Waking up, I felt something heavy on me. It was heavy, and big and I wanted it off me. But I couldn't move. I couldn't find my arms, or my eyes, or my lips. I couldn't do anything.
Slowly, as I woke up more and more, I realized something was touching my chin. It was soft, but hard at the same time. And spiky, and smelled like hairspray.
Priestly. He must be the one on top of me. But not really on top of me, either. Just half of me. My right side.
Waking up more, I found my hands and tried to move them. When I managed to move my left hand a little bit, the weight on me suddenly shifted and disappeared.
"Tish?" I heard a voice ask, and recognized it as Priestly's. It was low, and worried. "Tish?"
After a short moment of searching, I found my eyes and slowly opened them. The picture in front of me was blurry at first, but then I saw Priestly. That familiar blue mohawk, the piercings, and those beautiful green eyes. He was sitting up in the bed, his eyes staring at me. He looked relieved. And worried. And like he was about to cry.
"You're awake," he breathed and I tried to find my voice. I failed, but it didn't matter because his lips attacked mine. They were hard, and slow and he kissed me even though I didn't find the energy in me to kiss him back. He didn't mind, and the kiss lasted for a long moment.
"You're awake," he breathed again when our lips lost touch.
"Of course," I whispered, and it felt like I hadn't been talking in days.
"Don't say that," he said and leaned out. I opened my eyes again, and caught him wiping a tear from his cheek away.
"Say what?"
"Those words. Of course. I don't want to hear them."
"Why not?" I was confused. I didn't understand that worry, and the relief. I didn't understand his words.
"Because it wasn't obvious that you would wake up. Yeah, the surgery went perfectly. But you've been in a coma for almost three weeks, and the doctors didn't know when you'd wake up. If you'd wake up. So don't say that. Don't."
"I... I've been in a coma?" I asked, not understanding. Why?
He nodded slowly, and it looked like he regretted his words. Like he could have put that some other way.
"What do you remember?" he asked slowly, almost in a whisper. I tried to think back, but was hit my a wall. So I fought it, and the first thing that came to mind was Him. The beating. The pain. Everything he had done to me. Then I remembered going to see Priestly. He told Cate and Mark. We went to the hospital. I remember that the doctor told me they had to operate on me. My leg. My heart.
Looking past Priestly, a saw that my leg was in a cast. I had needles in me. Three, actually. I hate needles. I wanted to take them away.
"Don't," he said when I tried to. "That's morphine, and nutrition. You need both of them."
"I don't like needles," I stated, and heard that my voice was growing stronger by each word I spoke.
"What do you remember?" he asked again, looking like there was something I had to remember. Something important. So I concentrated on Priestly. Trying to remember him.
"I told you about the surgery, and you didn't want me to do it. But I was scared, and I wanted you to make me feel better. You couldn't, so I told you to lie to me."
Suddenly I remembered what he wanted me to remember. I remembered what he told me before I did the surgery.
"You... you told me you didn't love me," I whispered and I fought back the tears that wanted to come out. "Was that really a lie?"
He was quiet for a moment, looking at me. Almost like he was collecting courage.
"It was the biggest lie I've ever told anyone. I love you, Tish. And I don't care if you don't love me back, because I've loved you since the moment you told me everything. I know it took a lot from you to do that, and I realized then that you trusted me. And I wanted you to trust me. And you told me about Him, and I remember thinking that I wanted to kill him for doing that to you. For doing that to the girl I loved. The girl I love."
I couldn't hold the tears back even though I wanted to, and Priestly wiped them away.
"No one has ever told me that before," I whispered. "That they love me."
"Yeah, well I do. And I don't want to be quiet about it."
I met his eyes, and saw how serious he was. He loved me. I couldn't believe it. It was too good to be true. How could he love me? How?
"Priestly, I..."
"Look, you don't have to say it back. You don't love me, and I can understand that, okay? I'm a freak, remember?"
"But we're messed up together," I remembered. "And I love you too."
It felt good to finally say it. I had been holding it in for so long, and it was a relief to say the words. I had wanted to say them for so long.
He looked at me for a long time before his face broke into a smile, and I felt myself smiling back.
"Come here," I murmured and smiled again when I felt his lips against mine. This time I kissed him back, and our lips moved slowly together. Lifting one hand I grabbed his t-shirt and pulled him down closer to me. He seemed to be scared to hurt me, but I couldn't feel anything. Everything felt so good in this moment. Everything was perfect. More than that. Priestly loved me, and I loved him back. For the first time in a long time it felt like everything would be alright. Finally.
A nurse came in about thirty minutes later and we had to break the kiss we still hadn't ended.
After she was done evaluating me, I kicked Priestly out and away to school. There wasn't a long time left before he would graduate, and he had exams he couldn't miss. He needed to go to school. I joked and told him I wouldn't go anywhere. He didn't find it funny, but he left after kissing me and telling me he loved me. I told him back, and it felt great.
A doctor came in then, and explained everything. He told me about the surgery, and that it had went great. The tests the nurse just did was great, but I would need the IV for a while longer. And they wouldn't release me for another week or two. They wanted to check up on me.
They let me eat a little bit, but since I hadn't been eating real food for three weeks it wasn't much. They told me to drink though, and I did.
Cate came over after noon.
"It's good to see you awake again," she smiled and I smiled back. "I've barely seen Priestly at home for three weeks. He's been here all the time. Before school, after school. The only time he's been home is to eat and sleep. He really cares about you."
"I care about him too," I told her honestly.
"Mark and I have been talking. After your report to the police, they placed Hugh in custody, but couldn't hold him. You're the only evidence, and witness, and you we're in a coma. But now when you're awake, they can put him back in custody and there will probably be a trial in a few weeks. So Mark and I said that you can stay with us. Priestly wouldn't want it any other way, and we have a free room for you. If you want it."
I was quiet for a moment before I nodded. I couldn't understand her kindness. She didn't know me. Yet they were being so kind to me. This was all very new to me. But I liked it.
We talked a little bit, before I changed the subject.
"Tell me about Boaz?"
"So he finally told you his name, huh?" Cate laughed and I smiled.
"Only after he found out mine."
Cate chuckled and took a seat in the chair standing in the room.
"My sister was four minutes older than me."
"You were twins?" I asked and she nodded.
"Identical twins. Priestly hasn't told you?"
I shook my head and she smiled sadly. I couldn't understand how hard it must be for Priestly. His mother was dead, but yet he saw a copy of her everyday. I wouldn't be able to stand it.
"She was very understanding, and forgiving. She was a good listener. Never jealous. Priestly is so much like her. Anyway, she was older than me, but she never held a grudge against me. I met Mark when I was eighteen, and by then my sister was still single. She was still single when Mark and I got engaged, but at our wedding she met Priestly's Dad. They were perfect for each other. When I got pregnant, only a year after the wedding, they were already engaged and married by the time Mel was born. Mel was two when Boaz was born. My sister had two miscarriages before him, so he meant the world to her. Boaz was... wild, I guess. Nothing serious, but he was a wild boy. And when my sister died... Mark and I knew we had to take him. He had to move away, and see a copy of his mother everyday, so I dyed my hair to somehow look different. I could understand that it was hard on him, though. But he was out of... I felt so helpless. I didn't know what to do. He was worse than ever. He didn't care about school. He hung out with the wrong people. He started drinking when he was thirteen. We grounded him, but it didn't help. He dyed his hair. Gave himself a piercing. I was just glad he didn't get tattoos. But he was close. He wasn't himself for a long time. I didn't recognize him, and he had no idea of who he was himself. He was confused. Scared. And then, one day he just calmed down. It happened so suddenly that Mark and I thought he was on drugs. But no, of course he wasn't. And I feel horrible for even suspecting it. Somewhere along the way, in the mess he was in, he found himself. He found himself in the hair, and the clothes, and he accepted that he would never see his parents again. He accepted that this was his life. He accepted that Mark and I knew that we could never be his parents, and that we didn't want to. He accepted that we were taking care of him, and doing our bests. He accepted who he was, and the life he lived. Since then, he's been Priestly. This wonderful, amazing young man you know."
The story was hurting me. I had no idea he used to be like that. He had told me he had been someone else than who he was now, but he didn't want to talk about it.
"He hasn't told me any of this."
"He's ashamed. He's not proud of who he was. Of what he did. He's still struggling. A part of him will always be struggling. And I can't blame him. I miss my sister everyday."
"I'm just gonna... stay home, okay?" I mumbled under my breath as I watched myself in the mirror. The cast on my leg was still there, but I would take it off in a few days. I couldn't wait.
I was wearing shorts and a tank top, something I hadn't been wearing in years. And it felt good. All of the bruises were gone, and I couldn't remember a time when I hadn't had them. So that felt great.
My hair had grown out, now reaching down below my chest.
I looked like a normal seventeen year old girl. Besides the three inches long scar in the middle of my chest. I hated it.
Priestly liked it though. Said it meant that I was alive. And I guess he was right. It was a reminder of my old life – a life I would never miss. And a reminder that I had a future to look forward to.
It had been almost two months since the surgery, and today was Priestly's graduation. And a lot had happened in those seven weeks.
I stayed at the hospital for two weeks before I was released, and moved into Mel's room. I felt like a thief in the night. The room was hers, and not mine. So I tried to be there as little as possible. I was with Priestly during the days, when I wasn't in school. But we still always met at lunch. The only time I was in Mel's room was when I was sleeping. I hadn't slept in Priestly's room anything. The cast was in the way, and I still wasn't fully comfortable with the touching.
We worked on it almost every day though, but like he said: it would take some time. And it was frustrating. I wanted him to touch me, and I wanted to touch him. But it just didn't work that way. And I really couldn't understand where all of his patience came from.
But he wasn't always that patient. Or happy.
I chickened out, and I couldn't witness in the trail. Priestly didn't like it, and he wasn't quiet about it. But he did understand my point of view, even though he didn't like it.
"You're going," Priestly answered me. He was standing right behind me, his head reaching over mine. I could feel gentle arms wrapping around my waist, and I leaned my back against his chest. "You want to go."
"Yeah, I do," I whispered. Of course I wanted to be there, and see Priestly get his diploma and graduate. I didn't want to miss it for the world.
"So come on," he said, and I shivered when I felt him place a quick kiss on my neck. Then he grabbed the hand I had recently placed on his, and started to move.
"My crutches!"
"I hate those things," he muttered but stopped to get them from the bed. Giving them to me, I easily followed him downstairs where we met up with Cate and Mark. Cate held his dark blue graduation gown in her hands, packed in a dress bag.
And with that we left the house that was now my home, and a moment later we were at the school. Priestly and I got out of the car as Cate and Mark tried their best to find a parking spot.
"How does it feel? This is the last time you'll walk these corridors."
"It's the last time you'll walk them too," Priestly stated with a soft smile.
"You mean hop," I chuckled and he laughed.
But he was right, this was the last time for both of us. He would leave for a college in Santa Cruz in a month, and I had decided to come with him. I had legally transferred to Santa Cruz High School. And it felt good – I couldn't wait to get out of Brooklyn.
As Priestly changed I waited, and pressed my lips together when he was done. He looked so ridiculous in that blue gown. And I was pretty sure he would never be able to get that hat on his head.
"Don't laugh."
"I'm not," I said, and pressed my lips together even harder. "Just promise me to never wear something like that again."
"I can promise that," he answered me and I let out a small chuckle.
"Good. Now lets go get you graduated."