Take a step and come out of the shade
I can tell you're no longer afraid
I'm helpless without your warming smile
Take a step and come out in the sun
I can tell it's already begun
I'm helpless without your warming smile
The Perishers- "Come out of the Shade"
Blair rushed home, lump in her throat and guilt on her mind. She felt something for Dan Humphrey and that kiss had sealed it, why was she so scared to tell him. Was it because of her dysfunctional love for Chuck or because she didn't want to ruin her friendship with Serena, but whatever was keeping her from Dan. It was a strong feeling. She sat on her bottom step trying to fight back to urge to cry. Damn it Dan Humphrey, she thought glaringly. Damn it.
"Blair." Serena said coming from upstairs, sitting on the bottom step and wrapping an arm around her. "Whats wrong?"
"Oh, nothing." Blair spoke and her lying abilities were up to par, to bad Serena could see through them.
"Who is it? Chuck?" Serena said rubbing her back and trying to calm her down.
"No. What are you talking about?" Blair said with sudden defensiveness.
"Its about a boy right? The last time I saw you this upset was when you were 12 and found out that the cute science teacher had a boyfriend." Serena said lightheartedly, refering to Mr. Krehn who turned out to be gay. Blair chuckled.
"What if I said it was." Blair said daringly, seeing if Serena could bestowe inadvertent advice.
"Who, B?" Serena beamed effervescently.
"You don't know him. He is in my chemistry lab." Blair lied and Serena bought it..Thank God, Blair thought.
"Oh well I want to meet this mystery guy."
"Thats the problem. He has a girlfriend." Blair could skew it a little. Serena may not have been Dan's girlfriend, but there was always something between them and there always would be. Blair continued. "We kissed and it was a life changing experience, that one kiss changed me."
"Oh my. Really?" Serena said dumbfounded "Well this is a tough. Go for it." she said simply and Blair tilted her head off to the side.
"Go for it? Is there wax in your ears. He has a girlfriend." She spoke it a little louder and Serena nodded in understanding.
"I heard you, but its obvious you care about him. I haven't seen you be interested in anyone since Chuck and if this guy treats you right well he is worth the risk. You just said that kiss changed you B, I know your a good person and if he helps make you a better one..well lets just say if you don't go for it I will be extremely upset." Serena said shrugging.
Blair sat on the stairs quietly for a few moments and nodded. Blair knew Serena was right. They sat in silence until Serena's phone buzzed. She stood up in a frenzy.
"B, I got to go." Serena said quietly.
"What happened S?" Blair spoke quietly.
"Eric just texted me, my dad is in town and is here to help with my mom." she said standing up and grabbing her purse. " I will call you later."
"You want me to go with you?" Blair asked hopeful. It was a chance to help her best friend, be there for her, and get a certain stupid Lonely Boy out of her head.
"No, you stay here. I think I have to handle this myself." Serena said and Blair smiled at her. Blair's entire life she always took care of her, cleaning vomit out of her hair, and trying to hide the booze smell from her breathe, but that was the Serena before, now Blair was proud of her in many many ways. Blair hoped that her best friend would be okay with her next move.
Serena was gone 15 minutes before Blair stood up and called for a car. She was doing something for herself.
Dan was sitting on his couch, television off, radio turned low, and computer asleep. He was hurting. He wasn't sure how Blair Waldorf had done this to him, he wasn't exactly sure when he needed to have her around either. Was it their first movie trip, sitting seats apart, or their 15th movie, sitting side by side sharing a popcorn, was it when she fell asleep on his shoulder after a night of pizza and old movies, was it when his dad told him their could be something more, was it when he first met her. He wasn't sure how it happened, but the fact of the matter is, is it did.
He was suddenly interrupted in thought when he heard a knock on the door, he stood up and answered, smile on his face:
"I knew you would-" Dan spoke, expecting to see a certain short, doe eyed brunette, but saw a tall, leggy blonde instead. "Serena, hey."
"Hey Dan, I was just wondering if you wouldn't mind just talking with me a little?" she asked hopeful and he smiled.
"Of course I wouldn't mind. Sit down, I will make us some coffee." he said standing up while she spilled her guts to him, how she was had felt about Ben and her dad is in town, but in the middle of a story a knock at the door startled them both. Dan opened the door and saw what he had hoped to see before.
"Hi." she spoke meekly, looking into his deep brown eyes.
"Hi." he replied smiling at her, and forgetting Serena was there.
"B! What are you doing here?" Serena asked, and Blair looked as if she was about to pass out on the floor. Dan just felt like he wanted to disappear.
"I just came to see if Dan could give me advice about something, he seems to always have some lame knowledge lying around." Blair spoke sourly and Dan could feel the verbal stabs.
"Oh...is it about that guy?" Serena said sipping from the coffee, Dan immediately looked from Serena to Blair. He was immediately caught with a grin across his face.
"What guy?" Dan asked crossing his arms, asking Serena and she smiled at Blair.
"Blair likes a guy, they kissed and it-." Serena spoke and Blair's eyes widened in utter horror.
"SERENA!" Blair groaned in annoyance. This entire thing wasn't happening the way she had wanted, she had wanted to tell Daniel Humphrey that she wanted to give them a chance, but now she wasn't sure.
"Sorry, you can tell him yourself." Serena said smiling, waiting for her to speak, but Blair didn't make a sound. "You okay?"
"Yeah. I will just tell Humphrey later about it." Blair said glaring. "Or maybe he isn't ready to hear it." she spoke leaving the loft without another word.
"That was weird." Serena said in an honest way and Dan nodded:
"Yeah. It was."
They both sat back down on the couch, she continued to talk and he pretended to listen, but the only thing he thought about were Blair's final words: "Isn't ready to hear it."
Serena and Dan sat on the couch quietly for a few minutes after hours of her talking and she hugged him sporatically.
"Thanks for hearing me complain." she spoke and he nodded.
"Its what I am here for." he said standing up and opening the front door, she stood in front of him. Waiting. He wasn't about to kiss her, he wasn't about to put whatever future he had with Blair on the line for an on again off again relationship he wasn't ready to be apart of again.
"I really am sorry about everything with Ben." Serena said and Dan looked into her eyes with a small smile.
"Don't be. He was a good guy, too bad it didn't work out for you guys." He said finally, and Serena stared in shock, she knew it was over. She just felt it.
Blair sat on her bed, fiddling with her loose curls and reliving the embarrassment over and over. What is wrong with me, she thought simply. She wasn't one to be left vulnerable like that. She was a fighter. She was a Waldorf.
"Blair?" she heard from outside her door, she knew that sinister voice well. She wondered where in the hell Dorota was to stop his sudden entrance?
"Hi Chuck." Blair spoke and he entered well kempt. He was wearing a pin striped suit and he looked quite handsome. He looked like the Chuck, Blair fell in love with.
"I am sorry, I should have told you I was coming by." he said immediately realizing she didn't want to see him.
"What do you want Chuck?" she spoke with sudden hatred.
"I wanted to thank you for last night, for listening to me. You always do." he said and she felt insulted, and used.
"Don't get used to it Bass." she hissed at him and he scrunched his eyebrows. He grabbed for her arms and she jerked back.
"I don't understand." he spoke softly, but with much aggravation.
"I am tired of being the victim. Ever since I said I loved you, I am not the same Blair Waldorf I used to be. I miss her. I hate what you turned me into Chuck Bass." she said venomously, he looked at her with utter disdain.
"I didn't turn you into anything Blair. I loved you and I still do. I know you still love me to." he said reaching for her face and she slapped him away.
"I don't love you anymore. I stopped when you traded our love for something cheap." Blair wanted to scream it at him, but she spoke in a stern amazement Chuck looked into her eyes and saw she meant it.
"I still love you Blair, and we aren't over. We never will be over." he said and she crossed her arms. She tried to remain strong, but he was liable to make her weep. He reached to pull her close and she pushed him away.
"I think you should go now Chuck." Blair spoke looking into his eyes and he listened, but turned back to look at her before he left.
Blair sat back down on her bed, thinking about the conversation with Chuck and her feelings for Dan. Conflicted and Confused.
"Come on in!" Dan yelled at the door and Eric entered glancing around to find where Dan was.
"Hey Eric." Dan said from the bookshelves, reorganizing them. He had been doing it since Serena left, it was a way to calm his mind.
"So Serena told me what happened." Eric said simply, sitting on a spin chair and Dan raised an eyebrow.
"What happened?" Dan said obliviously.
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing." Eric said and Dan nodded in agreement.
"I don't think we are ready to be together again Eric." Dan said honestly, and Eric nodded.
"Well she is going through a lot and I know how you both feel about each other. I am just surprised your not trying to be there for her." he spoke and Dan looked at Eric.
"I am here." he replied and put up Chaucer and Steinbeck on his shelf. He wasn't sure what to feel. Dan Humphrey was in love with Serena Van Der Woodsen. Its what was fated, destined, or whatever someone would say, but he wasn't feeling that way anymore.
"This is the first time I have seen you pass up a chance to save Serena-"
"I kissed Blair Waldorf." Dan blurted and Eric looked on in shock. Dan swallowed hard and Eric chuckled a little.
"Oh." he spoke and Dan waited for Eric to say something but he neglected for a good 30 seconds. "And?"
"And what?" he reiterated and Eric rolled his eyes.
"You guys kissed. Now what? Dating? Friends with benefits?" Eric asked and Dan's eyes widened.
"I don't know. Honestly. No idea." he said shrugging.
"What do you want it to be?" Eric rephrased and Dan stopped shelving books and looked over at him.
"I don't know." Dan continued. "My head is going a million miles per hour Eric. I think I might actually want to be with her."
"Really?" Eric said chuckling.
"This isn't funny." Dan spoke in utter horror.
"Actually it is. You hate Blair Waldorf." he said and Dan nodded. He did. He hated her at one point, hated how she treated him and hated that she was who she was.
"I did. I don't anymore." he spoke honestly and elaborated. "I think she is one of the most complicated girls in this world, but I slowly began to fall for her."
Dan spoke briefly, but a grin graced Eric's visage.
"I hope you know what your getting yourself into." he said cautiously and Dan nodded.
"I do. I will have to face Serena. Chuck. Nate. Gossip Girl. I will do it to be with her though." he said nobly.
"Okay." Eric said shaking Dan's hand and leaving quietly. Dan dropped the books and grabbed his coat.
He needed to find her, he had to. She was important to him. She was everything to him right now. It pained him to admit it, but it was the truth. Blair Waldorf was every aspect of him. He needed to tell her that.
"Blair can you call me please...I really need to talk to you, I feel like I am talking to your answering machine more than anyone. Just call me." Blair heard his 15th message and deleted it for the 15th time. She wasn't sure why she was so upset about Dan being with Serena. Was it? It couldn't be...jealousy? And after Chuck's uninvited visit she needed fresh air.
Blair Waldorf was over with jealousy, deceit, lies, inferiority. Dan Humphrey, the guy who was irrevocably in love with her best friend and always would be. She felt stupid for wanting to jump into anything with him. Stupid.
She was sitting in Central Park, sitting where she had found Serena when the made amends. It was a place they would go to find each other, a place where only they knew. She didn't want Serena to necessarily find her, but then again she didn't have any idea that Blair was so conflicted. Deep in thought she looked up to find a face, a face that had never evaded her mind.
"What are you doing here Dan?" Blair asked looking at him and he laughed dryly, sitting beside her on the bench.
"Would you believe me if I said it was pure coincidence?" he said, she shook her head and waited for a real answer. "Serena told me about this place." he spoke and she laughed fakely, trying to hide her utter annoyance.
"Well you guys were one of those couples, weren't you?" Blair said nodding.
"What does that mean?" he asked in a defensive way that fired Blair up.
"It means you guys could tell each other anything and everything. Love that was simpler." she said quietly and Dan let out a full blown laugh.
"Your kidding right?" Dan waited for a response, but he continued. "She and I have been through so much crap, its actually quite incredible how we were together so long."
"Yeah..how am I suppose to compete with that Dan?" Blair bursted out and he looked at Blair simply in shock. He put his hand on her delicate face, pulling her close to him.
"I never want you to think like that. Me and Serena are done."
"For now..." she added and he rolled his eyes.
"What about Chuck? Talk about history?" Dan protests and Blair looks at him and they stare into each others eyes.
"It shouldn't be this hard Humphrey." she said surrendering. It was already to difficult for her to handle.
"Who said it was going to be easy Blair? I sure as hell didn't." Dan said in a growl Blair had never heard escape from him before.
"You didn't have to. I just wanted to meet someone who didn't have a history with Serena Van Der Woodsen." she spoke honestly.
"We can't control how this happened Blair. If you want to be with me, I would like for you to let me know." Dan said in a sweet aggression.
"Dan, when I ended things with Chuck. I wanted to find myself and be my own person. I didn't know it would lead me to you." she said in a whisper.
"I never thought I would say this, but I am so glad it did." he said pulling her in and kissing her soft lips for the second time. It was a passionate kiss, the first was to make sure, and now that they were sure, this one had much more feeling. He brought his hands to her face and she deepened the kiss. His tongue slipped past her lips and into her mouth, she moaned slightly as he did so. He pulled away for breath and they both smiled.
"God, your a good kisser." she spoke with a giggle, pulling him back in wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him longer and even more intensely.