Sarla was finishing her morning meal the next day when she finally remembered Tabby. Ashamed at herself for having forgotten him, she went off at once to find Sudina. In her hurry she did not notice that several people were looking at her strangely.
She found the Headwoman in the back of the kitchen, already supervising the preparation of the midday meal. "Sudina?" Sarla said hesitantly. Sudina turned around, startled.
"Oh, Sarla! I didn't see you come in."
"Sudina, is the search over already? Did you find Tabby?"
Sudina's expression changed to one of sad concern. "Yes, Sarla, the search is over," she said slowly.
"Oh! Did you find him? Is he all right?" She broke off, wondering at the look on Sudina's face.
"Go find Tristio," Sudina said finally. "He can tell you better than I can. Go on now, I'm busy."
Bewildered at the woman's abrupt change of mood, Sarla wandered off in search of the hold Harper. She had begun to notice some of the strange looks she was receiving, and she was feeling increasingly uneasy.
She found the harper in his small office adjoining the Records room. His face was troubled as he regarded her.
"Harper Tristio?" she said hesitantly. "Sudina told me to talk to you… did you find Tabby?"
"Yes… I believe I have. Before I tell you about that, could you try to remember everything he told you about himself?"
"But why?" Sarla was confused. "If you've found him – "
"I need to be certain I have the right boy, though," he said patiently. "Everything you remember, please."
Sarla concentrated. "He said he was five, and his name was Tabby, only that was short for something else – Tabollo, I think it was." She paused a moment, remembering. "He said he didn't have a mother – she got sick." She frowned. "I think he said he'd been in a rock fall but he wasn't hurt that I could see. Then I remembered that I was supposed to meet my father – M'rel – and I left. Tabby wouldn't come with me but when I looked back he wasn't in the room. I don't remember there being another tunnel but there must have been." She looked up at the harper. "That's all I remember. Is that enough?"
"Yes, Sarla, it's enough," Tristio said so soberly that she stared at him.
"What's the matter? Is Tabby all right?"
"Let me explain, Sarla." Tristio took a deep breath. "Yesterday Sudina came and told me there was a search going on in the Hold, that they were looking for a little boy named Tabby that you had seen back in the tunnels. She wanted me to look through the Records to see if I could find a map of those back tunnels. I also found a Record that described a series of rock falls after an earth shake about eighty Turns ago; everyone was moved out and that section of tunnels was abandoned, because many people were injured – and several people were killed." He leaned forward and took a Record from the table between them. "Sarla, would you read the names of the people who were killed in those rock falls?"
She reached out and took the faded hide, wondering. Skimming through the description of the fallen tunnels, she began to read the list of names. "Pantira, age seventy-three; Nirella, age twenty-nine; Allore, age fourteen; Tabiollo, age – five – " She stared at the words. "Tabiollo… that's what he said his name was, Tabiollo. But not the same one – "
"I believe it is the same one, Sarla," Tristio said gently. "The entire Hold was searched. Sudina's fire lizards flew through the smallest of tunnels – and they can see very well in the dark. They found no one."
"But he was there! He talked to me!"
"Yes, but no one else has seen him. There is no explanation for that, and the fact remains: you met a boy named Tabiollo who is five and was in a rock fall. Eighty Turns ago a five-Turn-old boy named Tabiollo was in a rock fall."
"But I don't understand!" Sarla was almost in tears. "He couldn't be there unless he was alive, could he?"
"I don't know." Tristio sighed. "We don't know what happens when a person dies. Their personality, their feelings – everything that made them a person – leaves, but we don't know where. Maybe it goes between, like the dragons do – "
"Oh, no, not between!" Sarla interrupted. "It's so cold and empty!"
"Well, wherever they go, it is logical to believe that they do go somewhere. Maybe Tabiollo got lost down there in the tunnels. I don't know. I do know that there is no living boy in this Hold who fits your description – and a long-dead one who does."
Sarla stared at him, unable to speak. How could he say such things? Surely Tabby – but it was not just the harper's word, but a Record written before she was born. She knew they couldn't both be wrong, but she could not understand how they could be right. She placed the Record carefully back on the table and asked, "May I go now?"
"Yes, that was all."
Tristio watched as she left the room, moving as if in a dream; he knew she must be in shock. He was in some shock as well, but managed to keep the look off of his face that had been on the faces of those in the Dining Hall that morning.
He was busy copying some faded music scores when Dralina knocked on his open door.
"Tristio, do you know where Sarla went? No one's seen her since the children's' lessons this morning." She hesitated. "You talked to her about – yesterday?"
His face looked tired. "Yes, I explained it to her – what little I understand myself. She went off looking so lost." He sighed. "I could hear the children jeering at her as she left, but she ran off before I could stop them. Children always seem to want to persecute what they don't understand – and this is something that none of us understands."
Dralina echoed his sigh. "Well, she's been hiding for hours now! I should have expected that the other children would be making fun of her after all the fuss yesterday. It's not just the children who are acting up, either."
Tristio stood up and began pacing with frustration. "If only I had found that Record before the entire Hold was turned out to search!"
"Well, we had a dragon's word that there was a boy," Dralina pointed out ironically. "We just assumed the boy was alive."
"But he wasn't, and everyone in the main Hold knows about it now."
"What am I going to do with her? She barely showed herself before; she'll be hiding all the time now."
"I agree. It will be a long time before this is forgotten, and Sarla is a very sensitive child. She has a hard time with any kind of teasing, and as you said, it's not just the children looking at her strangely… Dralina, have you considered sending her to the Weyr?"
Dralina caught her breath. "You think that's the only way?"
"It may come to that," Tristio said earnestly. "You said yourself she's been reduced to hiding all the time – no child deserves that. I think she'd do well at the Weyr. The women in the Lower Caverns are always willing to take in another child, as long as they're well-behaved, and Sarla is."
"She's very good about doing her chores, but then she runs off…"
"She's old enough she wouldn't be too much trouble, and it would be a fresh start. No one would know about... all that's happened... except M'rel. And having a father in the Weyr would be reason enough for us to send her there, now that she's a little older."
Dralina looked stricken. "I hate to do that… Saranda, Sarla's mother, was like a sister to me. I promised her I'd always take care of her… Can't it wait? Can't we wait a few days, and see?"
"Of course," Tristio said gently, "but you must consider what is best for Sarla. I will send a message for the Weyr harper to pass on to Nurevi, the Headwoman; she'll know who might want a fosterling and she's very discreet. It will be at least a sevenday before I get a reply, and maybe things will have gotten better by then." They were both silent for a moment, aware that he didn't believe that.
"I suppose you're right," Dralina said at last.