment. Education giving flight to the life of the mind, college being a cocoon of experiences, and today they were emerging, colors blazing, surging into the light of the world.
In a dark corner of that very room, Chuck Bass was smiling.
Outside, everyone was competing for photos with Blair. She was all smiles and laughter as one photo after another was snapped. At last, things were slowing down, and her thoughts turned to home, and the letters she had to consider- job offers! Mom and her three dads were discussing dinner options when she saw him cloaked in the shadow of a nearby tree. Sound died away, the people around her disappeared; she watched his mouth move as he held out his hand, "Blair."
It was like the devil coming to collect.
Blair fled. She had learned how to run from the master, after all. Mumbling something about freshening up at the penthouse, Blair ran. She could not breathe again until she reached her bedroom, flying through the door.
"Hey!"
Blair almost fainted from a near heart attack.
"Eve! Oh my god, you scared me."
"That wasn't really the plan…." Eve smiled, looking a little confused.
"What are you doing here?"
"Uh, graduation? I had mine yesterday, so ta-da, here I am! I wanted to celebrate with you; and surprise you, just for fun. Dorota let me in. She's so awesome, you know that, right?"
"Yes, I know." Blair was still visibly shaken. Eve saw this and knew well enough what it looked like.
"Spill. What happened?" Eve pulled Blair down on the bed.
"I feel like my time is up. He was there Eve, waiting for me. I thought he was going to carry me off to his dark tower," Blair shuddered, "The look in his eyes."
Eve put her arm around Blair, as she waited for B to relax and calm down. Quiet moments passed, before Blair sighed, "Now what?"
"Dinner?" Eve smiled, "We can't do anything about Chuck tonight, but we can go out and have fun; we're supposed to be celebrating!"
Eve had always wanted to go to the 21 Club, so they went: Blair, her three dads, her mother, Serena, Nate, and Eve. The parents retired for the night after dinner and the graduates hit the clubs.
Alcohol abounded, it was not long before they were all three sheets to the wind. Serena was dancing on the tables; Nate sat there happily watching everything around him- he had gotten buzzed in the limo over. And Blair and Eve? Heartbroken drunk girls are something else entirely.
Blair raised her glass to Eve, her speech slurred, "I still love Chuck Bass, and it sucks! Sucks I tell you!"
Eve giggled, "How do you know? Maybe you just love remembering what an awesome screw he is?" Eve giggled even harder and hiccupped.
"Cow!" Blair snapped, "Of course that is where your mind would go. I hear the English are the kinkiest of the Europeans. Did any get into your pants, Eve?" Blair playfully stroked Eve's arm and wiggled her eyebrows.
"I found the most delicious Twinkie* from the London School. If they are English do you still call them Twinkies, or is that just an American thing?" Eve's eyes were glazed over and her train off thought was veering off course.
Hypnotized by Serena's table dancing, Nate mumbled something about Twinkies.
"Delicious cream filling?" Blair started laughing.
Eve pouted at Blair for making fun of her Twinkie, "He was cute- and nice, and I didn't get any cream filling." Blair kept laughing, the double entendre of the cream filling being too much in her inebriated state. Eve scowled and flipped her hair, "At least I don't miss Chuck Bass and his cream filling!"
Blair stopped laughing instantly; her mirth turning into a pout to match Eve's and her eyes growing huge and watery, "I don't want to be Hilary in the White House Eve. I can't be! I won't, I won't do it! I am Blair Waldorf!" She flung her arms around the other girl. As if their hormones were in sync, they began sobbing together.
The next morning, Dorota found the two brunettes a tangle of limbs and couture on top of the bed, terribly hung over. In proper Jeeves fashion, she came prepared with all the necessities to revive the young ladies. Soon, they were showered, dressed, fed, and almost perfectly functional, if you discounted their somber mood.
They pondered a shopping excursion, lying out on the bed, flipping through magazines. Eve dropped the topic as though she were stating how she rather liked Lanvin's heels this season. "I'm moving back to Columbus."
"Really?" Blair did not know what to think of this new information.
"Limited Brands wants me back. I'd get to travel more than I would if I took one of the offers I have in D.C., and hello, clothes?" Eve smiled. "What about you?"
Blair swallowed hard; she had no idea. She loved New York it was her home after all. But the image of Chuck from the day before still burned in her mind and made her skin ripple with heat. She glanced at his Valentine's Day gift; she had made Dorota tuck high atop her bookcase. The light bounced off the tiny lifeless jeweled butterflies. Blair felt herself standing at an incredible fork in the road. Chuck clearly thought she was finished becoming Blair Waldorf. However, she knew she was not done creating her place in the world. She knew if she stayed in New York, she would be pushing against Chuck every step of the way.
"Hey… B?" Eve nudged her.
Blair looked at her friend, smiling; she realized she always felt rather happy around Eve. "I got an offer from Limited Brands too actually."
Eve perked up, "Really?"
"Have you ever fancied having a traumatized, stuck up Upper East Sider for a roommate?"
*Twinkie: Yellow on the outside, white on the inside, or an Asian person who acts/feels more white than Asian. Use with caution, it can be taken as a derogatory term for people of Asian ancestry.
If any of my English readers would like to answer Eve's question, please do! Is Twinkie solely an American term? I love language ^_^
Thank you for reading, and please review if you are so inclined- it makes me deliriously happy! Hugs and kisses to Noirreigne for being the most awesome beta on the planet!