Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts is owned by Disney and Squaresoft. And the song My Sanctuary is by Utada Hikaru and is from Kingdom Hearts 2.
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Unsung Hearts
II. My Sanctuary
Riku's POV
Sanctuary... you are my sanctuary... my world… my everything… yeah.
There are at least three things wrong with this. One, you are my best friend. We do everything together and except for the whole Kingdom Hearts thing, we're pretty much attached at the hip. Two, you have always sort of had a thing for someone else. Okay… so she's kind of cute if you're into girls and all. And three, you are younger than me. Actual age is only a year but sometimes I swear you're still twelve. You act like it enough.
Oh! And can't forget the part where you just happen to be a guy! Seriously… I mean… not that I'm like homophobic or anything. Because I'm not really. Just the rest of the world is. And okay… so I shouldn't care what others think or how they see me. But when you spend your whole life being me… it's kind of hard to live it down. Like… okay I'm popular and whatever in school. Always have been. All the guys want to be friends and all the girls want to more than friends. I'm the hottest guy in school and everyone expects me to be out banging the hottest girl. Who cares about personalities when your looks are appealing, right?
And yeah… I probably sound like an unbelievably vain egoistical jackass right now… but hey… at least I can admit it, right?
I lied to you, didn't I? When you asked me what was wrong the other day… I said that I was okay, that nothing was wrong. And then I avoided you. Truth is… that everything is wrong. Everything is so fucked up! But you saw the truth, huh? Your eyes pierced my soul. They always had that effect on me... your eyes. Probably one of the reasons I'm trying to avoid all eye contact with you. Wouldn't want you to see into me now… to read my mind. It scares me.
Fear... it's not a concept I've ever really admitted to. Always said nothing ever scared me. But even when I commanded the darkness—held it and controlled it… hell I WAS the darkness—even then… fear held me. Not fear for myself or those around me or what I was doing. Fear for you. It was like… every time I turned around, you were off doing something stupid that could get you killed. How brain dead are you? Why did you have to be the hero? Couldn't someone else less important do it? If something ever happened to you…
I think I always knew… somehow… on some level. Even now it's hard for me to admit it. But it's there. I can't run away from it. I can't remember when I first realized it, but it was always there. It was always at the back of my mind… this feeling… so wrong… because you're like… you're the hero and I'm the villain, right? The angel… my angel… one without wings and a golden halo. My light in the darkness… my guide through it all… you saved me so many times that you don't know of… that you never will… my angel… I sound so fucked up.
So incomplete. I feel so incomplete without you now… by my side. When did I become so greedy? So needy? So clingy? So… pathetic even… so not myself. The thought of you—your heart, your soul, your body—makes me… WRONG! It's all just so… wrong! I could have so much fun… with you… behind my locked bedroom door… but it's so wrong! I'm walking a thin line here, huh? Getting increasingly closer to insanity every moment. Wonder when I'll fall off… when I'll finally break…
I feel broken. I keep remembering when you saw me for the first time… in the form of darkness… I remember the look in your eyes and the tone in your voice… the desperation… and then you grabbed my arm… I wanted to die right then… I didn't want you to see me like that… not like that… that's why I stayed away… but I always knew where you were… what you were doing. I never meant to… if I had known… I…
You and I… it's a nice thought, huh? A nice dream. It would be a nice reality, huh? Could it be? Reality? I think I would like that… I think I'd touching you… holding you at night… making you pant and scream my name…
What's left of me now, huh? Nothing. I have nothing left. Everything I ever had… I've lost somehow along the way… including you. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore… except… But maybe… just maybe…
I've lived so long in darkness... I wouldn't mind living in the light...with you…
So lost… Love… I may just… love… Maybe I… I love you.
Oh… Sora… could you ever be mine?
Where fears and lies melt away…
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Notes: Bah. I make Riku so scatter brained and emo in this. It's fun.