Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or theses characters.
Warning: contains strong language and sexual content.
His hand rubbed slow circles on her back, and he leaned down, his warm breath blowing across her tear-soaked cheek. Bella whimpered. Why is he here? To torture me more?
"Bells, honey... Are you... I just wanted to make sure you were all right," Jacob voiced, his words slightly slurred and the smell of alcohol on his breath. Bella shook her head.
"No, I'm not all right!" she replied, her voice muffled by the pillow she still had her face buried in. She didn't want to look at him—couldn't—or she knew she wouldn't be able to keep her strength. She didn't want to see that look in his eyes, the one that was meant only for her. To be honest, now she wasn't sure she hadn't just imagined that over the years, that maybe she had deluded herself into thinking he looked at her differently, that he could ever love her the way she loved him.
"Bella, please...at least look at me. I'm sorry, honey. I'm so sorry. I know I fucked up. But please..." he choked out. His voice was rough and strained, and just the mix of sincerity and vulnerability—like he was really that broken up over her—forced her body to move, sitting up and turning her teary brown eyes to his.
He looked awful. His hair looked all ruffled like he'd been roughly running his hand through it. His eyes were sad and full of pleading and apology, and he instinctively reached for her. Her eyes slowly took in his features—every line of his face, the emotions swimming in his dark eyes, the way his body leaned towards her, his hand clasped around hers, lacing their fingers—all of it told the story of who he was, the man she swore she knew.
He was hers. Wasn't he? Her heart desperately wanted to believe it, her body warming under his touch, yearning, and desire pumping through her system. He leaned forward, slowly and deliberately, his intentions clear as he licked his lips, and his eyes darted between hers and her soft lips.
Before she could rein it in— before her mind could reject and protest, her body recoil—her lips parted, and he closed the distance, his mouth on hers instantly. His kiss was deep and desperate, pleading and so full of emotion she felt like she was drowning in him, unable to keep her strength or focus, consumed by the force of Jacob Black.
He pulled back, whispering in between fevered kisses, his lips unable to leave hers for more than second.
"I'm so sorry, honey," he crooned pleadingly, pushing her back to the mattress and settling himself between her legs. "I-I... fuck... you're everything... I..."Jake stammered, but he couldn't say it; those three words she needed to hear, but it didn't register. She was overwhelmed by him, exhausted by the day's emotional upheaval and drunk off his affection.
His lips moved from hers, across her jaw and down the slope of her neck. He was completely overcome with need for her, sweet desire and lust and burning emotions rushing through his system, pumping blood south, and his pants were suddenly painfully constricting.
His fingers curled into the opening of her shirt, tugging and pulling, the button flying off as he ripped it open. His hot mouth trailed wet kisses across her collarbone, his tongue darting out to taste her smooth skin, down her chest. His hand cupped around her breast, whispering her name and mumbled apologies in her heated flesh.
Bella's mind struggled against the sensations shooting straight down to the apex of her thighs, pooling wetness into her panties she was sure to have to replace. But a voice in the back of her mind was screaming, the noise becoming louder and louder. She was drowning in him, but her mind was fighting for the surface.
"Jake," she whisperws, her voice too husky. She fought against it, but it was so hard. She couldn't deny she wanted him. Their session in Sam's office earlier suddenly replayed in her mind; the intensity of that orgasm, the way his lips and tongue felt on her sensitive folds—oh god, I fucking need him to lick me again…
His hand had slipped around her back, deftly unhooking her bra and then pushing it up. The feeling of her perfect breast against his hand was delicious. His dick twitched with the contact as he rubbed his thumb over her pert pink nipple.
"Jake." Her voice was a little stronger, but her shove against his shoulders was weak as he moved his mouth down, capturing her breast in his mouth. Her unintentional moan spurred him on.
"So soft," he breathed against her skin, his warm breath eliciting tingles across her body as he continued to kiss down her middle. His eyes were clouded and dark with lust when he peered up at her, his lips hovering just above the waistband of her skirt.
He sat back on his heels. His large hands wrapped around her rib cage and skimmed down her sides. Bella was completely mesmerized by his affection, the way he seemed so focused, and the intensity of his eyes. He traced the curve of her hip and smoothed down the material of her skirt, down her bare thighs to her knee. His eyes followed his movement as he marveled at her soft skin beneath his fingertips and tried to find the words to express the ones bursting in his chest and lodged firmly in his throat.
"Jake," Bella whispered, swallowing hard. He heard it then-the indecision, the mistrust, the fear, the hurt laced within her love and desire. He didn't need to see her face or read her eyes—he knew her—and just the way his name fell from her lips, the catch in her voice, brought him back from the brink.
He closed his eyes, swallowed thickly, and took a deep breath. His fingers tightened around her legs for a moment, almost unconsciously sliding up, like his body was rejecting what wasn't right.
It was so fucking hard to remove his hands from her body, and he did it achingly slowly, finally running his fingers roughly though his hair and sighing. Bella sat up quickly, both relieved he'd realized and equally disappointed.
"Jake, I—"
He stood up, walking towards her window with his back to her, staring out, and remembering all the times he had climbed inside it over the years.
Bella looked at his slumped shoulders and softened a little. This mess wasn't all his fault. She should have been honest with him about her feelings a long time ago. She shouldn't have been playing games either. She stood up, took off her ruined shirt, and slipped the one of his she had been crying on earlier over her head before crossing the room.
She wrapped her arms around his middle, placing one kiss between his shoulder blades, and felt some of the tension leave his body. His hand came up automatically to rest over hers on his chest.
"Jake, I just..." She paused, expelling long breath before adding, "Can't you understand how hard this is for me?"
He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her palm before replacing it to its previous position.
"I do, baby. I really...I'm really trying." He turned to face her, capturing her face in his hands. "I just don't want to lose you. I've never wanted to; maybe that's why I never wanted to admit there was more. You're my best friend, Bells."
He studied her soft brown eyes, trying to gather his energy to say those three little words that burned against his tongue. He took a deep breath, his voice cracking when he whispered, "I love you."
"I know, but—"
"No, Bells. I think I'm falling in love with you. I think—" he tried to explain.
"I-I... Jake, I don't know how to trust you." She cut him off, unwilling to hear more because she wanted so badly for those words to be true, but she just...couldn't.
"Honey..." he whispered. He knew no amount of words would fix this. He had to prove it to her. He cleared his throat, his eyes lighting up at the idea forming in his head. "Bella, just please don't cut me out. Give me a chance to prove to you I can be the guy you deserve. Please, honey."
Bella could see he was serious, and she couldn't deny his words; his sincerity made her heart soar. She took a deep, cleansing breath and nodded her head.
"Yeah?" he asked disbelievingly, kissing her softly and enthusiastically before she could answer.
"But, Jake, this doesn't mean we're going to sleep together. I'm not ready to give you that part of me," she warned seriously, but the smile that twitched at the corner of her lips betrayed her. His brows furrowed, and he tilted his head. His eyes widened as realization dawned on him.
"Bella, you mean you've never..." he trailed off, not even sure he was right. That couldn't be right, could it? The thought momentarily freaked him out, but quickly gave way to a swelling burst of pride and something else in his chest. Oh god, she could be all his. All fucking mine. If I don't fuck this up.
Bella blushed bright red and tried to drop her eyes from his penetrating gaze. Jake's fingers curled under her chin, lifting her eyes back to his.
"Bella, I'm so sorry about everything. I promise I'll make this right. I'll prove to you that you were always meant to be mine," his voice dropped lower, taking on that scratchy huskiness she loved as he swore, "And then I'll make you mine."
A/N: As always I would like to thank jkane180 for beta-ing. And wordslinger and kissa_621 for all their support and pre-reading and pure awesomness.