The Villain Of The Piece?
Author's Note - Thank you all so much for the response to the last chapter. I was blown away by the reaction and I'm glad that you guys understood why I had to keep this as the ATKH's universe. This part killed me to write - if I thought the last chapter was a bitch to write then this one was even worse. As a result - this is slightly different than what I had planned and I'm doing another part after this because I don't feel happy ending it here when there are a few things I would like to expand on and frankly, I couldn't do that in this chapter or it would have been forty pages long. This part consists of two different times - we have directly after the accident and eight months later. I hope it's not too confusing to read and I know I could have separated it with italics but the flashbacks are what makes up the majority of the fic so they couldn't be italicised and the future parts don't look right in italics (it's my own weirdness, sorry) so I hope it's not too confusing to read.
I hope you all like - let me know what you think.
You were supposed to be in there waiting on me. She promised me you were there...
There was something about feeling a pair of arms wrapped around you, of inhaling someone else's scent as you awoke, or feeling fingers in your hair, or another person's skin on top of your own. There was something comforting at feeling the slight abrasions caused by a guy's facial hair that had grown overnight rubbing against your shoulder and jaw and there definitely was something magical about waking up and finding two blue eyes gazing down at you as though you were the most beautiful thing in the universe.
"Wakey wakey Sleeping Beauty," he grinned as he brushed his lips on her jaw towards her ear. "The sun is up and I intend to spend the day with my beautiful fiancée before I have to share her with a hundred or so strangers."
"You wore me out, so you have to let me sleep now," she groaned as she clutched his hand and brought it to her lips, before cuddling closer to his body, her eyes sliding shut as she basked in the safety of his embrace as he flung a leg over hers in order to enclose her more fully. "And don't call them strangers. They are your parents friends and work colleagues so we have to be nice."
"So they give us good wedding presents?" she could feel his smirk against her skin and she nudged his bare chest lightly with her elbow before she turned over and pressed a kiss against his chest, her eyes still closed.
"So that our parents have one less thing to complain about in the next six months," she murmured as she found her lips against his bare skin again, her sleepiness leaving her as she felt his breath catch at the contact and smirked lightly herself.
"Screw the six months," he whispered as he grabbed her left hand, her eyes fluttering open at the contact. "You, and me, and a plane," he began kissing her softly as he manoeuvred himself so he was braced above her. "Today."
"You still want to elope?"
He bent down and pressed his lips to hers softly before he pulled back, one hand caressing her cheek softly as he pulled back and nodded. "I want you as mine today. We'll give them their big wedding, but I want you. I want our forever to begin today."
She reached up and ran her hand through his hair down the side of his face. Of course she knew there were a million reasons why she should say no, in fact a few months ago they had both went through periods where they had to talk the other one out of the elopement plan, but somehow this felt like the right decision. Somehow she knew she wouldn't regret this. She lifted her head up gently to press her lips to his and nodded her head. "Okay."
His smile could have powered a small city with it's brightness as he grinned at her and he made a move to get up off her.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going to go book our flight before one of us chickens out," he said with a grin as he grabbed his shorts before he leant over and pressed a kiss to her lips again. "Go back to sleep beautiful - you'll need your rest as I fully intend to start the wedding celebrations the second I get that ring on your finger."
She giggled and lay back down, eyeing him happily. "You better get back here when you're done and rest up yourself then. I don't like sleeping alone."
He grinned as he tipped his head before taking her left hand in hers and kissing it. "Don't worry, I'll be right here when you wake up. Forever."
She yawned as she smiled at him, snuggling back into the pillow and reluctantly letting him pull away. "I'm gonna hold you to that, Wildcat…"
"See you soon, Gabi…" he whispered, his voice fading away as her eyes drifted shut again, smiling as she looked at the sparking ring he had just kissed and imagined how, in a few short hours there would be another band beside it. Forever.
Gabriella's eyes snapped open quickly and for a split second she smiled as she imagined her upcoming wedding day and how amazing it was going to be. For a split second her heart soared and she could almost make herself believe that he was in the other room looking for flights, or cooking her a surprise breakfast in bed (or burning her a surprise breakfast in bed), or secretly watching his cheesy talk shows that she always made fun of him because. For a split second she was happy.
A split second doesn't last that long though and all at once everything came crashing down again forcing the smile that was on her face to fall as she was faced with her reality. She was lying alone in the bed in the shirt she was trying to pretend had always been hers. There were no arms around her, no kisses along her neck, no breath in her ear, no skin under her fingers.
The other side of the bed had only been occupied by her in the last eight months, there was no one in the kitchen making breakfast, there had been no early morning conversation in bed, there were no flights to Vegas, there had been no party with their parents friends, and, as she looked down at her scarred left hand, there was no engagement ring on her finger anymore.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, pressing her palms against them, trying to remember to breathe even though like every morning, after every dream, she just wished that she would stop breathing. It would have been easier if it had been nightmares she had - but they never were. Each one felt real - they were doing mundane things, they were cooking dinner, or watching a movie, or shopping, or laying in bed talking and they were crueller because of that. If they had been sky diving, or walking along a waterfall, or living in an elaborate house then she would have known not to believe them, but it was never like that. In those moments, those blissful seconds, everything made sense, only for her to open her eyes and realise that none of it was real. That instead of waking from a nightmare and into happiness and security, she was actually moving from bliss, from perfection into her own version of hell.
It had been eight months and three days. Well, technically eight months and twenty-four days but those twenty one days she had been clueless so she wasn't sure if it counted. She had only been aware for eight months and three days. Two hundred and forty eight days. Five thousand nine hundred and fifty two hours…
She hated the way her brain worked sometimes. Only she would work out the time in hours, but she had always done it, especially relating to them. Two thousand, one hundred and sixty three hours between the after-party and Graduation, one hundred and fifty seven hours separation when she went to Stanford without him.
Seven hours and twenty three minutes between them getting in her car at home and crashing into the barrier.
She forced her eyes open and took a deep breath as she sat up. She changed out the shirt and folded it tenderly before pressing her lips to the name on it and hiding it under the comforter so that no one could possibly see before she grabbed her towel and headed to the shower, casting only a sideways glance at the empty spot on the empty dresser that used to hold a photo frame as she instinctively forced a smile on her face when she caught her reflection in the mirror. Even if it was only to herself, she knew she had to try because that's what everyone expected, and that's what he would have wanted and no matter how hard it was for her, she was determined to do her best.
It was a hard part to play, but practice makes perfect and she just hoped that one day it wouldn't be an act anymore.
Gabriella.
Her eyes were heavy, and she felt like she couldn't breathe due to the absolute agony that was against her chest.
Gabriella.
She felt darkness around her, and a calming presence told her that the darkness was good – that when she opened her eyes, everything would hurt again. That she had to relax, that everything would be okay if she just let go a little.
Gabriella!
Her eyes flickered at the insistent call of her name and she struggled against the darkness to force open a weary eye before immediately closing it again at the assault the light did on her senses.
"That's it, Gabriella. Open your eyes."
She forced her eye open again, squinting against the light to see a man leaning over her, a small torch in one hand and a chart in the other. She looked around, but immediately felt an unbearable pull on her chest which caused her to scream out in pain, except she couldn't scream because there was an oxygen mask over her face that muffled the sound.
"Relax, Gabriella," the man said as he nodded to someone who came over the other side and took her hand. "My name is Doctor Zeigler. You were in a car accident, can you remember?"
She thought for a moment, trying to think before it came flashing back to her, the basketball game, the lights, the car, the barrier, Troy and waiting for the ambulance. "Tr...Troy?"
The doctor flashed the nurse a look before looking down at her with a smile. "You were very, very lucky as your injuries were very severe. We've had to put a tube in your chest to keep your lung inflated, and several ribs were broken. Your spleen was ruptured and unfortunately we had to remove it and there were some other pretty bad injuries that we will discuss in more detail in a few days. Your body has been through a tremendous trauma and we're going to give you morphine for the pain, but considering the extent of your injuries, I think you were an extremely fortunate young woman. We're going to keep an eye on you, so don't worry about anything. You are in good hands, and we're not losing you now."
She could hear the words, but the meaning was lost on her as she turned her head around, hoping to see her fiancé laying in another bed beside her, or in a chair beside her bed but the room was empty besides the doctor and the nurse. She didn't know why, but her eyes began to water and she fought back a choked sob. This wasn't right - none of this felt right. She was supposed to wake up in bed with him, not alone in a hospital room with strangers beside her. She was supposed to feel warm, happy and protected instead of this weird, soul-destroying feeling of being alone.
"Oh sweetie," the nurse said kindly. "Don't worry – this is a completely normal reaction after being anaesthetised. Everything probably seems too much to deal with just now but you just need to relax, and breathe – everything is going to be fine."
Gabriella couldn't even nod, all she knew is that something didn't feel right and she didn't know what it was. The physical pain was unbearable but there was something else, something she didn't understand that was tearing her apart and she couldn't stop her tears.
"Doctor, her pressure is rising..." The voice of the nurse asked and Gabriella wasn't aware of what the doctor said until the nurse spoke again. "Gabriella, we're going to give you something to help you sleep for a few hours and let your body heal up a little. When you wake up we'll let your mom in to see you, and some of your friends are here as well."
"Troy? Where...where's Troy?"
"Don't worry about anything, Gabriella," the doctor said gently. "Just relax."
She opened her mouth to ask again, but before she could, she felt the welcoming, warm darkness surround her again. She had no desire to avoid it and allowed it's comfort to embrace her – she would deal with everything else later.
When Gabriella heard voices next she didn't seem to have the strength to open her eyes in response. Who knew that sleeping could make you so tired? The voices around her seemed to be bickering and she tried to focus on who it was.
"This is wrong!"
"Chad, shut up - it's not your call!"
"She'll hate you both, do you understand that? It's fucking cruel!"
"Keeping her alive is not cruel."
"Both of you be quiet - no arguing about this in here."
"Ms Montez, I am begging you not to do this. Don't tell her, fine - but don't lie to her like this."
"I'm sorry Chad, but I've made my decision."
"The right decision, which you would see if…"
"Taylor, shut up and listen to yourself! You think she would want this?"
"It's not about what she wants, it's about what she needs."
Gabriella blinked as she started to make out the voices. Her mom, Taylor and Chad were arguing about something. She almost mentally rolled her eyes - Taylor and Chad's break-up hadn't seemed that bitter to begin with, but their relationship had deteriorated over the three years and had turned somewhat glacial when he started 'associating' with Sharpay which Gabriella had always wondered about as Taylor had dated various guys in the past so it wasn't like she was pining. Only the two of them would think a hospital was an appropriate place to vent though…
"I don't want any part of this."
"Leave then," Taylor hissed.
"I'm not leaving until I make sure she's okay."
"You aren't getting near her until you agree."
"Chad, I'm sorry," her mom's voice said quietly. "Taylor's right. You can't see her unless…"
"You have to be fucking kidding me? Unless I recite your sick fairytale, I can't even talk to her?"
"It's about what is good for her," Taylor said. "Why don't you jump on a plane and head back to the Barbie."
"Is that honestly what this is about? At least Sharpay admits she's a bitch," Chad spat. "She's my friend too, okay? I get that everyone is upset but…Troy…"
"Chad," her mom's voice said softly. "Please. I understand, I do but you have to understand too. I spoke to Jack and Lucille and they agree."
"Ms Montez, I am begging you not to do this. Please…don't do this to her. Please, please…it will kill her when she realises…don't do that to her."
"I'm sorry, Chad. My mind is made up."
"Can I…I need to see her. I need to make sure she's alright. I need to do that. I won't…won't tell, but I'm not going to lie. Don't make me leave just yet. I need one of them…please…I'll leave right after just…I need to see, for him. Please…"
Before her mom could answer Gabriella forced her eyes open and forced hoarse words from her dry throat. "You…better not leave…took…long enough…to get you…to visit…"
"Gabs!" Chad's loud exclamation was echoed by her mom and Taylor and Gabriella forced herself to smile before her eyes drifted shut again.
"Oh baby!" her mom said as she clasped her right hand. "We were all so worried. But don't worry, the doctors say everything is looking good, now. A few little complications but…everything's going to be okay."
"Good," she whispered as she took a deep breath. "Where's…where's Troy?"
She didn't notice Chad turn her back on her, or his fist clenching and she definitely didn't see the tears flood to his eyes or his shoulders heave as her mom and Taylor blocked her fiancée's best friend from view.
"Troy…Troy's next door, sweetie," her mom said quietly as she brushed some hair out Gabriella's eyes. "He got hurt pretty badly, but he's okay and he wanted to be here, but he just can't yet. He's going to be so happy that you're okay - I'm not sure we'll be able to get the grin off his face since he's been asking about you non-stop."
"Re…really?" Gabriella said, a painful smile breaking out on her sore face. "He's okay? Good…that's…that's great. In…the car I thought he was but…I was still scared. Is…is he mad at me?"
"Why on earth would he be mad at you, Gabs?" Taylor asked as she took Gabriella's hand and patted it softly.
"I didn't swerve quickly enough," Gabriella whispered. "I tried, but he was so fast and I…he's really not mad?"
"Definitely not mad," Taylor said with a smile. "Mad that he can't see you, but not mad at you."
Gabriella giggled lightly as she felt a weight lift off her. "Can I…can I go see him?"
"Not until you're out of here," her mom said quickly. "Once you're out of here, you can see him. So you need to concentrate on getting better, okay?"
Gabriella smiled and nodded, determined to do absolutely everything it took to get out this room. She was just setting back, the smile hurting her painful face when she saw Chad leaning his head against the door. "Chad, are you okay?"
The boy lifted his head, and Gabriella noticed him take a deep breath as he wiped his face quickly before he turned to her and grinned at her. "Of course - you're alive and awake and that's the best news I've had all day. All week actually."
She saw his eyes fill with tears again and something began to gnaw at her, the same uneasy feeling she had when she had woke up before. "Chad, what's wrong? Are…are you mad at me? Did…Troy can still play basketball again right?"
"Of course he can," Taylor interrupted quickly. "It will just take time."
"I'm not mad at you, Gabs," Chad whispered as he walked closer to her and carefully took her hand in his. "I'm just so happy that you're okay. I need to go now though, okay? I promise I'll come back soon and see you when you get some rest. I promise."
She nodded her tired head and gave him a smile as he reached down and kissed her cheek. "Troy loves you. He always loved you, from the very first time he met you, he was whipped. He came home from that vacation stalking your picture and pining for you, and from that second he was yours. Nothing changes that, do you hear me? Nothing."
Gabriella smiled softly as she pulled Chad weakly back to her and smiled at what she thought was a direct message from her boyfriend. "Tell him I love him too, okay? More than anything."
Chad gave her a tight smile as he backed up without looking at her mom or Taylor. "I'll be back in a few days, Gabs. You stay well, okay? Bye."
Without waiting for a reply he walked out the door and Gabriella watching him disappear until she heard a loud bang as thought someone had punched a wall and what sounded like Chad's scream. Her eyes widened as she looked at Taylor and her mom. "Was…was that Chad? Is…is he okay?"
"He's stressed," Taylor answered immediately. "It has been a long few days for him and I think he's just…stressed. He hasn't slept properly."
"You should talk to him, Tay," Gabriella yawned as she sank back just as a nurse came in. "You two were close and he could probably use a friend who isn't in hospital."
"Can I ask you two ladies to leave?" The nurse said kindly as Gabriella tried to place her name. She didn't think she had seen her before. "I need to check her wounds before the doctor comes in."
"Of course," her mom said with a smile. "We'll be right back, sweetie."
"Make sure Chad's okay?" Gabriella asked as her eye lids fluttered. "And tell Troy…tell him I love him."
"Of course," her mom said quietly. "We won't be long."
"Your mom playing messenger just now?" The nurse asked with a smile as she pulled the covers back slightly.
"My fiancée is next door. He can't visit yet but he's okay…" Gabriella sighed as she closed her eyes. "That's all that matters. Do you know him?" Gabriella asked sleepily. "He's not a bad patient, is he?"
"I don't know him," the nurse smiled gently. "How do you think he is?"
Gabriella smiled softly. "I bet…I bet he won't admit to being in pain at all. He is such a guy…my guy though. I can't wait to be well enough to see him."
The nurse said something in reply, but Gabriella didn't hear it as she drifted off - thinking of her fiancée who was only a wall away.
One day when Troy and Gabriella were back in Albuquerque during the summer before their Sophomore year at college the two of them had been laying out in the yard on a hammock that Troy had insisted his parents purchase since their usual hammock location was thwarted by the new family living in Gabriella's old house. They had lain there and talked about everything and somehow after talking about sports, the discussion had turned to a discussion on different types of pain. Gabriella had argued that clearly child-birth had to be the most painful ailment a person could suffer simply due to the fact that logistics of producing another human being out your body should be somewhat physically impossible but which happened anyway. She had made a compelling argument that he had attempted to over-ride with the claim that he knew a worse pain and had in fact suffered from it. He had claimed that one day when he was on track he had torn him hamstring which he claimed felt like he had been shot, or stabbed with a knife. She had countered that he had neither been shot or stabbed by a knife so how did he know it was a valid comparison, until he had made mention that from the best of his knowledge she hadn't actually given birth so how would she know that childbirth felt like so he won by default as he had first hand knowledge.
It had been a stupid game that had culminated with them clowning around in the hammock until they had both landed on the ground in a heap, giggling wildly before being purposefully separated by his parents in order to 'cool' things down before dinner.
A stupid game it may have been, but Gabriella knew that she had a winner now in terms of pain. She found it hard to believe that anything could top two electric paddles being placed on your chest and activated while you were still awake, yet here she was. Apparently it wasn't the first time she had been shocked like that, but it had been the first time she had been conscious of it, and she had to say, she was definitely binning her tazer when she got home due to not wishing that sort of pain on anyone.
She blinked her weary eyes open, her entire body hurting and every second of consciousness killing her. There had a mask over her mouth helping her breathe, a side-affect of her recent surgery, and she supposed it was good she was getting oxygen as she wasn't sure that she had the energy to breath for herself at the moment. Her whole body was burning, and her limbs felt heavy and weighted. She moaned slightly at the pain and closed her eyes, wishing it away as a nurse began fiddling with the machine beside her bed that she knew contained her morphine drip.
"Gabriella, you had to go back into surgery and that's why you are here in recovery. Don't worry, the anaesthetic is why you are so groggy but when we get you back to your room you will feel a lot better."
Gabriella couldn't even mumble a response as her eyes fluttered shut, the darkness warm and welcoming and she could vaguely hear a machine bleeping wildly in the background as she almost allowed herself to fall into the darkness. Before she fully committed to it though, she remembered that she had to stay awake. She had to get better for him. She owed him that.
She forced her heavy eyes open and clenched her jaw as the pain washed over her body again, hoping that the morphine would kick in soon. She had no idea what was happening to her body, or why it was happening, all she knew was that she had to be strong for him. She had promised him the night before they left for California that she would never leave him, and she fully intended on keeping that promise. And promise was a big word after all…
Gabriella styled her hair, and put on her make-up, carefully hiding the long scar that ran down the side of her face. She had been offered plastic surgery to try and hide it, but as she could hide it with make-up she had put it off. It felt wrong to her to get surgery for something so superficial when she could disguise it herself and she liked to think that as much as she sometimes didn't feel like herself, deep down she was still the same girl who had sat on the sofa with her boyfriend and promised him that she wouldn't be one of those girls who obsessed about what other people thought of her after they had watched yet another program about plastic surgery going wrong. Sure, it wasn't really the same thing - but promises had always been a big thing with Gabriella, and she meant to keep as many as she could, even if no one else knew about them.
She straightened her pretty shirt before smiling at her reflection. She look like herself which was what the starting goal had been when she had got up that morning and after a full day of classes, she was still looking okay.
"You look great, Gabs."
Her gaze lifted from her reflection to see her best friend standing in the doorway, the voices of the visiting Kelsi and Ryan echoing through from the other room. After what had happened, Taylor had opted to transfer to LA to do her Post Grad course in order to be with Gabriella since she had refused to move in with her mom, or even allow her mom to give her any serious help in her recuperation period.
Gabriella had, of course, tried to talk Taylor out of it, but Taylor, like always, knew what she wanted and had claimed she was planning on doing it anyway even though they all know she hadn't. Taylor saw it as a penance that she had to do and Gabriella, although unable to forgive what her best friend had done, couldn't find it in her to hold it against her indefinitely and was doing her best to move on from it. Taylor hadn't had the idea, and although she blindly followed the plan and her part hurt, it wasn't her that had caused this.
"Thanks," Gabriella whispered as she smoothed her hair slightly. "Um…I thought maybe we could just stay in - watch some movies, eat a ridiculous amount of take-away food, have a drink and maybe roll out the dance mat and clown around just the four of us? I don't really feel like going out."
"No," Taylor said resolutely. "No, we're going out and we're going to have a good time. You and I are going to dance, and have fun and smile at cute boys…" Gabriella's carefully crafted façade faltered slightly and Taylor quickly corrected. "I'm going to smile at cute boys anyway and we're going to have a birthday that you'll remember. Okay? We'll have the night in before Ryan and Kelsi head back to New York, okay? Tonight we're going to go and have fun."
Gabriella smiled and nodded, realising that arguing wasn't really going to do any good. She had discovered that since that day that arguing was a bad thing. If you didn't want to go to a therapist it meant you were in denial, if you didn't want to go shopping it meant you were depressed, if you didn't want to put makeup on, it meant you were miserable about your looks, if you weren't interested in going out, it meant you were closing yourself off…everything from her clothes, her hair, her apartment, her tone of voice had been analysed and she quickly realised that she had to conform to what everyone expected if she wanted to have any space. So that's what she did.
"Gabs?"
Gabriella spun around, snapped out of her thoughts as Taylor took a good look at her. "Yeah, Tay?"
"Are you happy?"
Gabriella didn't know how to answer that - she was trying to be happy, did that count? What about being happy that her friends were happy? There were times that she was happy - when she was with her friends and didn't have to think about anything, when she had so much work from her classes that she could barely find time to sleep never mind think about anything else, when she read a good book, when she was asleep…there were lots of moments when she was happy…
"I mean, really happy and not just pretending that you are so that we all leave you alone."
"Why…why would you ask that?" she figured deflection was a better idea than deception as she ran her left hand down her leg.
"Because…you smile, and you laugh and sometimes…" Taylor took a deep breath and shook her head. "I just don't know if I've seen a real smile from you since that day in the hospital and I don't know if it's just me that hasn't seen it because of what happened, or if it's everyone. I'd like to think that it was just me…but I don't know."
That day.
The worst day of her life. The day she lost everything she had ever had any faith in - her soul mate, her best friend, her planned future, her mother's trust…
"I'm fine," she forced out as she turned back to the mirror. Her smile fixed back in place so that no one would ever see the effort it took to keep it there. "Lets go have some fun and find you a cute guy, huh?"
"You're on, Ms Montez - lets go have the best birthday ever, okay?"
Gabriella nodded, her head commenting that it would never be that, but her smile saying that she was open to the possibility even if they both knew it was a lie.
Gabriella was almost giddy as she sat on her bed – at long last she had been let out of ICU, which meant she could have more visitors. It had been hard for her to last three weeks with only her mom for company but she was relieved that now she would be able to see everyone. Taylor had somehow managed to sneak in, but Troy was unable to be so stealthy due to his injuries, but now that she was making good progress she would finally get to see him.
She grinned as she saw a young nurse walk past her door. "Hi, excuse me?"
"Yes, Ms Montez?"
"Gabriella," she corrected with a smile. "Can you tell me when visiting time is here? I know in ICU it's mainly down to the nurse's discretion, but apparently out here it's different."
The blonde grinned as she looked at her watch. "In about ten minutes. Your mom and your friend are both out there already."
Her smiled faltered slightly. "Can you do me a favour? My fiancé should be out there as well – you'll recognise him, he's not exactly stealthy just now with the crutches, broken arm and the croaky voice and these blue eyes, anyway – if you see him, can you...can you ask if he can come in on his own? It's just I haven't spoken to him in three weeks and...I know that his injuries are pretty bad and he's not been allowed to come see me because of all the machinery around me in case they had to get to me quickly and he was in the way but that's not a problem now, and I feel great so tell him I promise not to flat line or anything."
The young nurse's smile dropped from her face as she looked down at her watch again before looking up with a wide smile that looked way too forced. "Visiting time starts soon. I should go...but...are you sure you're feeling okay? Nothing is hurting? If you feel tired we can put visiting off until later, when you're feeling stronger."
Gabriella shook her head – even if she felt like crap there was no way she was missing this visiting session. She had been waiting for this for three weeks, and although she knew that he didn't blame her for what happened, she had to hear him say it and just see him and be with him again. Her pleading and crying in the ICU, begging the nurses to at least talk to him had fallen on death ears as according to her mom and Taylor using a phone could interfere with the machinery and as Troy had broken his right arm, communicating via letters from his side was a no go either. Talking via her mom and Taylor was not something that she had relished but it was a way of communicating with him, even if it wasn't personal. It was hard to say what had to be said via a go between and the fact that she could see him at long last, hold his hand, kiss him, wrap her arms around him and just be with him was not something that she was going to miss. "I feel great. Beyond great, actually. This has been the longest I have been without seeing Troy since I met him so there is no way I'm missing this."
"Okay," the nurse said as she took a deep breath and backed off. "Well...just remember, the most important thing is to relax and keep yourself well, okay? I'll just be out here and we'll let your...visitors in soon. I'm sorry...for the wait."
"It's okay, thank you for your help," Gabriella smiled as she looked at the nurse who wasn't even trying to smile anymore.
"You're welcome," she whispered as she went out. "I'm sorry."
Gabriella didn't even have time to process the oddities of the meeting as she took a deep breath and smoothed out her covers. She wished she could get up and look livelier, but she knew that would be stupid. She settled for running a hand through her hair, trying to smooth it before the pain the action caused her to stop in frustration. Instead she pinched her cheeks, trying to avoid the still healing cuts including the gash that was stitched that ran from her eye to her ear in order to attempt to look healthier and less pale. She didn't want him to worry, or to think her as too fragile to touch.
She bounced her leg and waited until she heard a noise outside her door. Her grin was wide before she even turned around only to falter slightly as she saw her mom and Taylor walk in slowly, yet no Troy. She pursed her lips, not wanting to seem rude but...they knew that this was going to be her and Troy's time together. "Um...hi?"
"Hey baby," her mother said with a small smile as she came over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "How are you feeling?"
"Great!" Gabriella said with a smile. "I got out of ICU, so anyone can visit me now...you know?"
"It's such a pretty day out today," Taylor said with a sigh as she walked over to the window. "In a few weeks you will be allowed out of here. It is so much warmer here than it is in LA."
Gabriella could only blink in confusion at the small talk they were making. "Um...thank you both for coming but..."
"You look tired mi hija," her mom said as she caressed her cheek. "You should sleep, we'll come back tomorrow."
"Um, no," Gabriella said as she flicked her gaze from her mom to Taylor. "No. I'm great. I love that you guys have come, but...Troy's going to be here, so...I mean I don't want to be rude, but...you know?"
"Sweetie," Taylor began with a smile. "You really should rest. You need to get well."
Gabriella's happy mood ended at the tone and she shook her head in frustration as a horrible feeling started to settle in her stomach. "I don't need to rest, Taylor. I'm fine."
"You just got out of ICU today and we do not want to end up back in it. We'll come back tomorrow when you're less...hyped up."
Gabriella's brow furrowed as she looked at her best friend. "I'm fine, I'm not hyped up and I don't get what's going on. Just...you guys go and I'll see you both tomorrow. I'm just going to wait for Troy and then I promise, I'll be the good patient again and sleep and rest and all that other stuff."
"Gabriella, please rest now," her mom whispered softly, her eyes filling with tears that Gabriella didn't understand. "Everything will keep until tomorrow."
"Mom," she laughed. "Come on. I'm not a child and I am not tired. Everyone said I could see Troy today, and it's today and I still haven't seen him so if...if this is some joke, or something then please stop it now."
"Gabriella…"
"No, Mom! Does...does he blame me for the accident? Does he not want to see me? Why...why isn't he here?"
It was a real fear. The thoughts had invaded her thinking almost since the instant she woke up - she was driving, she hadn't been quick enough to swerve, she had made them go out and if he was too badly injured and it meant he couldn't play basketball, then it wasn't out with the realms of possibility that he could possibly hate her. She would understand, but she had to see him - even if it was just for him to yell at her.
"It's nothing like that, Gabs," Taylor said as she walked over. "Of course he would've wanted to be here and you know Troy would have never blamed you for anything. None of this is your fault."
Taylor's words had barely been spoken when Gabriella's eyes widened and her eyes filled with tears. No… Past tense. Past tense.
Past tense shouldn't have been used to describe something in the present so...
"Oh God," she gasped out as she shook her head desperately as realisation hit her like the force of the crash all over again. It all played out - the car ride home, her vain efforts at turning the car, them flipping over before being smashed into the barrier, the metal piercing her body, his cold skin under her fingers… "No. No. NO! Where is he? He has a broken leg, and a broken arm, and his throat was hurt because of the seat belt, and he was cut but he was in the room next door to me and he wanted...wanted to see me and now...now he can. Now he can see me, so...so you have to go and get him like you promised, Mom. You...you swore to me...everyday you swore to me that he was there…"
"Baby...I'm sorry...he didn't make it out of the car..."
"No!" Gabriella yelled as she moved the covers suddenly so she could stand. She was still shaky on her feet and she swayed dangerously as she clutched to the IV pole to stay upright. "You're a liar! You told me he came and saw me when I was unconscious! You gave me messages from him. You told me that he said he loved me...that...that he wanted me to think about the wedding and get well because he needed me to be well. You...you're lying because...because he would never leave me alone like that! Dead men don't plan weddings and vacations!"
"Gabriella, he broke his neck in the crash. His mom and dad...they took him home to Albuquerque to bury him a couple of weeks ago. I'm so...so sorry, baby."
"No!" Gabriella screamed, her tears falling unbidden as she struggled for breath as her chest felt like it was being ripped open. "You liar! You liar! You swore to me. You both...you both spoke to him and brought me messages and dead people don't give messages! Stop lying and tell me where he is!"
She was fighting, but in her broken heart she knew that it was true and cursed her naivety when she knew, she knew that he would have moved heaven and earth to have seen her at least once when she was awake. She knew she should have let go, but she fought for him...because he was supposed to be here, with her, forever.
"Gabriella..." Her mother's tear-stained voice was soft as she vaguely heard Taylor calling for a doctor from outside. "Gabriella – you have to understand, he would have wanted you to live and you would have let go if you had known! Baby…please, please understand that we had to do it. We had to."
"I...I trusted you!" she sobbed as she clutched her chest and gripped harder to the IV pole. It had to be impossible for anything to hurt as much as this - everything she had experienced in the last three weeks was nothing in comparison to this agony. It couldn't be possible for this to be real. "This isn't true...please, please tell me that you're lying, Mom. Please...please tell me he's next door. Please tell me he just hates...hates me and ran off. Please, please..."
"I'm so, so sorry," her mom whispered as she made to walk over to her but Gabriella jumped away from her touch. "Please, Gabriella...get back into bed, please baby. You can yell at me, but get back into bed."
"Don't! Don't ever...ever touch me!" she looked around and saw a doctor and the same blonde nurse standing in the room and suddenly she realised what the false smiles, and the apology was for earlier. Everyone knew. The doctors, the nurses, even the police who had never once mentioned Troy in their interviews, everyone knew. Everyone had watched as she had bought the lie. "I…trusted you. He's supposed…to be here. You promised me…and now…now…I'm here and he's…because of me…oh God…"
"Gabriella," the doctor's kind voice spoke softly as Gabriella back against the wall, clutching the IV pole desperately. "How about we get you into bed and we talk about this calmly? We don't want to rupture your stitches and end up in ICU again, do we?"
She couldn't even find the effort to be annoyed at his condescending tone as she desperately tried to find air in the room.
"He didn't feel anything," Taylor tried to reason softly. "He died on impact – he wasn't in any pain."
Gabriella shook her head and closed her eyes, the tears seeping out her eyes as she remembered being pinned to the car seat and looking at him, his head tilted towards her, his eyes closed as she had talked to him until the ambulance came. She could remember touching his arm, needing to feel him as she was sure she was drifting off to her own death, but she had fought for him because he was okay. It didn't make sense...
"His mom and dad wanted to wait, but we all knew you wouldn't be fit to travel for months. It wouldn't have been right. It…it was a beautiful funeral apparently, so beautiful," her mom added which only caused another strangled sob to escape from Gabriella's ever constricting throat. "We all...we all thought this was for the best so you can recover without having to worry. We didn't want to lose you both – no one wanted that."
"Troy...Troy wouldn't want you making yourself sick, Gabs."
"He would want you to be happy. You're still so young...you have so much to live for..."
"Lets get you back in bed..."
"At least it was quick..."
"...keep you safe..."
"...right thing..."
"...I'm so sor..."
The voices of the four people in the room jumbled together into one as the pain in her chest over-whelmed her, and the darkness that once had been so welcoming suffocated her now. She knew why in the past it had beckoned her – he was beckoning her, telling her to come to him, to follow him and she, like the stupid, naive, trusting little girl she was had ignored every instinct. Now she was left with an empty darkness, and an empty life.
Her last conscious thought as her legs gave way was that she prayed it was a dream.
Gabriella opened her heavy eyelids to find herself staring at the image of her mother who was lying asleep in the chair beside her bed. She was attached to machinery again, her heart monitor beating steadily in the background signifying that contrary to what the pain in her chest told her, a shattered heart still worked. The sound taunted her - each beat like another dagger that pierced her one more time, laughing at her pain, mocking her misery.
A movement from the chair alerted her that her mother was awake now, and whereas the woman's presence would have once caused comfort it now caused nothing but a different type of misery. The trust, the dependency, the bond between the two that had always been there had been severed in the most cruel way by her mother's betrayal, and Gabriella knew that she would never get that back again. In the blink of an eye she had lost the two most important people in her life, and she wasn't sure how she was supposed to deal with that.
"You're awake?"
Gabriella didn't respond as she merely tried to focus on something else in the room - the green curtains hanging by the window, the Degas print that was on the wall, the way the water cooler dripped slightly and the way you could just see a little light from the nurses station from under her door. All she concentrated on was these inconsequential things - she didn't look at her still bandaged left hand that held four broken fingers, fractured knuckles and numerous breakages in the hand and wrist, or the flowers on the table that included a red rose so similar to the one that he had brought to Stanford on Valentine's day and put in her hair before he proposed, and certainly not on the dark haired betrayer who was sat beside her bed. Anything of importance hurt, and if it hurt it meant it wasn't a dream, and all she wanted was for it to have happened in her own head.
"Gabriella."
"Go away," she whispered, keeping her eyes unfocused and her voice soft, not trusting it to go any louder without breaking.
"Let me explain," her mother begged. "Please."
Gabriella closed her eyes and tried to turn away, not wanting to fight, but not having any inclination to listen to anything just now.
"I know you think that what I did was unforgivable," she said quietly, seemingly not caring that all she was seeing was her daughter's back. "Maybe it was but one day you will understand that a mother will do anything to save their child."
Gabriella's eyes closed at the flash of pain that one line brought. Did her mother really think that Gabriella wanted to have another man's children?
"I…I didn't mean it like that, Gabi," her mom corrected quickly, perhaps hearing the sniff from her daughter. "I know right now that seems…that seems unlikely and you don't understand but…sometimes, sometimes a person will do anything, even something that is wrong, if it means they can save someone. I know you loved him…"
Gabriella screwed her eyes shut at the use of the past tense, as though it was expected that her feelings just ended the same time his life did. She tried to mentally force anything into her brain that would drown out her mother's words, but finding the only things that she could think about relating to him. The first time she had showed up at his campus to surprise him, the time she caught him watching The Young and the Restless on TV, the way he would always, always burn French toast but then eat it out of pettiness so she couldn't tease him, the way they had danced in the car park…
"I know that this hurts and that you're angry, but…we did it because we love you. Gabriella, baby…please, understand."
Her eyes were still closed, as she silently began reciting math problems in her head, anything to keep herself in the bubble she was trying to vainly hang onto. She vaguely felt the warm tear roll from her eye, over the bridge of her nose and fall onto the pillow but she couldn't open her eyes.
"He would want you to be happy, you know. He wouldn't want you to make yourself sick, or…or anything. He would understand why we did this, and he would want you to get better and to live a long and happy life. You're so young - this isn't the end for you."
She recognised that her mother's voice had a slightly desperate edge to it, but she didn't care. Her desire to block out the words, to hang onto the vain belief that it was a bad dream, everything else faded into oblivion as a wave of anger washed over her. Who the hell was her mother to say that? What the hell did she know about him, about them?
"Gabriella? Please, please baby - tell me what you're thinking. Yell at me if you want, just please talk to me."
"I don't want to fight," Gabriella muttered, not even attempting to look around. "Just leave me alone."
"I…" she heard her mother start to cry, and she wanted to feel bad about it, but she couldn't. "I…I…please, Gabriella. Just listen to me."
"Please just go," Gabriella whispered softly, her tears flowing silently down her cheeks. "Please."
"Gabi…"
"Gabriella," she corrected quietly, not intending to be cruel, but not being able to bear hearing the nickname he anyone, let alone someone who had done what her mother had done.
"I…I guess I'll just come back tomorrow. You're probably feeling very tired, it has been a big day," her mother sighed as she lay a hand on her back. Gabriella flinched under the touch but didn't raise her gaze. "Gabriella? I love you. I know you might not realise it, but what I did was for the best."
"You wrote fiction that Dan Brown would be proud of, complete with ghosts talking about weddings, and phantom visits where crutches were in the way of machinery, and pretend recuperation periods, and…and…additions to our honeymoon because of things doctors had told him and…and…you think that's for the best? He was supposed to be here and you promised me he was here. You promised, mom and you lied. You looked me in the eye and lied to me repeatedly and worse than that…it wasn't just one lie, it was hundreds of them. You read letters meant for him, only him and you exploited my feelings, my weaknesses, my love for him for your own gain. I trusted you and you just…"
"I did what I did to keep you alive," her mother said softly. "I would do it again. I know that you hate me for it, but I don't care. All I care about is that you're here to hate me for it, and I know you are smart enough to understand this. Troy would not want his death to be the end of your life. You have so much ahead in your life - you are twenty-one years old, Gabriella. You have years to heal, and one day…one day you will understand why I did this. Life isn't a fairytale - there isn't always Once Upon A Time's and Happily Ever Afters' and sometimes you have to do things that are hard. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Sometimes you have to lie and hurt someone to save them. I don't mind being the villain of this piece because you are alive, and that is the most important thing in the world to me."
Getting no response from Gabriella, her mother continued. "I know you loved him, and he loved you but he died and you…you lived! That's what you have to remember. One day when you are holding your own daughter, and I know you don't want to think about it, but it will happen - that day you will be glad that you're still alive to do that."
Gabriella didn't trust herself to speak, so she closed her eyes shut and silently begged God or anyone else to please make it stop. To make her mother stop talking, to make the agonising pain in her chest stop, to either take her back to the day it had happened, or to kill her instead.
"I'll never thank you for this," she forced out. "I will never forgive you for this. Now leave. Please, Mom. Please just go. I don't want to hear anymore. Please just leave me alone."
"I'm sorry that he died, baby…" her mom said softly. "He was a great guy, and I know he made you happy and it was a terrible, terrible thing that happened to him, to you. I promise it does get easier."
Gabriella wanted to scream at the patronising phrasing - how on earth would her mom know that? Gabriella's dad had died when Gabriella was twelve, but he and her mom had been divorced at the time and barely spoke to each other apart from false pleasantries in front of their daughter. How could it even be considered the same?
"I love you, Gabi."
Gabriella didn't even blink in response as she kept her eyes closed.
She heard shuffling and the door close and after a few moments of silence she allowed her eyes to open, taking in the empty room. She could hear the muffled talking from outside but didn't even attempt at focusing on what was getting said as she lay, trying to keep her mind blank as the steady beeping of the monitor in the background taunted her again, reminding her that this was her life now - her, alone, an empty bed and a broken heart that was good for nothing but keeping her alive in a worthless life that she wish she didn't have to live anymore.
Gabriella got home a little before midnight. She had left Taylor, Ryan and Kelsi at the club citing a headache and a stomach bug as the reason for her early departure, but they all knew otherwise. She had a pretty good night - she had laughed and smiled and danced and for the most part it had been fun. She was glad that Taylor had made her go.
She kicked her shoes off and walked over to the sofa and laid her head back against the back, letting the stillness of the apartment soothe her. When it was dark and quiet like this she didn't have to think. There were no expectations to meet, no deadlines, no social criteria to fill - it was just her having time to not think.
All too soon though the phone rang and she clenched her eyes closed as her new answer-phone message picked up.
"Hi, this is Gabriella - I'm not in right now but leave a message and I'll call you back."
BEEP
"Gabi…Gabriella, hi! I just wanted to call and wish you a happy birthday, baby. I know you were going out with Taylor tonight but I figured you wouldn't be out too late and I was hoping to catch you. Are…are you there? No…I guess, I guess not. I'll call you tomorrow, okay? Bye baby. I love you."
She shook her head and ignored the message. So much had changed in the last eight months and three days. Eight months and four days ago she had hugged her mom when the doctor had told her she could leave ICU as her mom had told her that Troy had almost burst into tears at the news he could see her again. Eight months and four days ago she had been so sure of what her future entailed.
Eight months and four days ago she would have never purposefully ignored a call from her mother because she just didn't know what to say to her anymore.
What a difference a day makes.
She smiled ruefully as she stood up and deleted the message, promising to call her and make sure she was alright soon, before she walked into the room and pulled the comforter back, taking the shirt out and clasping the name desperately before turning it away from her so she could go back to pretending that it was really her shirt and always had been. She walked from the bedroom, forcing the smile on her face as she passed the mirror again before stopping in front of the sink, washing the mask off and looking back at her reflection. The scar was visible, the shortness of her hair a side effect of the 'make-over' Taylor had insisted she had at Christmas as a sign that she was moving on, the painted smile no longer visible and the dull eyes no longer hidden. It was just her and she took a deep breath, letting the oxygen of finally not having to play the part wash over her.
Ms Darbus would be proud of her dedication to the arts.
"Tomorrow," she whispered to her and ran a hand over her reflection. "Tomorrow will be the day it stops hurting. Tomorrow is the day that it won't be an act."
Citing the promise to herself that she made every night she turned the light and walked to the bed, sliding into the shirt before going under the covers, laying on her side and closing her eyes. The other side of the bed empty, no arms around her waist, no kisses to her neck, or warm breath on her ear…but as she lay there, wrapping her own arms around herself, for a split second, she could almost pretend there was, and in that split second, she smiled.
Hold on, baby you're losing it
The water's high and you're jumping into it,
And letting go, and no one knows...
That you cry, but you don't tell anyone,
That you might not be the golden one.
And you're tied together with a smile,
But you're coming undone…
-Taylor Swift-Tied Together With A Smile-
AN - I hope you guys enjoyed and it wasn't too confusing. For how I wanted to finish off this fic I had to show the flashbacks and how Gabriella's life is a few months on so I could go from there in the next part. I know this chapter is pretty heavy going all the way through, but it kinda had to be.