Nothing Left to Give
One of the most difficult things anyone has to learn
Is that for your entire life you must keep fighting
And adjusting if you hope to survive.
No matter who you are or what your position is,
You must keep fighting for whatever it is you desire to achieve.
-George Allen
Chapter 4: Rest in Pieces
R-2-F
"I can't do this."
Russell sighed in exasperation as he gave his brunette friend a none too gentle nudge from behind. "You can and you will." He responded easily for what seemed like the millionth time. They'd been at it like this since the train had neared Resembool almost a half hour ago. After much persuading the brothers had finally managed to get Ed to the train exit, but once there the older man froze and had refused to take another step. "Now get a move on!"
"No! You don't understand," Ed pleaded, gripping either side of the door frame desperately. He even went so far as to brace his legs on the frames as well. The ex-State Alchemist chanced a pleading glance over his shoulder. "Winry'll kill me if she finds out I'm in town! And Pinako..." The man trailed off, his face contorting in a look of utter horror before his efforts began anew with even more desperation. "No! I can't do it-- I won't! I'm too young to die!"
Fletched looked nervously over his shoulder at the other passengers waiting to disembark the train. The glowers the trio was receiving was enough to spur even the docile blond into action. "Come on, Ed!" He joined his brother in his efforts to detach the older brunette from the doorway. "Please!" He added in a shrill whisper. "You're making a scene!"
Russell was finally fed up. "Oh, enough of this!" He exclaimed. In one smooth movement the eldest Tringham lifted his foot and kicked the frantic alchemist in the small of his back, sending the brunette sprawling on the train platform. Russell didn't so much as try to look apologetic as he gracefully descended the stairs. In fact, he wore a triumphant smirk. "See, now was that so bad?"
Ed sputtered indignantly as he struggled to right himself. He glared daggers at the brothers as they stood before him without offering any sort of apology for their actions. In fact, Fletcher looked as if he wanted to laugh at the brunette's expense but was valiantly refraining. "Go ahead and laugh." Ed spat bitterly as he scrambled to his feet, straightening his jacket indignantly. "But you don't know what it's like."
"Of course not." Russell conceded sarcastically. "Because stealing other people's identities and poisoning a town only to be exposed as frauds and having to face a town full of angry villagers is so much easier."
Ed had the decency to look properly abashed. He lowered his gaze to the ground where he shuffled his feet guiltily. "I guess I am being a bit ridiculous about this, huh?" He admitted at length, peeking up from the cover his bangs at the other two.
The brothers laughed, Russell reaching over and mussing the older man's hair. "You could say that." He and Fletcher shared a laugh, both wearing identical grins. "But I think we're pretty much used to you being ridiculous by now." He laughed heartily at the brunette's answering punch which he caught with practiced ease. He pulled Ed into a headlock and once again mussed his hair so that it stuck in every direction.
Ed laughed as he squirmed to get away from the younger man's hold. The trio appeared ignorant of the looks they were getting from the other passengers. Unlike when they were on the train, the three's antics drew fond looks from those surrounding them. Even the train conductors looked at the three with smiles, shaking their head and chuckling at their display. It was a reminder that it was okay to laugh even in the darkest of times, one that they all needed from time to time.
"Come on." Russell said at length, releasing his hold on Ed. His eyes scanned the thinning crowd. "We need to see if we can find a taxi."
"But where will we go?" Fletcher inquired worriedly. "We don't have enough money for an inn..."
"We'll find something." Russell said firmly, casting Ed a pointed look. The rest of his sentence was left unsaid, though the brunette heard it loud and clear. "We'll find something...or someone."
R-2-F
"I always hated train rides."
Roy looked up at the sound of his companion's voice, blinking to dispel his temporary daze. He sighed as he turned his gaze back to the window next to him, watching the other man through his reflection in the glass. "And why is that?" He asked disinterestedly, propping his chin up with the palm of his hand. He sighed heavily which caused his bangs to flutter momentarily before settling once again.
Jean Havoc shrugged, taking another drag from his cigarette. He idly watched the smoke drift from the tip of the cancer stick and dissipate into the air. "Never really gave it much thought." He admitted indifferently. His blue eyes flickered over to the man. "Just one of those unconscious things, I guess."
"So it would seem." Roy snapped in annoyance. The man had done this for the past two hours; making pointless observations for no other purpose than to keep the General awake. "And annoying the hell out of your superior officers, is that one of your "unconscious things" as well?"
Havoc grinned, balancing his cigarette in the corner of his mouth with ease. "Not at all, Commander; that's purely intentional."
Before Roy could lunge at his subordinate the compartment door slid open and in stepped two other officers, both looking tired and spread thin. One took a seat next to him while the other sat next to Jean in the seat facing his.
"Are you trying to get the General to burn you to a crisp again, Jean?" Riza demanded wearily from her place beside her husband. She shot the blond a withering look as she situated herself, crossing her arms and slumping in the train seat.
"Of course not." Jean answered easily as he draped his arm around Riza's shoulders. He used his free hand to snuff out his cigarette on the wall next to him, earing the blond a glare from the other three occupants. "I'm just trying to make conversation."
"Pointless conversation, I'm sure." The fourth member of the party added dryly. He sat with as much room between himself and the General as possible, but due to his large size the space was limited. Armstrong's blue eyes regarded the others carefully, taking note of the stress present on all of their faces. Not one of them had gotten so much as a wink of sleep the night before and even now, in the safety of the train compartments, sleep refused to come to the weary soldiers. Armstrong could not recall the last time he had allowed himself the luxury of a full night's rest.
Yet another unsavory side effect of war.
Silence began to fall upon the four soldiers, however it did not last for long. Jean was never one to allow a silence to last for any extended period of time; some saw it as one of his curious quirks, but those who knew him best knew it was nothing more than a defense mechanism. It was Jean Havoc's way of keeping himself from being alone with his thoughts—of keeping sane. "So what of these new troops?" He inquired loftily, though there was darker meanings behind his words. "Heard any rumors?"
The silent question went unasked. Will they last any longer than the rest of them?
Roy caught the words left unspoken. He tore his gaze from the raindrop stained glass to meet his subordinate's eyes. "No...I haven't heard anything." He said evenly. "Take that as you will."
The dangerous tone of his superior did nothing to deter Jean. "You mean try not to get attached to any of them." He reiterated without so much as batting an eye. He felt Riza stiffen in his hold but did not turn his gaze from the General. They all knew good and well that past recruits had not lasted for long. Their training had been poor and they had not been nearly ready to see battle. The recruits had never stood a chance against the Naturalists' unyielding brutality.
"That's exactly what I mean." Roy responded icily. His gaze had become hard and distant, a look that had become all too common in the past several years. Though it had not actually begun to materialize until the first signs of war began to surface, the carefully placed distance in the Flame Alchemist's gaze had started to form after the day Edward Elric had disappeared. Over time the icy facade of indifference had replaced the General's once-signature cocky smirk, until the time eventually came that it was the only look one ever saw on Roy Mustang's countenance. The expression was yet another painful reminder of the events that had happened all those years ago...the events that had forever changed the lives of all involved.
Yes, it marked the day that the Fullmetal had disappeared forever, but it also served as a momento of the day that the man known as Roy Mustang, the infamous Flame Alchemist and the man that had singlehandedly taken on the entirety of the State militia, had begun to die. Not in the physical sense, as had nearly been the case, but in a more spiritual sense. It was common knowledge that Roy had never been the same sense Edward Elric had deserted.
Havoc finally broke the eye contact between himself and the now angry General and allowed his gaze to fall to his lap. Whenever Roy gave him that look it was always enough to make the Second Lieutenant back down. No matter how important his cause, Havoc just couldn't stand to see that look in Mustang's eyes. He swallowed hard, working to get his nerve back and at the same time trying to find a much less head-on approach to the topic of the new recruits.
"I've been thinking," Jean began slowly, his eyes remaining glued stubbornly to his lap. "And I've come to the conclusion that there's gotta be something that we can do to help them."
"And what are you suggesting, Lieutenant?" Roy demanded, his voice one of cold indifference.
"I'm not exactly sure. I know that we're restricted on time, but maybe we can train the recruits a bit more before we send them into battle? I'm not talking a full-out training camp here, just a quick run-down of the techniques that could help 'em out in a real fight, y'know?"
The other three in the compartment all shared looks of reluctant agreeance.
"It does seem to be the most logical path to take, though far from the easiest." Armstrong consented warily, his arm muscles flexing beneath the sleeves of his uniform as he clenched and unclenched his fists in thought. The blond Alchemist's eyes were narrowed in concentration as he stared at a random spot on the floor, his gaze so intent that it seemed as if he was waiting for some sort of answer to appear before his very eyes.
"That's an understatement." Roy said dryly, his eyes turning back to regard the passing scenery disinterestedly. "Training new recruits can take weeks and at present we don't have the time, the manpower, nor the energy to take on something of that nature."
"So we're just going to sit back and watch while our boys get killed?"
"You're out of line, Lieutenant."
Havoc rose from his seat, standing before his superior officer and glaring down his nose at the other man. "I don't give a damn whether I'm out of line or not, Roy!" He growled, his hands clenching into fists at his sides with enough force that the blond's arms shook. "You might not give a shit whether their blood's on your hands or not, but I sure as hell do!"
"Jean!" Riza admonished sharply, standing as well and grabbing her husband forcefully by the arm. The woman's look was purely murderous as she stared down the taller man beside her. The look from his wife appeared to be enough to return Havoc to his senses, but it was too late. The damage had already been done.
Roy sat stock still in the train seat, his horrified gaze falling to his uncovered hands. The General's eyes had widened as if he was reliving a nightmare before the eyes of the others, and all three officers present knew that was exactly what was happening. All color seemed to drain from his face in the space of an instant and Roy's hands began to shake, the tremors slowly working their way through his body until his entire form was visibly trembling.
"Shit!" Jean exclaimed, realizing that his thoughtless words had triggered one of the General's attacks. He was beside Roy in seconds and gathered his friend's trembling form into his arms. Havoc felt Armstrong rise from the seat and saw him move to retrieve a medicine bottle from Mustang's traveling case as Riza quickly took the other's vacated seat.
"Roy, listen to me." Riza commanded as she took the raven's hands tightly in her own. "It wasn't your fault. None of this is your fault." Her words seemed like a mantra, one that the First Lieutenant had found herself repeating countless times over months past. However, no matter how many times these attacks occurred, seeing the General as vulnerable as he looked at that moment always broke Riza's heart. "It's not your fault."
Roy sat in Jean's embrace as if he didn't even notice the other man's presence. He leaned forward and covered his ears with his hands and shut his eyes tightly, though no one knew whether he was trying to will away Riza's words or the thoughts that were undoubtedly consuming his mind. The pain on the raven's face was evidence to the internal battle that he was waging with himself. The battle that he was more than likely losing.
Armstrong returned to the trio with an outstretched hand that held two small pills. The Colonel's face was a mask of indifference as he stood there, silently offering his commanding officer the only reprieve that he could possibly give the man, but Armstrong's soft gaze gave away his own worry for his friend. "Here," His deep voice bade softly. "Take these and it will all go away."
Roy's hands shook as he took the offered medicine and quickly swallowed them dry. His entire body shuddered at the taste that lingered in his mouth, but the effects of the pills were nearly instantaneous. The tremors that wracked his body began to lessen and soon Roy's entire body slumped against Havoc. The raven's eyelids grew heavy as the full affects of the medicine kicked in and only a moment later Mustang was out cold.
From his place beside his mercifully slumbering friend Jean sighed heavily, reaching the hand that the General was not leaning against up and scrubbing at his eyes. The craving for a cigarette had grown nearly unbearable in the last twenty or so minutes and Mustang's most recent attack had only intensified that need. However, as Roy's dead weight now fully rested against Havoc's side there was no way that the Second Lieutenant would be able to soothe his need for nicotine anytime soon.
In Jean's mind he deserved much more for being the cause of his friend's breakdown.
R-2-F
"This place hasn't changed at all!" Ed exclaimed as they traversed the streets of Resembool, the brothers not far behind him. The brunette increased his pace in excitement as he pointed to a building to their left. "That's the butcher's shop the old bat Nagihisa owned. She was always had something up her ass! Anytime she saw me and Al she'd run us out of the store with a broomstick! I mean, sure, we may have stolen some stuff once or twice, but still-"
Fletcher laughed softly as the hyperactive man pointed to a different building and proceeded to recall some tale or another that involved the brunette and Al's relationship with the owner, complete with wild gestures and excited babble. It continued on this way for quite some time until the buildings became fewer and fewer in numbers. These houses Ed didn't have much to say concerning; most were neighbors that the boys had never interacted much with or widows who were seldom seen around town. However, there was something different about these buildings than the rest that Fletcher noticed. It seemed that the further away from the heart of the town the trio grew, the more rundown the buildings became.
The blond's brow burrowed into a worried frown.
"And just over this hill's..." Ed trailed off, his pace slowing until he fell back into step between the brothers, suddenly subdued. His eyes dropped to his shoes as they walked. "...The Rockbell's."
Russell shot the brunette a sharp glance that held barely concealed concern. As they began to climb the hill it seemed as if Ed's legs grew heavier and heavier as his pace slowed gradually. Upon cresting the hill the young Elric came to a complete stop causing Russell and Fletcher to nearly bump into him at the sudden halt.
"...Ed?" Fletcher inquired softly, reaching out and hesitantly placing a hand on the older man's shoulder. He flinched away when the touch was harshly shouldered off, holding his hand to his chest as if wounded. The blond's eyes fell to the ground as tears welled unbidden, though they were stubbornly fought back by the youngest Tringham.
"Elric." Russell snapped warningly as he placed a reassuring arm around his younger brother's shoulders, his eyes flashing at the older man. Though Russell fully understood what Ed was going through right now, the blond refused to condone such a selfish attitude. Such a thing may once have been trademark to Edward Elric, but that was a thing of the past that was better left there.
Ed offered no verbal apology, instead giving Russell what he hoped was a reassuring smile before he turned his gaze back to the house before him. However, the sight that greeted him was not at all what the blond ex-alchemist had expected.
The house was barely recognizable in it's current state of disarray. The paint was peeling to a ridiculous extent and the wood that it revealed was practically rotten with decay. In several places the roof of the house had caved in, leaving gaping holes in the roof that were left untended. Many of the windows had been busted out and shards of glass littered the ground surrounding each of them, the shattered glass that remained in the window frames nearly brown in color from all of the collected dust. Even the frame of the house had begun to sag.
Ed couldn't believe what he was seeing.
"Winry?" He called, running towards the decaying house with a sudden burst of desperation. His legs carried him around the side of the house to the back porch where he had so often seen Winry sitting outside and reading with Den at her side, but even there no sign of life was evident. Ed's panic began to mount as he continued to shout out his childhood's friend name.
"You won't find Dr. Rockbell there, sonny." A voice suddenly spoke up, freezing Edward in his tracks. Slowly the blond turned to find an old man standing on the side of the road, leaning heavily on his walking stick as he regarded the three younger men carefully. "The doctor hasn't lived there for a long, long time."
"Uh, no sir, I'm not looking for Dr. Rockbell. I'm actually looking for their daughter, Winry." Ed explained with a strained smile.
"I know good and well who Winry Rockbell is, boy." The man snapped back not unkindly, taking several pained steps forward as he hobbled his way over to Ed. The man had stringy gray hair that didn't appear to have been washed in months and his skin was dark with dirt, but he held an air about him that reminded the other three of a man who once held the respect of many people. However, like so many others, the war had clearly not treated him kindly. "Like I said, the doctor doesn't live here any longer. She's moved to the hospital with the rest of the workers."
"Doctor..?" Ed repeated, amazed.
The old man nodded. "Yep, and the best damned one this town's ever seen at that. Who knows where we'd be if it wasn't for the miracles she's worked."
Momentarily stunned into silence, Ed stared at the old man in unmasked amazement for the space of many heartbeats. Winry, a doctor? The possibility seemed completely unreal. Ed knew that he would have to confirm this man's words himself, and with that thought in mind he turned his determined gaze to meet Russel's. He received a silent nod from the younger man, and that was all the answer that the ex-alchemist needed.
Ed turned determined eyes to meet those of the old man, the intensity the other saw reflected in those golden depths visibly startling the civilian.
"Take me to the hospital."
R-2-F
Author's Note: Okay...so this chapter took WAY longer to put out than I could ever have expected. It seems that once I finally finished the FMA series I went into a bit of a depression where the show is concerned; I mean...it's OVER! Wah! What am I supposed to do now:(
And then I kinda forgot about it.
So I'm sorry that it took so long to get this chapter up, but I can honestly say that I'm going to try and work harder to get another update out sometime SOON...I hope. I hope that it was worth the wait!