Feeling Priestly's arms around me, he broke the kiss but kept his face close.
"I'll see you tomorrow in school," he said and I nodded before I pressed my lips against his for a quick second.
Then I quickly turned around, and left him standing in the middle of the street. We were just a few blocks away from where I lived, but I didn't want him to know where it was. But it was dark, and he promted on taking me home. This was close enough.
So I looked over my shoulder one last time, seeing that he was still standing there looking at me, before I took a right turn and lost sight of him.
I had been replaying that moment for the last four days now, wishing that I had never left him. I wished I would have stayed with him, right there in his arms for the rest of forever.
I heard the phone Priestly had given me vibrate, and I chuckled through the pain. I can't believe he gave me a phone. It wasn't new or anything, but I had never had one before. So Priestly had given me his old one, and his old number. He was my only contact.
So I knew that text was from him. And I knew what it would say. I already had like twenty texts from, being worried. A few calls I hadn't picked up. Still because he was worried.
And he had the right to be.
I hadn't left this room in four days. I could barely move. I was in too much pain.
Priestly was already worried as it was, and he didn't have to know that I had just been through the longest abuse ever. It must have lasted for an hour, and I was surprised I wasn't dead. Or had internal bleeding's.
He was actually in my room when I climbed up the window. He was drunk. He had noticed that I was gone. And He had beaten me.
And not only that day. He had beaten me every day since. I had cried for four days. And I knew I had to get out of here. But I was in too much pain for that. I could barely move.
My body might be in a bed that was too hard to be called a bed. I might be in a room that was more like a prison than a room. But my whole mind, and my every though was with Priestly.
I wondered what he was doing. Maybe he was playing with Bear. Walking him, maybe. Or talking to Cate and Mark. Listening to music. Writing. Maybe he was thinking of me. I knew he didn't love me. Five days ago, he said he liked me. You can't go from liking someone to loving someone in four days. Especially not if you're not even talking to that someone. But I didn't care. I loved him. And I might be seventeen, but I knew that I always would love him. He was a part of me. Of my heart. He had changed me. He made me believe. He gave me some hope.
I heard footsteps in the stairs then, and I quickly hid the phone in my bra. I had nowhere else to put it.
I closed my eyes shut when the door to my room cracked open, hoping that it would work. I knew it wouldn't. But I could always hope.
It didn't help. He was drunker than normal, and I braced myself for the first hit. It never came.
Instead he sat down on the bed, and his hands immediately went to my jeans.
I knew what would happen. I knew exactly what would happen, and I had never been this scared in my life. This couldn't be happening. Just... no.
I don't know why, but I had a strong feeling that He would do a lot more than He usually does. He had already done a lot more beating that normally. What would stop him from taking the sexual abusement any further?
I wished myself away. Far, far away. But I didn't move an inch. I was paralyzed as his sweaty hands unbuckled my jeans.
His breath got deeper, more shallow, and tears rolled down my cheek.
There was nothing I could do, and he would force himself upon me. Knowing that he would rape me made me sick. I had to get out of there. But how? He's heavy. Strong. How would I get out of here? It would be like finding a needle in a haystack. Impossible.
More tears fell down my cheeks as he touched me. And it was like he knew I wouldn't do anything, because he didn't exactly try to hold me down. He knew I was too scared. He knew he had control over me.
But after ten minutes of trying to get it up by touching me, he gave up. For a short second I thought that was it, and that he would leave.
I was wrong.
He grabbed my hand, and forced me to touch it. It wasn't the first time. But it was the first time He failed to get an erection. He was probably too drunk.
So I saw my chance of getting out of there.
I remembered what Priestly had told me five days ago, before I walked away from him. He told me to fight back.
And I knew he was right. I couldn't just lie here and do nothing. I had to fight back. Fight and get out of here.
Without giving it much thinking I took my hand back and kicked him. I don't where, but I hit him somewhere.
Taking my chance, I rolled out of bed and tried to ignore the pain it caused me.
I buckled my jeans as I ran, and I heard him behind me. I was in the stairs when He reached me, though. Grabbing my wrist, it made me trip and I fell down the stairs landing on the floor underneath.
I couldn't move. If I thought I was in pain before, I was wrong. Every bone in my body was hurting. My ribs were probably broken again. On both sides.
"Fuck, Tish," I told myself. "Just get up!"
Hearing His footsteps in the stairs, I pushed myself to get up and somehow I manged. But my leg gave in, and I nearly fell again.
I was only a few meters away from the door, so I managed to get to it and close it in His face before I started to run as fast as I could on one leg. Taking two right turns, I slid down against the wall of an old factory. He wouldn't find me here. I was sure of it. It was a pretty good hiding spot, and I was sitting right next to a container that was hiding me.
I must have sat there for an hour though before I was sure, and I rolled the leg of my jeans up. My left ankle was swollen, and I realized that it must be broken.
"Great," I muttered and tried to stand up but failed. So I tried again. Now when most of the adrenaline I had in me not that long ago was gone, it hurt even more and I had to jump on one foot to be able to move.
I could only think of one place to go, but it was across town. Normally it would take almost an hour to get there. Now? It would probably take three or four hours even.
But I had to go. It's the only place I wanted to be.
Hours later, when I saw the contour of Priestly's house, the sun was almost up again. It was too early for anyone to be awake, and that was pretty much confirmed with how dark the house was.
It would probably be hours until someone woke up. And it probably wouldn't be Priestly.
I didn't want to, but I found the window to his bedroom and looked up at it. The curtains were closed, but I could see the darkness behind them.
Leaning on my right foot, I bent down and took a few small rocks from the ground and then straightened up again.
I weighted the rocks in my hand for a long time before I actually threw one of them at his window. And when I didn't get a reaction, I threw the ones I had in my hand one after the other. I waited and I was just about to get down for more rocks when I saw movements in his room. A few seconds later the window opened, and I saw him look outside. He was tired. Strangely enough, his hair was just as spiky as always. How could sleep in that mohawk? Seriously? I can barely sleep with my hair in a tail.
"Tish?" he asked after a few seconds, and I felt myself crying at the sound of his voice. He was worried.
It was wrong of me to be here. He didn't have to see me like this. But I had nowhere else to go.
I was glad that it was dark outside though, because that meant he couldn't see me. Not my tears. Not my bruises. Not how I could barely stand straight.
"Can I come up?" I asked, my voice breaking. He looked at me for a second before he ducked into his room again. I didn't know what he would do, but I didn't expect a pair of keys to be thrown down a short moment later.
He told me to be quiet, and as soon as he had closed the window again I leaned down to take the keys.
Hopping to the porch, I leaned against the railing as I jumped up the stairs and reached the door. Closing it silently behind me, I locked it again and dragged myself up the stairs.
Closing Priestly's door behind me, I saw him walk out of the bathroom that was connected to his room. Even in the dark, I could see that he was pulling a shirt over his head. I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn't say a word. And neither did he for a few moments.
But then it all came in a hard voice.
"Mind telling me where the hell you've been for four days? I knew something was wrong when I didn't see you in school Monday, and when you weren't there Tuesday, I tried to call. Did you answer? No! Have you answered any of the texts I've sent? Any of my calls? Do you know how fucking worried I've been! You could have been dead, without me knowing about it. I actually tried finding your house, but I failed since you didn't let me know where you live. Why are you even here?"
I know he didn't mean that last question, but it still hurt me. And he wouldn't have known I was crying if he hadn't heard me sniffle.
"Shit, are you crying?" he asked, his voice immediately softer. Taking a few steps toward me he raised his hand to my face and I winced. Yeah, I had been beaten there too. I had been beaten everywhere. There wasn't a place on my body where I didn't have a bruise.
The room was still too dark for him to see anything, even this close to me. But he knew something was wrong.
Slowly, without saying anything, he moved his hand from my face and a second later the light was on. I refused to close my eyes, even though it was too bright and my eyes wanted to close.
No, I wanted to see those green eyes. I needed to see them.
He had dyed his hair – the third time since I first started talking to him. He had a new piercing as well. He had a ring through his lower lip, right in the middle of it. Wearing a pair of jeans and a plaid black t-shirt, he stared at me. His jaw tight, his eyes hard.
Before he closed his eyes I saw a small tremble of his lower lip, and I knew that he wasn't just angry.
"I...-I didn't know where else to go," I said after a long moment. Actually it was more of a whisper, and my voice broke. Twice.
"What did he do?" he asked, his voice hard and flat again.
"Pries-"
"What did he do!" he asked again, opening his eyes again to almost glare at me. "What did he do to you? And no fucking excuses. You're going to tell me every damn detail."
I knew he was serious. So I told him. Everything from the moment I climbed back into my room, and to a few hours ago. I told him I was scared.
Somehow I managed not to cry during the time I told him, but when I mentioned how I thought He would have raped me if I didn't get out of there Priestly hit his fist into the wall right beside me, and I jumped while the tears started running again.
I saw how he closed his eyes, and tried to compose himself. And after a long moment, he managed. But he was still upset.
He slowly opened his eyes again and swallowed hard before he talked.
"And then you went here?"
I nodded.
"How?"
"I walked."
"You walked," he laughed, the sound disbelieving. Taking a few steps away from me, he paced around the room.
"I could fucking kill someone right now," I heard him mutter under his breath, his jaw tight again. This wasn't helping. And I couldn't stand for much longer.
"Priestly..." I whispered and he turned to me, walking up to me again. He was about to raise his hand to touch me, but realized that it would hurt. So he lowered his hand again, his eyes sad.
"Are you okay?" he asked, and I felt myself smiling. It was so easy to read his mind right then. God, what a stupid question.
"I'll be fine," I lied. "I just... it would be nice to sleep."
"You need a hospital," he stated. Yeah, maybe I did.
"I haven't slept in four days. I need sleep."
"You're allowed to sleep for four hours. Because then it's eight o'clock, and I'm taking you to a hospital."
Reaching his hand out, I took it and let him lead me to his bed. He stood beside the bed while I tried my best to find a position that didn't hurt, but that seemed impossible. So I settled for resting on my right side – the side that hurt the least – and Priestly made a move to take a seat in his chair. But I reached my hand out and stopped him, and he turned to look at me.
"I came here for a reason. I missed you. The only thing I've been thinking about for four days is that I shouldn't have left you."
He knew the hidden meaning behind my words, and walked toward the bed again. Putting his knee on the bed, he carefully lay down beside me. He tried to give me as much room as he possibly could but I pulled him closer. All I had wanted now for four days was to be in his arms.
"Is this okay?" he asked and I nodded.
"It's perfect," I said, relaxing next to him. It wasn't a lie. Yes, it hurt. But it was easy to ignore it when being so close to Priestly. With one of his arms around me.
It didn't take long at all for me to fall asleep right there, when I felt safe.
When I woke up, it was light in the room. I was alone in the bed, and according to the clock on the wall it was almost noon.
I couldn't remember a time when I had slept for this long.
Somehow the pain was worse than yesterday, and I fought the tears that wanted to come out.
"Good, you're awake," I heard Priestly say, his voice low. I looked at him, sitting in the chair, and saw that his eyes were slightly red. And swollen. He had been crying.
Last night, I had noticed that he was close to it. His lips trembling. But he was strong, and I didn't think that he would cry. But he did, and my heart grew bigger.
Before I could say anything he rose from the chair and moved to the door, opening it.
"Just get down when you can."
And with that he left me alone, and I sat up after a few seconds. I lumped over to the door, dragged myself down the stairs and stopped there. Priestly came into the room, followed my Cate and Mark. Seeing how Cate tried to hold back her tears, and how Mark looked like he tried to figure out what to say...
"You told them," I realized.
"Yeah," Priestly answered. "Be pissed off all you want. But I had to. Now come on."
No one said a word in the car to the hospital, Mark driving and Cate sitting in the passenger seat. And once we reached the hospital, we didn't have to wait for long.
Trying to tell the doctors how this happened, I lied.
"I fell."
"Yeah, sure, you fell," Priestly said sarcastically and I stared at him while I felt the doctor's confusion.
"I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs."
"Oh, and by tripped she means that she tried to get away from a man who has been hitting her for almost two years. Oh yeah, and because he tried to rape her last night. That's what she means."
"Priestly, please," Cate said, and looked at me with a apologetic look. "Calm down."
"No. That's what happened, and she won't tell the truth. This is your way of getting out, Tish. And you're lying," he said, swallowed and then left the room we were in.
"Which story should I go by?" the doctor asked, looking at me.
"His," I whispered after a long moment and the doctor nodded.
"I'll fix an x-ray as soon as possible," she said before she went out of the room, and Cate looked at me.
"I'll go get Priestly," Mark stated, left the room and it was just me and Cate for a moment.
She didn't say anything. Didn't ask anything. She was just there. And if felt good.
"I'm scared," I confessed, and she nodded.
"I know. But we're going to fix this, okay? Mark and I talked about. We're paying for this. And that man is going to pay for what he did to you."
"I can't ask for that, Cate. You can't pay for this."
"Sure we can," she smiled. "I love Priestly like he would be my own. And he cares about you. A lot. And that means I care about you. So we're paying for this."
And with that she left me alone. It wasn't for long though, because Priestly came back inside and sat down in the chair next to the bed I was sitting in.
"I told the doctor about these last four days," he said. "I told her everything you've told me. And I told her about your heart."
"Why?" I asked, on the verge of tears again.
"Because I'm scared. And if I'm scared, you must be terrified."
"Priestly, you shouldn't be here."
"What, you mean here? In this room?"
"No," I whispered. "At all. You shouldn't be here... with me."
It hurt to say the words, but it was the truth. I had known from the start that I didn't deserve him. It would just be so much better if he left. He could move on. Meet someone new. Fall in love with someone who wasn't as messed up as me.
When he said nothing, I continued.
"You shouldn't be with me. I'm not good for you, I've known that from the start. I mean... You deserve someone who you can actually touch without making her uncomfortable. Someone who loves you touching her. Someone normal. I'm not her. I'm messed up. I'm a freak."
"You don't think I'm messed up? I mean, look at me! Every fucking person who walks by me thinks I'm a freak. Why wouldn't they?"
"You're not a freak," I told him and he scoffed.
"But I am. I'm that freak who lost his parents. Ask anyone. Because that's what people are always going to think of me. Unless I change. But this is who I am now – Priestly. And I am not going anywhere unless you can look me in my eyes, and tell me to leave and never come back."
I felt a tear roll down my cheeks, and I looked down into my lap.
"I can't say that," I whispered and heard his footsteps before I felt a soft, gentle hand under my chin. Pulling my head up, I looked at him and his soft, sad smile.
"Good," he whispered. "We can be messed up together."
And with that said, he leaned down and I felt his lips against mine.