Elemental Aeon
Kesshou
Uryou
Act III
Chapter X
Attempt
Meilin awoke, not to her surprise, on the floor and practically buried by various books. The fact that she was now awake was one she was still fighting. However, her back was protesting after hours in that uncomfortable position, and the books were not the covers she was used to.
With a sigh and rubbing her left eye, she sat up, a yawn escaping all at once. Kicking some books aside, she got on her feet only to tiredly fall onto her bed. Once again she had fallen asleep while reading by the side of her bed where she got the most privacy from the questioning Tomoyo.
It wasn't unusual. It had happened before. But now it was just happening nearly almost every night because she had a plan to adhere to. And now that the ingredients had arrived, there was only so long they'd stay in affect and be able to be used. She figured that all the possible kinks had to be worked out now, or everything would have been a lost cause. Needless to say, that was the last thing she wanted to happen.
So now she was reading, indefinitely re-reading her texts that she had salvaged. Some were rightly Tomoyo's, something the younger girl had noticed immediately. It was more material that she used in her interrogations of Meilin. But those efforts were worthless. Tomoyo probably knew that too and just did it to achieve some semblance of control.
Because really that girl had filled in the blanks on her own. Meilin hated resourceful people for this reason alone for they had the knack of doing it and not only when they themselves were concerned. This had nothing to do with Tomoyo and yet Meilin was pretty sure she knew of the attempt she was prepping.
By now Meilin could easily see that Tomoyo was on her trail. However, she also saw all the hesitation that she dragged along with her. Tomoyo sometimes looked like she had unfortunately stumbled into something she hadn't wanted to stumble into because of what it entailed. Meilin could see her struggling with herself over what to do, and luckily for her, Tomoyo had made no decision yet. There was no doubt that she would know if Tomoyo had.
So it may not have been even necessary to try for whatever little privacy she could get from what had caused her to fall asleep on the floor. But still, even though Tomoyo was currently unsure on any course of action, she had all the chances to become an obstacle. If there was a way of making it so Tomoyo could only know as little as possible, she'd take it. Besides, old habits died hard.
But thinking of the tinted indigo-haired teenager must have made have had some sort of bad effect on her current luck. Because it was, as it turned out, not yet the time where Tomoyo would already be gone. That fact likely meant some awkward lines of dialogue, strained attempts at conversation. That and Meilin had gotten less sleep than she had previously thought she had.
Tomoyo was standing in front of the curtained window, buttoning up the last few buttons of her coat. She still had a few strands of hair out of place courtesy of her night of sleep, but everything from Tomoyo's dictated uniform to her expression screamed professional.
And she was now looking at Meilin who couldn't see it because of her closed eyes but somehow knew it was happening all the same. Meilin buried her head into the covers a little more. Tomoyo looked as tired as they both felt, but only Meilin was acting upon it. Tomoyo had more concerns to attend to, and Meilin only bothered with two.
And she only put her loyalty in her first and foremost.
Tomoyo flipped out her trapped hair from beneath her newly buttoned coat before she let her shoulders droop a bit. It was her only acute sign of frustration. "You sure had a good night's sleep, huh?"
Meilin smirked, an overwhelmingly tired one, but a smirk all the same. "As a matter of fact, it kinda was. I got a lot out of it."
"You're going to kill yourself, I swear." Tomoyo offered only this reprimand before she cocked a corner of her mouth up in a frown. Straitening up, she began to approach the door in long strides.
"I don't see how that concerns you. It's my business. And I-"
"-do what I have to do. I know. You say it all the time. It doesn't change anything." Tomoyo wound her hand tightly around the handle, stopping for a moment against her reasoning. Tomoyo stuck around longer than Meilin had thought she would too. The younger girl was not almost out of earshot when Meilin automatically replied.
"Well, if I'm that obvious, you shouldn't have to say anything about it. You know what I'm going to say back anyway. So just go and be perfect for Clow and all those other Elementalists."
"I think I should. I am one even if I'm not on their level. I still am one." She turned a disapproving glance at Meilin, speaking more roughly than she had intended, but it all had just slipped out. Meilin had that rather embarrassing effect on her sometimes. "That's what makes us different. I'm an Elementalist too, just like them. Maybe you should think once in a while. Because you should know that we are people too. Talking about us like that… Right in front of us… Sometimes I wonder how you could be able to do that. So I guess you might just be beyond help."
Meilin opened her eyes and stared hard at a spot on the wall during the course of the speech. When it was over, Meilin felt mentally tired too. "So we both get it now. If that's correct like you think it is, you should probably just go now. You wouldn't want to be around here any longer."
Tomoyo froze, looking like as if she was finally going to let it slip off her tongue. All her fears, all her speculations, and all her guesses, about to be heard. But she was silent for a second too long… The moment was lost. Instead she found another reason to justify the few extra moments she had spent just standing there.
"Well, then… When are you going to return my books?" Tomoyo opened the door. "I'll be wanting them back."
--e--a--
Meilin had taken Tomoyo's request seriously. Finding unusual places to hide Tomoyo's possessions had been among her agenda for that day, and she had ignored the subsequent accusations of her doing just that. Tomoyo had stopped speaking to her for a while after that, perhaps thinking of ways to get more copies of her stolen books because she knew Meilin wouldn't be returning them anytime soon. But then again, maybe she wasn't thinking about that because these were books she had used in the past and had held onto. They were no longer necessary for her studies in any of her varying ranges of work.
However, that didn't mean Meilin had no use for them. She had been holding onto them for this long because she did have plenty of need for them. Tomoyo knew this too; she wasn't stupid. So she really could be looking for copies of the exact same books that Meilin had irritatingly hid just so she could figure out more of the puzzle Meilin guarded. She could perhaps get a closer look at what Meilin was thinking about and how all those books connected with it. Meilin wouldn't put it past Tomoyo to be thinking about all this at that very moment.
Still, it would take a good deal of work to find what Meilin was particularly interested in and following up. The subject trailed from one book to another, and Tomoyo almost never worked with specific books, working instead from general ones. It would be hard indeed for Tomoyo to follow the trail. But Meilin knew not to count her out.
Still, time was running out on all levels.
Meilin could only now dive into research when she knew that Tomoyo wouldn't be around to find out exactly where she had hidden the objects in question. Tomoyo was probably getting frustrated and crazed enough to start memorizing what pages Meilin leafed through to check later if Meilin so much as cracked a book open in front of her.
And if she really did fall that low, Meilin actually couldn't blame the girl. Meilin was playing with things that Tomoyo knew no one should be playing with in the first place. When this was all over, hopefully with everything turned out for the better, Meilin might just thank Tomoyo for keeping things under wraps. She saw the internal conflict, but Tomoyo always thought better of saying something, secretly afraid of betraying her friend. And there was always the fact she had no definite proof and perhaps this was all paranoia on her own part.
But Meilin knew better than to just have faith in that hesitation. She really had to finish this up quickly. She had a few scattered ideas to follow up on if she was successful, but first she had to get this over and done with before the farther off future started preoccupying her mind.
There was only one necessary objective, and she'd see it through.
So with Tomoyo scheduled to be out for several hours and some quick rescheduling with damn Clow to rework her personal timeframe during Tomoyo's hours, she had gotten out the books that Tomoyo was on the hunt for.
She only needed two today, but it was always best to be prepared and have everything within hand's reach if she needed it. Besides, she wasn't as confident as she was telling herself she was. Not much knowledge on this matter that she was currently concerning herself with was available to her, or anyone else for that matter, but she'd plow through such a small obstacle. She did have the necessary ingredients at any rate.
With that thought, she began to gently remove the said ingredient from the its cocoon of tarp, laying it out on the clear surface of her desk, which for once was clear of messy papers. From a drawer and then from a small worn leather sheath she took out a rather large knife and proceeded until a grimace marred her brow.
"Never was much of a chef."
She kicked her legs underneath her chair, one arm folded across the desk as she held up the wound to the window's light. It was shallow and small, but it was still bubbling with blood.
With a tired sigh she wiped the cut off against a piece of cloth she had just recently used to clean her hands. Ignoring the stinging, she picked up the knife again and continued chopping. She almost wanted to laugh. The whole idea, with its execution so near, seemed ridiculous. But it was too promising to not try, and it seemed to be without loopholes. She just hoped that it wasn't too good to be true.
But this had to work. She was going to make it work. No matter what the costs. Maybe she'd thoroughly look into some back-up methods in case it really did come down to that.
"Ah." She scrapped back the chair on its legs, staring wide eyed at the spindly, relatively fresh plant. Tomoyo had said it had brought a rotten smell, but it didn't attack the particular sense for too long, and Meilin didn't bother with why. Maybe the smell by now had dissipated or she had truly grown accustomed to it, but truthfully she couldn't care less about that.
It was just now, eying it carefully that she was amazed. Placing a tentative hand over her heart, she smiled and breathed a sigh of relief and relaxation. This could be better, more effective, than she had thought. Better than what the information she had found out about it had said.
"Prolonged exposure… It shouldn't affect me, but…" She moved close to the window this time and held up her fingertips to the light that would make sure she got a full examination.
She wanted to say the skin was charred, but she knew it wasn't that. It felt like a shocking sensation, the skin prickling and bristling against a foreign substance. She tapped the strange plant with the knife slowly, getting no reaction. She fisted her slighted hand, wanting to know why her skin had reacted so violently, but her mind was already working around answers. It only mattered that it worked, and work well it did.
She returned to her small work area, knife posed and scrapping against the wood to brush it into a slowly growing pile. This time she grabbed the small cloth to keep a barrier up between her skin and the strange plant.
The reason it must have had happened was because she was surrounded by it, her mind thought lightly. And just the essence of it had rubbed off on her, causing the reaction. Everything was fine. And if this incredibly insignificant coincidence had caused something like that, there were no worries.
Exactly, everything would be over soon.
She set about at faster pace, watchful however for anymore incidents from her lack of cutting skills. This foreign, unearthly plant had already been coated in liquid substances, but Meilin still had to add a few final touches before anything was ready.
She quietly decided that having a second plan, worst come to worst, wasn't such a bad idea, however. She had just the thing in mind, and she'd rather enjoy learning how to do it. She told herself it wasn't for the reassurance; it was for the satisfaction that came with it.
--e--a--
"Loading, handling, aim, check…"
Meilin loved the thrill of a challenge, even when the said thing bared its stubborn side. That's what made it interesting. With everything coming together so suddenly, a little something to vent her frustration and self-doubts on was always welcome.
To get another little hobby (maybe she'd call it an obsession) to clear her mind was natural. She was actually enjoying this side quest enough to the point she considered something along these lines for her possible future. She had talent for it; it only made sense.
She was fine too with it even if she got a few stares for her murmurs spoken under her breath as she reviewed things over in her head.
Of course, coming back and sneaking in after curfew for the past few days had aroused the attention of a certain roommate. That wasn't welcome.
No surprise was it that said roommate was still up like she had been since day one of Meilin's late night excursions, eyes half-lidded. Almost as if she thought that their apparent conveyance of distrust and suspicion would get Meilin to confess. By now it should be obvious that Meilin didn't crack so easily.
"There's just no way to keep you under control, is there?" Meilin grabbed the cloth travel bag she had secured around her shoulder.
"You're still questioning that?" Meilin was grinning, her free hand tucked away safely in her coat pocket. Namely, it was her dominant one.
Tomoyo decided to change the subject to keep her mission on track. Which was, quite simply, to make Meilin stop. "Hiding your hand again? Is it still scalded from whatever the hell you were doing?" Meilin waved a hand nonchalantly.
"It's fine. I've been taking good care of it. See?" For show she took the said hand out, displaying it with a disinterested look focused on her twisting hand.
Tomoyo wasn't convinced. Meilin was never good at taking care of herself health wise. Staying up all hours was proof to the testament. Besides, there was something glaringly obvious that Tomoyo absolutely couldn't ignore about the matter.
"Your hand is in a glove, Meilin. How am I supposed to believe you when you won't even show it to me?" Tomoyo folded her arms, waiting for the comeback.
"You've got to trust me a little, Tomoyo." Meilin turned off to the side a little and dropped her small load. Meilin made a point to stand in between the bag and Tomoyo in case she suddenly jumped for it to see its contents. She didn't expect what Tomoyo did, however. Although, perhaps it had been the easiest course of action to predict.
Tomoyo smiled satisfyingly as she dangled the over-used glove away from Meilin who was already throwing her arms about to recapture it. Then she realized her mistake. Tomoyo froze seeing it, Meilin too late in hiding her hand out of sight.
"So now it's completely blistered over?"
Meilin stiffened her lip. "It's no big deal."
Tomoyo was considering the benefits of a tantrum, but she was beyond that level of immaturity. "What the hell is wrong with you? I give up. You're beyond help. And you're driving me crazy. Is this how Li-san always felt? No wonder he's gone."
Meilin crossed her arms defensively and leaned back. "Hey, don't be bringing other people into this. But if I was the reason that he left this hell hole, then I'd be glad. I mean, I wish he wasn't an Elementalist in the first place, but he is so all I can say is that where he ended up is ten times better and more humane."
"Aw God, Meilin. I'm tired about worrying about you." Meilin was left looking at the younger girl's back. "I just hope you don't regret this later. And I hope I won't either."
Meilin opened her mouth, knowing what she wanted to say, but found she couldn't say it at the very last moment. She reworked her words instead. "Don't worry. I won't."
--e--a--
Meilin was on the brink of her rather limited patience. She had come today with one goal in mind, and that was to seek out Hiiragizawa privately. Unfortunately she had heard right and had remembered correctly that he stuck like glue to Clow's side, and it was rather obvious that she was staying uncharacteristically later than she normally did. As soon as she got her leave, she always went flying out. But today had reaped no one-on-one discussion with Clow's apprentice so she was forced to stay behind, glaring at both of their questioning looks.
Still, she had yet to open her mouth to clarify her prolonged presence.
It was only until a wealthy sponsor came to call that Eriol and she were locked out of Clow's office, and she had the chance to strike with one of her greatest weapons: her tongue. Only she had to hit the right nerve to make it work. Of course, the fact that he was not just anybody made it a challenge she was looking forward to.
"Hiiragizawa. I don't like you." Well, actually that could have gone just a little better. Eriol shot her a look that fortunately didn't look offended and he instead wore a mask of indifference. He seemed to understand that she was finally getting around to why she had been following him and Clow around all day.
"I know this already."
"It's nothing personal, however. You just happen to support Clow, a man I loathe and work as an Elementalist. Those are two things I can't overlook." Eriol leaned against the wall in apparent thought.
"Then I have to wonder why you privilege me with your presence."
"Don't think so high and mighty of yourself. I came here today because I've noticed something." Eriol allowed more interest on his part at these words.
"And that would be…"
"You kind of agree with me, don't you?" Meilin couldn't resist her knowing smirk. Eriol, however, was above letting himself be so easily manipulated and deterred. Still, he knew what she was getting at.
"Are you asking me to entwine myself in a brutish scheme of yours? I may disagree with some workings here, but I have my priorities and duties, and they don't include aiding you."
"It's obvious you don't like this situation anymore than I do. It would be a win-win situation for both of us." Eriol furrowed his eyebrow. He had had his suspicions, but now by coming to him, she seemed to be laying every last card of hers on the table. He just wondered if she still had a trick up her sleeve yet.
"I cannot allow you to go past certain restrictions. There are some things you are not able to do in this world. You are not God. You don't make the rules."
"I am seeking justification. I am seeking morality! I know you are on my side with matters like those! How can you take the other side?"
"You are mistaken. I neither take your side or the opposite one. I myself have no idea where I stand." Meilin only let the upset give her one moment of hesitation.
"But you want change! You can help me achieve it. Every last loose end will have been tied up. You've learned everything you can from the way things are run now. Why not try for a change in your direction? I don't even care which way you take it. I'll be out of here if all goes well."
Eriol paused, on the verge of standing up but thinking better of it.
"I don't think I have learned everything yet. Not even Clow Reed. No one has learned everything. But staying here with things like this, I have an accomplice to try to figure things out despite our differences. Your method solving is practical in a shortsighted and naïve way, but it is inefficient and against what I can stand for. Please leave."
"Hiiragizawa, think it through some more. I'm only offering this one time. Don't let an opportunity slip by so easily."
"Rae-san, I have no doubt that you will prove an interesting spectacle, but I doubt there is anything more that you can do. There are things that none of us can do. You have no right to decide what is within your limitations. Believe me, if we were truly free to do as we pleased, things would have been different long ago."
Meilin was still recovering from his apparent lack of consideration of seeing her as a threat, but she decided to focus on the goal first and not personal insult.
"You should have considered then that nothing it outside of your grasp. If you want change, you can make that a reality. It was foolish to not act upon that desire. But now you have someone to help you and we can finally make a reality of what we want."
"Think of the repercussions for a moment, Rae-san. You tell me to think, but you have not done so yourself. You entertain a foolish, immature dream. That will be your downfall and what ends this silly little game of yours. I have said all I can say on the matter. This time, please do leave."
Meilin stood and huffed, turning her back on him while tightening her hands into fists. "You take me far too lightly, Hiiragizawa. I promised I would succeed. I will succeed. Even if you have to kill me for your own sense of justice, I will first have mine. No matter what happens, I will win. I will die for my glory if I have to and you should remember that."
"You speak far too lightly during one burst of passion. This is already almost over, Rae-san. There's no hope for you. You've already confirmed all my theories and this ensures that you will not succeed."
Meilin stalked out in even, violent strides.
"This is not a moment of passion, this is what I've been trying to do for years since my injustice, since I realized everyone's injustice. This is not over until I say it is. And I do not believe you capable of speaking of this for the very same reason you cannot help me." She didn't stay around for a response.
But she had been invariably right. Eriol pretended the night had been wiped clean from his memory and none of this had ever happened.
But he really knew it was more because he was curious as to what she really could do and how far she'd take it. That was why he wouldn't utter a word.
Because he knew there was no way she could win in the end. He might as well let her have her last bit of fun before she had to finally grow up.
--e--a--
Tomoyo fingered the next page of the text, readying to turn the page when she reached the last word of the reading, but she knew very well that her mind wasn't on it. The thoughtless action had just been built up after so much repetition on her part. The action held a very pathetic cover for what she was actually doing. Tomoyo didn't know why she bothered with a front of any kind at all. The only other occupant of the room knew Tomoyo was staring heatedly at her back.
"Something wrong?" Meilin was feeling just a tad anxious rolled up with nervousness but was largely in a reassured state with a large ego. So, against what might have been better judgment, she prompted Tomoyo.
Tomoyo looked up from her pretended task to sigh exasperatedly. She waveringly pointed at their shared calendar, pinned up against the far wall next to the door. "Why don't you look at that and ask again?"
Meilin let a small smirk settle across her mouth. It was true she had deliberately circled and re-circled today's date. Therefore, Tomoyo had been prepared and informed that today was the day. And obviously Tomoyo was worried. When wasn't she?
"I see no problem there." Tomoyo lost her composure quickly in this rare case, throwing her book as it landed with a loud thud against the wall. In a flutter of pages it fell to the ground and lay half-opened in obvious disarray. Meilin stopped her obvious preparations to glance at her in question.
"What do you think you're doing?" When there was no response, "Answer me!"
"Tomoyo, I'm doing what is right. Don't get in my way." Meilin gave one final tug on what she had secured on her right calf, very near her ankle and then let her skirt fall down to her shoes. In a small rough sack, folded many times over, she had secured the main ingredient for tonight deep within her jacket's pocket. She stood and shifted her weight slightly uncomfortably. She would have thought they'd be beyond this conversation by now, but Meilin knew that maybe their debate on this issue would never be over.
"You're not doing what's right at all! You're ruining your chances and trying to take everyone else's away!" Tomoyo stood, following with her eyes as Meilin glided to the door. She herself took a few steps forward in the older teen's direction.
"I'm saving you! How can that be wrong?" Meilin herself was stirring up in anger, and she gripped the door frame tightly, her other hand shooting out to open it and get out of there.
Tomoyo latched out a quick arm and gripped Meilin's arm tightly before the action could be completed. "Think rationally! This is no solution! I can't let you do something so stupid. I can't believe I let you go this far. Someone's got to stop you, and there's no one else but me to do it."
"I don't need someone like you telling me the difference between right and wrong. This is the retribution that was too long in coming."
"This is wrong, Meilin, and it's no retribution! This won't solve anything! You're just ruining everything and trying to make everything worse!" Meilin shifted violently in an attempt to shrug Tomoyo's grip off, but Tomoyo clamped her teeth together in unusual determination as she held on steadfast. Meilin turned on her, naturally enough, and choose an emotional approach to make her let go.
"Before you were one of them. But you don't really get it, do you? They want nothing to do with you now. You're not good enough for them. When I do this tonight, you'll be free of that judgment! No more feeling useless; all that will fall apart. This sick and twisted fantasy will forever be beyond repair, and we will all be able to get on with our lives!"
Tomoyo was on the verge of becoming uncharacteristically hysterical. Count on Meilin to touch a sore spot. And at this very moment she was feeling completely useless, albeit only in being unable to talk reason into Meilin. She had built up a little more self-confidence.
"Meilin, what we have is an answer! This is a hope for a better future. Don't try and take this away from all these people!"
Meilin was growing more and more impatient as her attempt of detaching Tomoyo had yet to amount to anything.
"Tomoyo, you'll never understand until it's too late just like everyone else. But I know you Tomoyo. You'll let me go because you secretly want this too. So stop protecting them! I'm doing you a favor here by risking myself to give you a real chance to be accepted. Goddamn it! Let me go Tomoyo so I can do this! And just face it! They don't want you Tomoyo! They never have! To them you're disposable trash, and they treat you like it too!"
This time it worked like the charm as Tomoyo sunk a little speechless to the floor with wide eyes full of horror. Meilin mustered a half sympathetic look at who she would probably deem as a friend. She hated to do it, but to her this was right. Nothing was more so.
Tomoyo took to covering half her face with a hand, her expression contorted into one full of confused and desperate emotions.
"M-Meilin… You can't do this… There's no way you'll even be able to do anything so don't go off and do this. You and I have a chance here and so many other people too. Think about yourself here if you really need to act more selfishly than you are right now!"
Meilin was beyond being able to put up with this anymore. This time she had the door fingered and prepared to be thrust open but not without getting in the last words.
"Shut up! This isn't about me! This is about everyone that gave so much and lost everything! Those people are at the very least owed this! And I'll do it for them because they're not around anymore to do it for themselves! I don't expect you to understand, Tomoyo. But I am going to do it, and no one's going to stop me!"
Meilin wasn't there to see Tomoyo crumble in a heap on the floor as she stared at the door that was slammed shut behind the fleeing teenager. Meilin just wanted to forget what had just happened and focus on what she was going to make happen.
--e--a--
Meilin could feel her breath hitching ever so slightly in her throat. But on the outside, she showed no sign of disturbance as she sat there, her head swimming with numbers. Her thoughts, however, were really elsewhere.
Meilin just wanted it to be over with already. But that just wasn't happening. Patience was the key here, and she was being held back by paper work. Sometimes being seventeen really sucked. The workload that was given to her really had multiplied since the time she had ran mindless chores and copied small tidbits when she had started this 'job' five years ago. She sadistically amused herself with this very faintly, calming herself whenever butterflies were let loose in her stomach once again.
Nervousness and excitement really didn't mix well, but she'd have to cope. Only a little more time, and everything would be over for good. Then she could breathe freely again. For now, it was back to the task at hand. With a little necessary eavesdropping on the side, of course.
"The disciplines of the potential benefactor don't match our own. He wants us to push forth the regulations of what his village has decided upon, but he should know we already have an agenda to keep here. And it's remained unchanged for some time now."
Meilin fisted her free hand until she could feel the marks from her nails appearing. It relieved her of most of her tension, but her face was thereafter marred with a frown as she busied herself once again.
"Maybe you should consider what he's offering. Any idea that has some legitimacy should be looked into. We haven't really found any permanent solutions ourselves, and we should keep looking."
Working in the same room as Clow Reed and his apprentice, Hiiragizawa, really had some perks at the right moments. Although sometimes it was rather hard to keep her temper in check.
"The way we run things now is stable and the best answer anyone's ever found. His suggestions are full of holes that would destroy any plans before they ever began. Ours is efficient and effective."
There were no heavy tones being used at this point, but Meilin could feel the slightest of tension rising. She was not too surprised; there were often disagreements between the two. If she wanted to get things to turn out the way she wanted to here, however, she'd have to intervene.
"It may be true that his way is not as practical and… convenient," she paused here with rather distain, "but there's always something to be learned from another's methods. Even if their actual solution is worthless, they looked at the problem from another point of view, and it's worth a shot to look at it that way too." Meilin laid down her quill for her remark, her hands on her knees. When she was finished, she turned around to see them mutter a form of consent.
Although only Clow Reed had held conference with the man, he had relayed the conversation accurately enough in this room during discussion with Eriol and they both knew she had been listening. She found it highly ironic she knew such inner workings of an organization she loathed.
Eriol had an impish smile on his lips. "She speaks. Rae-san, take it as you wish, but you would have made a damn good Elementalist." Meilin uncomfortably rubbed her upper left arm with her arms half crossed. She shifted a bit in anger, restlessness, and doubt.
"I'll take it as an offense. Thank you." Eriol laughed and she glared, but they had formed some sort of unusual relationship by meetings like this. Only on certain circumstances was the young apprentice actually completely morbid and serious like he had been when she had asked her favor.
And speaking of that, Eriol seemed to start drawing comprehension that tonight was the night. She had to hurry this up before questions started appearing where they shouldn't.
"He's right, you would have. Rae Meilin, hater of her own kind." She turned sharply at him as he spoke that, not knowing exactly what he was saying there. Clow remained impassive. "Good thing you're not one."
Meilin just had the feeling there was more to that than she would rather like to know. Instead she saw them stopping any contentious conversation and any debating so she took it as though they were in better spirits. She crossed the room with her sudden decisiveness, coming up to the quaint and antique tea set. She was instantly removing certain herbs from the rather large selection and heating water.
"And what is this?" Meilin paused at the question. She responded after a moment with her breathing under control.
"I'm mostly done with the report you gave me." She hesitated for a brief interlude, but she decided to make it flow as much as possible. "Which was hell, by the way."
"Glad to see you're enjoying your job as much as always." Meilin sometimes hated all the sarcasm that was layered underneath emotionless words in their conversations. Eriol watched the exchange as always.
"Of course." Here was where she could lead Eriol astray so she followed the plan as she had dictated it to herself over and over again. "Anyway, I have matters to attend to tonight so I am requesting an early leave. And a little tea never hurt a persuasion." It took a few seconds for her to realize the irony of it all.
At this they probably considered she was up to something, strictly because she never had prepared tea in any argument of her own. She was far more likely to just storm out in her haste with few words of an excuse called out. She only hoped they didn't put it together so soon.
"Pour it." Meilin wanted to smile in glee, but she kept her face contorted in the cocky, superior-esque one it had been in just a moment before. She had to be like she usually was to remain inconspicuous. It was tempting, however, because he practically guaranteed her of her leave. Among other things.
So she took her order, and she prepped the tea. She took extra measures and hunted her memory for ingredients that made tea smell stronger because she was certainly going to need such knowledge. Shifting as little as she could, she drifted her ears back into a conversation that had taken off without her as she continued making the tea.
"The man had another well-constructed point," Eriol said in further analysis, and Meilin rolled her eyes as she had thought this was a closed topic. "People are getting off put by the consequences of our current methods. That is why it would be important to keep our eyes and ears open."
"It is true that many do not understand the tolls people in this program must take, but those who are actually in it should and do understand the conditions before reaching such a high ranking in their abilities."
Meilin was watching the last bit of the water bubbling, and proceeded to pour out three practically identical cups. She then had baited breath as she walked back to where the two were situated.
"Complaints of the rare mishap or unforeseen sacrifice are starting to appear, however. Do you not remember the last time we encountered Madoushi-san? That place, the end there was not what was planned, and people even outside the program know it."
Clow seemed a little off. Meilin laid down the tray on a nearby table and handed one to Eriol then Clow, grasping her own cup before heading to put the tray back and tidy up. Neither, however, had taken a single sip except for herself. She mused in her mind that she knew exactly what they were talking about because it was so glaringly obvious to her.
"That was by choice, and he had every right to decide whether or not he wanted to do that. That was his course of action, and we supported him in it. He was already on his way to death-" Meilin shook her head, feeling slightly lightheaded. She moved back to her work station, and began to collect her things. She felt like she hadn't breathed in ages.
"But people did not hear it that way, and they like to interpret it their own way. Doubts are beginning to rise and-" Eriol nodded his head as in thanks to Meilin who was making her way to the door before he took a sip, already having been interrupted by Clow.
"Make no mistake, I know this already. But we must prevail over the doubt. If we show indecisiveness, they will think they are right." Here he paused to take a sip himself.
And the former conversation died as a result.
"This is particularly strong smelling tea." Meilin almost fell over in the complete turn around she executed. And she had almost gotten out of there too.
"I thought I'd try something new," she allowed.
"I see. Did you find yours to be strong too?"
Eriol looked up in thought at that and nodded. "It wasn't that strong, but yes it was in a way."
Clow turned towards Meilin who was hesitating at the closed door. "You usually prepare a different variety of tea so I am surprised. What brought about the sudden change?" Clow looked liked he would be adamant in this change of topic. Meilin just wanted to get the hell out there, but she had to tread lightly. Her mission was being threatened here.
"I've been experimenting lately. And strange man that the possible benefactor was, he was giving me instructions for one of his native varieties of tea." She was considering saying that he had slipped her some foreign herbs too, but then that might just bring more questions and an even more prolonged exit on her part.
"Is that so?" Meilin then watched in relief as he tilted the teacup up to sample the drink. She took it as her cue to leave.
But she never got that far.
She assumed it was wind; her hair had gone flying past her face. Still, she had been barely able to register that fact as her back scrapped against the polished wood panels that made up the floor. Her head made contact shortly after, harshly ricocheting against the hard surface before settling down.
She was seeing spots and was on the verge of believing that her head was bleeding. It did hurt like hell. But all she could think of was one word over and over. Shit. Shit. Shit!
Because it suddenly crashed down upon her that she was not going to be able to come out of this so easily. Tomoyo's warnings were mocking her now, and through the volume of all the words of caution she couldn't come up with any plan of action. She felt helpless lying there when all instinct told her to get up through the pain and run.
Logically that would offer no solution, but this was primitive common sense at work, and she had nothing else to consider. She never got the chance to put more thought in.
Eriol was off to the side, looking as if he had connected the pieces somewhere along the line. Clow Reed however was up and towering over her lanky form. His own vision was slurring from one color to the next and his tongue was burning beyond belief as were some slight constrictions that rippled through his body. And he wondered just what would have befallen him if he hadn't known, if he hadn't held the tea's contents back with his tongue.
Steadying himself and speaking through the pain, Clow was the first to say anything.
"I would like to know why you just tried to do that." Meilin wanted to shrink back in fear because she really wasn't as strong as everyone thought she was. But that was the last thing she'd allow Clow to see, and she instead bit her tongue from betraying anything. And God, she felt dizzy and off centered when she was only sprawled out on the ground. She'd never get out of this.
She was so stupid.
In the lapse of silence, Clow took to standing next to the wall for support because truly something had been wrong with what Meilin had prepared for him. This young girl, declared as such by some standards, could no longer pretend to be so innocent anymore. He stared at the young woman who was breathing heavily and knew she had been out for blood.
Eriol came forward then and he prodded her head with his foot, and she latched out viciously before propping herself up slowly. She had only barely stabilized herself, however, when she was kicked right back down.
Meilin felt that getting a concussion would be best at this point. Then she wouldn't have to suffer this abuse. And if she had been willing to go so far, would they justify themselves in going all the way too? Hell, they had no problem sacrificing others' lives. That was the essence of her fear. And she couldn't do anything about it, just like back then in the past in those two different circumstances. She was useless. Hadn't she always known that?
She had, and yet she had continued on so foolishly.
"You want to know why, you say? The answer isn't worth my time. You already know what it is. I hate you! I hate you more than you can imagine!" And it sounded good to say it like she had always dreamed she would, only with the circumstances so very different.
Clow straightened upright before he spoke to her again. "I've always known this. But I'd like to why now. Because there are only certain things in this world that will drive a person to murder."
Meilin wanted to cry hysterically. She really did. But she wasn't that weak. She was useless and foolish, but she was strong. Goddamn it, she was! She wanted a shred of dignity left.
And so against all better judgment, representing herself entirely, she made the quickest movement of her life as she jostled forward onto her knees. Her hand grasped the only ace up her sleeve she had left and she aimed and cocked it without hesitation, only to realize in horror that she couldn't pull the trigger.
"Do it Rae-san if that'll make you feel better. You failed so you'll try to remedy it now." Her hands wouldn't stop shaking as the gun pointed over his vital areas. She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth until resolve hardened. And with a cry less human than she had ever uttered before, she did it.
Only she knew (and that's was the only reason why she ever had the courage in the first place) that she'd never hit her target. Because with another sea sickening lurch she was held up beyond even her toes' reach and she was being strangled no matter how much she squirmed.
Somewhere along the line, a painful searing had formed at her shoulder as that was where that bullet had been redirected where it was snug and complacent and happy. What a fitting ending to such a beautiful tragedy.
She opened her eyes to see that Eriol had done the deed as her vision hazed out almost entirely. But her downcast eyes couldn't miss the sea of expanding red. And even if they had, it was so silent she could probably hear every drop of scarlet liquid hit the floor. Such was how things had concluded.
This was over.
But she didn't feel like it was just yet. And she couldn't believe it. Because nothing would change, nothing had been solved.
Eriol taunted her in ways he could never know when he spoke. "This is finished, Rae-san." She hadn't expected to be let down and to land so haphazardly on the ground in a ruined heap.
This time she couldn't stop the tears. They were prideful tears, however, not ones accompanied with longing sobs. This was for honor and purpose. She was still strong.
"Don't call me that! I'm no Rae-san!" When she let it sink into her own mind as to what had happened, she backtracked. "You want to know why I'd kill you! It's easy. What other reason could there be? I want to murder the murderer! It's only fair! But you won't let me get my justice!"
There was no response, no movement. All Meilin could do for a moment was concentrate on her breathing and trying to see straight.
"I want, need, to kill you because you murdered my mother! I am Li Meilin, and you took away my mother's life! I can never forgive you for that!"
Meilin couldn't take the silence anymore. If her agony had to fill it then so be it.
But there it was, so very quietly. "Your mother chose that path. Everyone who walks that road chooses their own destiny. She chose to die."
"Lies! That's all lies! You talked her into it! You killed her! You're a murder! I want my justice! I want my justice because I can't have my mother back!"
Some patience must have snapped somewhere because Meilin finally got that concussion she had wanted.
Sorry for the delay, but there it is. What will definitely remain as one of my favorite chapters. I've only had it in my mind since before I wrote the outline. Which is to say a very, very long time. But here it is now.
Now may I forward you to… Elemental Basics. This update marks its premiere and the first part just so happens to correspond with Meilin's background. So… check that out? Oh, and maybe a review please? It's appreciated beyond belief. And I know you're out there. The hit counter really tells me so.